Married with Kids – It’s OK Not to Like Your Spouse Sometimes.

This piece originally appeared on Perfection Pending.

This is what being married with kids looks like – sometimes you don’t like each other and that’s okay.

Sometimes, I think back to the first couple of years after my husband and I got married. It was so… easy. We didn’t fight like many newlyweds might, over who should take care of dinner or why there were clothes left on the floor next to the hamper. However, when we started having kids, we realized the times of things being quite that simple were over.

For starters, we were exhausted. Correction: we are exhausted. There hasn’t been a day (that wasn’t some sort of child-free vacation) that has gone by since 2012 that both of us have felt “well-rested”. Either one of us gets the rest, or neither of us do. Which, as you can imagine, leads to some stress in our household, and our relationship.

But what we’ve figured out (and learned from wise friends) is this: even though some days you don’t like each other, it’s important to still love each other, and furthermore, to show it.

You have to prioritize your marriage, even though in a lot (let’s be honest, most) situations, you’ve got to put your kid – or all your kids – first. Their needs seem more pressing (butt-wiping, feeding them, keeping them from falling off ledges, you know the drill) and so you neglect the other relationship in the household while you’re meeting the more immediate needs – or simply, the ones that are shouting at you more loudly.

You see, there are more than a few reasons to take care of your marriage, even when it means putting aside the other stuff for a little while at a time.

One of the most, if not THE MOST  important reason to show the love, spread the love, and take care of your marriage even after you have kids is because those kids are always watching.

You’re setting the number one example of a marriage in their eyes, and you want it to be a positive and healthy one, right? Set an example for them of the importance of marriage, the teamwork it requires, and the love that it stems from. Show them a healthy relationship so they know what it looks like. Even have healthy disagreements in front of them sometimes; they need to know about that, too. They don’t need to see only the “good stuff” or they’ll have unrealistic expectations. Healthy dialogue, PDA (yes, affection is important to show!) and the importance of spending time alone together are important things for your kids to know about!

Among the myriad of other reasons to nourish your relationship with your spouse, I think the next biggest reason is this: one day, your kids will be grown and live in their own homes, and it’ll be just you and your spouse. Again. Alone.

Don’t wait until then to try to fall deeper in love with your spouse.

Don’t wait until there’s not the glue of parenting young children binding you.

Don’t wait until your lives have been growing apart for years to really cherish your relationship with your spouse.

I won’t say that won’t work – but I will say I bet that it’s harder that way. Communicate with your spouse, about big stuff and small stuff. Practice honesty – even when it hurts.

Say “I’m sorry.” and “I forgive you.” Do the easier things too, like dating your spouse! Have date nights or early breakfast together. Chat on the phone when you’re in the car. Send sweet text message to each other during the day.

Take a weekend away somewhere from time to time if it’s possible for you. Those things aren’t reserved for “dating” relationships unless you let that happen. “Dating” your spouse is a way to rekindle, reconnect, and intertwine your lives again when you feel like you haven’t been so “together” recently.

Make time in your schedule and room in your heart for your spouse. Even when you’re exhausted, feeling frumpy, and thinking it’s the last thing you want to do. Chances are, you’ll be so glad you did. Make sure to kiss, to chat, to hold hands, and to have sex! Those things are important… Don’t let them wait until the kids are gone.

Things Toddlers Say

Happy Tuesday! I know it’s Tuesday evening, but it’s still Tuesday! Here are the funnies our kids have been giggling about this week – leave a comment and let me know what silly stuff your kids say!

J: Did you know I taught myself that bees make honey? I taught myself that!

EK, pretending: Do you want the eggs and steak or pancakes?
Me: Hmm… steak and eggs!
EK: The $1 or $100?
Me: I’ll spring for the $100!
EK: But that’s really expensive!
Me: But we’re pretending, right?

D, when he first woke up: I want to sit wif my blanket and watch Wall•e and Cars and Star Wars!
Me: I’ve taught you the perfect day.

J, carefully bringing me my half-full mug of tea: It’ll be a ‘saster (disaster) if I go fast!

J: When my two birthday comes, can I have the party at a Christmas gelato place?
(His birthday is at the end of December and he will be 5, just fyi.)

Hubby hands a milkshake to J. Wait a beat.
J: Uh, Mister! This milkshake is great!

J, randomly: I feel so ingenious!

D, wandering around the house: Where is J? I lost him!

D, handing me a belt: Hey! You want dis type of thing?

J, stretching his hand up: I’m just reaching for Jesus.

