Category Archives: faith

holidays, home, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, random thoughts

What a Bad Idea!

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus! 

 We can all sense it… Spring is coming. Here in NC, the weather is warmer, and flowers are beginning to bloom. All over, the sun is showing itself earlier in the morning and later in the evening. Children are losing their cool indoors and begging to go out and catch the rays of sun for which they’ve been longing. But there’s just one, tiny, little, baby hiccup about the coming of spring…

Daylight Savings Time. 

Whoever came up with this idea clearly didn’t have a toddler. I used to appreciate a good “fall back” in November. But now that I’m a parent, we all know that falling back just isn’t going to happen. And springing forward? That just sounds like every morning of my life. 

Let me just walk you through what this looks like for us…

Our first year as parents, everyone said, “Oh, it’s not so bad if you ease their bedtime up by 10 minutes the week before. Then they’re pretty much on schedule.” I don’t know if this has truly worked for people, but my daughter, who was almost one at the time, basically laughed in my face. Every year after that, we just sorta started bedtime earlier the night before and hoped for the best. (Side note: It didn’t really work.)

Recently we’ve had some trouble getting our kids to sleep if it’s light, regardless of the time (i.e. nap time or bedtime). We’ve gotten sound machines to drown out daytime noises. We’ve put up black-out shades in their rooms. We’ve streamlined routines, given baths, loveys, snuggles and stories, and come to one conclusion: those kids are gonna sleep when they’re tired. Enter my next task…

Wear. Those. Crazy. Kids. Out. This is tough. On days we don’t have school, it means parks and the children’s museum. It means play dates and picnic lunches. It means that my exhaustion counts for nothing, and I have to muster up the energy to play hard, and crash hard when it’s done. Naps must be taken, because over-tiredness leads to poor nights’ sleep. If I want them to go to bed early, we play extra hard. If I want them to take good naps, I pay attention to their “sleepy” cues, and have a bed available at that moment, instead of still being at the park when the meltdown hits. 

Bottom line? Daylight Savings Time sucks. People with young children should just move to Arizona and be done with it. No one is saving anything, but everyone is losing their sanity. 

faith, home, mommyhood, random thoughts, travel

Currently – Spring Is Coming!

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I can’t believe we are already here… It’s March, it’s been -dare I say it?- warm here in NC, and Easter is more than on its way. It feels like just two weeks ago, we were playing in the snow! Oh wait. We were. Anyway, here’s this week’s edition of Currently! Since it’s a new month, I linking up with Becky at Choose Happy, as well as Jenna at Gold and Bloom and Anne in Residence. Join us!

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Wearing || my Chacos! It’s the first ring that happens when the weather wants up… Lose the close-toed shoes. My feet like to be free, y’all. I’d post a cute picture, but my toes are woefully I need of a pedicure, and my Chacos are mud-caked from working in the garden yesterday. I can’t believe it’s already gardening time!

Craving || some quiet time. I’ve tried to build it into my schedule, and it seems the more I try, the less my children sleep, and the less I’m able to actually get up and make it happen. The desire is there for quiet time with the Lord, but I’m having trouble dragging my tired self out of bed in the mornings, because D is still getting up around 4-5. And that’s a little too early for me to start my day.

Going || to DisneyWorld! Hubby and I are taking our biggest two babes to Disney for EK’s birthday in April. We’re just going for two days, but we’ve got fast passes all set up, and we’re staying in the park to save time. We cannot WAIT to introduce the magic to EK and J!!

image from disney.wikia.com
Learning || how to garden with three babes. J still likes to run around the neighborhood when unattended (ha!), D is getting used to hanging in the pack-n-play outside (or sometimes the stroller so we can move him around the yard), and EK is still her short-attention-span-gardener self. She loves to help, but only for a few minutes. We’ve had two full afternoons of gorgeous weather, productivity, and back-breaking work. Hopefully soon we will plant, and then soon after that it will yield good fruit (vegetable)! 

