Things Toddlers Say

Happy Tuesday! I hope y’all had lovely celebrations yesterday, and enjoyed some great fireworks like we did! Here are some funnies from our past week… Enjoy!

J: If I go fast on my bike, the police will come get me!
Me: No they won’t; I’ll protect you.
J: Okay! *speeds away*

Me: If you eat your dinner, we’ll have some ice cream!
J: Ice cream!!
EK: Yay! I want my favoritest ice cream I never had!

J: Can I have some juice?
Me: Have you already had some juice this morning?
J: Yeah.
Me: Then I’ll go fix you a little bit.
J: I don’t want a tiny, little juice! I want a bigger juice! Like Batman!

J: *pushes D* A ship!
Annie: Don’t push your brother!
J: Okay. A ship!
Annie: Say sorry to your brother.
J: Sorry. A ship!

EK: I want to be an adult. I was one, and two, and three, and four. And now I want to be an adult.

J: Look, Mommy! It’s my clouds!
Me: Yeah, those are beautiful clouds!
J: God made those clouds just for me!
Me: *crying* He sure did, babe.

J: Can I have some candy?
Me: How about a few jelly beans?
J: Okay!
Me: *put 5 jelly beans on the couch* Okay, they’re right here on the couch!
J: I don’t want them on the couch!
Me: Okay, then put them in your mouth.
J: But I don’t want those jelly beans!
Me: You don’t have to eat them. I’ll do it.
J: But I want the jelly beans!
Me: *face palm*

The family making lunch together…
EK: Are those for me?!
Hubby: Yep. But why don’t you go ahead to the table?
EK: But I want just one!
Hubby: First, have a seat…
EK: I gotta poop! *runs away*

J: My water’s gone!
Me: Did you drink it?
J: Yeah. No! Spilled!

EK: I’m texting my boyfriend.
Me: Oh yeah? Who’s that?
EK: Alan.
Me: Alan who?
EK: He’s from Raleigh. He says yesterday he went to the doctor’s office and got a shot and a band-aid.

Overheard during playtime…
EK: You’re a swimming people.
J: I’m NOT a swimming people!

J: Daddy, can I have some of those?
Hubby: Can you fix J some pickles?
Me: Sure! How many pickles do you want?
J: All da preckles!

I missed the front end of this convo, but…
EK: Yes you are!
J: Yes I am NOT!
EK: Yes you ARE!
J: Yes I AM NOT!!

Sitting at dinner…
EK: Holly, you’re looking right at me!
Holly: Do you know what that’s called, when you’re sitting there and I’m here? It’s a cross!
EK: I know a cross, that’s where Jesus died! My teacher taught me. At nap time, I went poop and prayed to Him.

Watching the Open…
Hubby: Do you wanna learn how to play tennis?
EK: I already know how. All you need is a tennis ball, a tennis thing (swinging her hand like a racket), and tennis clothes!

What have your kids been saying that’s hilarious?

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