Talking about winking…
J: Did you know that pirates look like they’re w bling forever?! Because of their eye patch?!

Me: That was a big hiccup!
J: That wasn’t a hiccup- it was a burp!
Me: Was it a hiccup and a burp combined?!
J: No, it was a hiccup and a burp all mixed up together!
Me: Oh, okay.

Don’t forget to share what hilarious things your kids say!!

Holy Week

It’s Holy Week. Passion Week. A week full of preparations, where all the believers are preparing their hearts, homes, churches, and communities for the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. For someone who works in a church, it means a lot of extra hours on the clock, organizing, preparing, checking and double-checking. But after a wonderful Palm Sunday service this morning, I was obviously exhausted (because Sunday) and sat down to pray about the week ahead.

You might think I was praying that I wouldn’t be stressed out or that I’d keep my eyes on the prize of a gorgeous Easter Sunday together with the congregations of our church. But no. What I was led to pray was this: I ask not for help with earthly preparations, though they are certainly important, but instead for a heightened awareness of You.

A heightened awareness of a God who has drawn near, a Jesus who has taken away my sins, and a Holy Spirit who leads me and nourishes me in my day-to-day. I prayed to be floored, taken aback, mystified again by the willingly-given sacrifice. I prayed to be constantly reminded of why we celebrate this week, going through our motions of beautifying and preparing the way of the Lord in our own church buildings and services.

He has indeed given us more than we deserve – a holiness we could never achieve, but one we have been granted through Jesus. Any praises we bring to the table this week could never be enough to truly merit what should be given – and yet! AND YET, the beautiful conundrum is this: they are absolutely, entirely, perfectly enough because we have been predestined, called, justified, and glorified (Rom. 8:30) by a Savior who was all of those things in our place! Bring your tired, weary, unworthy selves to the altar on Sunday morning with CONFIDENCE because He will be there as He is each and every moment, doling out grace and mercy with LOVE (Heb. 4:16) and without requiring anything of us but faith in Him.

May we go through this week with a heightened awareness of the God who sees us as holy – as holy as His Son, Jesus, who rode on the donkey through a crowd singing, “Hosanna in the highest!” As holy as Jesus who healed the blind and the sick, pardoned promiscuous women, and opened his heart and his lap to the meek little children. As holy as Jesus who hung there, on a terrible cross, proclaiming that He would do the Father’s will, no matter how much he suffered, and still asked for our forgiveness.

Blessed be the name of the Lord, who has given much and loved much.

 

 

If you’re local (to central NC) and you need a place to be on Easter Sunday, feel free to comment or email me! I’d love to have you at my worship service.

Things Toddlers Say

Happy Tuesday! We’re expecting some snow again tomorrow- can you believe it?! The kids are dying to be outside (like yesterday!) but most days it’s a little too chilly to be out for long. Anyway, here are some of our funnies from the week! Enjoy!

J’s latest way of getting out of wearing a jacket: Well, my skin keeps me warm in the weather.

J: Something’s poking me in this hat!
Me: In the front or back? I’ll fix it.
J: Never mind.
Me: Did you fix it?
J: No, I vanished it.

Necie: I didn’t come up here to hear y’all fight, believe it or not.
D, after a pause: Uh, not!

In the middle of the night…
Me: Good night. Go back to sleep.
D: See you tomorrow!

EK: I love that you always are never scared to try anything! I love that about you!
Me: Well thanks!
EK: You even like to try roller coasters!
Me: That’s true! I love roller coasters!
EK: I would only try one if it didn’t have the curly parts to it.

J: I did NOT dream about something delightful. I dreamed about a SHARP TOOTH!

What have your kids said that makes you laugh?!

Things Toddlers Say

Happy Tuesday, y’all! I thought it was spring, and then it snowed yesterday. March in NC, am I right?! Enjoy our funnies, no matter what the weather is!

J: I just fayell (fell)!
Me: I saw! Are you okay?
J: I was looking where I was going and I didn’t do anything I just fayell!
Me: *tries not to laugh as I comfort him*

Proof that D is picking up on his brother’s amazing vocabulary, this happened while I was helping him blow his nose…
D: Ack-chewy, I got more boogers. *blows again*

D: I want moopies!
Me: What?
D, handing me the lid and straw we always use for smoothies: Moopies! Peas? Moopies?

J: Mom! When I sneezed, you didn’t even bless me!

My mother in law let EK sit with her on Sunday at church, and have me this song she wrote during the service. I’m in love.

Hubby was chopping an onion, and D saw it and said: A ordament! (Throwback from Christmas ornaments I suppose.)

