I hear a lot of people say they hate their breast pump. Well, it’s true… we all hate it at least a little bit. Working moms (of which I have been one) often feel like they’re dairy cows, hooked up so often to a feelings-less milk-collector. But now that I’m home with my babes, the breast pump and I have a different relationship, and therefore I will now declare my love for my mean, milk-collecting machine.
Oh, breast pump, how I’ve missed you!
I truly, truly have.
Though if I said that to them,
Some other folks would laugh.
They’d say, “No way! We hate that thing!”
But me? I know the truth.
You have a few perks on your side,
A thing or maybe two.
First of all, I find myself
Engorged beyond belief.
The pain I feel is all too real;
My breasts have just been beat.
So finally I hook you up.
And oh, the sweet release!
For you can do what baby can’t,
And empty me complete.
The second thing I love about you
Is quite a selfish thing.
I cannot use you when I’m surrounded
By my family.
So retreat I will into my room,
For quiet and for peace.
You are the perfect reason to be
By myself a piece.
So there they are, the reasons why
I think you’re not so bad.
I’ll love you still – I always will.
You make my boobies glad.