Category Archives: random thoughts

random and staccato (disconnected)

Summer Can Be Scary (And I’m Not Sorry)

I’ve spent the last few weeks praying about our summer.

I’m so nervous that my kids will think it’s boring, or lame, or both, or whatever. What do kids even think these days? I don’t mind my kids being bored, really. I think it builds character and creativity for them to just figure something out to entertain themselves. I also LOVE to make them get outside. Go ride a bike, pull some weeds in the garden, blow bubbles, or draw with chalk. I don’t care, but don’t tell me you don’t feel like doing it.

There’s a lot of Pinterest and Instagram pressure to make summer an “epic” experience for your kids. But what I really want to do is lowball it as hard as I can, and make them make their own plans. Sure, they’re 2, 4, and 6, but they can tell me what they want to do! We’ve got chore charts intact, complete with a reward system. I have a ready answer to “I’m bored.”

Otherwise, to tell the truth, I enjoy having fun, too! I WANT to go to the pool, and to the park, and the mountains, which blessedly aren’t that far away. I WANT to see our friends and live music and whatever other events are going on. But we just can’t do everything, and I need to take the pressure off of myself NOW or else I’ll drown in it. The pressure is stifling to those of us who just don’t “do” what everyone else seems to do. I’m spontaneous, which is sometimes a great thing with kids, and sometimes not so much. We never sit around the house for too many hours in a row, but there are times that I get an idea in my head, and it’s just too late to make it work.

The other thing that may save my life is the YMCA. We (re)joined a month ago, and so far, beginning my mornings there with my kids in a safe and fun childcare (with lots of their friends!) has been a big stress reliever. Now, my workout doesn’t depend on the weather or on whether the baby takes a nap at the time he’s supposed to. I can get up, make everyone a nice breakfast, and head to the gym to get the endorphins blasting, and then I feel GREAT about whatever else we get – or don’t get – accomplished.

What is saving you this summer? Letting go of your expectations? Making a weekly plan? Lots of vacation or none at all? Tell me all the things that you do to survive and thrive in summer!

Currently – June!

Hello there, June! I can hardly believe it’s already time to go to the pool, for school to be out (well, it’s out for my littles and only a few more days for my kindergartener!) and for front porch sitting with a book and a cocktail in my hand. (Just me? Surely not!) I’m linking up with Anne in Residence and Sarah over at Total Basset Case. Here are a few things we’re planning for the month of June. Comment or link up and tell me what you’re up to currently!img_5993

Traveling || not very much this summer. We will go to Georgia to see my family, and to the lake (only an hour away) to Hubby’s family’s place, but other than that, we may not travel at all. It’s kinda freeing to not have any big plans! Our next big trip is September, and Hubby and I are headed to Colorado WITHOUT the kids! We’re seeing the Punch Brothers at Red Rocks and I’m beside myself with excitement!

Grilling || Hmm. Hubby is the chef, and therefore the griller, but when we had a gas line run to our porch so we could grill without go big through propane tanks, we still haven’t gotten the last piece we need to hook it all up. So, no grilling right now!

Exploring || our local hiking venues! My plan this month is to get the kids to several local (under an hour in the car) places to hike, now that they do okay without naps and eating picnic-style works pretty well. I can’t wait to have them out on the trails – I hope they love it, because it’s exercise that I really enjoy! (If you’re local, I’m thinking Salem Lake, Hanging Rock, and Pilot Mountain for our starters!)

Planting || lots and lots of things! We’re growing so many different things, it’s hard to name them all! Tomatoes, tomatillos, kale, squashes, beans, peas, asparagus, blueberries, strawberries, and more! We are pretty pleased with how everything is going so far, and my plan is to try my hand at canning this summer, one of those weeks where we have so many tomatoes I can’t begin to think how we’ll use them all.

J taking care of his blueberries.

Playing || dominoes, Candy Land, and Snug as a Bug! Those are all games my kids can get their heads around (the older two, at least). They’re also okay at Go Fish! but it’s tough for them to hold all those cards. Even the clothespin trick is a little too much for them at the moment. But Hubby and I LOVE playing games, and so I hope that they’ll continue to love it, too!

