Category Archives: women

books, women

The Girl on the Train

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Y’all, I loved The Girl on the Train. I couldn’t put it down! I haven’t been seriously wrapped up in a novel like that in a while.

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I’ll be honest; it was a little bit confusing to begin with, when I was battling through who was who, and why each chapter seemed to be authored by a different character. But once I got a handle on it and who all the “girls” were, I enjoyed it more and more with every detail I learned.

It’s reminiscent of Gone Girl in the way that it goes back and forth between characters, spans a rather large amount of time, and gives you a big, fat surprise at the end. I also love the way that Paula Hawkins is descriptive without giving big things away too early. It really draws you in and keeps you there.

I don’t want to give away any spoilers, so I’ll not give a synopsis. I’ll just say that you should read it. I downloaded it on my Kindle (on sale!) and blasted through it in just a few days. I can’t wait to hear what you think of it!

faith, mommyhood, random thoughts, women

When You Just Can’t Find a Single Thing You Do Right

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This week, one of my blogger friends posed a question on her Facebook page. She was calling out to the moms in her community, asking them to speak positively about themselves. It was truly a wonderful opportunity for moms to brag on themselves for a bit, because that never happens. She basically said this: What’s one thing you do really well? I just want to hear you say something positive about yourself as a mom.

When I read it, I was giving the baby a bottle, putting him down for his nap. I had been scrolling through my Facebook feed, waiting for him to drop off into unconsciousness, so that I could lay him down. My bigs were already napping, and this was about to be my glorious hour or two of quiet freedom.

What’s one thing I do really well as a mom? Get them to nap at the same time so that I can have a moment of sanity. Oh wait, that’s really selfish. How about the fact that I’m great at getting a workout and a shower in every other day? Well, that still benefits me, not them.

All of a sudden, my mind is reeling and tears are coming to my eyes. Why can’t I think of a single thing I do well for my children? All I can think of are the basics. They’re clothed. They’re fed. They’re (relatively) clean. Well, that doesn’t make me a good mom… that’s the bare minimum. I can’t think of a single thing that I do as a mom that’s outstanding. I know so many other mothers who fall into that category. I’m often short-tempered and easily stressed out. Do those things count?

The more I think, the more I realize that as a mom, and as a woman (and a southern woman in particular), I’m trained to just try to be better. Not to recognize something I do well. I should be humble, hard-working, and put together. I shouldn’t be focused on what I do well – those things don’t need attention. The things that need attention are the things that need improvement. That’s where I should put my focus, right?

I agree with trying to be my best self. I agree with seeing that there may be things about myself that I can improve, change for the better. But I should be able to call to mind a thing or two that I do well. Feeding my children healthy food at almost every single meal and snack. Working out with and in front of them, so that they know being healthy is a priority. Spending lots of family time together, at home or out on the town. Reading to them most days and every night. THOSE are things I do well as a mom.

Here’s your encouragement for today. I read the comments on her question. It was lovely things like, “taking my kids to the park a few times a week” and “teaching my daughter sign language” and “listening to my children and taking their words to heart”. Those are truly wonderful things that moms are doing for their kids. Why don’t we give ourselves some slack? We’re doing a great job, moms. Love yourself a little. Give yourself a break. You’re a good mom. I know it.

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, random thoughts, women

Don’t Forget the Sweet Moments

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus!

 Have you ever had one of those moments where your heart is so full that you think it might explode? One of those moments when you first realize you’re sure about the one you love? One of those moments that your children are playing nicely together and it makes you want to have another? One of those moments where everything in your life is just so, and you think, “All right, I’ve made it; it’s perfect.” Well I had one of those moments the other day.

My mom was in town for a visit, and she was rolling around on the floor playing with my oldest two kids, each dressed up in costumes (a princess and Mr. Incredible, of course). I had a sleeping two month old on my chest, and I was just gazing at my family, loving everything that was happening. I was looking at my little brood, and thinking, oh my gosh this is a lot, but I love it. My heart and my uterus were teaming up and battling against my mind on the grounds that we should have another. Obviously, I’m not thinking about that yet. (Cue my husband running for cover.) However, my heart was so full of love for the three little tinies I had helped create, playing so happily with my mom, making silly noises, and giggling till their hearts content. As Gary Chapman might say, this afternoon “filled up my love tank”.

