Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day

My story is one of redemption. It’s a story of loss, of sadness, of time passing very slowly… and a story of the sweetest redemption I could’ve asked for.

After I had my daughter, Hubby and I didn’t wait to get pregnant again. We didn’t try necessarily, but we knew we wanted another, so we just waited it out. When EK was almost 11 months old, we found out we were pregnant again! How quickly you grow attached to the little one in your womb. Just the idea of that baby was the most wonderful thought in my head day in and day out. But two weeks later, I was feeling terrible and crampy, and started bleeding. By the time I got into the doctor’s office for an ultrasound, it was already clear I was losing the baby. Hubby was leaving town, I had to work, and I didn’t have time to properly mourn. I couldn’t believe it had ended so quickly and quietly. Or was I glad it had ended that way, instead of further along and with more to-do? I don’t know.

But after three months of waiting to try again, of being sad every time I even thought about babies… I was chatting with some girlfriends, asking how much longer it should be before I could move on and try again. I was startled, taken aback by the question. The subject had been a little taboo, or else people hadn’t even known about it. So when I got my calendar out, counted up weeks… I realized it had been plenty long enough to have started again and been trying.

When I got home, I took a test that had been waiting in the bottom of my bathroom drawer, awaiting just such an occasion as this uncertainty. I waited with bated breath… and when I finally looked at it, two bold, pink lines were showing.

Positive.

Positively pregnant.

I could barely believe what I was seeing. I somehow had ovulated and conceived without any sign. I was baffled, and still thought it was a mistake. Could the pregnancy hormones have hung around this long? Could it somehow be a false positive, staring back, taunting me?

It wasn’t.

My grief dissipated, and my heart hung on to this new little one… who is now 21 months old, my sweet Joseph. I know that this isn’t always the happy ending parents get after losing a baby. I know that the grief is more intense the longer the pregnancy and older the baby. I know that multiple losses cause more and more pain. But there can be redemption in the midst, and joy in the morning. It may not be identical to my redemption… but it will come.

Infant and pregnancy loss are real, folks. And they are truly tragedies, spoken and unspoken. Remember those who have lost little ones, big ones, tiny ones, and grown ones. It’s never easy to lose a child. Hug someone’s neck or send a note to say you remember. It will go a long way.

This post is in honor of infant and pregnancy loss awareness day (October 15) and month (October) in 2015.

Things Toddlers Say

Today is Tuesday! And it’s a special Tuesday – my college roomie Anne’s 30th birthday! She always likes these posts, so I’d like to dedicate a little humor to her on her birthday!! So here it is… a little humor! My kiddos are getting more and more talkative (if that’s even possible!) every day, and J is using more actual words these days. I’m still looking for a new name for the series, since EK really isn’t a toddler anymore. Well, here goes!

  

 We’re working on counting to 20 (with both bigs) and EK basically does it, except for “five-teen” but J can only really go to 5, and just says “TWENTY!” really loudly whenever we say 19. I’d say they’ll both have it by kindergarten.

So, I say, “Boom bam!” a lot. Like when I put dinner down in front of the kids, or when I finish whatever EK asks me to build with blocks (think “ta daaaa”). So today, EK was building something, and when she was finished, she said, “Boom bayam!” This followed:
Necie: What?
EK: Boom bam!
Me: She got that from me.
EK: Yeah. I say it. I say it to Joe Joe when he naps. It’s so silly.

EK, building a box: Look! I made a fox!

EK, climbing into a chair, and I hear a bump: Ouch! My panties!

EK and I were painting, and I did this:


EK: Mommy! How did you DO that?!
My self-esteem boosted, I am now applying to get my PhD in art. (Absolutely not.)

Having a discussion about eye color…
EK: Davis’ eyes is blue.
Me: Yes!
EK: Jofess’ eyes is blue.
Me: They are!
EK: Green and blue! Green and blue! The wheels on the bus say “green and blue”, all through the town!
We can now safely say that “The Wheels on the Bus” can be turned into a song about anything.

Sitting on the couch, drinking my coffee…
J: One, two, one, three, GO! (Chucks Lego castle across the room and it hits my foot and explodes.)

