Category Archives: women

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, my journey as a mother, pregnancy, women

A Letter to Myself Before I Became a Mother

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Dear innocent, young girl,

I want to write you, even though I know you’ll never see it. But maybe it will make us both feel better, and let us share a little of ourselves with each other. Oh, if you only knew what’s coming. I could tell you so many things, but you wouldn’t even want to hear them right now. It’s difficult to understand the lifestyle, the struggles, all of the feels that you will experience later. You might even have a chuckle or two (or hearty laugh, actually) at some of the things coming for you.

But in lieu of us having a little laugh at my (our) expense, I thought I’d give a piece or two of advice. You know, a friendly few suggestions to maybe try out before you get to where I am now: wading through a pile of children on my way to the bathroom in the morning, hearing shouts floating up the stairs before I’ve even heard my alarm (by the way, my alarm is a crying baby). Here are my three big pieces of advice:

1. Sleep late. I know you do already, or I wouldn’t know how much you’d miss it. But do it more often, as often as possible. And you know what else? Go to bed early. I know you’re a night owl and you love staying awake in the wee hours, but just try it out once or twice. You might find that you like it!

2. Travel. You don’t have any idea how cheap and easy it is to go places right now. It will be again, but not for a while. Get out there into the world beyond your town. Visit friends that live far away, go to different time zones while your body can spring back easily, get on an airplane without any tag-alongs (and I don’t mean Girl Scout cookies), eat fancy food, visit museums and see shows. You’ll find that each of these things is either more expensive, more difficult, or altogether impossible, at least for a little while. Travel enough now to save up some memories until your children are older and you’re not using your paycheck on diapers.

3. Sow seeds. This seems broad, but it can be specifically applied to three areas: your family, your friends, and your career. You will be busy when you’ve got little ones. And not any sort of busy that you’ve ever experienced. You won’t have much time to build new relationships, so sow good seeds into the family and friends you’ve got now. You want them to stick around during that time when you’re largely an unshowered, frazzled mess, alive solely because of coffee. They’ll be forgiving (and even helpful!) because you’ve spent years loving them well when you had the time and energy for it. Your career will thank you as well. Work hard and long while you don’t have those little ones who need you at home. You’ll build a base of trust and integrity, and likely receive grace later when you have a sick babe or preschool play to attend.

The last thing I’ll say, free and childless one, is when you do get ready for children, and you are expecting one of your own, don’t brush off what those mothers you meet will tell you. New mothers, old mothers, working mothers, stay-at-home mothers will all impart wisdom to you in their own way. Sometimes, you won’t know why they need to tell you those ridiculous things, or scare you with their labor stories, or be the hundredth woman to tell you, “Oh, just wait!” They’re all right; what they say will be true at some point during your mothering experience. You will be tired, you will get fed up, and you will feel the craziest, strongest, most permanently bonding love you’ve ever felt about anything. Open your heart to it, because it’s the best thing you’ll ever feel.

food, home, mommyhood, random thoughts, women

Currently

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A little late update is better than no update at all, right?! I hope you’ve had a good week so far, and want to join our link up! I’m joining Becky at Choose Happy, and we’d love to hear from you, too! Here’s what I’m up to currently!IMG_0614

Enjoying || catching up on some tv! We’ve been far behind due to busyness and lack of sleep, so I’m glad to say we’re almost caught up on our shows! By the way, are there any Grimm watchers out there? This season has me going nuts. 

Wearing || my retainer. Gross, right? Well it’s actually working. Being totally raw with y’all, and it’s a little embarrassing for me, but I’ve not worn it regularly in years… 

 and now I’m rambling about my retainer. Gross. I’m wearing it. That’s it. 

Eating || really healthy this week. My goal is no sugar, low carb, and less alcohol. I typically stick to very little sugar (I’m not a sweets craver usually), so hopefully I can cut it out completely. I’ve got a fun dress I borrowed from a friend to wear to a wedding this weekend, and I want to feel good in it!

Listening to || my Hubby play some music tonight! His band should be Bering up, and I’m out past 10pm! It’s a miracle. 

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, women

The Boy I Loved. 