   
Planning || Our spring schedule. We’ve got weddings galore, fun trips planned, and still our regular lives to attend to. Can we do all the things and have fun, too? Only time will tell.

Well, that’s about it for my family. What are you up to currently?

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, women

The Boy I Loved. 

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus!  
Not that long ago, I was a silly, young girl, head over heels for a boy I had just met. Not long ago, that boy was a breath of fresh air to a girl who’d sworn off dating for a while. Not long after that, the boy and girl decided they’d get married. And buy a house. And have kids. And never sleep again. 

Really, 8 1/2 years -since we met- isn’t long in the grand scheme of things. But it feels like an eternity sometimes, when I think of what’s happened since then. When I think of places we’ve traveled, jobs we’ve had, people we’ve grown closer to or drifted apart from, it feels like a lifetime already lived. There’s so much water under that bridge we’ll have to raise it if anything else happens. 

But every now and then, there are glimpses of the silly, young girl and the boy who was a breath of fresh air. For instance, last week, Hubby and I had a lovely date night planned, going to a nice restaurant in the neighboring city where Hubby attended college before seeing a concert. Long (frustrating) story short, dinner at the nice restaurant didn’t work out, and we were a little too pressed for time to try making new plans. We ended up at a pizza and beer joint where we ordered dinner by the slice at a counter, and ate in a dirty booth. Not that I had anything against pizza and beer (I love it! Promise!), it just wasn’t what we’d had in mind. We were dressed up and ready for a fancy meal. But you know what? We had a great time. We’d gone to that pizza joint a hundred times while we were dating, with and without friends, and it was a fun little throwback to our younger, freer selves.

You know what else? After a couple of hours of music and dancing, before we headed back home to responsibilities and a babysitter to pay, we went to the location of our first “hang out.” (I’m hesitant to even call it a date.) We ended up right there in another dirty booth, eating gargantuans at the Jimmy John’s on the edge of his college campus. We giggled and flirted and touched our feet under the table with butterflies in our tummies, remembering who we had been 8 1/2 years ago. We reminisced about those old times, and talked about how we love where we are right now, even when it’s hard. 

I looked right across the table and into the eyes of the boy I loved. And I was thrilled to see that my husband looked just like him. 

home, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, siblings

When My Family of Five Leaves the House (It Takes 60 Simple Steps)

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus!

Getting ready to go anywhere is a big job for my family. With three kids under four, including an infant, there is a long list of things we need to do before we go, and things we need to bring with us – no matter where we’re going. This is a little glimpse into the process of getting the family ready to go somewhere. Maybe you can relate! 

 1. Announce that it’s time to get ready to go. 

2. Ask threenager to get her clothes on. 

3. Snatch toddler up from running away, and take him to get his clothes on. 

4. As I’m walking away, ask Hubby to change baby’s diaper. 

5. Remind threenager to get dressed. 

6. Get toddler into clean diaper and clothes, amid shouts of protest and attempts to jump off the changing table. 

7. Suggest to threenager that she should dress appropriately for the weather (aka it’s cold, so no, she may not wear that sundress and sandals).

