To My Kids: Sometimes I Cry

This post also appeared on My Big Jesus

Sometimes, at the end of a particularly trying day with you guys, I cry. I’m overwhelmed with all the feelings, with exhaustion, with knowing I’ll get up and do it all again tomorrow. So sometimes, there’s nothing to do but cry.

I cry selfishly for the fact that the day took so many hours to be over.

I cry because I don’t know if the choices I made were the right ones.

I cry because I don’t know if you felt loved enough, cherished enough, hugged and kissed enough.

I cry from sheer exhaustion, as I literally fall into bed, having nothing left for your dad but tears.

I cry because I was so frustrated over a hundred little things that went “wrong”.

I cry because I didn’t rejoice enough over the things that went right.

I cry because it’s okay to feel sad, to feel scared, to feel angry, or to feel lonely.

I cry because I’m so full of love and happiness, I can’t express myself any other way.

I cry because I’m so grateful to have tomorrow to start over.

You see, every day, I do my best. For better or for worse, my best is different every day. Sometimes, my best is not letting you do something that you want to do, because it’s a poor choice. Sometimes my best is ice cream for dinner. Sometimes, my best is a perfectly planned day, with healthy snacks and meals, fun play dates, great naps and lasting memories made. Sometimes, my best is losing my patience with you, and having to apologize. But always, always, I love you. Because I love you, because I care so much about you, I sometimes have a reason to cry. And that’s okay.

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