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus!  
Not that long ago, I was a silly, young girl, head over heels for a boy I had just met. Not long ago, that boy was a breath of fresh air to a girl who’d sworn off dating for a while. Not long after that, the boy and girl decided they’d get married. And buy a house. And have kids. And never sleep again. 

Really, 8 1/2 years -since we met- isn’t long in the grand scheme of things. But it feels like an eternity sometimes, when I think of what’s happened since then. When I think of places we’ve traveled, jobs we’ve had, people we’ve grown closer to or drifted apart from, it feels like a lifetime already lived. There’s so much water under that bridge we’ll have to raise it if anything else happens. 

But every now and then, there are glimpses of the silly, young girl and the boy who was a breath of fresh air. For instance, last week, Hubby and I had a lovely date night planned, going to a nice restaurant in the neighboring city where Hubby attended college before seeing a concert. Long (frustrating) story short, dinner at the nice restaurant didn’t work out, and we were a little too pressed for time to try making new plans. We ended up at a pizza and beer joint where we ordered dinner by the slice at a counter, and ate in a dirty booth. Not that I had anything against pizza and beer (I love it! Promise!), it just wasn’t what we’d had in mind. We were dressed up and ready for a fancy meal. But you know what? We had a great time. We’d gone to that pizza joint a hundred times while we were dating, with and without friends, and it was a fun little throwback to our younger, freer selves.

You know what else? After a couple of hours of music and dancing, before we headed back home to responsibilities and a babysitter to pay, we went to the location of our first “hang out.” (I’m hesitant to even call it a date.) We ended up right there in another dirty booth, eating gargantuans at the Jimmy John’s on the edge of his college campus. We giggled and flirted and touched our feet under the table with butterflies in our tummies, remembering who we had been 8 1/2 years ago. We reminisced about those old times, and talked about how we love where we are right now, even when it’s hard. 

I looked right across the table and into the eyes of the boy I loved. And I was thrilled to see that my husband looked just like him. 

faith, home, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, my journey as a mother, pregnancy, random thoughts, women

Top Posts of 2015

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Well, 2015 was a landmark year for me as a writer. I was published on three sites other than my own, and even paid for my work! That’s something that I never thought would happen, and I’m so proud of myself, if I’m allowed a little pat on the back.

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So, in honor of a successful year of writing, AND because tons of my blogger friends were doing this, here are my top five posts from 2015! Thanks for reading, commenting, sharing your lives, caring about mine, and contributing to my success!

Things I’ve Heard at 33 Weeks Pregnant – a hilarious account of all the things that strangers tell you when you’re very obviously pregnant.

10 Tips for Soon-to-Be Moms – a first installment of a series (the second is here!) of tips and tricks for moms, soon-to-be moms, and friends of moms.

Why I Decided to Stop Breastfeeding (and You Can, Too) – my breastfeeding journey with D

Accidental Announcement – that one time I told y’all I was pregnant, but I didn’t mean to.

An Open Letter to Friends Who Don’t Invite Me to Stuff Just Because I Have Kids – because I have feelings, and I still want to hang out!

What were your favorite posts of the year?

faith, health and fitness, home, mommyhood, random thoughts, women

Reflecting on 2015

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The time has come, this late December, to look back at the year and revisit what happened, what we learned, what we accomplished, what we wish we had done. It’s a terrifying and wonderous thing, to realize that a year is almost over, and a new one is beginning. Some of us made big plans for our year, set goals and worked hard to achieve them. Others of us made loose plans and rolled with the punches. Still others may have been lost in the throes of 2014 when we began, unsure of what 2015 would bring, or the tone that would dominate the months of uncertainty.

As we reflect and gather our thoughts on 2015, here are 7 questions you may ask yourself to wrap up the past year. I’ll even answer them for myself, and reflect alongside you.