8. Ask threenager to stop wailing and please put on socks and shoes. 

9. Catch an escaping toddler, and cram his pudgy feet into socks and shoes. 

10. Succumb to toddlers request for boots instead. 

11. Let him put his boots on by himself. 

12. Calm him down when he gets frustrated at not being able to do it himself. 

13. Help him get his boots on. 

14. Ask threenager to please wear a jacket. 

15. Check to see if Hubby changed the baby’s diaper. 

16. Usher threenager and toddler of the door. 

17. Put threenager into car seat, because it’s better to have her locked in somewhere. 

18. Retrieve toddler from neighbor’s yard. 

19. Put toddler into car. 

20. Retrieve threenager’s doll she dropped in the floorboard. 

21. Retrieve toddler from driver’s seat. (He is fast.)

22. Put toddler into car seat, finally securing that he isn’t running away. 

23. Close the car door. 

24. Breathe. 

25. Listen for screaming inside the car. 

26. No screaming? Go inside and check on the status of Hubby and baby. 

27. Change baby from his brother’s pants to his own that fit him. 

28. Put baby into car seat. 

29. Take car-approved snacks to toddler and threenager, who are now screaming. 

30. Go back inside and fill sippy cups.

31. Make a bottle for the baby. 

32. Put in your own shoes. 

33. Grab your tube of mascara for when you’re stopped at a red light. 

34. Locate a bag (any bag) to put diapers, cups, and a bottle in. 

35. Go outside. 

36. Remember the wipes. 

37. Go inside to grab wipes.  

38. See your coffee cup, and grab it. 

39. Go outside. 

40. Remember you were grabbing wipes, not coffee. 

41. Go inside to grab wipes. 

42. See your baby’s favorite chew toy, and grab it. 

43. Put your hand on the doorknob, and remember the wipes. 

44. Grab wipes. 

45. Go outside. 

46. Realize that you haven’t seen Hubby in a while.

47. Go back inside to find Hubby in the bathroom. 

48. Go outside to wait on Hubby. 

49. Threenager has finished her snack and wants more. 

50. Since Hubby isn’t outside yet, go get more snack. 

51. See your purse by the door, and thank the Lord you had to go back to get it.

52. Grab the purse and the snack, and go back outside. 

53. Give the threenager more snack. 

54. Give the toddler more snack, because he is now angry that the threenager got more snack and he didn’t. 

55. See Hubby walk out the door. 

56. Praise Jesus that everyone is outside the house. 

57. Get in the car. 

58. Crank it up, and turn on some preemptive Taylor Swift. 

59. Pull out of the driveway. 

60. Hope for the best. 

So if you’re ever wondering why didn’t attend your event, or why I said we couldn’t go to a play date that was only for an hour… know you know why. I love you, but this is why. 

faith, music, My Big Jesus

Hear It Differently

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus!

Have you ever listened to a song you’ve heard a thousand times before (you know the ones: they’re on the radio, friends hum them while they work, and your kids even sing a phrase or two here and there), but one time when you’re listening, you think, “Wow! I’ve never paid attention to those words before! Has that always been the line?”

That happened to me this past Sunday. To be more specific, it happened to me several times. You see, I’m a worship leader. And the set that was planned for my service that morning was one full of trusty favorites. Several of them I’d been singing for years, one is a newer song I’ve sung at one service or another every week since Christmas, and the set also included one song I helped write (I wrote a bit about that here). But all of a sudden, these songs were falling on fresh ears. Thankfully, it wasn’t in a “forgot all the words” sort of way, but a “never thought about it that way before” sort of way.

For example, we sang Paul Baloche’s arrangement of the hymn “How Great Thou Art”. While it’s a hymn that I grew up singing, and I know almost every word by heart, for some reason, I heard the words anew. This verse: And when I think that God His Son not sparing/sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in/ that on the cross, my burden gladly bearing/He bled and died to take away my sin. I mean, that’s crazy! God sent His very Son to take our sins. Jesus gladly bore them for us on the cross, because he knew it would save us. Who wouldn’t sing about that?

Or in Hillsong’s “Oceans”, it was this part in the bridge: Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander/and my faith will be made stronger/in the presence of my Savior. Being in the presence of my Savior will be what strengthens my faith. I could have that reminder again and again, and it would convict me every time. Oh, you of little faith, enter into His presence, and that little faith will grow.

I have this same experience reading the Bible a lot. I’ll flip through pages, and read something I’ve read a hundred times before. But every time, I read it differently. Maybe it’s that my perspective has shifted, due to life circumstances. Maybe it’s that the Lord is showing me something new about a particular passage. Maybe it immediately leads me to think of a friend who needs to hear those exact words. Whatever it is, when I allow myself to be open to hearing something new, the Lord almost always gifts me that very thing: a new light shining through an old passage. Or through the music I think I know like the back of my hand: I notice a word or phrase that will change the entire song and how it speaks to my heart.