I often get caught up in how difficult my days can be. Instead of appreciating things like giggles or silly mispronunciations, I can be bogged down by the messes or the shouts of “No!” when I ask someone to do something. I can feel like all I heard during the day were cries, even though that really isn’t true. I can look around my house, and think that nothing was accomplished. My sink is full of dishes. My sofa is full of laundry waiting to be folded. My bed isn’t made. My toilets have a ring in the bowl. But I should remember that moment of my children rolling on the floor giggling with my mom, and the feeling of a baby sleeping soundly on my chest. Life won’t always be easy; no one has ever argued that. But it won’t always be tough, either. Remembering each positive moment, committing to memory the sweet times and kind words, that will help the tough times seem not so bad.

faith, food, holidays, home, mommyhood, music, random thoughts, women

Hubby Is 30!

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In honor of my amazing, talented, hilarious, handsome, wonderful, giving, loving Hubby’s dirty thirtieth birthday, I’d like to show this little collection of photos…

Before this happened…

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There were these two kids, on the night they met, at a Halloween party (right after the church service they played together)…

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You know, just trying to make scary faces with the cute guy you just met.

They were together a lot after that…

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This is our “college formal” face.

And I mean a lot…

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Our “middle school dance” date. He put a lot of work into that one!

Until one day, he proposed for real…

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This remains the only picture of us from that night. And we’re still making that stupid “college formal” face.

Practiced getting married…

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Post rehearsal dinner shenanigans.

And really did it…

This is totally characteristic of our relationship.
This is totally characteristic of our relationship.

Then we bought a house…

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We bought our house on the way to the airport to go to Italy. Obviously.

Shaved his head for children’s cancer…

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He’s done it several times, but this was the year he also raised $200 for his trashy mustache.

Went to this bar, our favorite bar, for 90 days in a row… three times…

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Finnigan’s Wake will always be home base for us.

And then we got pregnant and had this sweet gal…

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All of a sudden… parents!

I watched him become the most amazing dad…

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They’re still besties.

And then we did that a time or two more…

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I’m a little bit pregnant with J in this one…
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And I’m a LOT pregnant with him here.
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And here I’m a couple weeks away from having D!

With a few breaks for being awesome in between…

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Singing in his wedding band was still one of the most fun nights of my life!
Just a little family partying.
Just a little family partying.

All in all, I wouldn’t do life any differently or with anyone else. Hubby’s my rock. He’s my personal chef, my confidant, my treasured friend, my only lover, my companion, my “I need to tag out!” or “I can’t do this alone!” rescuer. He is my everything, and I can’t wait to spend the next thirty years with him. 30 looks good on you, babe. Happy birthday.

fashion, food, food, home, mommyhood, random thoughts, women

Currently 

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Happy Monday, all! I am SO ON TIME with this week’s Currently that I’m surprised by myself. Anyway, I’m linking up like I do every week with Becky at Choose Happy, and also, because it’s the first week in October, I’m linking (on Wednesday) with Jenna at Gold & Bloom and Anne in Residence.

Eating || pumpkin muffins and lattes! I’ve been experimenting with recipes for both, typically of the gluten and dairy free variety. When I find my favorite I will post it!  Another think I’ve been totally crushing on are the toasted graham lattes at Starbucks. YUM. As you might recall, I’ve got a certain graham cracker obsession right now, and these fit the bill nicely.

Exploring || our lovely new weather and according wardrobes. It’s that time of year when I see what I need to get for the kids and Hubby and me. We are hard on stuff, and the kids are growing so fast!! I found a few things at Old Navy last week (among them are this chambray shirt and this shift dress), and we’ve ordered some things for Hubby. J miraculously fits in some of his stuff from last year, so I’m hoping we won’t spend too much for what we need for the cold.