  1. What was the biggest event in your world this year? Something you can tell your children’s children about, years from now…   This year, D was born. We began the year with trepidation regarding his health, and were happy to welcome a perfect little guy into the world in July, after a night of hard labor and a blessedly quick delivery.
  2. What purchase turned out to be the best decision ever? And why?   We bought a new car, a GMC Acadia, just before D was born. We knew we needed a new car (three kids needed a bigger car than my Camry), and weren’t quite sure what we would get, or how much space we really needed. The Acadia was the perfect blend of space we needed day-to-day and space we would need on a road trip. We’ve been very happy with it!
  3. What was the funniest thing that happened this year? Is there anything that you still laugh at today?   I wouldn’t always share a birth story for a big question like this, but there was a moment during my labor with D that the nurse broke my water… Hubby was taking a snooze (we’d been up all night, and I had just gotten my epidural) and I cried out when she broke my water, because it splashed all over the room. And I still die every time Hubby tells the story. He’s way funnier than I am.
  4. Who are the top 5 people you spent the most/best time with this year? If I have to pick exactly five, I’m going to choose our sweet family friends the Van Zandts. Hubby’s best friend from high school, his wife, and their three girls, who are roughly the same ages as my kiddos moved to town (into our neighborhood!) right at this time last year, and we have been blessed by their presence and closeness multiple times. They are good people to have close by and we love our time with them. 
  5. What was one thing that you did really well this year?   I think that I grew as a worship leader this year. I got to know my people better, grew in confidence behind the keys/mic, and fell in love with doing my job even a little bit more. I have some incredible co-leaders and role models to base my craft upon. 
  6. How did you grow spiritually, emotionally, and/or physically?   I’ll try to answer all three: Spiritually, I bridged the gap between having no time for a personal spiritual life and making time for myself as often as possible (Goal: daily. Reality: weekly.) Emotionally, I struggled with some hormonal changes after D was born, and again at his 4 month sleep regression (apparently, being tired makes me short-tempered and straight up angry sometimes). I battled to keep my cool some days. Physically, the last half of the year was comprised of losing my pregnancy weight, and finding a healthy exercise routine…and then losing the routine again for the holidays! Ha!
  7. If you had one word to describe your 2015, what would it be, and why? At the beginning of the year, I chose a word (phrase, actually) to carry me through the year. I had chosen “Embrace it!” to be what I wanted my year to be about. I feel like I did a pretty good job with that most of the time, however much things changed or were crazy. I don’t know if I think that was the most important word, or the word I thought about most often, but it definitely was up there. Thankful is another word I think of that goes with my year. Amid the craziness of expanding our family, I always tried to remain in a posture of thankfulness. 

Let’s hear some of your answers to these questions!

faith, home, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, women

Things a Mom Can Do When She Sleeps All Night

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This also appears on My Big Jesus!  

It’s no surprise that moms frequently don’t get enough sleep. If they aren’t woken by babies or kids or pets, they’re up worrying about why they haven’t been woken. But on the odd day that a mother wakes, all on her own, having rested fully the night before, she transforms into an amazing creature… a superhero of sorts. She can take on the world in a whole new way, and she’ll only need two cups of coffee to do it! Here are some things a well-rested mother might do if she sleeps the entire night:

1. She will wake up with her first alarm. She won’t even hit snooze. She’ll just stretch her arms wide, take a deep breath, and start her day with a smile.

2. She will cook herself a hot breakfast, and not share it with anyone. Frying eggs, brewing coffee, and toasting bread, all before her children wake up.

3. She will make pancakes, and not even be annoyed about it. Special breakfast will be no big deal, and the children will give her a cheer!

4. She will pack the children up for an outing before lunchtime. She is excited enough to hit the park AND the grocery store – in one fell swoop!

5. She will actually eat lunch! And I don’t just mean whatever her kids leave on their plates. She will fix herself a sandwich, alongside the children’s healthy meals she will patiently coax them to eat. 

6. She won’t turn on the TV. She doesn’t need background noise or distraction for the children. She is so energetic! She will become tickle monster or professional storyteller before the TV comes on.

7. She will plan a healthy and delicious dinner for her family. Since she went to the grocery store, the kitchen is her oyster as she minces garlic, chops peppers, sears steak and bakes cookies.

8. She will tackle bath time, pajama wielding, tooth brushing and story reading all in time for an early bedtime. She is fearless as she enters the witching hour fray. 