EK, unprompted: I love you, fahdder and mudder.
Hubby: We love you, too. What else could you call me?
EK: Ryan!
Hubby: What else?
EK: Ryan Hsu!
Me: …Names like Mommy and Daddy are in the past.

In the bathtub, EK takes the foam number 8 and sticks it up to her eyes. “Mom, look! I wearing gobbles!!”

I can’t make this stuff up, you guys. Not if I tried. What could you never make up that your kids come up with?

Currently

Hey, y’all! I hope you had a great weekend – I know I did! My mom visited all week last week while Hubby worked in the studio (super long hours). Except for his birthday. We totally partied and saw Third Eye Blind on his birthday! Then this weekend was great: Dinner at our favorite restaurant on Friday, relaxing day hanging out and catching up on Saturday, and then our church’s centennial celebration on Sunday morning! We’ve been busy, but all with good things 🙂 Anyway, here’s a little more about what we’ve been up to currently…

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Wearing || Piko shirts! They are SUPER comfortable, and I buy the tunic-length ones and wear them with leggings. It’s a great fall item for your closet. If you’re local to me, I get them at our Ivy & Leo (not sure if other Ivy & Leo stores stock them) or online at Simply Dixie Boutique. I’ve gotten them from both places, reasonably priced, as well!


Interesting picture for me to choose just to show you my shirt, I know, but it shows the flowy nature of the fabric! (Pardon the tech pack on my waist… Not a pretty growth to have on your butt, ha!)

Celebrating || 100 years of Reynolda Church! We have 4 different Sunday morning worship services, in three different rooms, on two different campuses every Sunday morning. So for our centennial celebration,  we chose the biggest campus and asked that on this one Sunday, everyone meet together there at the same time for a huge service. Former pastors and members from all over came bearing stories of how Reynolda has helped make them who they are, and worship leaders from all venues were on stage together. It was a really wonderful day.

Watching the sermon from the balcony (thanks to Elaine for this picture!)
EK asked to take a selfie during band practice and Hubby totally photobombed.

Going || out downtown for Hubby’s birthday! We celebrated in two nights… first on Wednesday (his actual birthday) and again on Friday. On Wednesday night we had dinner and drinks with some family and friends, and then went to see Third Eye Blind (they are old but totally still fun). Friday we went out with our friends/neighbors to Honey Pot – our favorite local restaurant, where Hubby just happens to be long-time buddies with the chef.
Out for dinner at Finnigan’s Wake on Wednesday…

Hubby and EK being fabulously photobombed by his brother!
Getting a little blurry love from J.
Lala getting some love from EK… who is constantly on the move.

After the show…IMG_3579

Dinner on Friday…IMG_3642

Loving || time spent with my mom this week. I really appreciate that she can just hop up here for a week whenever we need her! The kids love having her around, too!

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Two peas in a pod.
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Who doesn’t want to be in costume?

Well, that’s about all of my crazy week I can remember. What’s up with you currently?

Don’t Forget the Sweet Moments

This post also appeared on My Big Jesus!

 Have you ever had one of those moments where your heart is so full that you think it might explode? One of those moments when you first realize you’re sure about the one you love? One of those moments that your children are playing nicely together and it makes you want to have another? One of those moments where everything in your life is just so, and you think, “All right, I’ve made it; it’s perfect.” Well I had one of those moments the other day.

My mom was in town for a visit, and she was rolling around on the floor playing with my oldest two kids, each dressed up in costumes (a princess and Mr. Incredible, of course). I had a sleeping two month old on my chest, and I was just gazing at my family, loving everything that was happening. I was looking at my little brood, and thinking, oh my gosh this is a lot, but I love it. My heart and my uterus were teaming up and battling against my mind on the grounds that we should have another. Obviously, I’m not thinking about that yet. (Cue my husband running for cover.) However, my heart was so full of love for the three little tinies I had helped create, playing so happily with my mom, making silly noises, and giggling till their hearts content. As Gary Chapman might say, this afternoon “filled up my love tank”.

