A Line-Up of Mock Resolutions

Growl less. Trumpet more. Figure out what the fox says. Reach higher. Drink milk. Sums it up, right?
Growl less. Trumpet more. Figure out what the fox says. Reach higher. Drink milk. Sums it up, right?

A few days ago, I posted about my New Year’s “Resolution” that wasn’t really a resolution. I tried to go along with the “one word” for 2015 thing that I’ve seen becoming a trend (I think it actually started last year, and I can’t even remember if I got on board – oops). As you might recall (or as you might be hearing for the first time!) I have decided to “Embrace It” this year. Embrace what, you ask? Embrace motherhood. Embrace messes. Embrace hardships. Embrace family and friends. Embrace life and all that that entails. I will make the choice, whenever possible, to not complain about my circumstances. If I choose to be positive, to make lemonade from lemons, and to make good opportunities arise from situations in which I could sink to the floor and give up.

I’m not saying I’ll always make the good choice. If I hold myself to that, I’d be more disappointed than any other resolution I could’ve made. But I’m saying I’ll try. I’ll try for me, for Hubby, for the kids, for my family and my friends. I’ll give it my best shot. So if March comes along and I’ve already forgotten, someone remind me, okay?

Anyway, in light of New Year’s and resolutions and moms (and the combination of all of that) here are some hilarious and impractical resolutions that I could have picked to make instead:

1. Put a stick figure family on my minivan.
2. Get the minivan mentioned in #1.
3. Monogram the back windshield of said minivan.
4. Get over the hangup about the minivan I don’t own.
5. Decide to never get frustrated with my children.
6. Clean more, so that I have a lovely, guest-ready home at all times.
7. Clean less, so that I can spend more quality time with my kids.
8. Get reusable bags for my groceries, and use them. Because I would always remember, right?
9. Practice random acts of kindness… such as not yelling when messes are made or punching Hubby when he snores.
10. Get back into yoga… because it makes me yell less.
11. Clean the leftover sweets out of the house, because I’m upset about how much junk food I ate during the holidays, then go to Starbucks and order a venti sugar bomb.
12. Stop eating fast food, so that I’m a little more stressed about making sure we have enough groceries and time to make three meals every day.
13. Stop spending so much time on my iPhone, because no one wants to see pictures of my kids or talk to me when they call. My relationships can WAIT!
14. Get more sleep at night. Because my kids made that their resolution also, of course.

And one that I really am going to try to do, even though it is a lot, and sort of a funny one:

15. Continue writing down all the hilarious things my kids do and say, because I know at some point during their lives, they’ll like hearing the stories.

What resolutions did you make? Do you have any hilarious ones to add to my list of “fake” resolutions?

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