God Knows Best

This piece originally appeared on Everyday Exiles.

My four-year-old just lost his first tooth. At age four. As the second “dentally precocious” child we’ve had, I wasn’t quite as surprised as I might’ve been, but still… I had some feelings of “Already?!”

As an adult, I’ve noticed that there have been SO many milestones – graduations, weddings, births, etc. – that I’ve come across for myself and for family and friends. But there have also been little, seemingly insignificant “milestones” that have almost passed me by. For instance, the loss of a first tooth seems like a big thing, right? Well, what if it’s your second child? You still give the money from the tooth fairy, and you still take a picture of that first hole in his mouth. But does it feel as crazy as your oldest child’s first tooth being gone?

Each and every new little landmark that we pass as a family has been hitting me… HARD. We just stopped using diapers with our youngest. I’ve been crying about how I probably won’t have any more babies but I’m SO FREE without a diaper bag. Our oldest is reading pretty darn well on her own, and while that’s a huge milestone to her first grade teacher, it didn’t feel huge until I realized she was reading bedtime stories to her brothers with no problem. Is my job all done there? Even her homework has been throwing me for a loop – since when do first graders have homework where they need my iPad for half an hour to accomplish it?!

I know, I know… I’m being dramatic, and I don’t even have those postpartum hormones to blame. But some days, every new, however small, display of independence from my kids has me reeling – I want them to need me. Heck, I’m 32 years old and I need someone to guide me. I want to show them that independence is good, and necessary, and we will happily celebrate it! But a little dependence on a parent who has been around the block, cares for you deeply, and can help guide you? This is not to be ignored.

You see, I need a little leading from Holy Spirit sometimes. I need a little nudge here and rebuke there. How else will I grow more and more into a person who looks even a little like Jesus? I need a little boost of courage, of “I’ve got you” as I try out something new. I need a rebuke when I slip into my old ways. I need a guiding presence as I navigate waters I’ve never sailed. How best can I show these weaknesses and strengths to my children as I raise them?

God, only you know how to do this best. Only You can allow me to lead when they need guidance, push when they need propelling forward, let them flourish when they’re walking right where they should, and yes, knock them down a peg when they’re… being stinkers. But with Your guidance, I can guide them. This isn’t the blind leading the blind, you know. This is a mama, doing her best to follow her Father in His footsteps as I lead my littles on their way, too.

His Power Is Made Perfect…

This piece originally appeared on Everyday Exiles.

This past week, my family had an awful experience. We went on vacation, and our house got robbed. Burglarized. Broken into and violated and stolen from. A horrid experience overall, also stealing our sense of safety along with the thousands of dollars of possessions we no longer own.

Just let me tell you this: if it has never happened to you, there is just no way to know how it feels. It’s interesting, the process of grieving that you go through after your home is violated in such a way. There’s definitely all five stages, and they manifest accordingly: denial (There’s just no WAY that actually happened. I’m dreaming.), anger (I could REALLY punch that guy in the face for breaking my front door and stealing my stuff!), bargaining (If I had just left one more light on, this wouldn’t have happened. I bet the guy wouldn’t have taken so much if we had hidden it.), depression (I’ll never be safe again. Goodbye, sleep, it was nice to know you.), and finally, acceptance (I didn’t really need those things. They were just “stuff” and my family wasn’t harmed.)

Maybe it’s trite that I’m comparing a robbery in my house to the loss of a person in my life, but I will tell you this: it felt like a loss. It felt like a humiliation, a violation, an inordinate catastrophe, and in the MIDDLE of my VACATION! I’m making light of it for your own benefit, but I’ve cried a fair amount of tears over it, too.

But what do you do when this happens? You miss your stuff, of course, but there’s almost no recovering it. There’s perhaps an insurance claim to file, but even that doesn’t replace what you lost, and it certainly doesn’t replace your sense of (false?) security. So I’ll tell you what I’ve done. I prayed that God would take away my fear, my anger, and my sense of entitlement to those earthly things. I’ve thanked Him that no one was home to be violated in person, and that heirlooms and sentimental items weren’t taken. I’ve thanked Him for our friends who rallied around us, and for the fact we could afford to have an alarm system installed (immediately following the incident). I’ve prayed that sleep would return to my husband and me, and that we would not be looking in the face of every stranger, wondering if they were the robber who had offended us so.

