Tag Archives: My Big Jesus

mommyhood, My Big Jesus, women

5 Reasons Parenting My Threenager Is Exhausting

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My threenager is amazing. She’s smart, compassionate, curious, kind, and surprisingly intuitive. She’s also stubborn, opinionated, extremely bold, and ridiculously energetic. Honestly, I think those are all good qualities to have, especially as a female. (And the strong women of the world applauded.) But sometimes, as her mother and the person who spends the most time with her, I get exhausted by her inexhaustible nature. Here are a few reasons why.

She Has So Many Questions. Asking questions is good. It’s how we learn and grow. However, when I’ve been asked 57 questions before I’ve uttered one word and I’m still in the bed, it wears on me. My threenager also has this knack for not hearing the answer to a question she asking, and therefore asks it again, and again, and again. This is a special kind of hell for a mom.

She Hates Bedtime. She doesn’t necessarily hate the process, or even the idea of laying in bed and snuggling her blanket and animals. What she hates is the going to sleep part. She thinks she’s missing something – even if what she’s missing is my brushing my teeth and heading to bed. She often gets up multiple times, wanders the house, and has endless energy she didn’t have when I asked her to put away her toys.

She Is a Fast Talker. She knows what she wants, and she goes for it. It doesn’t matter what Mom says… she will find a way to get what she wants. She’s already figured out that if she can get to Daddy quick enough, he might not know to say no. She will climb, run, and beg to get whatever it is she wants. When she’s a young adult, I’m going to be proud of these very qualities, but right now, it can be frustrating.

She Is Dramatic. The girl could win an Oscar.  Reason #1 (of a thousand) we don’t watch Calliou is she already knows how to whine. She does it even when she doesn’t need to, and frequently incorporates a classic eye roll/angsty sigh combo. The speed at which a situation escalates is record-breaking, and usually has to do with her little brother.

And finally…

She Knows Everything. That’s why we call them threenagers, right? They think they know what they need AND what everyone else needs. I’m just praying we have a break from it before she hits middle school.

faith, holidays, home, mommyhood, My Big Jesus

Trimming the Tree: Thought Processes of Preschoolers

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I was so excited this year to get my Christmas decorations out and spend an evening with my family trimming the tree. Advent is my favorite time of the year and I love starting the season with music and lights and family.

I got box after box of carefully wrapped decorations from the attic, as visions of sugar plums danced in my head, and as my mother forcibly held my almost 2 year old son back from climbing the ladder after me. My 3 1/2 year old daughter, well-acquainted with the magic of Christmas, danced around the room, alternately shouting about how excited she was about the artaments and shouting at her brother to not break them.

We unwrapped the shiny, sparkly goodies and helped the first round of them get on the tree. I put the most fragile as high as I could, and let the kids do what they could reach. J quickly lost interest upon learning that actually putting the string around a branch was difficult, and resorted to pushing all the buttons on the ones that made noise (cue the off-key renditions of Disney songs and light shows that could cause seizures).

Having only broken a couple of ornaments so far, I felt like it was going well. The next day, however, as I admired our handiwork, I noticed a few things. This is what my preschoolers must’ve thought:

First of all, ornaments look best on the bottom of the tree. Either that or they didn’t bother to reach above their waistlines. Clusters of ornaments hang at my knee level and below, mostly including the “fun ones” or ones that my daughter made.

Secondly, once a kid got hooked on one branch, it had to have at least four ornaments before moving on to the next one. Branches are weighed down so heavily that I’ve moved several ornaments off to relieve pressure.

Third, similar ornaments must be hung together. If they came in a set together, they were meant to be hung near each other. Why spread them out evenly? (Close proximity of polka dot hats and silver garlic blubs – thanks Hubby for pointing that shape out.)

Lastly, the tree is not the only place for ornaments. The kitchen table, nightstands, and the middle of the floor are all acceptable places for tree ornaments to be residing. Note: if they make noise, they’re in a kid’s hand all the time.