Why, oh why, can’t this well-rested woman be you? Because she’s mythical, of course – an idealized version of you when you get even six hours of sleep in a row. In other words, she is a very figment of our imaginations. Everyone knows that mothers don’t sleep!

mommyhood, My Big Jesus, women

5 Reasons Parenting My Threenager Is Exhausting

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus!

 

My threenager is amazing. She’s smart, compassionate, curious, kind, and surprisingly intuitive. She’s also stubborn, opinionated, extremely bold, and ridiculously energetic. Honestly, I think those are all good qualities to have, especially as a female. (And the strong women of the world applauded.) But sometimes, as her mother and the person who spends the most time with her, I get exhausted by her inexhaustible nature. Here are a few reasons why.

She Has So Many Questions. Asking questions is good. It’s how we learn and grow. However, when I’ve been asked 57 questions before I’ve uttered one word and I’m still in the bed, it wears on me. My threenager also has this knack for not hearing the answer to a question she asking, and therefore asks it again, and again, and again. This is a special kind of hell for a mom.

She Hates Bedtime. She doesn’t necessarily hate the process, or even the idea of laying in bed and snuggling her blanket and animals. What she hates is the going to sleep part. She thinks she’s missing something – even if what she’s missing is my brushing my teeth and heading to bed. She often gets up multiple times, wanders the house, and has endless energy she didn’t have when I asked her to put away her toys.

She Is a Fast Talker. She knows what she wants, and she goes for it. It doesn’t matter what Mom says… she will find a way to get what she wants. She’s already figured out that if she can get to Daddy quick enough, he might not know to say no. She will climb, run, and beg to get whatever it is she wants. When she’s a young adult, I’m going to be proud of these very qualities, but right now, it can be frustrating.

She Is Dramatic. The girl could win an Oscar.  Reason #1 (of a thousand) we don’t watch Calliou is she already knows how to whine. She does it even when she doesn’t need to, and frequently incorporates a classic eye roll/angsty sigh combo. The speed at which a situation escalates is record-breaking, and usually has to do with her little brother.

And finally…

She Knows Everything. That’s why we call them threenagers, right? They think they know what they need AND what everyone else needs. I’m just praying we have a break from it before she hits middle school.

home, mommyhood, random thoughts, women

Why I Decided To Stop Breastfeeding (And You Can, Too)

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Breast is best. Did you know? Breast is best. Everyone tells you that. If you don’t know that, you must be totally secluded from women or parents or doctors.

But if you ask me, sometimes, breast isn’t always best.

There. I said it. For me, breastfeeding has been difficult. I have three children, and I have breastfed all of them for various amounts of time. Two nursed only a few weeks, and the rest of the time were fed with bottles of expressed milk or formula. My middle child managed to nurse for 8 months (an incredible accomplishment for both of us), and even though I was also pumping, my supply wasn’t enough for that to be his only nourishment.

I’ve taken supplements, consumed my weight in water, eaten healthfully and plentifully, done everything I could to keep my supply up… It’s just never worked. For me, no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t keep up with my hungry babies. And in my household, a hungry baby made for an angry baby, which made for stressed mom, which made for upset dad, and very little sleep for all of us. Our sanity was going out the window, so we threw “Breast is best” to the wind, and supplemented with formula. Our babies grew and grew, were happier and happier, are rarely sick and the most fun and intelligent kiddos I know.

Just this week, as my youngest turned four months old, I had a difficult conversation with Hubby. “I’m tired,” I said tearfully. “I’m stressed, and I want those two hours of my day back.” Those two hours I spend pumping. Those were two hours that I could be spending time with my children, writing, reading, showering, folding laundry, or SLEEPING were always sacrificed to the milk machine. I slaved at the pump to get less than three bottles a day for my little guy (who eats like a horse – what will I do when he’s a teenager?!) when I could be feeding him formula and actually playing with him during those times. Instead, my free moments while the kids were asleep, at school, or playing with Daddy were spent in my room getting a few ounces of what everyone told me was the best thing for my child.

So I stopped.

I stopped my supplements. I stopped charting my water intake. I stopped stressing about a schedule. I weaned myself off the pump.

