Tag Archives: humor

Things Toddlers Say

Happy Tuesday, everyone! Vacation isn’t stopping my kids from saying hilarious things, so here is a sampling of the things I’ve heard this week! Enjoy!

EK to our babysitter: I’m going to make your hair look exotic!

J: Mama, when I get up, can we do that thing we did the other day?
Me: Yeah, babe. What thing?
J: I don’t remember.

Heard from the back seat…
J: EK, we’re not playing that panties game!

EK at dinner: Did you know that bats use listening and feeling and snelling (no typo) to find their way around ’cause they can’t see?
Everyone: Oh wow! Cool! No way!
EK: Yeah, that’s how I get to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Listening, feeling, and snelling.

EK, randomly: Mom, I want to join a bunch of kids. I want to work on my soccers.

EK, randomly mimicking the self-check out: Thank you for shopping at Lowe’s Foods!

D: *crying in the car at 9:00am*
EK: Why don’t you go to sleep, D? You’ll do less crying that way.
Me: He’s not even been awake a full hour, sweetie.

EK, with a bag full of sandy seashells: These are sorry shells for D. Because he wasn’t feeling good. 

J, to EK, while brushing their teeth: Don’t just eat it like a lollipop!

There you have it: Things I Couldn’t Make Up If I Tried. What are your kids surprising you with these days?

Things Toddlers Say 

Happy Tuesday everyone! We’ve just completed a day full of yard work, and I’m feeling great about a little spruce up in our back yard. The kiddos are at preschool summer camp this week in the mornings, so we’ve been fairly productive with the two mornings we’ve had without them.

Here are a few funnies from the past week – hope you enjoy them!


That picture up there is an example of what EK asked the face painter at a birthday party to do. It’s a sunset with palm trees. In case you’re wondering.

EK: Will cherry juice stain your clothes?
Hubby: Yes
EK: Will it clean off in the washer machine?
Hubby: Maybe, but it’s extra work, and it still might not come off.
EK: Maybe you’ll just have to deal about it. Like my mom tells me when my toys break.
Hubby: *silence*

D, pointing at the TV: Mana! Mana!
Hubby: You want to watch Mary Poppins?
D: Mana! Mana! MANA!
Hubby: OH! Moana… You want to watch Moana?
D: Yeah!

J: My booboo’s getting very reddish and I need a bandaid!

EK, calling me out: Why do you always put your eyescara on in the car?

EK with some wisdom: I think you had me first, because you needed help, because D and J are hard.

J, stomping into our bedroom at 10pm: I just want to snuggle you!
Me: *giggling*
J: Laugh quietly because the baby is sleeping!

EK, when the three kids and I are all in the car: Where’s daddy?
Me: He’s at home.
EK: I bet he’s sad because he’s got no one to talk to.
Me: It sounds like you don’t know he’s an introvert.

What are your kiddos saying these days?

Book Review: Confessions of a Domestic Failure by Bunmi Laditan

 

If you’re a woman or a parent or you just enjoy funny books, drop what you’re doing and buy this book right now. Bunmi Laditan is witty and hilarious, snarky and sweet as she writes a novel about a new mom who tries to impress her potential mom friends. It’s a sure way to laugh out loud in a coffee shop and make people think you’re nuts.

New mom Ashley joins a “boot camp” led by her mom idol, and proceeds to botch everything – and we find out about her little one, her hubby, and her mother-in-law along the way. She struggles just like all of us have struggled with aspects of motherhood, SAHM life, or just trying to be a domestic goddess in a Pinterest world. It makes you feel better about yourself, while also falling in love with Bunmi’s quick humor.

I found out about Confessions of a Domestic Failure because I’ve been a long-time follower of Bunmi on her Facebook page, and I’m always impressed with how she blends her humor, a little satire, and a lot of feel-goodery all in one post. She’s got a one-in-a-million style, and I love that about her. I downloaded the book to my Kindle right when it came out, and finished it within a week – and mind you, that was a busy week, not a vacation where I could just read and read. I put it down only because I had to! I urge you to get this book, because I giggled and cried and would love to chat with you about it when you read it!