Wearing || boots and scarves… And raincoats. The hurricane is blessedly far enough from us that all we’re getting is lots of rain and some wind. We are so thankful to not be flooded or destroyed. But this week we see the sun, and are thankful for that, too. EK has been asking when the sun would come out!

my front yard around midday last week.

Admiring || my Hubby this week. He is working on a recording project in the studio, and he’ll be working 12+ hour days all week, including his birthday on Wednesday. He is working hard and missing us, I know, but I’m proud of him for being excited about and dedicated to his work. He’s the best husband and dad I know.

Collecting || the “toy crumbs” from all over the house. Pieces of puzzles, pretend food/dishes, and other miscellaneous toys litter the floor in almost every room, and this week my goal is to clean up and organize at least a little bit on the days the kids are in school. Hopefully it’ll look a little better by Thursday afternoon than it does right now!

Anticipating || my church’s centennial celebration on Sunday! All 5 worship services that happen on Sunday mornings are combining for one mega service this weekend, and all the worship bands are combining to make it a huge deal. I am SO EXCITED to have this experience! If you are anywhere near central NC, check out Reynolda Church’s centennial celebration. We would LOVE to see you there!

Well, that’s a little bit about what’s going on in my life this week! What about you? What are you up to currently?

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, women

Doing Life Together

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus!

As humans, we are made for community. God created man, and then said he needed a companion. We need each other. We have the ability to help each other, enjoy each other, and make each other better people. There are countless cliches about community and being together: “It takes a village.” and “Two heads are better than one.” and “Birds of a feather flock together.” They show just how much we are meant to be with other people.

In the world of moms, there has been much talk recently of having or finding your “mom group”. Frequently that group is labelled a “tribe”. Tribe is an old word that’s making a reappearance in our culture. It makes me think of a bunch of people literally living together, in huts within a few hundred feet of each other, nomads even. Webster defines tribe as “a group of people that includes many families and relatives who have the same language, customs, and beliefs”.

Well, that’s really what it is, right? People living together, in similar stages of life, in at least semi-close proximity, surviving the trenches of parenting and doing life together. And – thank goodness! – those people I’ve got! My tribe won’t bat an eye when I call to ask about a weird-looking poop, or with questions about how to deal with my preschooler’s attitude. My tribe will come over to help us escape the rainy day (week!) boredom or meet us at the park to get the blues out of our systems. My tribe doesn’t think I’m a bad mom when we’re having Chick-fil-A for the fourth time this week.

It’s not always easy to find your tribe, but once you’ve got it, it’s a relief. It’s a great feeling to have someone you can chat with while the crazy swirls around you. It’s nice to be totally real, unaffected, and just plain relaxed around someone. Those people may be few and far between. Those people may be those you least expect. But be brave – strike up conversations, seek out those around you. Find your tribe. You were made to be a part of one.

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, women

Clumsy Girls Need Grace

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus!

Hubby and I always talk about things we hope get passed down to our kids, and things we hope skip right over them. For instance, I had years of braces, but Hubby has naturally straight teeth. Guess which one of those I hope my kids get? Most of those things we talk about won’t manifest until a little later (a couple more years, at least!), but there’s one thing I’ve already seen in my daughter that she got from me…

Her clumsiness.

That actually would be a good royal name for her. More applesauce, Your Clumsiness?

At least once a day, I hear her cry out from across the house. I know nothing major has gone down, because it’s been so frequent that I can pretty much tell you what’s happened. She has stubbed her toe. Almost every single time. Or maybe she dropped something on it, or stumbled off of her plastic, high-heeled princess shoes, or hit her elbow on a doorframe. You know – the usual.

Part of me totally understands. It’s truly frustrating to trip over nothing and have bruises up and down your legs you don’t really remember getting. It’s a pain (ha ha, right?) to bump knees and elbows and toes on everything that sticks out one millimeter. It stinks to be a little less coordinated than the average (already uncoordinated) three-year-old. But the rest of me knows I have one job: teaching her that every little bump or bruise (or thing that doesn’t go her way) can’t be a big deal.

That’s where I’m a fault. Sometimes, I’m the one who makes a giant deal out of a spill, or a crash of something breakable. I’m the one who shouts in pain when I stub my toe – or like this morning, when I hit my knee getting in the car, and exclaimed, “Ouch! I think I broke my leg!” I hit it pretty hard, okay?!