All in all, I kinda dig it. I can have a tree worthy of Southern Living when I’m an empty-nester.

faith, home, mommyhood, My Big Jesus

He Is Secure, Even If I’m Not

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 This weekend, unbeknownst to me, Hubby transitioned my little tiny baby J into his big boy bed.

Okay, so he’s not so tiny. But he’s still a baby, right?!

J won’t be two till just after Christmas, and even though he has an actually tiny baby brother, he himself is still a baby. A toddler, maybe, but in many ways still a baby. He needs snuggles and has warm milk at nap time and won’t use the potty and should still be contained in his crib. 

But while I was out on Saturday, Christmas shopping with my sisters-in-law and my mother-in-law, Hubby put J down for a nap in the queen-sized bed (that’s already in his room for lack of another place to put it). We had been talking about moving him into it, and letting J get used to the idea, but hadn’t made any real plan for when it would happen.

With EK, we tried to move her to a big girl bed too early. We were preparing for J’s arrival, and just couldn’t get her to stay in her big girl room, so she slept in his nursery even after he was a couple of weeks old. She wasn’t ready, and she was not going to sleep there until she decided it was time.

Now on Saturday (with no warning, may I add), I just received a picture text from Hubby of the video monitor, pointed at the bed, with a tiny spot of J somewhere near the headboard. I couldn’t believe it! Tears came to my eyes when I thought of my little baby boy, asleep in that giant bed, without me snuggling next to him. Surely he can’t be ready! He must feel so scared alone in that huge bed!

But he wasn’t scared or sad. He was ready. I was the one who wasn’t.

Upon further conversation, I learned that he didn’t go immediately to sleep, but he slept soundly once he was. He has even spent two nights and another nap in the bed, only escaping the room a couple of times before drifting off.

He isn’t even my last baby, but I’m not ready to lose the crib. What if he misses it? What if he asks to sleep there? But it’s my security blanket, not his. I’m the one that wants to hold him back. But he knows that his needs will be met, his fears will be stilled, and he can be brave because he is loved and taken care of. He is secure.

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus

Napping Is My Jam

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 My four month old son is (thankfully) a heavy sleeper during his naps. His siblings run loudly up and down the hall past his room. His brother even opens the door, runs in, and slams it shut. Through these things, he can always sleep. He heard those sounds in the womb, I suppose. Maybe they’re comforting noises. Either way, he’s snoring right through their laughter and their tears. Or another example is that when he eats right before his nap, he falls asleep so deeply that when I go to put him in the crib, his limbs are all floppy. I could basically dump him in there any old way, and he’d stay asleep. No amount of jostling between the rocking chair and the crib would jolt him awake if he is ready for his nap. A good three hours later, I’m turning on lights, throwing off blankets and trying to wake him up.

But let’s just say that the children are all tucked in for the night, and I’m getting ready for bed. If I so much as creak a floorboard on the way to my room, or dare to use the ice maker to chill my water, he wakes up. “Mom! I heard you! That must mean it’s time to eat! Oh, and will you give me a fresh diaper, too? And maybe a long snuggle?”

Yes, my son. I will always snuggle you, take care of you, and love you. I will do these things to the best of my ability all day, every day. I will spend my life making your life (and your siblings’) the best I possibly can. However, I could be so much better at these things if I could just get a little sleep. So sweetie, my darling… please sleep through the night as heavily as you nap.

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus

I want to be like Nanny and Bump Bump.

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This weekend, Hubby and I went to a family reunion of sorts. Many of his extended family members came in from all over to get together for the first time in several years, to catch up, meet new additions, and talk about family history. Hubby’s great-grandparents were the first generation, and the subsequent four generations were the ones together this weekend.

There were four generations of people talking (or learning) about Hubby’s great-grandparents,  Nanny and Bump Bump. Their children (our grandparents generation) told stories from their childhood about growing up in small town, North Carolina, saying things like “We still had horses and buggies.” and “Our phone number was only two digits.” When asked how they were taught as children about morals, ethics and faith, they all responded with the most amazing answer I could’ve imagined.