So here’s the hard part, the part it’s easy to talk about but not as easy to do. Get rid of those pre-conceived notions. Lose the filter through which you might be tempted to see. Open your eyes, your ears, your heart. Don’t be afraid of what you might hear; it might just be the thing that changes your mind.

faith, music, random thoughts

A New Song

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I am a musician. I sing, I play, I improvise, and I worship.

But I’ve never fashioned myself a songwriter. I’m not much into creating “something from nothing” in that respect. If you give me some bones, I can arrange them and add to them and make something. I can take a good hook and a topic, and do a little from there. But as for writing a great riff, or creating a chorus without any building blocks given to me, I just wouldn’t be able to do it. (Which is funny, right? Because I’m a musician, and I’m a writer.)

I got the opportunity recently to collaborate on an original tune with the worship pastor at my church. It was surprisingly fun for me, and I contributed more than I thought I would. I am surprised and pleased to say I helped with some phrasing and several word choices. But still, it was eye-opening for me to even think I could help in the process, much less actually write a song. I have now entered into the world of songwriting, whether I like it or not.

My only problem is this: songwriters have a certain something about them. And on the whole, I don’t really fit into that something very well. I’m just not hipster enough (no hate, I promise!), or introspective enough. Or maybe I’m too loud and crazy – because, let’s be honest, I am. But the Lord is breaking down walls of things I think I cannot do, and opening my eyes to His purpose, and aligning me with it. His way are not my ways; they are higher and better. So here I am, waiting for a riff, a melody, a perfect phrase to build a song around. I’m searching, reading my Bible, praying for revelation of what my song should be. It’s new territory for me. I’m uncomfortable here, feeling pressure to be creative in a different – and challenging – way. I’m hard-pressed to spend time on it, because I am afraid I will fail. But I’m just as afraid I’ll succeed, and someone will cram me into the “songwriter box” that I’ve built, all on my own.

You see, I identify with many different titles. For instance, the list can begin with woman, mother, daughter, wife, and friend. It can continue with Christian, worship leader, musician, writer, feminist, and foodie. But it’s never really included songwriter, composer, or anything of the like. But I’m feeling the push in that direction. Opportunities are arising for me to try my hand at it, to make it my own, and to redefine what “being a songwriter” means to me, now that I’m flirting with the line to becoming one. And that, my friends, scares me. So here I go, branching out into new territory, breaking the mold in which I’ve put myself. I’ll let you know how it goes.

faith, home, mommyhood, My Big Jesus

We’ve Got a Good Life

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus!  

Sometimes, it’s easy to get lost in the day-to-day grind, where you’re cleaning something about 60% of the day, and preventing disaster the other 40%. It’s easy to say “no” more than you say “yes”, to forget what your hair looks like when it’s styled properly, and to pay more attention to how many bananas you have left than what your toddler is jabbering on about. But recently, I got a glimpse into our lives over the past few years a whole – the highlights – and I was more than pleased. 

Recently, Shutterfly ran a promotion through their app to order 250 free prints straight from Instagram, in the 4×4 square size. I’ve never uploaded any of my Instagram photos to my Shutterfly account, and since they were free prints, I decided to do it. (Nevermind that shipping ended up being enough to cover the cost of the prints, but I digress.) I didn’t pay much attention to which ones I chose, as long as they had people in them, preferably my kids, and weren’t all pictures of random food I’d eaten. Once I had chosen 250, I ordered them and basically forgot all about them until they arrived.

