Tag Archives: girls

mommyhood, random thoughts, travel, women

10 Things I Miss About Being Single

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This post also appeared on the Grit and Grace Project. I’m a contributor there – go check it out!

It seems I should start this off with a disclaimer: I’m a happily married woman. Now that I’ve told you that, I can tell you the rest. There are some things that I miss about my days being single. Most of those don’t have to do with guys or dating or anything… but just about who I was during that time, and how I was able to live. Being in a healthy relationship certainly has MANY perks, but every once in a while, I pine for pure alone time, less responsibility, and a different lifestyle. Here are some of the things I miss about being single.

Only being responsible for myself. I mean that in the best way, but I’m serious. I almost can’t remember the last time that I got ready to go somewhere alone, packed only what I myself needed, and didn’t worry about what would be forgotten if I didn’t make my list and check it twice. Only worrying about yourself is just easiest.

Being on time. I won’t pretend that I was on time anytime I went somewhere, but I was punctual about 50% more when I was single than I am now. Even just being married and adding a man into the mix made me chronically late. They think they don’t take that long to get ready, and so they wait until four minutes before you need to leave to hop in the shower. Come ON!

Saturdays. Once upon a time, a Saturday was entirely my own. Sleep? Okay! Have unlimited and unhurried quiet time with the Lord? Absolutely. Read a book or three? Yes, please! Shower whenever (or take a bubble bath!), leave the house (or don’t), eat what I want, and lay on the couch for a movie marathon? ALL OF THE YES.

Having my own spending money. Don’t get me wrong- I have spending money, and I don’t need permission to use it. But inevitably, I don’t splurge on things as much as I used to, if only because I have a conscience. What I might’ve spent on a new dress usually gets spent on a new dress for my daughter. What I might have saved up for a new handbag gets whittled away by this son’s need for new shoes, that nice dinner out, or my husband’s birthday present.

Living in a small space. I know, a small space isn’t necessarily something that is just for single people. But somehow, only having a few rooms to keep clean, or furnish, or lose things in does actually appeal to me. However, my family of five can’t quite fit into a one-bedroom apartment, no matter how many toilets I don’t feel like cleaning.

More frequent girls’ nights. I know, I could have girls’ nights whenever I want – and I do! But it used to be that most nights of the week were girls’ nights. Grabbing dinner with a friend, getting with the girls to watch The Bachelor, or spending a night out on the town all dressed up, it could be any or every night. Now, it takes planning not just on the part of the girls, but their significant others, their kids, and/or their babysitters. It’s enough trouble to plan and prepare that it definitely doesn’t happen a few times a week.

Having my closet to myself. I took for granted the joy of having a closet to myself. My color-coded closet was a thing to behold, not to mention the way my laundry was the only laundry I did, so I was never behind. There was plenty of room to look through my clothes – and now the closet is so stuffed with suits and ties that I hardly have room to hang my nice dresses.

Eating whatever I want, whenever I want it. Sometimes, it can be frustrating to have to worry about what time someone else can have a meal, or to cater to their dietary needs and your own. That’s one thing I miss about being single- if I wanted cereal for dinner, I ate it. My hubby, on the other hand, would be mortified if we sat down to a dinner of Frosted Mini-Wheats.

Having truly alone time.  There’s something to be said for having some moments of relaxation, quiet time, and introversion that are completely your own. Having a SO can sometimes cut into those times, even if it’s not always in a bad way. But I often find that there isn’t a place in our home where I’m truly alone, without interruption or at least knowledge of someone else close by. I haven’t had more than a few minutes of total by-myself time in years.

home, random thoughts, teaching, women

So Long, Sweet Briar.

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My heart is breaking. I can’t imagine how I would feel, as a 20-or-so year old, finding out that my college, my home, my world, is closing. Sweet Briar College, a women’s institution founded in 1901, is closing its doors, due to “insurmountable financial challenges”.

sweet briar

I know that during my time at Salem College, I lived in that bubble in a serious way. Yes, I was venturing out and about, and learning about my world and how I would contribute to it, but I was also surrounded by some of the most wonderful and inspiring women, living in an architectural (and sometimes cultural – in a good way) time capsule, and my world was revolving around classes and projects and events and meal times. I can’t imagine someone telling me that all of sudden, my education is in jeopardy, I have to find a new home, and I can’t come back to the place I love.