Things Toddlers Say

Happy holiday week, y’all! I hope everyone enjoyed their 4th – I know we did! We enjoyed some time in the mountains with friends (thank goodness for a little drop in temperature up there!) and are glad to be home today, which is why it’s Toddler Wednesday this week! Lots of funny one-liners this week from the kiddos. It’s like I always say: I can’t make this stuff up. Enjoy!

J: My daughter says I have Xian Yu (from Mulan) on my money!
Me: Where’d you get that money? And who is your daughter?

EK: Dad, will you sit on me? I mean carry me?

EK: Dad, if I wrestled on you, you’d, like, spank me in the face!

J to my Nana: Why are you so bumpy? (He meant the wrinkles)

EK, randomly: So do you just look around when you want to find a husband? You just, walk around? Till you find the one you want?

EK: I decided I don’t think I want my hair as long as Rapunzel’s. I want a little cut.
Me: Oh really? (That had been her mantra for ages.) How short do you want to cut it?
EK: I want it to be like Celia’s.
Me: Who is Celia?
EK: Celia, from Monsters, Inc.
Me: Oh, you want snakes for hair.

Toddler logic:
J: I’m hopping on one foot because I didn’t take a nap. And EK is walking on two feet because she took a great nap.

J, on roasted cauliflower: I am very hungry for dis.

J: Stop doing that!
Me: Stop doing what?
J: Stop doing nothing!

What silly things are your kids saying these days?! Leave a comment and tell me about it!

Things Toddlers Say 

Happy Tuesday, y’all! We are in Georgia visiting my family for the week, so I’ve been in and out of actually writing things down. BUT here are some of the funnies that have occurred over the last week. Hope you enjoy them!


J, making friends: Hey! Wanna meet my dad? He’s over there, he has shoes, pants, and a shirt. Anyway, his name’s Ryan.
Me to Hubby: That might’ve overwhelmed the poor kid.

D, licking me: Ewwww! Hehehehe, ewwww!

Me, wiping D’s nose with his shirt: Sorry, I don’t usually do this but I don’t have any tissues.
Annie: Sometimes it’s necessary.
EK: That’s what babies are all about, Mom.
Me: Uh, yeah.


J: Look at what I made! (Above)
Me: Oh, it looks nice!
J: No! It’s a ship and it’s NOT nice. I’m gonna put some guns on it.
Me: Alright then.

J, playing with some magnatiles: Look Dad! It’s THUNDER CRAB! SMASH!

Heard from the back seat…
J: I don’t like playing family. I like playing hide and seek.

Me, on the phone: Hello? Are you still there? Can you hear me? I can’t hear her anymore.
EK: She’s probably just in the bath.

Hope everyone is having a lovely week! Comment with some funny things YOUR kids have been saying these days!!

Things Toddlers Say 

Happy Tuesday, friends! I hope this little humor post finds you well, and enjoying your summer. We are traveling a lot over the next couple of weeks (a short trip and a longer trip) so you might hear a little less from us than normal. Anyway, here are today’s funnies! Enjoy!

Me: Is there anything special you’d like me to pray for?
J: Pray for it to be okay.
Me: What do you mean okay?
J: Okay is not whining or crying or being mad or sad. It’s just okay.
Me: Okay, I can do that.

Eating waffles with syrup…
EK: J, you have to lean over the table, like this. And also what’s important is to not get it on your clothes.

An ode to his cousin…
J: My cousin does a lot of nice things. He hugs and he kisses and he watches tv. He takes a good nap and eats dinner. He hugs and he kisses. Finley is so nice and does all those nice things.

J: Get out of there, you stupid bug!
EK: Don’t say stupid.
J: Well, I said it to the bug.


EK pointing to the store-brand coconut oil: I know where that came from! The grocery store! Because I see the letters for the store!

J: I love all of you so much! After we eat and I’m at home with you guys, I’ll give you all a wild hug!