It just isn’t practical to make a huge deal out of a stubbed toe. Or spilled milk. Or a bruised elbow. These things are going to happen, and she and I both need a lesson in patience and shrugging things off. We sometimes bring out the worst in each other, making big deals of things we shouldn’t. But it’s a learning process. I’m hoping to teach her to let it go earlier than I learned – because I’m obviously still working on it even now.

I know that what we need is grace. We need a reminder that we aren’t perfect, we will never be perfect, and it’s okay that way. If we were perfect, we wouldn’t need the love and blood of a Savior to redeem our imperfections. Because we screw up, we react poorly, and then we feel guilt about it, we are human. And humans need Jesus to cover their sins and screw ups with amazing grace. A lesson in grace for my clumsy girl is also a lesson in grace for me.

faith, My Big Jesus, random thoughts, women

Taking My Kids Out of the Box

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus!

In this culture, it’s difficult to raise a child. There are lists of rights and wrongs you must attend to (and choose between, since they differ so vastly) and scores of things to worry about. Just fear alone could cripple a parent who dwells on it. One of the recent things that has blown my mind is the debate on gender-specific items for kids. Watch out, parents of America! Target just desegregated their toys! Your boys might turn into girls!

I just can’t imagine why mixing in the dolls with the trucks would be such a bad thing. Since I have a boy and a girl who are close in age, they are each always playing with each other’s toys. We have tons of fairy wands that my son plays with (what boy wouldn’t want to cast a spell on his big sister once in a while?) and we have trucks, planes, and Legos that my daughter plays with (she loves to build – and destroy – tall towers).

That being said, there are some things that my kids seem to inherently just do that goes a little more with their “assigned gender”. For instance, my daughter loves wearing dresses. Sun dresses or all-out princess dresses, she’d rather wear one than pants any day. Did I exclusively buy her dresses? Absolutely not. She likes to play rough, so I in fact discourage them sometimes. But she has this love for them that I could never have forced on her even if I wanted to.

Alternatively, my son loves to be outside and get dirty. He’s an escape artist when it comes to getting outdoors. If there’s a door open, he’s dashing out, headed straight for the nearest mud. He’s constantly got dirt under his nails, bruises and scratches on his legs from climbing (and falling), and he’s shouting about everything. He is, as you might say, “all boy”.

I think God created us to be individually different, with interests and personalities unlike anyone else’s. He created us male and female (Genesis 5:2). He specifically created each one separately and for a different purpose. But the good news? The good news is that while we have things about us as women or men that are often “built in”, there are things about many of us that break those molds. Many people think that women should do the cooking in their families. Well, if only women should cook, why are there so many incredible chefs that are male? Often, people think that men aren’t as gentle or nurturing as women are, but I know many gentle and nurturing fathers; one of them is my husband.

Our society has created roles and stigmas that bind people, and often make them try to be something they aren’t. These labels may have originated (like many stereotypes) because of a frequently-occurring trait, but they are by no means a blanket statement. We shouldn’t put people in boxes – especially our children – before we even bother to find out if they fit. Differences should be celebrated instead of stamped out. Girls who love blocks and train track might just be engineers. Boys who play with dolls might just be great dads. Why should we discourage either possibility?

mommyhood, pregnancy, women

Things I Missed While I Was Pregnant

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When you become pregnant, it’s a fun secret. You don’t tell everyone right away, and sneaky moments alone with your spouse or your best friend might be the only time you get to dish about how you’re feeling, how excited you are, or things you’re planning for the pregnancy/baby. Then, you’re able to tell everyone. It’s still really exciting, the excitement outweighs the trepidation certainly, and you’re seeing the world through those famous rose-colored glasses. However, once you’ve been following your specialized diet for a while, once you’ve gotten pretty big, and once you’re just plain ready for the baby to arrive, you are, as you might say, “over” being pregnant. Not over having a baby, but over your size, your restrictions, and the waiting game. Here are a few things that I miss when I’m pregnant:

Running. I’m not a hardcore runner, but I do love it. I don’t run terribly long distances – the farthest I’ve ever run at once is a 10k – but I miss being able to run farther than the top to the bottom of the playground slide. I know some women keep it up throughout their pregnancies, but I was feeling too yucky at the beginning of this past pregnancy to keep it up for long. Therefore, it’s been months since I’ve been on a nice, long, mood-uplifting run. I’ll be glad to get to my six-week check up and get cleared to exercise again! 