Reading || some beachy reads, even without the beach! I just finished The Turquoise Table (Kristin Schell) and Keeper of Lost Things (Ruth Hogan) last month. This month, I’m working on Everybody Always (the newest from Bob Goff), The Nix (Nathan Hill), A Wind in the Door (Madeleine L’Engle’s sequel to A Wrinkle in Time), Saturate (Jeff Vanderstelt), and Glimpses of Grace (Gloria Furman). I’m doing studies of the last two with some friends, so we’re working on it all summer, but the others I should have finished by the end of the month, I hope! Do you have any book suggestions for me?! My “to be read” list is always a mile long, so I never mind adding to it!

A sampling of what my nightstand looks like on any given day!

Well, that’s about it for now. What are you up to currently?

Marriage: Why It’s No Good to Keep Score

This piece originally appeared on The Grit and Grace Project.

My husband has one big rule for our marriage. Babe, if you’re reading this, I know you’d say it’s not a rule – perhaps more of a guideline. But for me, it’s a rule. If I don’t follow it, I go down an extremely unhealthy path, and I know it. So here’s the best “rule” or “guideline” I’ve ever heard for a husband-wife relationship: Don’t keep score.

You might begin explaining this by saying that any healthy relationship can’t be seen as a game. The only reason you’d keep score is if it’s a game of some sort, and if you’re serious about it, you’d better not call it a game. Right? You might follow up with the fact that keeping a record of rights or wrongs is just not a good idea. Let’s ask a few questions about this concept… because I think it’s important.

If you happen to “win”, what are you actually winning? The game of who does more laundry? Or who gives more meaningful compliments? Is that a worthwhile competition? Why or why not? (I’m guessing it’s why not.)

What’s your “winner’s” criteria? Who was the last one to load the dishwasher? Maybe he had a lot on his mind from a tough day at work, or he gets tired of you re-loading it when he’s done. Or is the criteria which one of you usually texts the other one first? All that leads to is fear of not being loved enough, or inaccurately thinking that you love the other person more, just because you send more messages.

What’s the prize? Getting to taunt your other half about how you changed more diapers this week? Or likely being shunned because you’re on your high horse about how you always clean the toilets? That’s not a very good prize.

What if we shifted our thinking to loving our spouses as well as we can, as often as we can? Instead of waiting around to receive love in the way that we’re expecting, maybe we should consider showing them love in the best way we know how, whatever that is. It’s always a good idea to know how your spouse best receives love from you, and how you best receive love from them. Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages is a great place to start if you don’t know each other’s “love languages”. Taking the initiative to show love first, no matter the circumstances, can’t end poorly. Being the first to say, “I love you!” when communication is hard, or the first to forgive after an argument might feel like a submission, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Usually, it shows that you’re willing to work and sacrifice to strive for health in the relationship. That’s what marriage is: work and sacrifice. Love comes first, and is quickly followed by commitment – often a “head” matter rather than a “heart” one. You keep choosing love over fear or anger or hurt feelings every single day.

There are always possible scenarios where we need to have a sit-down about issues that don’t seem to be resolving themselves. There are always times that bringing our feelings calmly to the table is the only way to move on from a hard season. But if we stop keeping score, stop trying to play a game of little chores completed and well-meaning jabs delivered, those bigger issues might just stay away longer. Being the first one to show love, forgive and forget might make your spouse feel more comfortable doing the same.

Speak Life.

This piece originally appeared on Everyday Exiles.

As I’ve taken the past few weeks to be silent pretty often, it’s been a good time to think about the words I do actually say out loud.

We tend, as well-meaning adults, mentors, Christians, and friends, to offer advice (usually unsolicited) or counsel. We offer opinions (however squirrelly that gets in the moment) and ideas, agreements and rebuttals. We speak all sorts of words that are just plain unnecessary.

Let me explain.

The Bible shows us from the first few pages that words have power. I mean, God created the world, light, darkness, not to mention us, by just breathing words out of His mouth (Genesis 1, y’all). And then, He did the incredible thing: He created us in His image. WE are created in the very likeness of a God whose words have creation power! Even the penman of Psalm 33 proclaims the power in verse 6 – “By the word of the Lord, the heavens were made, and by the breath of his mouth, all their host.” The numberless stars were spoken into existence by a creative and powerful God – in whose likeness we were also made!

