Tag Archives: parent life

Married with Kids – It’s OK Not to Like Your Spouse Sometimes.

This piece originally appeared on Perfection Pending.

This is what being married with kids looks like – sometimes you don’t like each other and that’s okay.

Sometimes, I think back to the first couple of years after my husband and I got married. It was so… easy. We didn’t fight like many newlyweds might, over who should take care of dinner or why there were clothes left on the floor next to the hamper. However, when we started having kids, we realized the times of things being quite that simple were over.

For starters, we were exhausted. Correction: we are exhausted. There hasn’t been a day (that wasn’t some sort of child-free vacation) that has gone by since 2012 that both of us have felt “well-rested”. Either one of us gets the rest, or neither of us do. Which, as you can imagine, leads to some stress in our household, and our relationship.

But what we’ve figured out (and learned from wise friends) is this: even though some days you don’t like each other, it’s important to still love each other, and furthermore, to show it.

You have to prioritize your marriage, even though in a lot (let’s be honest, most) situations, you’ve got to put your kid – or all your kids – first. Their needs seem more pressing (butt-wiping, feeding them, keeping them from falling off ledges, you know the drill) and so you neglect the other relationship in the household while you’re meeting the more immediate needs – or simply, the ones that are shouting at you more loudly.

You see, there are more than a few reasons to take care of your marriage, even when it means putting aside the other stuff for a little while at a time.

One of the most, if not THE MOST  important reason to show the love, spread the love, and take care of your marriage even after you have kids is because those kids are always watching.

You’re setting the number one example of a marriage in their eyes, and you want it to be a positive and healthy one, right? Set an example for them of the importance of marriage, the teamwork it requires, and the love that it stems from. Show them a healthy relationship so they know what it looks like. Even have healthy disagreements in front of them sometimes; they need to know about that, too. They don’t need to see only the “good stuff” or they’ll have unrealistic expectations. Healthy dialogue, PDA (yes, affection is important to show!) and the importance of spending time alone together are important things for your kids to know about!

Among the myriad of other reasons to nourish your relationship with your spouse, I think the next biggest reason is this: one day, your kids will be grown and live in their own homes, and it’ll be just you and your spouse. Again. Alone.

Don’t wait until then to try to fall deeper in love with your spouse.

Don’t wait until there’s not the glue of parenting young children binding you.

Don’t wait until your lives have been growing apart for years to really cherish your relationship with your spouse.

I won’t say that won’t work – but I will say I bet that it’s harder that way. Communicate with your spouse, about big stuff and small stuff. Practice honesty – even when it hurts.

Say “I’m sorry.” and “I forgive you.” Do the easier things too, like dating your spouse! Have date nights or early breakfast together. Chat on the phone when you’re in the car. Send sweet text message to each other during the day.

Take a weekend away somewhere from time to time if it’s possible for you. Those things aren’t reserved for “dating” relationships unless you let that happen. “Dating” your spouse is a way to rekindle, reconnect, and intertwine your lives again when you feel like you haven’t been so “together” recently.

Make time in your schedule and room in your heart for your spouse. Even when you’re exhausted, feeling frumpy, and thinking it’s the last thing you want to do. Chances are, you’ll be so glad you did. Make sure to kiss, to chat, to hold hands, and to have sex! Those things are important… Don’t let them wait until the kids are gone.

Things Toddlers Say

Heyyyyyyy Tuesday! I hope you like Octonauts as much as my kids do! J told me all about a hurricane recently with pretty accurate information. When I asked where he’d learned it, he told me Octonauts. I suppose there are worse shows.

J with a knowledge bomb: Mom, every tree in the world looks like an alien’s hand.

EK: You know where the Olympics are happening?! The other side of the world!
J: You bamember (remember) when we went to the other side of the world, and we saw China, we saw China, we saw China?
EK: That’s not the whole other side of the world. There’s other cities.
(We’ve never been to China, or the other side of the world.)

EK: Spring is the best year of my life!

D had been whining all day…
Me: Are you a big grump today?
D: No… I’m a baby.

EK: I know an old lady who swallowed… a whole train at one time.
Me: Hmm. That’s not how the rhyme goes!
J: Say more of what that lady swallowed!

J: Did you know that every person in the world in Octonauts has seen a sticky lippet?
Me: Um, yeah…
J: And remember Quasi and the mud skippers?!
Me: I don’t watch Octonauts quite as much as you do…

J, to his friend Emma: Did you know there’s a creature that changes shape?! And it’s called… (pause for effect) the blob?!
E: The blob?!?! (Disbelieving face)

D: Can I watch da movies?
Me: Sure! I like movies.
D: I want to watch da Wall-(pause)-E.

EK: Perhaps spring isn’t coming this week.

Things Toddlers Say

Happy Tuesday! I hope wherever you are, it’s not quite as cold as it is here… but I guess the groundhog did sentence us with six more weeks of winter, so who are we to be surprised? Here are your weekly funnies!

In the car, behind a garbage truck…
J: What’s that on the back of that truck?
Hubby: A trash compactor.
J: I wish our car had a trash compactor.

D: I wan’ bananassss!
Me: Okay. *peels banana and hands it to him*
*two minutes pass, no bites taken*
Me: *takes a bite*
D: You stealing my bananassss?!