Alcohol. Specifically, wine. More specifically, Prosecco. That’s my drink of choice on any given occasion. Especially during the summer, when it’s hot and I want a cool, bubbly glass of something. And on the list of diet restrictions, let’s just leave tuna and sushi right here. I’ve already had those things several times since my delivery a week and a half ago…

Reaching my toes. It’s a bit laboring to see my toes for the last couple of months, much less be able to cut my toenails or (are you kidding?!) paint them. And because this past one was my third baby, it was almost impossible to find a time to go get them done, so I was stuck with scraggly-looking toenails. You’re welcome for that image.

Having an entire wardrobe. This may sound superficial, but here’s the deal. I’m just not going to buy tons of maternity clothes. First off, they’re pretty expensive, and you’re only wearing them for a handful of months. Secondly, to really have them fit you correctly (or as well as they can), you’d need to get a set of clothes for the first half of your pregnancy where you’re out of your regular clothes but not enormous, and a second set for the rest, when you truly are… enormous. Ain’t nobody got time for that. 

Sleeping on my stomach. I’m a stomach sleeper if I have the choice. I love being flat on my belly to sleep, with my squished-flat, down pillow. Obviously I lost the ability to do that months ago, even if I was going to ignore the “sleep on your left side” advice. I also know from experience it’ll be a few more weeks before I get that back, because my boobs are engorged and leaky and I don’t want to lay on them. You’re welcome for that image, as well.

Breathing normally. Y’all, I took for granted how easy it was just to breathe. Towards the end of the pregnancy, it was so difficult sometimes that I actually had to change positions just to do it. The only time I was super comfortable was when I was standing (you know, for the first two minutes) or laying down. There wasn’t really a seated position that worked for me for very long.

Going through a store without anyone talking to me. I know this sounds selfish, but every time I went to the grocery store, to drop my car off at the shop, or (God forbid) into Babies R Us, everyone was all up in my business. When am I due? How am I feeling? How far along am I? Is it my first baby? Am I worried my water’s going to break on the way home? Do I think this third baby is going to fall right out? (I am totally serious.) I love people, and I love talking. But I feel like I pretty much exhausted this subject with every stranger I met.

What are some things you missed while you were pregnant? Are you missing them right now?

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, women

To My Kids: Sometimes I Cry

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus. 


Sometimes, at the end of a particularly trying day with you guys, I cry. I’m overwhelmed with all the feelings, with exhaustion, with knowing I’ll get up and do it all again tomorrow. So sometimes, there’s nothing to do but cry.

I cry selfishly for the fact that the day took so many hours to be over.

I cry because I don’t know if the choices I made were the right ones.

I cry because I don’t know if you felt loved enough, cherished enough, hugged and kissed enough.

I cry from sheer exhaustion, as I literally fall into bed, having nothing left for your dad but tears.

I cry because I was so frustrated over a hundred little things that went “wrong”.

I cry because I didn’t rejoice enough over the things that went right.

I cry because it’s okay to feel sad, to feel scared, to feel angry, or to feel lonely.

I cry because I’m so full of love and happiness, I can’t express myself any other way.

I cry because I’m so grateful to have tomorrow to start over.

You see, every day, I do my best. For better or for worse, my best is different every day. Sometimes, my best is not letting you do something that you want to do, because it’s a poor choice. Sometimes my best is ice cream for dinner. Sometimes, my best is a perfectly planned day, with healthy snacks and meals, fun play dates, great naps and lasting memories made. Sometimes, my best is losing my patience with you, and having to apologize. But always, always, I love you. Because I love you, because I care so much about you, I sometimes have a reason to cry. And that’s okay.