D: *falls and cries*
Me: Aww, what happened?!
J: He ran so fast that he fayell.
Hubby: You pushes him down and I saw you do it!
J: Sorryyyyyy!

There you have it – the daily hilarities of my family. What are your kids saying that’s hilarious?!

The Father’s Love

This piece originally appeared on Everyday Exiles.

The other night, as I was spending some one-on-one time with my daughter, who is five, she caught me off guard with a question.

“Mama, what’s the thing you love most about me?”

I paused to think for a moment. That’s a weighty question. Would a pause any longer than a second be interpreted as not being able to think of anything? Would a simple answer like “Everything!” be too flippant? Even if it’s true that I love everything about her (except the obscene amount of laundry she generates) it seems like a silly answer to give when she’s clearly asking me for specifics.

“Your smile!” I say. “And I love that you’re kind, and a great big sister.”

“What else?” she asks.

Here goes. “I love how excited you are to read! And I love watching you dance.”

It went on like this for a few more minutes, me naming things I love about her. Even as it became harder to pinpoint specific things that I knew she’d like to hear me say, I could that my words were bolstering her, giving her what she needed in the way of affirmation. Who doesn’t sometimes long to climb into the lap of a loving parent and hear the things about themselves that are good?

The idea of a loving Heavenly Father is in the forefront of my mind as a parent. While I know I could never measure up to His perfect and unconditional love, He presents Himself as a good model for me to follow. He knows what we need before we ask (Matthew 6:8) and He is even a Father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5). His love has been compared to storms, ocean waves, mighty winds and raging seas. His love for us, weak and weary sinners, is the greatest example of sacrificing for the good of someone you love.

So come like a child, and ask Him to exult over you with loud singing (Zephaniah 3:17). He loves you and rejoices over you! He wants us to come close to Him (“like a little child” we’re told in Matthew) and allow Him to speak life and blessings into our lives. All we have to do is draw near. Like my daughter, who knows that if she comes to me, and asks for compliments and showers of love, I’m always happy to oblige.

Currently: March!

I can’t believe it’s already March, y’all. Where has this year been flying away to? I didn’t expect 2018 to go so quickly. Anyway, here it is, basically a full week into March, and I suppose I really am ready for spring. I’m linking up for today’s edition of Currently with Anne in Residence and Sarah of Foxy’s Domestic Side. I hope you’ll comment or link up, and join us! Here’s what I’m up to currently…

Planning || a trip to DisneyWorld in April! I’ve been reading up on more tips (I mean, we went two years ago, but now we’ve got another kid and different ages!) and scheduling our character meals and fast passes. This time we’re driving, so I’m also planning how to survive a car trip that long (Google maps say 8.5 hours, so probably more like 10) with the three babes. I’ve got an amazing travel gal I plan with, so if you’re local, drop me a line and I’ll share her contact info! Here’s a photo from our last trip – I can’t believe they’re so much bigger now!img_8239

Seeing || a few little sprouts of basil in our indoor garden! The hubs (and J!) planted a bunch of seeds about two weeks ago, and we’ve been watering away, hoping they’d grow inside – and they did! When they get big enough to transfer (and it’s warm enough for long enough) we’ll move most of them outside into the beds, or into small pots to share with friends. Here are our basil babies!

Making || sausage balls and healthy muffins! Part of the meal planning (I use that term quite loosely) of the month will be those two breakfast and snack staples. Everyone’s happy to eat them at any time of day, and that works for me! I usually try to do healthy things (the muffins always are) but the sausage balls are a comfort food treat for everyone.

Pretending || to be excited about summer. To be totally honest, I’m getting a little nervous that I won’t be able to occupy everyone sufficiently once school is out. They’re all getting big enough that I know I’ll be spending a LOT of time out of the house, which is good, and we’ve got a few camps we’re thinking of doing, but I don’t want to spend too much money just to keep them busy. I want camp to be a special treat type thing. I know I have things I want to do with them that are just for us, too, so I don’t want so many camps that we’re always apart. I just get nervous that they’ll get bored of me after a few weeks!

Wearing || my Chacos. The first hint of sun in NC makes me wear nothing but Chacos till the snow starts again. I mean, almost. I’ve got happy feet when I’m wearing incredibly comfy and cute, supportive and rugged-approved sandals. ALSO I found a pair in J’s size on our local buy, sell, trade Facebook group… and he loves them! I am so happy one more person in my family loves them!

Drop a line and tell us what you’re up to currently!