EK: J, do you want to do manners at chick-a-lay? Like, I can teach you manners like safety because there will be a lot of children there.

J, talking about his blanket: Daddy gave me this when I was firteen years old yestaday. 

D’s new words: Cars (like when he means the movies, as in pointing at the tv and saying “wan Cars”), broken (he breaks a lot of stuff, ya know?), his own name (SO CUTE) and ‘chini (because his favorite veggie is zucchini)

Now, tell me: what are your kids saying these days?!

Things Toddlers Say 

Happy Tuesday, y’all! I hope your summer is off to a fantastic start! We have been enjoying ourselves outside, enjoying a visit from my mom, and planning a few trips. Anyway, here’s the good stuff… the funny stuff… the stuff you came here to read. Enjoy!

J with my mom…
Necie: I love you, and you are so much fun.
J: Do you know why I’m so much fun?
Necie: No, why?
J: Because I’m so handsome!
Me, upon hearing the story: And so humble!

EK, hands me my headband I wear when I run: Wanna go on a run together?
Me: Absolutely!
We ran a little, a quarter mile maybe, and then it was over. But it was cute while it lasted!

J: You remember when I locked myself outside and there was a robot?
EK: I think you’re just making that up.

J talking to our friend Tim…
J: I’m almost as old as you.
Tim: How old am I?
J: 15 months away.

J telling me about his afternoon: I went back and forf a lot today. From the couch to the floor to the couch to the floor to the couch to the floor to the couch to the floor.

J, getting out of bed way after bedtime: Hey mom?
Me: Aren’t you supposed to be in bed?
J: Hey mom? There was a creak in my room. And a scratch on my bed. But there was a creak but then I….. (me zoning out of the story)
Me: Okay, night night buddy.

My mom went to put J down for his nap…
J: Necie, when it’s time for me to wake up, I want you to still be here.
Necie: I will be here; I promise.
J: You can sleep between my parents. They will make room for you. But they only have two pillows.
Necie: Okay, buddy. Thanks!

Me in the car: Do you guys want to be my helpers when we get home?
EK: Yeah! J, let’s clean everything for mom!
Me: I meant help me cook dinner but that works too!

EK: J, did you move these flowers?!
J: No.
EK: Well those are MY hens and chicks. Don’t move them.
J: Well I just wanted to share your hens and chicks.
EK: J! Do NOT pick my hens and chicks ever again!
(Pardon the weeds, by the way.)

D: Dirt?
Me: Yeah, you’re covered in dirt.

J: I know Chinese!
Me: What Chinese words do you know?
J: I know food Chinese! (as in the names of Chinese dishes, which is true)

J: Did anyone think my burp was funny?
The room: *crickets*

Things Toddlers Say 

Hey y’all and happy Tuesday! Thanks for dropping in to read the sillies!


EK explaining “armpit” to J: Right here. It helps you be strong and hug people. That’s why they call it that.

EK: I don’t want to get any babies because I don’t want to go to the hospital and see the doctors and them not get my baby out and my body not be good.
Me: They can get your babies out safely and your body will go back to normal after a while. (White lie?)
EK, after a pause: okay. I’ll take a baby.

We had been talking about volcanoes…
Hubby: Would you like to go see a volcano?
EK: Yeah. But if it’s unerupting in the map then I don’t want to go.

How I know we’ve been watching Mulan a lot…
J, playing with blocks: Can you help me make a China?
Five minutes later…

I kissed J goodnight…
J: Ouch! You actually just hit my boohoo on my wip.
Me: I’m sorry, babe. I didn’t mean to.
J: It’s okay. You actually just gave me a big kiss.

When we go to the lake with my inlaws, EK sleeps in a little daybed in her grandfathers room. She got up to use the bathroom in the night, and asked him: Is it okay if I flush the potty? I don’t want to wake Annie (her grandmother).

EK: I like Gon Gon’s food better than yours. But I still like yours.
Me: Well, Gon Gon’s food is the best, so that doesn’t hurt my feelings.