D to my friend: Come on! Mobies and abocados!
Friend: You taking me on a date?!

J, arriving at the park as the rain starts: Uuugghhh. I told you it wasn’t a good day to go to the park.

J: I’ll just take one more bite.
Me: If you want dessert, you need to take about ten more bites.
J: How about 138?!
Me: Sounds perfect!

D’s new misnomers…
Heart=heark
Secret=seekit
Pink=pank

J, talking to a sick EK: Miss Emilie said at chapel dis morning dat God will heal the sickness away!
EK: Did you hear what he told me?!

Things Toddlers Say

I’m so glad it’s Tuesday! I love sharing these little quips and sillies with you. I hope you enjoy them!

J: Can I have a special drink tonight that isn’t sprite?
Hubby: What’s wrong with sprite?
J: Sprite wasn’t working for me.

J, trying to get his buddies to surprise us: Okay, on my count. One, two, threeeee!

J at an Italian restaurant: It’s nice to be in this place. Well, it’s nice to be in the whole world.

J’s new favorite word: defint-ly. (Definitely. And he definitely says it several times in one sentence.)

D, reaching his hand into my pasta: Let me share with you!

Annie (their grandma): Do you want five more M&Ms?
D: Six!
Annie: Six?!
D: Seben!

J, holding up one of his hands toward me: Every single finger on this hand has a cut. I look… damaged.
(Same convo, a little later.)
J: The most what is on me is cuts.
Ek: No, the most what is on you is hair. And pajamas. And dirt.

D, bringing EK’s mittens: I want EK’s thumbs!
Hubby finally explained to me why he might call them that… whenever we put mittens on him, we always tell him to stick out his thumbs!

Things Toddlers Say

Happy Tuesday! In case you’re new here, each Tuesday I compile some of the hilarious or sweet or silly things my kids have said throughout the week, and let you in on it. Enjoy!

D, trying to use a toy screwdriver: I need help!
Necie (my mom): Here… (unscrews it with her fingers)
D: Thass amaaaaaazing!

J, unprompted in a moment of quiet: I can’t believe D is in a big boy bed.
Me: You sound like his parent.

EK making big plans: …and this summer when we’re at the beach with you and G-Daddy and his boat…
Necie: But G-Daddy doesn’t have a boat.
EK: He can just order one.

J, looking at a basketball mascot: His head is… not a regular head.

J writing his name… perfectly… but backwards.

J chatting with EK: Well, this day looks really old.
EK, knowingly: Yeah.

EK telling us about school: I do burping lessons with Rosalie at lunch. She’s the boss of burping.
Me and Hubby: *laughing and cannot function*

J, handing out silverware: EK is a big year old, so she gets a big one.

Things Toddlers Say

Happy Tuesday! If you live near me, you’re probably enjoying some beautiful weather today! I hope you’re getting your January allotment of Vitamin D! It just so happens that this is my 700th post published on my blog! That blows my mind. I can’t believe I’ve written that much, but I suppose after a few years, you just do. Anyway, here are the funnies!! Enjoy!

EK: You guys are the best family ever. Better than any family in the world!

EK to her sick dad: I know what you need! A nose rocket ship to go up there and make you unsick!
Hubby: If that was actually a thing, I’d let it in my nose.

EK, handing J a napkin: Here, use this.
J: I don’t need a napkin!
EK: What?! Look at the table!
J: *looks at drops of hot chocolate*
Ek: Yeah. You need it.

MK, our babysitter: What do you want for dinner?
D: Chocolate pizza!
MK: Well, pizza we can do.

D one morning: I want donuts! Chocolate donut! With spinkles in it. And a ‘poon.

J: *draws a spider web* Look Dad!
Hubby: You’re a good little spider.
J: I’m not a spider! My name’s Joseph and I make everything cool!

What are your kiddos saying these days?!

‘Twas the First Day of Kindergarten

‘Twas the First Day of Kindergarten: An Ode to Parents’ Feelings

‘Twas the first day of kindergarten,
And all through the town
The fathers and mothers were
Not at all sitting down.
They were packing the lunches
And setting out clothes,
Filling the water bottles
And wiping their nose.
For, you see, they were trying
To keep themselves busy
So it’d be easier to hide
All the crying and wishing
For just one more day
With their sweet little dears.
So they washed some more dishes
To hide the falling tears.

But then they remembered
The tantrums and tears
Over small things and large things
Like scratches or fears.
They’d make mountains of molehills
And things inconsequential.
They kept saying, “MOM!”
Till there was potential
For a nervous breakdown!
Or at least an explosion
Of some stressful shouting
That would cause a commotion.
They remembered those times
That they’d almost forgotten,
Of cleaning up messes
And wiping all the bottoms.

But between feelings of love,
And feelings of relief,
The parents would still know
That the school day is brief.
Their children would return,
Tired but happy.
They’d want to chat, have a snuggle,
And maybe take a nappy.
Then it’s dinner, and a bath,
And send them off to their beds,
The moms and dads needing
To rest their own heads.

It takes energy to love
All those little ones well,
And to worry and fret
Over healthy food or weird smells.
We’re entrusted these kids
For the shortest of seasons.
How can we not also
Give hundreds of reasons
To be protective and kind,
Giving all the hugs and kisses?
One day they’ll be grown,
And we’ll be the ones who miss them.