Tag Archives: encouragement

Today is the day.

March 30, 2015 Only Hsuman 4 Comments

Today is the day. The day that I read scripture before my kids woke up (rare). The day that I resolved to parent with grace (again). The day I made a nice, big, healthy breakfast for everyone. The day I made a really, really great cup of coffee. The day I got a quick workout in after dropping my daughter at preschool.

It is also the day EK “needed five more minutes” before doing every single thing I asked her to do. The day my son took every item out of every drawer in my kitchen. The day Hubby didn’t feel so hot. The day it was so rainy that my motivation to get things done died at the start.

If I laid out every day like this, a moment-to-moment “things that happened” or “things I did”, how disappointed would I be? How many days would I say I had missed the mark, or wasted too many minutes or even hours? I doubt I would be impressed by my daily productivity or nominating myself for the “best executed day” award. (Thank goodness that’s not a thing, by the way.) I probably would no longer even be happy about the things I did accomplish.

But the things I did accomplish go without mention. The fact that my kids are clean, dressed and well-fed, the snuggles and kisses, the number of times I sang the alphabet song, and the fact that I took a shower. These things are on a list of “things moms should do without recognition”, even though these seemingly simple things are the hardest things I do all day. No one knows as well as I do the struggle it is to get pants on my son, or to get ten uninterrupted minutes to wash my hair or shave my legs. There are days that I feel like I should get a medal for doing those things!

Today, in fact, is that day. So, in honor of whatever your today held, here’s your medal – a medal and a hug for getting dressed today, for washing a dish or two, for getting the groceries, even though you forgot the eggs. Here’s a medal for any outing you made with the kids. Here’s a hug for any moment you were covered in some sort of bodily fluid, and a hug for any time that you’ve heard more cries than laughs. You deserve it.

faith, mommyhood, pregnancy, women

Loving on All the Mamas

March 25, 2015 Only Hsuman 4 Comments

I was excited to attend a baby shower over the weekend for a friend who is due with her first baby in June. There were a total of 6 of us (out of maybe 17 or 18) at the shower that were pregnant. Even knowing that a shower is typically a lot of gals around the same age, I felt like that was a lot! But it was SO fun to see gals in every stage of life – and several stages of pregnancy – getting together to celebrate my friend and her new little life she’s expecting.
I think one of the most important things we can do is celebrate pregnant women. Celebrate women in general, obviously, but there are so many unique ways that you can celebrate and bless women who are expecting. Whether or not they have supportive families, if they got pregnant on the first try, or tried for years, new lives are worth celebrating. As a mother of soon-to-be three, I believe that feeling celebrated for every single one of my pregnancies was really special for me. It wasn’t necessarily a shower or gift or party that made me feel special – it was friends’ and family members’ reactions to our announcement, and meaningful things they said (and are continuing to say) throughout.

Women need encouragement. Expecting mamas and new mamas often need it even more. They need to know that they are made for what they’re doing, that they will figure out the best way to raise that little one. Does that mean it’ll always be easy and come naturally? No. But it does mean that we should encourage all mothers in their journey.

I saw something recently about how a mother who had experienced a long journey with infertility and finally was blessed with children through IVF felt the need to defend her children against someone who said her children were “synthetic”. Who on this earth has the right to say that to anyone? To suggest that babies, children, humans are anything but God-given and made of DNA and cells and souls just like “the rest of us” is the most awful thing you could say. So many mothers today are faced with insecurities and fears, not to mention the ever-growing plethora of choices about every single thing to do/be/get for your baby… why would one then start attacking the babies themselves, saying terrible things about how or when or why they were brought into the world?!

So this is where I feel a call to be encouraging, supportive and just plain loving to mothers of all experience levels, all walks of life, and all kinds and numbers of babies. Whatever the reason you become a mother, you should still be celebrated, supported and encouraged. If you know a mama, or a woman who is expecting, do something nice for them. Say a kind word, pop a note in the mail, or pick up their coffee. If you’re close to them, get them a gift, throw them a shower (or sprinkle!) or pray with/for them. I guarantee you, each of them needs a little love, a little encouragement, or just to be seen, known, and loved.

It can be hard… pregnancy, waiting for an adoption to go through, enduring fertility treatments, having little ones, or struggling with teens. All of those things can be hard on a woman, and I know that sometimes a little encouragement can go a long way. That nice thing you do for the mom? It’ll benefit the child, too.