So why is it that, sometimes without our even realizing it, we speak fear, confusion, hurt, and unkindness over many, even the ones we love the most? It’s like we forget this God-given gift of words with power. It’s almost as if we – wait for it – speak without thinking! Before you stop reading because you’re thinking I’m a hypocrite, I most certainly am. But keep reading, please.

It’s as simple as remembering when we saw Disney’s Bambi as children: Thumper famously says, “If you can’t say somethin’ nice, don’t say nothin’ at all.” And yes, it was RIGHT AFTER hurling a good-natured insult at Bambi. But don’t we all do that? We say the hurtful thing, and THEN we remember that it might be have consequences, even those we won’t see for a while.

But even more than saying things that are “nice”, I think we’re called to say things that have more power. Instead of saying something that could tear someone down or shame them, let’s say something that will build them up, call them up, call them higher. Jess Connolly puts it this way in her book Dance, Stand, Run: “…I think if we spent more of our time attempting to speak life, we wouldn’t have to worry as much about the death coming out when we’re not being watchful.” If we turned a little bit of our efforts over to actively speaking life, love, encouragement and value into people, how much less of our words would be hurtful ones that spoke death to dreams and fear into places that should be full of confidence?!

Let’s end with this: our words are really, really important. Use them wisely. Say less of them, if that suits you. Think before you say your words; think about what will be heard by the recipient. Above all, speak life.

Currently – May!

Hello, friends! I simply cannot believe how this year has FLOWN by! The fact that it’s already May has me reeling a bit. But, I’m always glad to give a little update and link up with the fabulous Anne in Residence and a new friend, Carrie at A Stylish Fit. Comment below or link up and tell us all about what you’re up to currently!

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Celebrating || summer! I know there are still five weeks of school left (for us in NC at least), and I know it’s not that hot out there yet, but I also know that going to the pool, eating fresh tomatoes from our garden, and not having a wake up time are all GREAT things that are coming soon!

Creating || my summer to-read list. I want to actually try to stick to it, since I’ve got so many things on my TBR list. I’m hoping to finish Peace Like a River (y’all – SO GOOD), Too Much and Not in the Mood (beautiful non-fiction, but this style is just a little slower-going for me as a reader), AND Everybody Always (shout out to Bob Goff!) by the time summer ACTUALLY arrives. At that point, I’d like to read the other books in the A Wrinkle in Time series (L’year of L’engle, says Annie Downs) and The Turquoise Table (one that I heard about a year or so ago, and only just bought). I’ll probably have time for more than just those, but I haven’t locked down what I’d like to move on to after that.Snagged these at Barnes and Noble yesterday!

Wearing || Chacos every DAY! And a new hat I got for running. It’s mesh in the back (because hot, y’all), and has a nice big G on the front. Any UGA fans around?!

Sharing || my current reads… it’s been so fun to have a little journey with some online friends about what I’m reading, what I’d like to read next, and getting suggestions for my next books! (This is mostly taking place on my stories on Instagram! Follow me @onlyhsuman if you’d like to come with me!) I’ve always been an avid reader, but recently I’ve enjoyed making time for it more and more. When I was in the fog of raising actual babies (you know, the ones who don’t sleep through the night or do anything for themselves) I just didn’t have much brain power leftover for reading. But now I can even have a few minutes to read while they’re AWAKE because they understand that Mama needs some down time, too. It’s actually lovely. I don’t mind this stage!

Going || to run my next half marathon next weekend! This round of race training has been a little more low-key than the last. There’s definitely an element of “I’ve already done this, so I know I can do it again.” and I’m not pushing myself quite so hard. I also am fairly certain I set a PR last time finishing under two hours, so I’m trying to not be mad that I’m little slower this time around. I’ll finish, and that’s the goal. Prayers for one more good long run this Friday and healthy knees and ankles for the next week and a half are appreciated!

That’s about all for me right now. What are you up to currently?!

Currently: March!