Wow.

Luckily, I know that women’s colleges across the country are not closing their doors. They are preparing for more women to transfer in, and make the most of an experience that’s been forced on them. I know that Salem is probably not alone in preparing to welcome newcomers from Sweet Briar. We’ve had an anonymous alumna volunteer to pay the application fees of any Sweet Briar transfer applying for this coming fall. That’s huge, y’all.

I posted an article on Facebook yesterday about 10 other women’s colleges that are thriving in the midst of this sadness. They listed Sarah Lawrence College (which got a shout out in 10 Things I Hate About You), Salem College (my sweet, fantastic alma mater), Mills College, Simmons College, Bryn Mawr, Spelman College, College of St. Benedict, Mount Holyoke College, and Converse College. However, they didn’t add Hollins, Meredith, Agnes Scott, or Wellesley. And those are just the ones that I know off the top of my head and didn’t have to look up! Women’s colleges and universities are thriving all over the country, making women more and more awesome as we speak. I’m proud, ecstatic, and thrilled to be one of those women.

Now the next thing I say might get some pushback from even Salem graduates. But it needs to be addressed. Are you also sad that Sweet Briar is closing? Or that Randolph-Macon Women’s College became co-ed in 2007? Or that Peace College began admitting men in 2012, and then changed its name a couple of years later? There’s an easy way to help. Donate. Give.

Home-Give

I know, I know… you feel like there was one experience you didn’t feel was a positive one. Or maybe you feel like you were forced to stay there by a parent who told you that transferring wasn’t an option. Or maybe, like me, they don’t even offer your degree anymore, so why give? Those are selfish reasons. If other women are getting a great education, being shaped into incredible women, why not give for those women? Why not donate even a little bit for those women? Or so that your degree won’t be discontinued? Or that those crappy dorms can be updated? Anyone can donate to any college. There are annual funds, capital campaigns, tons of funds to donate to for every school. Your small gift can mean that one more woman can be set up for a successful and happy life. It’s that simple.

mommyhood, random thoughts

#LikeAGirl

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I guess deep down, I’ve always known I’m a feminist. I’m not talking about a bra-burning, anti-makeup, dresses like a guy, “butch” feminist. I’m a feminist by definition: the advocacy of women’s rights on the ground of political, social, and economic equality to men. I had a mom who raised me to know that I could do anything. I had my own opinions, and I shared them. I didn’t have to play with dolls or read girly books, although I did those things. But I also went to Space Camp (yeah, call me a nerd, why don’t you?!), climbed trees, went hiking in the woods behind my house, and read about the Hardy Boys alongside my beloved Nancy Drew. I collected Hot Wheels and played with Legos, then turned right around and dressed up my brother in princess outfits. I’d say I’m a well-balanced human.

But this morning, up (way too) early nursing J, I was playing around on Facebook and saw this video that my dear friend Sydney (her amazing blog is here) had just reposted from Good Housekeeping (original article and video are here). She has a little girl a few months younger than EK, and she went to the same women’s college I did – she was my little sister in fact! *proud big sis moment* I teared up as I watched girls fall into gender roles, and boys perpetuate them, as the director asked them to demonstrate running (and throwing and hitting) “like a girl”. The initial responses were all the same – running as though you were in high heels, arms flung out to the side, tiny steps, hair tosses.

Finally, the youngest girls of all come out, and redefine everything. A girl in a frilly pink dress, who looks to be about first grade age, is asked, “What do you think it means to run like a girl?” and she responds “…run as fast as you can.” That’s it, folks. The moral of the story is do everything the best you can. Girls, young women, old women, ladies, gals, you are every bit as good as guys are, and oftentimes better.

My little girl will hear that every day. EK will grow up knowing that she can do anything and be anything she wants to. She will know her gender has no bearing on how good she will be at any activity. She can try anything she wants, she can form her own opinions and learn about any subject she is curious about. If that’s fairy tales and ballet, fabulous. If it’s muscle cars and rugby, I’ll be thrilled. I just want to raise her as a strong, confident girl. Anything she does, she’ll do it like a girl. Anything she does, she’ll do it with her own spin. Anything she does will be amazing and I’ll be a proud mama.

What are your thoughts about the #LikeAGirl campaign? Do you agree that we are on the cusp of breaking gender roles and empowering our girls?