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus

Keeping My Cool When My Kid Can’t

March 23, 2015 Only Hsuman 2 Comments

This post also appeared on the My Big Jesus blog!

Sometimes, your kid (read: toddler) gets upset. Really upset. Really, really upset. For me, when that moment begins, the first thing I want to do is the same thing my toddler’s doing: cry, throw something, run away… you get my drift.

I’ve heard all the ways to prevent these meltdowns from happening: make sure they aren’t tired or hungry, prepare them properly for whatever you’re asking them to do, let them help make the decisions, etc. All of these are well and fine, and may actually work, but every once in a while, the circumstances are out of your control, or things just look differently than you had planned. And your toddler doesn’t go with the flow like she usually does. She freaks out.

Now, in the depths of my OCD soul, I must have order. (Yes, I just sounded like Delores Umbridge in Order of the Phoenix.) I’m coming to terms with the fact that being a mom means not having it. But I like routines, and so do my kids. I like schedules, and so do my kids. But when our schedules and routines fail, we are all a big mess.

This week, my kids were sick. That meant a trip to the doctor (during naptime, because that was the only time they could get us in), humidifiers, Tylenol, movie-watching and trying extra hard to get to bed on time. It also meant no preschool, no church, no play dates, no leaving the house and no fun-having. FOR ANYONE.

On my list of priorities, right behind routines and schedules is getting out of the house. I get cabin fever in roughly 20 minutes. Even if all I do is go to the grocery store and buy one item (typically milk or bananas), I need to get out. Sometimes, putting the kids in the stroller and making laps around the neighborhood does the trick. (Note: this week was cold and rainy.) But I need to drop EK off at preschool. I need to let them play on the playground or at Chick-fil-A. I need to have friends over. I need my kids to have fun so that I can, too.

This week has been a whirlwind of crying, coughing, needing, snuggling, napping, refusing to nap, and wearing pajamas. I’m trying to appreciate these moments of relaxation and snuggling on Mommy’s bed watching Disney movies. I’m trying to appreciate a slow down, especially in the midst of a renovation and gearing up for a busy spring. But it’s been hard. I’ve been reaching out to the Father for patience and for health. I’ve been wrestling toddlers and sickness and the need for caffeine versus the amount I’m allowed to have while pregnant. I may or may not have subbed in sugar on several occasions.

But this is life. This is a season. It’s already almost over. Later when they’re sick, I’ll just hand them a Gatorade and they’ll sleep till they feel better. There won’t be extra snuggles and needing me. I will do my best to rest in these times, to enjoy the break in routine, with the help of Someone who knows the weight of being needed.

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, pregnancy, siblings

I am exhausted.

March 16, 2015 Only Hsuman 4 Comments

This post appeared on the My Big Jesus blog! We spent today bopping around town, carrying kids to and fro, shopping for this and getting ready for that. Our house is a madhouse, like it often is these days. I don’t mind – really, I don’t. I know that it’s a season, and that things will return to a semi-normal. I know that my kids will be these ages but once. I know that my niece and nephew (who I also got to see this evening!) will be these ages but once.

Yet, my lovely and insightful mother-in-law said something to me, in passing really, tonight that made me think. She had spent the morning with my son, and part of the afternoon with my daughter. She said, “I don’t know how y’all do it with these two. I guess I did it with mine, but I’m exhausted!” Going on, she explained that she meant chasing them around her house, entertaining them, and making sure nothing got broken.

Well let me tell you, I understood her completely. While my house is basically baby-proofed and I can let them run free a little more in our home than she can in hers (split-level=stairs upon stairs) I am still frequently exhausted at the end of the day. Even if I haven’t completed a single housekeeping task, or didn’t get in a work out, or haven’t left the house, or if I did catch a little snooze during someone’s naptime, I’m often exhausted.

It isn’t simply that my back hurts, or that I’m sleep deprived, although sometimes those things are true. (Have you lugged around a 30lb sack of flour recently?) It’s emotional exhaustion. It’s mental exhaustion. I’m not a creative person, so EK really makes me work my imagination (ie: silly voices, strange scenarios, and telling her “stories” that I made up). I’m constantly trying to think of ways to educate – nay, entertain – two developmental levels, two totally different personalities. I’m trying to explain to my daughter why she should share, can’t push her brother, and shouldn’t scream in the house. I’m trying to distract my son when he just wants to be held – for the entire 12 hours he is awake. I’m trying to make healthy breakfasts and dinners that also look enticing and taste delicious. I’m trying to not lose patience with messes and attitudes and too-short naps and refused meals. It’s a lot. It’s trying, giving, sacrificing, and pushing myself.