Y’all, it feels great. I’ve gotten more sleep, spent more time with Hubby and the kids, and I’m less stressed about how I’m going to plan those hours into my day. Breast was only best for so long… and then it wasn’t anymore. Don’t crack under the pressure if it’s not working for you. I’m not staying don’t try – you absolutely should give it a shot. For so many, it is the best. But if it’s not, that’s okay. You’re not broken and neither is your child. There are other ways to nourish them, and certainly other ways to bond with them. You do you, mamas, however it works. That is the best.

home, mommyhood, parenting fails, random thoughts, women

Adulting: Expectations vs. Reality

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When I was a kid, I expected to have a grand adulthood, full of traveling, a job I loved, buying what I wanted (I’m usually a reasonable spender), and surrounding myself with incredible people all the time. Sure, I’ve traveled a bit and I’m not wanting for anything, and I absolutely consider myself blessed. But the expectations I had didn’t exactly come to fruition. There are a few things about adulting that I thought would be more fun. 

 Buying a car. This sounds great, right? You’ve saved up, and you’re ready to buy a car! Give me the shiniest thing with the most swag, am I right?! Wrong. Google safety ratings and gas mileage, weigh your options for leather interior and a sunroof, check and recheck the budget, and figure out how many car seats you can fit. Next, see what two colors your “dream car” is even available in. Once you choose, spend an unbelievable amount of time on paperwork to actually make the car your own. Then just hope nothing goes wrong.

Owning a home. Sure, this was fun for the first few months. We bought our house in early June, right around our first anniversary, so a glorious summer of back porch parties commenced. We became pros at cooking for 15 if all those people brought beer. We played cod hole and board games out in the porch, smoked cigars, drank beer, and played obnoxiously loud music. Yes, we were those neighbors. However, once the shower leaked, the grass got way too long, and the oven just couldn’t find the temperature I set it on, I started wishing the handy man from our old apartment complex would visit my new home.

Going on vacation. The picture in your head that’s conjured by the word “vacation” varies from a person with no kids and a parent. When we planned vacations before the had kids, like our honeymoon, we only thought about how nice the hotel was and getting cheap airfare. Now when we choose a hotel, we have to question how thick the curtains are on windows, how many beds there are, whether or not they have portacribs, and if their continental breakfast includes pancakes. That’s in addition to whether or not there are big enough cities with Chick-fil-A’s at all the times along the way that our kids will need a moment to run around and we will need coffee. Because we SURE aren’t flying anywhere.

Eating and drinking whatever I want. When I was a kid and I had to eat my vegetables (and whatever else my mom made for dinner) I just thought it was because I had to do what they told me. Yeah, it’s healthy, whatever. I feel fine when I eat pizza and ice cream! Now that I’m in charge of my own diet, it’s a constant battle between what tastes good, what is healthy (read: what won’t settle directly on my hips) and what I can feasibly make/buy. Thankfully, I have no allergies, but there are definitely days where I only feel like making macaroni and cheese – not that my kids would complain. But my hips would, and I’d be sluggish to boot. Open the wine!

Staying up late. This one is a big one for me. Still having lots of single friends and a husband whose job is to play music late at night, I like to go out and stay up late. My kids aren’t terribly early risers, so I can usually get away with a late bedtime without too much problem. But boy, staying up late can sometimes wreck me for days. It feels like a two-day hangover without the alcohol. I’m a night owl by nature, so going to bed early is a challenge even if I’m at home. Throw in a threenager who thrives on a 10pm bedtime, and there’s almost no way I’m seeing my pillow before 11:30. No matter how much cajoling I do, she’s a night owl, too, and so my dishes or laundry wait till she finally decides she can crash.

Bills. Now I’m no idiot. I knew there were going to be bills. Rent, utilities, car payments, student loans… I knew these things were coming. It was the wildcards that I didn’t quite expect. Things like the ever-fluctuating price of gas, groceries to feed a family of 5, and HEALTH INSURANCE. Why have we got to pay so much to maybe need something? And who decided my health insurance should be twice my husband’s, even though we are both young and healthy? That doesn’t even count maternity coverage!

Being an adult is an adventure, and often packed with surprises. But loosen up and enjoy the ride! You’ll figure it out… eventually.