Once they got to my house, I decided I’d take down my Christmas cards (yes, I know that it’s February), displayed in the kitchen on the cabinets, and replace them with the pictures. I always have trouble taking down the cards, because the kitchen looks bare without them, so this seemed the perfect compromise. I knew I didn’t have room for 250, so I started to sift through them. I learned a few things:

  1. I have had Instagram basically since I had kids. There are pictures of all three of my beautiful babies, from the first moments of their lives.
  2. I use Instagram a lot. There are pictures of literally everything. Check ups at the doctor, first steps, weird faces, play dates, and sweet sleeping angels are all documented here in this one place.
  3. We have incredible family and friends. There were lots of pictures of my kids loving on my friends, grandparents smooching the kids and playing in the floor, and parties galore for every occasion, and n occasion at all.
  4. My kids have grown very quickly. I know this is normal, and that it will likely always be this way, but I can’t get over how a few short months ago, J’s face was mostly baby fat, D still slept 90% of the time (oh, how I miss that some days!) and EK was a mere fraction of herself in conversation and craziness. 

These photos, these sweet faces, happy times and hilarious memories, were the perfect reminder that what matter most isn’t the grind. It isn’t whether or not I forgot to replenish the yogurt supply, or if we watched the whole second season of Sofia the First in less than a week. It’s about the snuggles in the mornings, the prayers before bed, the silly somethings whispered in my ear, and the health (physical, emotional, and spiritual, even) of our children as we lead them through this life. The highlights aren’t necessarily an “accurate” representation of life as a whole, but they sure are the parts worth remembering. We’ve got a good life. 

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus

Motherhood Is a Battle

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus. 

As a mom, I am called to do a plethora of things. Not the least of these is to fight for my children. I fight for them to be treated fairly, given any and every opportunity, for their health, their happiness, and, if the need arises, their very lives. I am happy to fight those battles for them as long as I can. 

But sometimes, I feel like all I do is fight. I fight against the sink full of dishes or the endless loads of laundry. I fight veggies into mouths. I fight shoes onto feet. I fight urine and spit-up out of carpet and bedsheets. I fight the clock to finish dinner in time to bathe before bed. I fight for guilt-free alone time. I fight for quality time with one or two or even three, that isn’t taken up by “Stop that!” or “Don’t hit your sister!” Choose your battles, they’ve told me. Well, choosing my battles seems like a battle in itself. 

When I’ve fought battles all day, I’m weary of myself. I dislike who I’ve become after the stress of the day has worn me down. I need a break, or encouragement, or a big glass of wine. But what I try my hardest to do is focus on the One who can pull me up, out of the muck and the mire, and remind me who I am. He can drag me out of the pit – where sometimes you can find me wallowing – and restore me the my fuller self. He is the conqueror of things big and small. He has conquered death, so what battles of mine can He not win?

Jesus is a conqueror. In Him, I am also a conqueror. When I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle, He can win for me! He take take all the ugliness – the exhaustion, the anger the guilt, and the sadness in me – and weave them into a beautiful tapestry that tells the story of who I am, without being overpowered by those emotions. It can show those feelings, as well as the beauty – the joy, the love, the excitement, and the peace – that shows when He shines His light through me. He has already conquered, and will keep on conquering. I need only to be still.   

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, parenting fails

How do you think it looks? 

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 This post also appeared on My Big Jesus!


The other night, while the kids were taking their bath, I decided to give J’s and EK’s hair a little trim, mostly to make sure their bangs didn’t get into their eyes. They have endearingly shaggy cuts, and so I’d never want to jeopardize that. We had had some friends lingering after our dinner together, so after bath time, we fast-forwarded the bedtime routine, so we could get back to chatting with our friends. I was VERY surprised that EK didn’t make her way back up the stairs, as is her usual custom when we have friends over. (She likes to rejoin the party.) Their bedtime was a little late, so I attributed her absence to tiredness.

Around 11:00, when everyone had gone home and Hubby and I were getting ready for bed, I felt like I should go check once more and see if they were nestled in their beds. When Hubby and I got to the hallway where the kids’ rooms are, I saw EK’s light on underneath her door. When we got inside, we immediately saw little pieces of paper and ribbon from various bows that had all been cut into tiny pieces.