So yes, in a word, I’m exhausted. I’m exhausted when I think of how much love I’ve got in my heart for these little beings that need me so. I’m exhausted when I think that by the end of this summer, I’ll have a third little being that needs me like these two do. I’m exhausted when I think that in 18 years, they’ll need me so much less. I’m exhausted to think they won’t always snuggle into my neck or say “mmmmmm-ah!” when I ask for a kiss. But being exhausted in the midst of right now is a fulfilled, happy exhaustion. When I slip into my bed, and don’t have time to finish one sentence in my book, I’m not really upset about it. I’m just wishing I had more patience, more creativity, more knowledge to share with those exciting, excitable toddlers that I call my own.

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, pregnancy, siblings

Once… Twice… Three Times with Baby

March 2, 2015 Only Hsuman 11 Comments

I like to think that by blogging, I’m able to impart a little motherly wisdom, provide a little entertainment, and encourage some weary women out there with a little good news. I think this post does all three of those things pretty well… So here’s a post about pregnancies – and how they’re all different.

When you’re pregnant with your first baby, no matter how you feel, you probably have the opportunity to rest a lot. With your first, you can lounge around in your free time, sleep a lot, rest, and exploit your spouse to please cook the thing you’re craving and take out the trash because your pregnant nose is in overdrive and you can’t stand the smell. You always know what week you’re on (16 weeks, 2 days, 3 hours and 15 minutes) and you have the due date marked in all your friends’ and family members’ calendars. You have a perfect nursery, complete with outfits for every type of weather and every size up to 3T. You’ve looked at day cares and preschools, read parenting books and blogs, and chosen the perfect name for a successful human. You are way ahead of the game, due purely to excitement.

When you’re pregnant with your second baby, there is no resting unless your kid is resting (so basically none). There is no requesting special meals, because the meals revolve around the current kid, not you. If he takes out the trash, you’re probably doing the dishes or changing a diaper, anyway. You try to eat as healthily as possible (fruit, non-sugary cereal, etc) since you’re trying to feed your kid pretty healthy, too. You keep on doing your thing as much as possible, sneaking naps if you can, and going to bed a little earlier, if your spouse is helping with laundry.

With your third, all bets are pretty much off. You’re going and bopping and feeding and playing and cleaning and laundering and driving to and from and yonder. You’re eating a lot of mac and cheese, because that’s what’s easy to satisfy everyone’s palates. You’re already swimming in diapers and wipes, so no need to buy a bunch of those in preparation. You’ve got every type of hand-me-downs, so the kid is set on clothes. You feel like you want to buy the third kid something new, but you just don’t need anything and you don’t have extra cash really to throw at unnecessary baby items. You also better have your maternity clothes unpacked at 8 weeks, because you’ll need them.

But you know what will be the same every time? You’ll still smile when you feel the baby move in your womb. You will be excited to pick the name, however far along you are. You will know love that you didn’t know you had room for in your heart. You will begin praying for that little being and the rest of his or her life.

faith, random thoughts, women

Wonderful Women

February 28, 2015 Only Hsuman Leave a comment

Last night, I attended a “women’s supper club” for a group of women from my church. It was FANTASTIC. There was sharing, laughing, crying, hugging, praying, talking, teaching, and loving each other. I met new women, reconnected with some I hadn’t seen recently, and chuckled and snuggled with women I know well. It was a much-needed night of frivolity and fellowship and faith-building. I realized this: I have lots of wonderful women in my life, and I love finding more. You can never have too many women who are peers, women who are mentors, women who are mentees, women who have walked through your trenches, and women who are in them right beside you.

Women were created for relationship. It’s in our nature. God created Adam, and then created him a companion in Eve. I think that we were created for communication, fellowship, compassion, and love. This isn’t just limited to a romantic relationship, or familial relationship. This very nature of women spreads to all relationships – friends, acquaintances, strangers, all.

I’ve had several blog friends recently start up ways for women to connect with and find friends online (in a non-creepy or stalkerish way haha). Women can be lonely without a group, without a tribe. I am lucky in that I have a tribe built in where I live, but I still want to grow it! I want to help women connect with each other, build meaningful relationships, and make lasting impressions on each other. I know how important those types of relationships have been in my life, and how much they still will be for the rest of it.