Nanny and Bump Bump's home
Nanny and Bump Bump’s home
They said they didn’t always have meaningful dinner conversations about such things, or learn lessons from being told what to do. They learned by watching their parents live with honesty, hard work, and kindness every single day. They watched their parents visit the bereaved, bring soup to the sick, and feed and clothe the poor. They saw coworkers and employees treated with respect, and strangers and friends alike welcomed into their home.

What better way to truly see how Jesus lived than to personally know someone who subscribes to His lifestyle? To be parents who truly embody love, kindness, hard work, and respect is the best way for our children to grow up appreciating and living out those very qualities. The idea that children learn more by watching than listening has been proven again and again, and especially to me now that I’m a parent.

I can tell that my children watch me closely every time I hear them grunt as they stoop to pick something up, or use my tone of voice when they tell each other what to do. It’s humbling to hear my “mom voice” come out of my daughter’s mouth with a little more force than I would’ve thought I used. I was convicted as I listened to Hubby’s grandmother lovingly talk about how amazing her parents were and how she remembered their good deeds and kind words.

Good deeds.

Kind words.

I can do that. One step at a time, one prayer at a time, I can do good deeds, speak kind words, and be an example for my children, and their children, and their children…

faith, holidays, My Big Jesus, random thoughts

The In Between

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And just like that, Halloween has come and gone. The gorgeous leaves are mostly on the ground. The chill from the morning is lasting further through the day, which is shorter than ever. Already, stores have their Christmas things out, hoping to snag the earliest of shoppers. We are about to give the rest of fall a complete pass, hopping, skipping and jumping to the holidays. In fact, I was planning a New Year’s Eve party with some friends a day or two ago.

But before we go on, before we hang our wreaths, or even dress the Thanksgiving turkey, let’s pause.

  
Pause here, on the brink of what’s to come. Linger here, in the in between, and savor the anticipation of your plans and parties and presents. Treasure this time before it all starts. Prepare your heart for the busyness, joy, stress, and laughter. We’re sure to have all of those feelings and more.

Maybe this holiday will be the first without a loved one. Perhaps it’ll be your first holiday with a new love, or your child’s first time to really enjoy all that the holidays can offer. Whatever your situation will be this holiday, it’s not quite here yet. You’ve still a moment… just a moment to bask in the delicate juxtaposition of the anticipation and the calm, the already and the not yet. 

Isn’t that what it’s all about, friends? The already of the beauty of His creation, the sweet moments where we know He is near… and the not yet – the waiting for Him to call us home, for His glory to be revealed and our earthly selves to be redeemed. This sweet, sweet in between is our entire life, folks. We are calling to Him, begging for redemption and hope, asking to be changed and renewed. And He is answering, with love and wholeness, He is answering us every second of every day, until we go home to Him. 

In this season, I beg you to pause. Find Him in the moments of quiet, of already and not yet. Seek His face as you put away and bring out, as you tear down and build up. Ask Him to reveal Himself to you, and bring you closer to Him. He will, y’all. He will. 

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, siblings

5 Reasons Having 3 Under 4 Is Awesome and Terrifying

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Having small children is amazing. It’s amazing if you think endless piles of laundry and cabinets being emptied out onto the floor is amazing. It’s amazing if you think snuggles all day every day and being able to make all their sadness go away is amazing. I’ll let you choose which definition you think I like more.

With three children under the age of four, I’m challenged with keeping little bodies safe, fed, clean and happy. They depend entirely on me for those things. You take for granted how easy it is to keep yourself safe, fed, clean and happy – especially if you’ve got a messy child, or a child going through a growth spurt, or a child who is too brave for his own good. Here are a few reasons I think that having three little children depending on you is difficult:

  1. Mobility. You’re always trying to keep track of who can reach what and how quickly and in what way. I’ve got a three year old daughter who basically has her run of the house. There’s pretty much nothing she can’t get to. If she’s too short, she moves a chair to give her a boost. I have an almost two year old son who is a thief. He can find pretty much anything I hide or keep out of sight. I have a two month old son who is completely immobile… for now. But the first time he rolls over? Gone are the days of sitting him on our bed while I get things done. When will he roll over? I hope I don’t find out the hard way.
  2. Car Seats. I’ve got three children in large, five-point harness car safety seats. That means I have to drive a car big enough to accommodate this. Just before we had our third, we sold my Camry (2003, baby!) and got a (large-ish) mid-size SUV, complete with captain’s seats and a third row. It is enough room to fit all three seats, and even hold another adult back there somewhere, but I’m realizing how annoying it is that not a single one of my kids can buckle themselves in. I have to strap in each and every one of them when we get in the car, including the ones in the back row. Heaven forbid I’m wearing a dress, or the neighbors get a show while I’m getting the kids in the car.
  3. Meal Time. This, all things considered, isn’t as bad as it could be. Most of the time, my big kids are great eaters. They eat what Hubby and I eat, almost without fail. My youngest is obviously not eating, but taking bottles, so he needs someone to feed it to him, unless we time it to happen right before or after. But when the rest of us sit down to eat, there are two main issues. My threenager can’t sit in her chair for more than 90 seconds at a time (We end up threatening to throw her food away. She knows she has to be finished to get up, so if she’s up, we “assume she’s finished” and tell her we’re throwing the food away) and my not-quite-two year old eats great for most of the meal, and when he’s done, his plate and the rest of the food hit the floor immediately, with no warning. Hubby and I share meal duty: one is always convincing EK to stay seated, and the other is always on the lookout for flying food/utensils from J.
  4. Lack of Self-Sufficiency. Sometimes, I take for granted how self-sufficient EK is. At 3 1/2, she usually goes to the bathroom by herself, she can dress herself, feed herself (if I make the food, of course), move herself around (with less concern about her running off) and basically entertain herself. With J, I’m still changing his diapers, dressing him (he’s at least getting more helpful with that), making sure he doesn’t run away, fall off something, or spill my favorite nail polish all over my bedroom floor (oh wait, that happened last week). And D? Well obviously at two months old I’m doing everything for him. I don’t mind – really, I don’t. But sometimes, it’s nice to go out to lunch with mygirlfriends and not have to order their food, ask them not to spill their water in their laps, and keep them from throwing the plate in the floor when they’re done. I don’t even have to take them to the potty!
  5. Bedtime. Every single one of them needs (or thinks they need) a long one-on-one with both parents at bedtime. They all also need (or think they need) to go to bed around the same time. We end up tag-teaming. We have a pretty good routine, but especially now that we’ve added a third kid with the same bedtime into the mix, we have had to get creative. Rotating through rooms, lullabies, soothing promises of tomorrow, and a little extra screen time have saved us from heartache, but also lengthened the time between family dinner and grown up freedom considerably.

My family is good crazy, needy and wonderful. Each day is an adventure, full of giggles, snuggles, messes and walking really slowly. Just surviving a day is the most hilarious, challenging, and heartwarming thing I could ever do.

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, random thoughts, women

Don’t Forget the Sweet Moments

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 Have you ever had one of those moments where your heart is so full that you think it might explode? One of those moments when you first realize you’re sure about the one you love? One of those moments that your children are playing nicely together and it makes you want to have another? One of those moments where everything in your life is just so, and you think, “All right, I’ve made it; it’s perfect.” Well I had one of those moments the other day.

My mom was in town for a visit, and she was rolling around on the floor playing with my oldest two kids, each dressed up in costumes (a princess and Mr. Incredible, of course). I had a sleeping two month old on my chest, and I was just gazing at my family, loving everything that was happening. I was looking at my little brood, and thinking, oh my gosh this is a lot, but I love it. My heart and my uterus were teaming up and battling against my mind on the grounds that we should have another. Obviously, I’m not thinking about that yet. (Cue my husband running for cover.) However, my heart was so full of love for the three little tinies I had helped create, playing so happily with my mom, making silly noises, and giggling till their hearts content. As Gary Chapman might say, this afternoon “filled up my love tank”.