I can’t believe it’s already March, y’all. Where has this year been flying away to? I didn’t expect 2018 to go so quickly. Anyway, here it is, basically a full week into March, and I suppose I really am ready for spring. I’m linking up for today’s edition of Currently with Anne in Residence and Sarah of Foxy’s Domestic Side. I hope you’ll comment or link up, and join us! Here’s what I’m up to currently…

Planning || a trip to DisneyWorld in April! I’ve been reading up on more tips (I mean, we went two years ago, but now we’ve got another kid and different ages!) and scheduling our character meals and fast passes. This time we’re driving, so I’m also planning how to survive a car trip that long (Google maps say 8.5 hours, so probably more like 10) with the three babes. I’ve got an amazing travel gal I plan with, so if you’re local, drop me a line and I’ll share her contact info! Here’s a photo from our last trip – I can’t believe they’re so much bigger now!img_8239

Seeing || a few little sprouts of basil in our indoor garden! The hubs (and J!) planted a bunch of seeds about two weeks ago, and we’ve been watering away, hoping they’d grow inside – and they did! When they get big enough to transfer (and it’s warm enough for long enough) we’ll move most of them outside into the beds, or into small pots to share with friends. Here are our basil babies!

Making || sausage balls and healthy muffins! Part of the meal planning (I use that term quite loosely) of the month will be those two breakfast and snack staples. Everyone’s happy to eat them at any time of day, and that works for me! I usually try to do healthy things (the muffins always are) but the sausage balls are a comfort food treat for everyone.

Pretending || to be excited about summer. To be totally honest, I’m getting a little nervous that I won’t be able to occupy everyone sufficiently once school is out. They’re all getting big enough that I know I’ll be spending a LOT of time out of the house, which is good, and we’ve got a few camps we’re thinking of doing, but I don’t want to spend too much money just to keep them busy. I want camp to be a special treat type thing. I know I have things I want to do with them that are just for us, too, so I don’t want so many camps that we’re always apart. I just get nervous that they’ll get bored of me after a few weeks!

Wearing || my Chacos. The first hint of sun in NC makes me wear nothing but Chacos till the snow starts again. I mean, almost. I’ve got happy feet when I’m wearing incredibly comfy and cute, supportive and rugged-approved sandals. ALSO I found a pair in J’s size on our local buy, sell, trade Facebook group… and he loves them! I am so happy one more person in my family loves them!

Drop a line and tell us what you’re up to currently!

5 Books to Read and Love

This piece originally appeared on The Grit and Grace Project at the beginning of the year. These books are still great, even if you’ve already kicked off this year’s reading venture!

Every year, I make a resolution to read more. I know it’s a common resolution, so I’m assuming a few of you out there made it this year, as well! Here are a few reads I’ve loved recently to get you started on your reading goal!

The Book of Lost and Found by Lucy Foley. What a beautiful, beautiful story this was! I grabbed it off the employee’s picks at Barnes and Noble, and I read it in less than two days. It’s the story of a woman whose mother was adopted, searching for her family history, not knowing what (and how much) she’d find. I loved the artistic influences there as well.

Where’d You Go, Bernadette? by Maria Semple. This mystery had me thinking about it all day, even when I wasn’t reading. Bernadette is lost somewhere, and it’s her daughter and husband’s job to track her down. Full of surprises and oddments, with a little drama, this book is one you’ll fly through, just so you can know how it ends!

Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty. If you haven’t read this one, it’s a must! I love Moriarty’s books anyway (specifically What Alice Forgot) but this one is a book I couldn’t put down till I’d solved the puzzle. I encourage you to read before you watch the miniseries, if it’s on your list, too. The cast is great but there are some changes, so read first if you can!

A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle. I know this one isn’t remotely new – quite the opposite! This classic is timeless, and full of beautiful imagery. This year is the perfect time to read it, or REread it, since the movie comes out in March!

Confessions of a Domestic Failure by Bunmi Laditan. If you don’t know about Bunmi Laditan, look her up and give her a follow right now. She’s hilarious, and her novel is no exception! More horribly laughable things happen to the protagonist (a business woman-turned-stay-at-home mom) than you would think possible; you will literally laugh out loud!

AND! Coming out this year are some other books by authors we love, so keep a lookout for I Am, I Am, I Am: Seventeen Brushes with Death by Maggie O’Farrell (I love her book This Must Be the Place) and You Think It, I’ll Say It: Stories by Curtis Sittenfield (I love her book American Wife). There are also new books on deck from James Patterson, David Baldacci, and Danielle Steele, if you have been reading their books for years like I have! Good luck with your reading goals – and tell me what you like, so I can read it, too!