I’m not sure the way I want to go about this yet. I want to help y’all out, help you get to know each other, help you find gals in your area who are like-minded and need a group of friends as well. I want to make it authentic and not forced. I want to make it realistic and long-lasting. So it’s a tall order, but it’s on my heart. And I’m going to be praying about it. It already makes me excited!

Please comment if you have ideas, ways to connect that are already in place, or anything else you think might be helpful in the process. If you’re a praying person, I invite you to join me in prayer in the first steps of the process, and for the hearts of the women that might get involved!

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus

That Moment When…

February 23, 2015 Only Hsuman 4 Comments

That moment when you look at your kids, and they’re playing nicely together.
That moment when their plates are empty, and haven’t been flung to the floor yet.
When they say please and thank you.
When they ask for an extra hug and kiss.
When they blow your mind with their brilliance, their intuitiveness, and their stinkin’ cute curls.

But also, that moment when she pushes him down.
That moment when all the stuffed animals are in the toilet.
That moment when you aren’t sure how much they ate, because food seems to multiply when it hits the floor.
When you’re sure your kids had friends over while you went to the bathroom, because two kids couldn’t have done that by themselves.
When you didn’t finish your breakfast, or your coffee, or shower.
When they refuse to nap, refuse to eat, refuse to be held, and refuse to be put down, simultaneously.

That moment, you are a mother. Yes, you’re always a mother, but you might wear a hundred other hats in a day… wife, sister, chef, friend, housekeeper, daughter, co-worker, chauffeur or any myriad of other jobs you may sometimes hold. But that moment, you’re simply a mom.

You are more than just a busy woman or even a slightly sticky, exhausted human. You’re a mom who provides fully, loves deeply, tries hard, and picks herself up when she slips. You’re a mom who kisses booboos, fixes hair, wipes noses, and cuts crusts off sandwiches. You’re a mom who molds minds, chases dreams, encourages personalities and shapes the future.

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, parenting fails

You Ruined the Moment!

February 16, 2015 Only Hsuman 2 Comments

Today, I had a moment. A moment of full appreciation of all my little guy’s cuteness and quirks. He’d gotten up from his nap a little fussy, and just wanted to cuddle. He needed his mama. I was obviously glad to oblige. I was even tearing up, burying my face in his curls behind his ears, and telling Hubby how glad I was to have a little guy who loved his mama. Then just like that, the moment was over – squelched by a bit of vomit, rolling right down our sleeves and on to my pants.

Thanks a lot, kid.

Luckily, we both needed baths anyway, so I took him to my bathroom, figuring we’d just hop in the shower. As soon as I got his diaper off, he decided to make sure the aforementioned sweet moment was completely gone. He stood up straight, took a big breath, and peed right onto the bath mat.

It was gone. But thanks for making sure, kid.

But the truth is that I often look at my little humans and think about how incredible they are. I think about how EK has her daddy’s hazel eyes, with the speckles of gold. I think about how J has the ice blue eyes of my grandfather, who died while I was pregnant with J. I think about EK’s stubborn personality and wonder (batting my eyes and smiling sneakily) where she could have possibly gotten it from! I listen to J’s happy wordless jabber, probably making up stories and using his imagination already. They’re amazing. God has already given them a thousand unique qualities that I will love, struggle with, pray over and brag about. They are mine, my own. And they are wonderfully and fearfully made.

mommyhood

Don’t be discouraged, Mama.

February 13, 2015 Only Hsuman 6 Comments

So I had a text conversation with a mama friend today that was really encouraging and enlightening for me… and I’m glad that I made myself vulnerable enough to have it. Here’s a little cliff notes version: we talked about how being frustrated at something that happens with your kids (today it was lack of naps) can begin a self-pity party, and turn into frustration and even anger, and then all bets are off as far as having a good day after that. No one benefits when Mama is mad. Everything from that point escalates into a worse problem than it might have been when approached with a cool head and a loving heart.

How much did I need to have that conversation? A lot. When I’m frustrated over things that are totally out of my control (no naps were due to a loud house, what with screwing in the drywall ceilings today), I’m setting myself up for disaster. I could have just resolved for a snuggly afternoon in front of a movie, and early bedtimes, but instead, I got frustrated, strapped those kids into the stroller, and went for a run. That may have been the second best option (I didn’t yell or put them in time out or anything when it wasn’t really their fault) but I still feel like my heart wasn’t in the right place until I had the vulnerable conversation, opened my heart, and let a good word in.