I often get caught up in how difficult my days can be. Instead of appreciating things like giggles or silly mispronunciations, I can be bogged down by the messes or the shouts of “No!” when I ask someone to do something. I can feel like all I heard during the day were cries, even though that really isn’t true. I can look around my house, and think that nothing was accomplished. My sink is full of dishes. My sofa is full of laundry waiting to be folded. My bed isn’t made. My toilets have a ring in the bowl. But I should remember that moment of my children rolling on the floor giggling with my mom, and the feeling of a baby sleeping soundly on my chest. Life won’t always be easy; no one has ever argued that. But it won’t always be tough, either. Remembering each positive moment, committing to memory the sweet times and kind words, that will help the tough times seem not so bad.

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, women

Doing Life Together

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As humans, we are made for community. God created man, and then said he needed a companion. We need each other. We have the ability to help each other, enjoy each other, and make each other better people. There are countless cliches about community and being together: “It takes a village.” and “Two heads are better than one.” and “Birds of a feather flock together.” They show just how much we are meant to be with other people.

In the world of moms, there has been much talk recently of having or finding your “mom group”. Frequently that group is labelled a “tribe”. Tribe is an old word that’s making a reappearance in our culture. It makes me think of a bunch of people literally living together, in huts within a few hundred feet of each other, nomads even. Webster defines tribe as “a group of people that includes many families and relatives who have the same language, customs, and beliefs”.

Well, that’s really what it is, right? People living together, in similar stages of life, in at least semi-close proximity, surviving the trenches of parenting and doing life together. And – thank goodness! – those people I’ve got! My tribe won’t bat an eye when I call to ask about a weird-looking poop, or with questions about how to deal with my preschooler’s attitude. My tribe will come over to help us escape the rainy day (week!) boredom or meet us at the park to get the blues out of our systems. My tribe doesn’t think I’m a bad mom when we’re having Chick-fil-A for the fourth time this week.

It’s not always easy to find your tribe, but once you’ve got it, it’s a relief. It’s a great feeling to have someone you can chat with while the crazy swirls around you. It’s nice to be totally real, unaffected, and just plain relaxed around someone. Those people may be few and far between. Those people may be those you least expect. But be brave – strike up conversations, seek out those around you. Find your tribe. You were made to be a part of one.

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus

I Said Yes

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As the mom to young kids, I say no a lot. I say no to everything from throwing food on the floor and drawing on the wall to hitting siblings and screaming in restaurants. I feel like I only have negatory words in my vocabulary; let’s not do that, don’t touch those, and no, thank you.

So this morning, when I went out with my daughter, I decided I would say yes as much as I could. Could we have smoothies for breakfast? Yes! While we are shopping in Old Navy, could she choose a new dress. Yes! Could she wear it to church tomorrow? Yes! Could she ride the choo-choo? Yes!

Just a few simple yeses went a long way. Most of them were ones I would’ve said yes to anyway. We needed to have breakfast, so why not smoothies? I knew we were going to look for a couple of fall dresses for her at Old Navy, so when she chose her favorite, of course I said yes. And her favorite yes of the day was easily the train ride.  

 What looked to me like a silly little “train” driven by a bored-looking fellow was a wonderful surprise to my three year old, train-obsessed daughter. We rarely go to the mall (who has time to drag kids through the mall on a regular basis?!) so I didn’t even know train riding was a possibility. We were both surprised, and while $3 a piece to ride a thing made to look like a train for a 4 minute trip around a quarter of the mall seemed like a waste, it made my daughter’s day. She was so ecstatic about being on a train that she wanted our picture taken, her picture taken, and she still has the tickets the conductor gave us in her room. 

 It felt incredible to be able to say yes. I often get weary of not letting my kids have the answer they want. It’s not much fun to say no all the time, because I really do want them to do and have everything. It’s even worse saying no when they’re too young to understand that I have their best interest in mind. So today, saying yes felt especially good, both to me and to EK.

When we are asking the Father for something, really, really hoping for it, but it isn’t what He has for us, we don’t like getting no as the answer. But He wants to give us a thousand yeses, wonderful blessings better than whatever we could think to ask for. Our Heavenly Father knows what we need better than we can understand, and so he tells us no sometimes. He gives us a no to make way for the yes.