An open letter to friends who don’t invite me to stuff just because I have kids

To all of my friends who have ever not invited me to something, simply because I have kids:

I have three important things to say.

1. The invitation to the party, event, etc. is almost as good as getting to come to it. I know that you would’ve liked me to come, but you thought you knew what my answer would have to be, so you saved me the trouble of saying no. Well, I want to take the trouble of saying no, because sometimes that leads me to number two.

2. The answer just might be yes! I know it’s often not a kid-friendly function, and that’s okay with me! I have lunch dates, I go out with friends, and I even attend parties after my kids’ bedtimes. The tricky thing is that I still have to be invited. I can’t  just show up to your party, because, you know.

3. My feelings sometimes get hurt. Yes, I know how this sounds. I’m not trying to whine or make you feel guilty or anything. I’m just being honest. I’m sitting right here as you make your plans, and maybe you already know that tonight, I’ll have to say no. But can you just throw this tired mama a bone? I want to feel wanted.

Now, I don’t need a bunch of invitations to stuff upon people reading this post. I’m not looking for pity. I’m just sayin’. A gal can be honest in this little corner of the internet, right?

9 thoughts on “An open letter to friends who don’t invite me to stuff just because I have kids”

  1. I love this! We made it a point to be as open as possible to attending events with our childless friends during my pregnancies and after Chase was born. My husband and I need unwinding time too and the grandparents love to babysit. But yes…you need the invitation first and it’s not fair for your childless friends to assume you’re no longer fun/able to get away once in a while. With a second baby being added to the mix soon, I know our ability to get out will be hindered much more, but I still hope our friends will invite us. Because someday they’ll have kids too and then they’ll understand that life doesn’t just stop when you become a parent 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is such a frustrating article/topic.

    First- you want the invite so you can feel appreciated, included and relevant, but clearly the person extending the invite doesn’t actually mean enough to you for you to figure out your schedule and say yes. You really just want the ego boost. Just remember there is a human being on the other end of that invite who is repeatedly getting turned down just because you want to feel good. Not cool! So of course after hearing 20 “no” replies in a row, the person will stop asking you in the future.

    Second- how often do you uphold the converse scenario? Perhaps you all (parents) should appreciate the opposite perspective instead of whining about missing social time. More often than not, single people or childless couples are excluded from invitations to your events because, “they don’t have kids” and they “just wouldn’t understand”. Just because a person is childless, doesn’t mean he/she wouldn’t enjoy spending the day hanging out with you and your family at a park or event.

    Third- your life doesn’t stop when you have kids and your “pre-kid” and childless friends aren’t the ones changing. If they can appreciate and celebrate your entry into parenthood then you should try to show them the same amount of respect.


    1. First of all, I definitely appreciate this. Thank you for reading and for sharing your perspective. I am a bit curious… are you a parent?

      I’d like to address the “20 no’s in a row”. I try as hard as possible to reply “yes” to an invite. Even if that means a babysitter, buying a gift, etc. I like to celebrate, to hang out, and to get to know new people.

      Next: I rarely whine about missing social time. If you’ve read any of my other posts, or see any of my posts on social media, you might even see that we frequently have people in our home (friends who are parents and friends who aren’t) or meet them elsewhere (with and without kids). I don’t feel as though I don’t have a social life.

      Lastly, I don’t believe I said that my life stopped when I had my children, or that I lost any friends I cared about losing. There are definitely people who are difficult to keep up with once the bar scene is less frequented (and the like). I definitely get frustrated when friends I do care about neglect our relationships, if I try to keep them up. That was my point.

      Definitely appreciate your perspective! It’s good to remember that parents aren’t JUST parents, but friends, and we should act accordingly!


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