I often get caught up in how difficult my days can be. Instead of appreciating things like giggles or silly mispronunciations, I can be bogged down by the messes or the shouts of “No!” when I ask someone to do something. I can feel like all I heard during the day were cries, even though that really isn’t true. I can look around my house, and think that nothing was accomplished. My sink is full of dishes. My sofa is full of laundry waiting to be folded. My bed isn’t made. My toilets have a ring in the bowl. But I should remember that moment of my children rolling on the floor giggling with my mom, and the feeling of a baby sleeping soundly on my chest. Life won’t always be easy; no one has ever argued that. But it won’t always be tough, either. Remembering each positive moment, committing to memory the sweet times and kind words, that will help the tough times seem not so bad.

Hubby Is 30!

In honor of my amazing, talented, hilarious, handsome, wonderful, giving, loving Hubby’s dirty thirtieth birthday, I’d like to show this little collection of photos…

Before this happened…

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There were these two kids, on the night they met, at a Halloween party (right after the church service they played together)…

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You know, just trying to make scary faces with the cute guy you just met.

They were together a lot after that…

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This is our “college formal” face.

And I mean a lot…

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Our “middle school dance” date. He put a lot of work into that one!

Until one day, he proposed for real…

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This remains the only picture of us from that night. And we’re still making that stupid “college formal” face.

Practiced getting married…

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Post rehearsal dinner shenanigans.

And really did it…

This is totally characteristic of our relationship.
This is totally characteristic of our relationship.

Then we bought a house…

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We bought our house on the way to the airport to go to Italy. Obviously.

Shaved his head for children’s cancer…

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He’s done it several times, but this was the year he also raised $200 for his trashy mustache.

Went to this bar, our favorite bar, for 90 days in a row… three times…

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Finnigan’s Wake will always be home base for us.

And then we got pregnant and had this sweet gal…

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All of a sudden… parents!

I watched him become the most amazing dad…

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They’re still besties.

And then we did that a time or two more…

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I’m a little bit pregnant with J in this one…
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And I’m a LOT pregnant with him here.
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And here I’m a couple weeks away from having D!

With a few breaks for being awesome in between…

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Singing in his wedding band was still one of the most fun nights of my life!
Just a little family partying.
Just a little family partying.

All in all, I wouldn’t do life any differently or with anyone else. Hubby’s my rock. He’s my personal chef, my confidant, my treasured friend, my only lover, my companion, my “I need to tag out!” or “I can’t do this alone!” rescuer. He is my everything, and I can’t wait to spend the next thirty years with him. 30 looks good on you, babe. Happy birthday.

Things Toddlers Say

Happy Tuesday, y’all! We had a very busy and fun weekend followed closely by a busy Monday, so I’m feeling good about this post actually happening before noon!! I feel like there are so many more hilarious things that happened – I gotta get better at writing them down right away! Anyway, here’s what I’ve got!

 J, riding on a friend’s John Deere toy, in a very country accent: Hey, mama! How you?!

EK: Halloleen is coming up! Halloleen is coming up!
(She’s obsessed.)

Picking the kids up from preschool…
EK: That church was soooo fun!
Hubby: What was so fun?
EK: Playdoh! Do we have Playdoh at home?
Hubby: Nope.
(Mommy really doesn’t like Playdoh. That’s why it’s so much fun at school.)

Me, to a friend: I like your pants!
EK: Your pants have polka dots on them!
Me: That was almost a compliment.

Leaving for school…
EK: Bye bye, Dad!
J: Bye dad!
EK: I love you!
J: Wuv woo!
EK: See you after school!
J: See school!

Second recent obsession: Cindereller. And yes, that’s how she says it.

The train obsession continues with J…
J: I wan’ ride choo-choo train!
Me: That was a great sentence!

J and I were wrestling on the floor, and he hit his head (lightly, okay!) on the bed…
J: Ouch! I bonk head! I okay.

EK told her nursery caretaker at church on Sunday that she was “pumping”. Apparently she pulled her dress down to show her how. Yikes.

J: Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle dah! Hah bah bah bah bah bah dah! (Perfectly on pitch, by the way.)

EK: Night mom. See you when the sun comes up. (This is my favorite way she says goodnight.)

On EK’s birthday this last April, my friend Emily came for the weekend, and attended the birthday party in a gown, with gloves and a tiara (it was a princess party of course). EK has been talking about the princess who came to her birthday party and “put on her makeup in my bathroom” ever since. Emily visited with us again this past weekend, and EK was confused and then thrilled to find that Emily was the very same princess. It made for some colorful conversations that I wish I had recorded! Suffice it to say that we had a great weekend!

