Before you read my (rant-type) post here, go read this article: Why I Don’t Make My Son Share
The principle here is that forcing kids to share their toys, etc with other kids may not be instilling niceness in them. It may be instilling a sense of entitlement. Instead of forcing kids to give up what they’re playing with, or to let another kid have a turn, they should be able to play with a toy until they’re finished playing with it. I have witnessed stories like the ones the author shares. I might have even been one of those moms (hopefully not as rude) asking for her daughter to be able to have a turn. However, I know that if Ella Kate wants to play with something another kid has, I don’t ask the kid to give it up. If they can play together, I might suggest that. But I just don’t think I would take a toy from another kid just because “It’s Ella Kate’s turn.”
How do you feel about this method? Are you a share mom? How would you feel if your child’s preschool had the same policy?
4 thoughts on “Sharing Isn’t Caring”
As a nanny, this share conflict comes up a lot! I feel that it can be a combination of things:
Sometimes i use the “wait until he is finished line…” and other times i encourage the kids to “take turns.” Each situation is different, so i tend to guage it by what is going on, who is affected, and i also ask God for wisdom in the moment!
I absolutely agree! It’s important to feel the situation and the kids involved. I didn’t much like her example of going to a public place and monopolizing one toy the whole time, but I definitely get the idea.
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Interesting post. It’s a good perspective to have, but I do believe that sharing is an important part of social development. When my daughter wants something another child has – I never ask for it, I let her handle the situation, if the other kid says no, then I tell her it’s fine because the toy/object is not hers – It is important for her to learn to respect other people’s possessions and decisions. However, when a child asks my daughter to play with something she is using – especially if it’s not hers – I will let her play with it for a while and then ask her to share it with the other child. The same concept goes both ways – you shouldn’t let your child become so possessive over one thing – if someone else wants it or needs it, your child should learn how to cope with having to share it. In life you will have to share a lot of things – not everything – but many things, and learning how to cope with that early on is important. Having said that, I totally disagree with the mothers in the article who expected their child to get something another kid was playing with – it is a good lesson to learn that you can’t always get what you want when you want it.
I agree! But in addition to that, I don’t want melt child to become bitter about how de has to share and other kids don’t. And every situation is different. It’s a tough call. Thanks for your perspective!