In processing this trauma (yes, trauma) I had realized I feel a certain level of guilt. The “what-ifs” and “if-I-had-onlys”have plagued me since I first found out, and my conscience feels heavy about the fact that it happened at all. I am victim-blaming, and I don’t know how to stop. I feel responsible, indignant, frustrated, and sad. I have even had the thought, “Is this God telling us we have too much stuff, or that we put too much stock in earthly possessions?” But no, I do not truly feel that we are being punished. I don’t believe in a vengeful or hurtful God. I believe in a God who will redeem the situation – a God who will provide me with humility gently as I process, and strength to do what needs to be done in the wake of an awful situation. I don’t possess this strength on my own; God has provided me with strength to explain it to my kids, to file reports and papers, to clean up graphite dust from fingerprinting, and to process with my tribe ad nauseum. You see, God can take my frailty and weakness, and turn it into a place for His strength to shine. 2 Corinthians 12:9 is a verse I have clung to: But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

I’d be lying if I said that had been easy. But part of my weakness and His strength is that I can ask Him again and again and again to help me let go of the anger and pride I feel, and He will gently lead me to humility and forgiveness. His power is indeed made perfect in my ever-embarrassing and stubborn weakness.

Girl Wash Your Face

This piece originally appeared on Everyday Exiles.

Have you read Girl Wash Your Face yet? It’s a hot topic around the country, with many people singing the praises of this Rachel Hollis gal who went from zero to hero, all by making the choice to do so. She just decided it. Sounds easy enough, right?

This media and marketing “guru” has a story like many of us… lowly beginnings, hardships, and extra-relatable troubles in the job, family, and dating world. Although she meets Matt Damon, which puts her leaps ahead of me, personally. She has several pieces of good advice, which she has personally experienced to be able to write this book. No one is arguing that. Also, I LOVE the premise of the book: Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are So You Can Become  Who You Were Meant to Be. Who doesn’t want to read a book about disproving lies and destroying strongholds? I need more of that in my life! After all the great press and positive reviews from friends, I decided to read the book for myself.

She’s a great writer. All the lies that she picked (one per chapter) are very real struggles that women have, many of them every day issues. The lie that you’re not a good mom, that you’re defined by your weight, or that you’ll never get past this – well, those are all lies that we ALL want dispelled so our focus and our lives can move on to bigger and better things. I’m not here to tell you her main ideas were wrong.

But what really gets me going is the fact that she’s writing as a “Christian” and rarely mentions Jesus. She parades herself as the hero of the story, how her hard work, her tough choices, and her knowledge contributed to her success. And that’s the American dream, right? Knowing if you fail, you have no one to blame but yourself. If you succeed, you’re the only one who gets the credit. Right?

In my opinion, wrong.

Jesus is the hero of my story. He’s in control (just like the cliche says) and I know that first and foremost, I have to trust Him with everything. As much as I LOVE to think I’m in control, I’m just not. I can make choices, yes, and do things inside and outside of God’s will for my life. But ultimately I know that joy is better than happiness, and peace is better than success, and God is the Giver of those things. The book is full of dos and don’ts, full of ideas to help you be more efficient and focused. But what the book isn’t full of is prayers for when you’ve hit the bottom, praises for when you’ve been delivered out of something, or reminders that your identity is not in YOU – or your critics and onlookers – but in JESUS and His sacrifice that placed you into the family of God. Your identity is the one given to you by your Savior, not the one that you imagine up for yourself.

A quick chat with a friend last night helped me realize that what throws me off the most about the hype surrounding this “Christian” book that doesn’t point me to Jesus is this: it isn’t heresy. It’s not bold-faced lies or something outlandish like devil worship. It’s not that obvious why it’s not on track with Biblical truths. It’s Jesus and. Jesus and making good connections in LA, and marrying the right guy. Jesus and self-confidence, and control of my situations. Jesus and knowing my self-worth and not taking no for an answer. Well I have news for you: Jesus IS. He IS in control, my confidence is in HIM, and HIS yes or no or not yet are the only answers I care about.

Things Toddlers Say

Happy Tuesday! And a busy one it was for us! Enjoy these late-night funnies!img_1400

J: I did all these things without you even asking me!
Me: What a helpful boy! It’s like you can read my mind!
J: Yeah! I just close my eyes and it shows me what you’re thinking, and I can do it before you ask me!

Me: Does your mama love you?
D: Yeah!
Me: How much?!
D: Five!

Me: What shoes did you wear to school today?
D: Matching ones.
(I found out later that he didn’t mean two shoes that were matching, he meant the ones he has that are the same as J’s.)