All throughout the grocery store…
EK and J, singing: Let’s go to the poooooottyyyyyy! Let’s go to the pooooooottyyyyy!
Me, to everyone else: They don’t actually have to go. I checked. I’m sorry. They’re usually so polite.

Batman Confusion:
J: He drives his Batmocar. And my name is Batmo-Pudding!

EK, with the jokes: If you put a real dog in the fire, he’ll be a hot dog!
Hubby: You should never put a live animal in the fire.

Things Toddlers Say 

Happy Tuesday! I hope everyone enjoyed a nice Memorial Day! We spent a few hours at the pool with family, spent some time with friends playing games during the kids’ nap time, and then had more friends over for dinner! All in all it was a nice day, and I hope yours was, too! Here are our funnies for the week – Enjoy!

J, runs up to me with a toy screwdriver: Mom! It’s my work! It’s part of my work I was doing!

EK: Mom, what is that girl called? The one on the G-A-R-L-M-H-K-G? (Attempted robotic voice) “The turn is in one mile away.”
Me: What? I don’t know.
Hubby: …..the GPS?
EK: The one that gives us “one mile away”. What’s her name?
Me: Well, she’s a computer…..

EK and I up a little early one morning: I can’t hear Daddy snoring. Is his door shut?

EK and J taking turns using the bathroom…
J: I like those underwears!
EK: Thanks!
J: I like the girls on them.
EK: Yeah, so many Cinerellas.
I suppose they should start pottying alone.

J: Mom! Did you know that daddy whales are mommy whales?!?!
Me: Well…. I don’t…. Ryannnnn!

J: You know what drinks your blood?
Hubby: What drinks your blood?
J: Grasshoppers.
Hubby: I don’t think so. They eat grass.
J: But EK told me so yesterday!
Hubby: Mosquitos drink your blood.
J: But grasshoppers just hop! They don’t eat grass!
Me: I don’t know anything about bugs.

D’s longest sentence to date: I got in the cold water!

Hubby is eating a salad…
J: Daddy! We’re twins!
Hubby: How?
J: My fork is green and your leaves are green and my fork is green and we are twins!

J, at dinner: Mom when will my rice be cool enough to eat?
Me: I bet when you finish your chicken finger it’ll be cool enough.
J, a minute later: Mom, you were absolutely wrong.
Me: ……….
Hubby: Careful…
J: I finished my chicken and this rice is NOT cool enough to eat.

J, lifting something heavy: I’m even stronger than Jesus!

What are the silly things your kids are saying these days?

Things Toddlers Say 

Happy Tuesday! Summer is almost here! We are preparing for warm weather and sunshine at our house – how about you? Hope the funnies find you well and not too busy as school ends… Enjoy!

First thing in the morning…
D: Hi!
Hubby: Hi!
D: I poop!
Hubby: You sure did…

J: Look at my robots!
Me: How many eyes do your robots have?
J: This ones got a hundred and this one has two!

EK, giving the above plate of food to me: I know that looks like a regular egg, but it’s actually an Australia egg.

EK: ACHOO!
Me: Who sneezed?
EK: It was just a tree outside.
Me: A tree sneezed?
EK: Yeah! How magical is that?!

J: I can’t reach!
Me: Be there in one second!
J: Okay, I’ll count to one. Five, four, three, two, one!

Overheard from the back of the car…
J: We can’t see Jesus because he’s hiding in our hearts.

EK, running up to me, crying: Mom! I falled while we were playing risbeef!
She meant frisbee. And I was trying so hard not to laugh at her pain.

EK got in our bed at 3:00am and after several minutes of no one sleeping…
Me: It’s time to go back and get in your own bed.
EK: Will you carry me?
Me: *picks her up and heads for the stairs*
EK: I just couldn’t sleep because you and Daddy kept moving your legs around.
Me: You know that we didn’t ask you to get in our bed, right?

EK: Ladies and gentlemen! The dangerous volcano is interrupting five minutes! Please stay away so you do not get hurt! Five, four, three, two, one!

J: I found a microbot (from Big Hero 6) on EK’s purse!