Another bedtime saying…
EK: Can you leave my door open a little bit?
Me: Sure, babe. Good night!
EK: Hey, like this much? (Shows me with her hands.)
Me: Yes… How’s this?
EK: That’s good. (Rolls over. Conversation over.)

Train obsession continues with EK…
EK: Mom, can you sing the song about the train?
Me: (Unsure what she is talking about) What song?
EK: The one about the train!
Me: (Not wanting to listen to the theme to Chuggington or Thomas) Okay, let me download them.


Now that it’s a couple days later, she literally does the locomotion and loves it. Mom win. (PS: I know you’re totally laughing about the songs listed underneath the “train songs”.)

On the way to school…
EK: Mommy, do you know the way downtown?
Me: Sure she does!
EK: Annie doesn’t know the way.
Me: I’m sure she does, babe.
EK: No. Annie doesn’t know the way downtown.

What are your kids saying and doing nowadays? Any hilarious misnomers or mispronunciations? Those are my favorite. Have a great week!

Currently 

Happy Monday, all! I am SO ON TIME with this week’s Currently that I’m surprised by myself. Anyway, I’m linking up like I do every week with Becky at Choose Happy, and also, because it’s the first week in October, I’m linking (on Wednesday) with Jenna at Gold & Bloom and Anne in Residence.

Eating || pumpkin muffins and lattes! I’ve been experimenting with recipes for both, typically of the gluten and dairy free variety. When I find my favorite I will post it!  Another think I’ve been totally crushing on are the toasted graham lattes at Starbucks. YUM. As you might recall, I’ve got a certain graham cracker obsession right now, and these fit the bill nicely.

Exploring || our lovely new weather and according wardrobes. It’s that time of year when I see what I need to get for the kids and Hubby and me. We are hard on stuff, and the kids are growing so fast!! I found a few things at Old Navy last week (among them are this chambray shirt and this shift dress), and we’ve ordered some things for Hubby. J miraculously fits in some of his stuff from last year, so I’m hoping we won’t spend too much for what we need for the cold.

Wearing || boots and scarves… And raincoats. The hurricane is blessedly far enough from us that all we’re getting is lots of rain and some wind. We are so thankful to not be flooded or destroyed. But this week we see the sun, and are thankful for that, too. EK has been asking when the sun would come out!

my front yard around midday last week.

Admiring || my Hubby this week. He is working on a recording project in the studio, and he’ll be working 12+ hour days all week, including his birthday on Wednesday. He is working hard and missing us, I know, but I’m proud of him for being excited about and dedicated to his work. He’s the best husband and dad I know.

Collecting || the “toy crumbs” from all over the house. Pieces of puzzles, pretend food/dishes, and other miscellaneous toys litter the floor in almost every room, and this week my goal is to clean up and organize at least a little bit on the days the kids are in school. Hopefully it’ll look a little better by Thursday afternoon than it does right now!

Anticipating || my church’s centennial celebration on Sunday! All 5 worship services that happen on Sunday mornings are combining for one mega service this weekend, and all the worship bands are combining to make it a huge deal. I am SO EXCITED to have this experience! If you are anywhere near central NC, check out Reynolda Church’s centennial celebration. We would LOVE to see you there!

Well, that’s a little bit about what’s going on in my life this week! What about you? What are you up to currently?

Doing Life Together

This post also appeared on My Big Jesus!

As humans, we are made for community. God created man, and then said he needed a companion. We need each other. We have the ability to help each other, enjoy each other, and make each other better people. There are countless cliches about community and being together: “It takes a village.” and “Two heads are better than one.” and “Birds of a feather flock together.” They show just how much we are meant to be with other people.

In the world of moms, there has been much talk recently of having or finding your “mom group”. Frequently that group is labelled a “tribe”. Tribe is an old word that’s making a reappearance in our culture. It makes me think of a bunch of people literally living together, in huts within a few hundred feet of each other, nomads even. Webster defines tribe as “a group of people that includes many families and relatives who have the same language, customs, and beliefs”.