Me: How old do y’all think Daddy is gonna be?
EK: Mmm… 21 or 23.
Me: Okay… J?
J: 2012!
Me: Okay, D, how old is Daddy gonna be?
D: Uhh… I don’t know….

To her friend we took home after school…
EK: If you’re thinking our car is clean, it’s NOT.

Me: Necie is coming next weekend, and she’s bringing her friend….
EK: Who?! Who is it?!
Me: Stacy!
EK: Ooh! I love Stacy! I miss her so much!
J: How do you know Stacy?
EK: I saw her at Shianne’s wedding. (Shi is my brother’s wife.)

While I’m reading EK’s book to her at bedtime…
EK: Hey mom! What if your last name was Whitney, and your first name was Whitney?! You’d be Whitney Whitney! *laughs hysterically*
Me: I’m really glad this book is so interesting.

What I’ve Been Reading

Some of y’all may remember that I set a loose goal at the beginning of 2018 to “read more”. I began following some #bookstagram accounts and listening to some podcasts to get fresh ideas for books to look into – not that I didn’t already have a hundred (that’s only MAYBE an exaggeration) unread books around my home

I had a pretty productive summer in terms of reading, so I thought I’d share a few little reviews/thoughts of the books I’ve read recently. If you follow me on Instagram (@onlyhsuman) you may have already seen a bit about some of these books, but enjoy what I’ve got here. If you’re local, I am happy to lend books that I’ve got in print (as opposed to Kindle editions) so let me know if you’d like to borrow one!

FICTION

Crazy Rich Asians and China Rich Girlfriend : These books are a particular sort of hilarious. I heard a podcast recently that described them as a bag of chips: not good for you but delicious and you can’t stop eating them. That’s a perfect description. Not incredible writing, but for some reason you’re hooked! The world in which the characters live is just so outrageous to American me that I cannot fathom it’s real life. But the plot in the second book is even better than the first, so I’m already looking forward to the third book – and seeing the movie!

Anne of Green Gables: I never read these books as a kid, but MAN I love them now! I guess I’m only halfway through Anne of Avonlea, but still. L.M. Montgomery’s style is so beautiful, Anne is a gal I can easily connect with (Can you say kindred spirit?!), and I’m loving the immersion in Avonlea’s community. What beautiful writing it is!

The Lake House. I have been a Kate Morton lover for a long time, and this just happens to be one that slipped by me until recently. Such a good read, a full-on dive into the world surrounding said lake house, the family, and the present-day cop that’s digging to find out long-ago truths. Definitely a good, long read for coming out of a reading slump!

All We Ever Wanted: I haven’t read anything by Emily Giffin since Something Borrowed and Something Blue, and this one was a nice foray back into those rom-com novels. There was a bit of teen angst written into this one, so every once in a while I had to read quickly to get past it, but all in all it was a good story, and I liked the character development.

Where the Crawdads Sing: Now THIS is a fantastic book! A beautifully written debut novel, it has some North Carolina roots, with a nice few twists added in. I love a good novel that can switch time periods along the same storyline successfully – and as we follow the story from a decade apart, finally bringing them towards the end, we get to see the main character grow up, and find herself and her life’s work.

NON-FICTION

Saturate: Jeff Vanderstelt opens the door to his life and how hospitality works for his family. He encourages us to live as Jesus would: sharing each part of your life with your community, allowing them to minister you as well as offering your ministry to them.

Glimpses of Grace: Gloria Furman is a WONDERFUL, Scripture-based writer, and she encourages the weary mama to find joy and meaning in the often exhausting and difficult seasons of motherhood.

The Gospel Comes with a House Key: Rosaria Butterfield’s colorful background and incredible testimony give this book the power it needs to go straight into your heart. Another take on Christian hospitality, Rosaria practices what she calls radically ordinary hospitality, no matter the sacrifices (and there are certainly sacrifices).

Girl Wash Your Face: I expounded a lot on this book on Everyday Exiles (link to the article here)  but my main point was to read with caution, because she says she’s a Christian, but doesn’t point to Jesus very much. There were some good takeaways, certainly – don’t hear me say I didn’t like anything. But I had a hard time with her telling us how responsible she was for her own life success, yet saying only a couple of times that she prayed about something. My ONLY successes have come from prayer and the old cliche “Let go and let God”, and I’m happy to tout JESUS as my hero, not myself. So read carefully.

I’d Rather Be Reading: Anne Bogel (also known as Modern Mrs. Darcy) has really outdone herself with the bookish feelings in this lovely little memoir-style book about books. And reading. And readers. And book lovers. It’s perfectly wonderful, and if you love reading or books you should absolutely read it! I read it right through in a day, and had quite a few happy, “Me too!” tears.