Yes, as a mama, you get frustrated. Things sometimes will not go your way. Messes will be made, schedules will be off, kids will wake up in the middle of the night, your coffee will never get finished, and you’ll need your glass of wine earlier and earlier.

When your mama heart is tired and heavy, your kids’ tempers are flaring, and the clock says it isn’t bedtime or wine:30, just turn on that Disney Pandora station and have yourselves a little dance party. When no one slept well the night before, and the morning is starting way too early, invite your friend and her kids (who probably also woke up too early) for a cup of coffee in your messy living room, and let those kids entertain each other for a while. Sometimes breaking your own rules can be fun for all involved. When you feel like you’re not the best mother today – or you feel like you’re the world’s worst mother today – remind yourself that you love those kiddos, even when you don’t lie them. Remind yourself that they’re mostly fed (goldfish do count!), they’re wearing clean diapers (even if they should have peed in the potty), and they’re well-taken care of (even if you didn’t have an activity planned to stimulate each of their five senses). Some days are made for PBJs, all-day-PJs and snoozing in mama’s bed. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to be the “Pinterest Mom” or the “Volunteer Queen” or the “Homeschool Heroine”. A mom who loves her kids and survives one day at a time is just fine.

mommyhood, pregnancy

What I Know Now

January 14, 2015 Only Hsuman 5 Comments

When Hubby and I got engaged, all our married friends were telling us to go out, party, and hang out with our single friends while we still could. Because, of course, we could never go out without our spouse. They told us to get ready to stay in every night and never see other people and be boring and lame. At least that’s what it sounded like to me.

While I was pregnant with EK, I heard all those cautionary tales from friends and family about “Get sleep before the baby comes!” and “Enjoy your pedicures and massages before the baby comes!” and “Have lots of date nights with your husband before the baby comes!” Well, it sure sounded like my life would be over after I had that silly baby.

Then when I got pregnant with my second, there was a lot of “Enjoy the time with just one!” and “Spend lots of one on one time with your daughter before your son arrives!” as if somehow I wouldn’t see my daughter again, and my son would totally take me over and I wouldn’t want my daughter.

Well folks, let me debunk those lies. Your life isn’t over when you get married, or start having kids. It is only beginning. I have more love in my heart than I ever thought possible. Hubby and I party, and hang out with friends, and go out. I still *gasp!* get pedicures and massages. It may take a little more planning, and I don’t necessarily go on a whim, but I still do it. I still have date nights with Hubby – and he is more attractive and lovable to me than ever. Seeing him as a father, first to our daughter and now to our son, has filled me with such love and pride and happiness that I could never fully describe to you. It amazes me how much I can love him loving our kids.

To the naysayers who believe (or who are just telling themselves) that the only way to truly live is to be single and mingle, well, you don’t know anything about it. I’m not saying that if you’re single, or if you don’t have kids, that your life can’t be fulfilling. It can! Marriage isn’t for everyone, and neither are kids. But just because marriage and kids are for me, do not tell me that my life will be over. Don’t tell me that I should enjoy my free time while I have it. I would never change my life for a minute. My husband is my rock, my best friend, and the person I choose to spend time with every time. My kids are my little loves, my proteges (haha, right?), and my most fun and hilarious, if unpredictable, companions. Yes, Hubby and I bicker and get on each others’ nerves. Yes, my kids have rough days and I get frustrated with them. Yes, sometimes I need a girls night (or weekend, let me be honest) to rest, recoup and regenerate. But does that mean I regret any of the decisions I’ve made, or wish that I wasn’t in the position I’m in? Absolutely not. My family is my everything, on good days and bad, on days when they make a fabulous dinner, use the potty, and don’t have teething issues, and on days when we go through diapers like they’re grains of sand and the blueberries from breakfast are still smashed into the floor at dinner, which is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

This is totally characteristic of our relationship.

I don’t want you to think my life is perfect. If you know me, or read this blog, then you know that. But seriously… my family is the best. They are my everything. And I wouldn’t trade them. It’s my 2015 motto (in lieu of a resolution, remember?): Embrace it. Embrace this life. Embrace these people. Embrace all of the things.

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