(I’ll take a moment to clarify that we don’t allow scissors without supervision. I’ll also clarify that I happened to leave those bangs-trimming scissors to dry on the bathroom counter, but up against the backsplash, and out of sight.)

Finding EK on the far side of her bed, working on a ribbon on her nightgown, I asked, “What are you doing, babe?” She looked up at me, and replied, “Just cutting stuff.” At this, I started to the see hair on the floor. I took the scissors and said, “Well you know that it’s not okay for you to use scissors without me or Daddy with you. And look at all the hair you’ve cut off!”

As she started to cry (mostly from being in trouble, I think), I looked at Hubby and said quietly, “That’s a lot of hair…” Turning back to a sniffling EK, I said, “You really cut a lot of hair. How do you think it looks?” And as the dam broke and she crumbled into a hot mess, she cried, “Great!” and succumbed to the sobbing. As tears filled my eyes, I told her the most important thing I could think to tell her: “If you think you look great, then so do I.”

You see, she’s not yet four years old. She is outwardly tough, but can be fragile in many ways. She is moldable, flexible, and absorbs every single thing she sees and hears. If I had dared tell her it didn’t look good, or that she did an awful job on her hair, well, it would’ve crushed her. It likely would’ve stuck out in her mind for a long while. Instead, the focus of the scold was on scissor safety and not the outcome of a self-done haircut. After all, it’ll grow. And it looks right cute with a headband in it. She’s still my adorable EK, and her hair just has a little extra spunk.

faith, holidays, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, random thoughts

Getting My Groove Back

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus!

This isn’t just a cutsie post about how I took a little while after the holidays to find my regularly scheduled rhythm. This is a post about how mid-winter, when the holiday rush is done, but spring has yet to begin, there is a slump. I don’t just mean in the school year (though as a former teacher, I know that is REAL) or the weather (also stupidly cold) but just in life in general. Coming down off a joyous season of celebration, family, friends, and the Lord’s goodness, I’m experiencing sadness – a bit of a Christmas hangover, if you will. 

I was chatting with a friend a few days ago about how much more difficult it is to put Christmas decorations away than it is to get them out. You’d think it would be the same amount of work, and it might actually be. But it’s much harder to put them away because you’re just packing away sparkly, festive happiness. I mean, who wouldn’t be a little bummed about that? Have lots of parties, listen to happy music, see everything shining and twinkling, and then all of a sudden, pack all the joy away and return to the dead of winter? Ugh. Hubby ended up putting away the last of our decorations, with the help of his mom, one day while I was out. I had gotten halfway done, and just… couldn’t finish. Boxes and packing paper were strewn about, the tree was mostly devoid of ornaments but not totally. It just felt sad every time I thought about getting everything packed away, and I’ll be totally honest… I’d been using the still-lit tree as a nightlight.

So naturally, I’ve been dragging myself, slowly but surely, out of said slump. I’ve been trying to jazz myself up by making some fun plans for the kids and I to enjoy. I’m trying to not feel as though the winter has already peaked. 

And then yesterday morning, a Sunday, when I got out of bed – at the 9th snooze – there was the most perfect distinct g of snow on the ground. My daughter – from window to window, with the excitement of a kid on Christmas morning. I had forgotten what a few snow flurries will do for a child. The joy was tangible. It spread from person to person, until everyone in the house was so excited, we had to ask whether church was canceled, in case we could go outside to play. The contagious excitement and healing laughter jerked me right out of my emotional recession and into a renewed inflation of joy.  

 What if the joy of the Lord could spread like that? Just a little, from person to person to person… brightening her day here and calming his fears there. What if you let the little things fill you up with unspeakable joy that others could witness in your very countenance? Let the childlike faith overcome you and your post-holiday slump, and keep the joy in your everyday life, mundane tasks, and passive interactions with others. How many lives could you change? How might you entertain angels unawares? How often would you welcome the stranger that might just be Jesus?