And the much-anticipated UPCOMING READS!

I’m excited to continue Madeleine L’Engle’s qunitet and L.M. Montgomery’s Anne series, but I’m also looking forward to Annie F. Downs’ newest book Remember God, and Shannan Martin’s book The Ministry of Ordinary Places. I’m also reading Heidi to EK right now and we’re both loving it!

WELL! Have you read any of these?! I’d love to hear a review or any thoughts you have! What are you reading these days?

Things Toddlers Say

Happy Tuesday, everyone! We’ve been moving things out of our bedroom to prepare for a master bedroom renovation (Hooray! The stuff of dreams!) so that’s why our living room looks like CRAZINESS with all the stuff from every closet in the way of our regular life. In fact, as I type this, Hubby is taking a load of stuff to the storage unit so we can go through it and get rid of some things. Easier to go through it while it’s NOT in our house, right?

Anyway, it’s Tuesday, so why you’re REALLY here is to hear about the funny things my kids have said. So here goes! Enjoy!

D finds this part of a guitar stand:Me: What’s that?
D: I dunno, but I’m gonna chase you with it!

I get in the car with a pizza…
J: mmm, I smell that pizza! Smells like roasted chicken and marshmallows!
Me: I’m not sure I’d like those things on a pizza.

J: I didn’t have a good day. It didn’t happen like I wanted.
Me: Aw, what did you want to happen?
J: I wanted to have rehearsal. (Aka to be at church for a while this evening)

D, telling me a story: A rainbow bad guy was running around there and slamming the door! And then an adult was coming! And that bad guy was like, “Ooooh!”

D, pointing to a large bank: That house is aMAsing!

J, point at Hubby’s glass: You didn’t even take a nibble out of your beer, Dad!

EK: Is J in kindergarten yet?
Me: No, did you think he would go into kindergarten without you knowing?
EK: He keeps many secrets from me.

What are your kids saying these days that’s silly or hilarious?! Please share – we love new funnies!

Things Toddlers Say

Hey folks! Did ya miss the funnies last Tuesday?! Hubby and I were on vacation *gasp!* without the children for almost five days, so I decided it was a good week to pass on posting. We enjoyed ourselves immensely and hopefully this week’s post is long enough to make up for it! Happy Tuesday and enjoy!

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Me: I have a special snack!
EK: What is it?!
Me: Mochi! (Japanese dessert of ice cream wrapped in sweet rice dough.)
EK: I can’t wait for that emoji!

D, pointing to the church offices: Whass in there?
Me: Offices where Mommy has meetings sometimes.
D: I want to have a meeting.
Me: Okay, I bet you will some time.
D: Maybe we can have a meeting in there, with Daddy and my brother and my sister!

Musicians’ kids…
EK: Can we go to the baseball studio?
Followed up by…
D: But I wanna go to Putt-Putt first.

Pulling into Chick-fil-A…
EK: Are we gonna pick it up or go in?
Hubby: Go in.
J: Go in?!!
EK: These are the best parents we could ever get!

EK: You know how the rain is happening?
J: How?
EK: The sun takes the water from the oceans and lakes and stuff, and sucks it right up into the clouds!
Me: She isn’t wrong.

Hubby: I’m gonna go get my leaf blower.
D: Yeah, Dad! Get your blow leafer!

J: Can we go to the movie theatre?
Me: Not today.
EK: But we really want to!
J: Yeah!
Me: Well, today just isn’t a good day, and right now your brother needs a nap.
J: Wait! I have an idea! Let’s just eat popcorn and watch a movie and watch a movie and eat popcorn!

A gem while we were out of town…
EK to my mother-in-law: I wish a had big bosoms like you and Mommy. How long do I have to wait?
MIL: How old are you?
EK: Six.
MIL: I promise in six more years or so you will have bosoms.

And one more we missed…
MIL: You are my very favorite Joe Joe in the whole wide world.
J, looking serious: Annie, you shouldn’t let EK hear you say that. It might hurt her feelings.

J, seeing his grandfather right before he would be gone for a week: Bye, Gon Gon! I’m going to miss you SO MUCH!

Hubby: What do you want for lunch?
D: Dumplings!
J: Chick-fil-A!
Hubby: *makes dumplings and CFA copycat nuggets*
J: *reaches and grabs a dumpling* Dumpling tax!
Me: They’re listening!

Well now, tell us what your kids are saying these days!

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