Well, that’s really what it is, right? People living together, in similar stages of life, in at least semi-close proximity, surviving the trenches of parenting and doing life together. And – thank goodness! – those people I’ve got! My tribe won’t bat an eye when I call to ask about a weird-looking poop, or with questions about how to deal with my preschooler’s attitude. My tribe will come over to help us escape the rainy day (week!) boredom or meet us at the park to get the blues out of our systems. My tribe doesn’t think I’m a bad mom when we’re having Chick-fil-A for the fourth time this week.

It’s not always easy to find your tribe, but once you’ve got it, it’s a relief. It’s a great feeling to have someone you can chat with while the crazy swirls around you. It’s nice to be totally real, unaffected, and just plain relaxed around someone. Those people may be few and far between. Those people may be those you least expect. But be brave – strike up conversations, seek out those around you. Find your tribe. You were made to be a part of one.

Good Eaters

Getting your kids to make healthy eating choices is tough. And as much as I want them to choose fresh vegetables over fries, and fresh fruit over fruit snacks, it’s just not always going to happen. And I think that’s a good thing.

You see, kids should eat junk sometimes. For instance, who wants to be the mom of the kid at a slumber party who won’t eat the cinnamon rolls they heated up for breakfast? Or the kid who won’t eat a hot dog at the baseball game? I’m not saying either of those are bad things to feed your kids; my kids eat those things plenty. But we try to not have them on too regular a basis.

Usually, my kids are okay with the foods we choose to feed them. For toddlers, they’re extremely eclectic eaters, typically enjoying everything from Asian food to Mexican food (complete with spicy salsa) to salads. We tried (and will try with the third) to introduce them to lots of flavors and spices early on so that they wouldn’t have to only eat plain, boring food… mostly because we don’t like our food that way. We didn’t want to sacrifice our food preferences when we had kids.

But sometimes, my kids are totally picky. For instance, right now, they won’t eat leftovers. This is a bad thing for multiple reasons. First of all, I end up throwing more food away, and I hate that. I’m fairly good at portioning their food for them, so that there isn’t too much left on their plates at the end of meals, but if it’s leftovers (of any kind, homemade or takeout), they take two or three bites, and I can’t force any more down them. Secondly, it’s tough when you’re cooking to make the exact amount of food that will be eaten. I’m not the cook in our family, so the job doesn’t usually fall to me to do that, but Hubby (sorry babe) isn’t great at it either. The only good thing about that is that he loves leftovers and rarely wastes food (thanks babe).

When my kids are picky, I feel like it’s a catch 22. I want to take a stand and say, “You’ll eat what’s on your plate or nothing.” knowing that if they’re hungry, they’ll eat at least some of it. I don’t want them  to think that I’ll just make meal after meal until they decide they like something. But then again, I don’t want them to go hungry, or to lose their appetite for something because they’ve got a bad memory attached to it. That may sound crazy, but I’ve got adult friends with stories about how they were forced to eat something and now they don’t eat it, or how their parents always fixed a certain thing too often, and now they hate it. I don’t want to ruin a certain ingredient or dish for my kids because I forced them to eat it when they didn’t like it, or because they burned out on it.

Here are a few things I’ve learned to help them keep up their good eating skills:

  1. Put small helpings of everything in the meal on their plates. They tend to get tired of things after a few bites, but whatever they ask for more of, they can have. I waste less food, and they like the variety.
  2. Use ingredients in a variety of ways. We try to not make green beans the same way every time, or to only use basil in spaghetti sauce. That way, if they don’t like the green beans one way, they’ll probably find another way that they do like them.
  3. Hide vegetables in sauces, smoothies, and baked goods. This is a tried and true method used by many parents of toddlers, and I am a strong advocate. My kids eat zucchini in muffins, spinach in smoothies, and carrots and squash in their spaghetti sauce. Do they know? Maybe. If they do, they don’t care.
  4. Give them choices, and let them choose what they want whenever you can. I try to give them an “either or” situation if at all possible, and I try to ask them if they’ve got a preference. For instance, my son will sometimes ask for salsa, and my daughter will sometimes ask for sushi. They just as often ask for apples or bananas as snacks. Why not give them what they want if I can?

Do any of these work for you? Do you do something different to ensure that your kids are good eaters? I’m always looking for new ideas… tell me about how your family eats!