Tag Archives: My Big Jesus

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, women

Clumsy Girls Need Grace

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus!

Hubby and I always talk about things we hope get passed down to our kids, and things we hope skip right over them. For instance, I had years of braces, but Hubby has naturally straight teeth. Guess which one of those I hope my kids get? Most of those things we talk about won’t manifest until a little later (a couple more years, at least!), but there’s one thing I’ve already seen in my daughter that she got from me…

Her clumsiness.

That actually would be a good royal name for her. More applesauce, Your Clumsiness?

At least once a day, I hear her cry out from across the house. I know nothing major has gone down, because it’s been so frequent that I can pretty much tell you what’s happened. She has stubbed her toe. Almost every single time. Or maybe she dropped something on it, or stumbled off of her plastic, high-heeled princess shoes, or hit her elbow on a doorframe. You know – the usual.

Part of me totally understands. It’s truly frustrating to trip over nothing and have bruises up and down your legs you don’t really remember getting. It’s a pain (ha ha, right?) to bump knees and elbows and toes on everything that sticks out one millimeter. It stinks to be a little less coordinated than the average (already uncoordinated) three-year-old. But the rest of me knows I have one job: teaching her that every little bump or bruise (or thing that doesn’t go her way) can’t be a big deal.

That’s where I’m a fault. Sometimes, I’m the one who makes a giant deal out of a spill, or a crash of something breakable. I’m the one who shouts in pain when I stub my toe – or like this morning, when I hit my knee getting in the car, and exclaimed, “Ouch! I think I broke my leg!” I hit it pretty hard, okay?!

It just isn’t practical to make a huge deal out of a stubbed toe. Or spilled milk. Or a bruised elbow. These things are going to happen, and she and I both need a lesson in patience and shrugging things off. We sometimes bring out the worst in each other, making big deals of things we shouldn’t. But it’s a learning process. I’m hoping to teach her to let it go earlier than I learned – because I’m obviously still working on it even now.

I know that what we need is grace. We need a reminder that we aren’t perfect, we will never be perfect, and it’s okay that way. If we were perfect, we wouldn’t need the love and blood of a Savior to redeem our imperfections. Because we screw up, we react poorly, and then we feel guilt about it, we are human. And humans need Jesus to cover their sins and screw ups with amazing grace. A lesson in grace for my clumsy girl is also a lesson in grace for me.

faith, My Big Jesus

The Life of a New Mom

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When you have a baby, certain things fall to the wayside for a few weeks (months?) that used to matter a little more. There are the normal things, like sleeping and eating. There are also things like laundry and other chores that you fall behind on. There are still more things that you neglect, often about yourself, that it takes you a while to get back into. I’m finding this out, once again, after the birth of my third child. Here are a few of the things I’ve been neglecting for the past six weeks:

Showers. It seems a little gross that you are neglecting these, but honestly, if you have half an hour to yourself, you’ll probably nap (or let’s be honest: sneak out and get a latte) instead of shower. Just being honest.

Beauty routines. The careful steps you took to put on your make up, the way you’d do your hair before you left the house, and the polish on your nails? Say goodbye. I have chipped nail polish from weeks ago, and I barely slap on the mascara every 5 times I leave the house. My hair gets washed every couple of days, and brushed… after I get out of the shower. Oops.

Haircuts. Speaking of hair, this is one of my biggest bummers about neglecting myself for a few weeks. As a person with short hair, I like to get it done about every six weeks, or else it gets super shaggy and it looks like I’m trying out a new (horrible) hair style. It’s been about 9 weeks since I’ve had a haircut, and I’ve stopped checking the back of my head in the mirror at any point. Ignorance is bliss. Oh, I have a giant cowlick back there? That means I actually slept a little last night!

Food. I don’t mean eating it… I mean making sure you have it. And also making sure it’s not rotten. And I hate being wasteful. We’ve run out of milk a few times (not good for my little napping babes) and eggs and bread once or twice as well. But somehow we recently had so many bananas that I ended up freezing the overripe ones for smoothies (because no one wants to eat a mushy banana) and I just threw out three molding peaches (disgusting) and some would-be-delicious leftovers that had been there since… I just don’t know how long. We have completely lost our balance for grocery shopping and food consumption.

Friends. I’ve been trying to do well here, but I’m sorry if I slipped. I’ve definitely texted a few of you a few times. That’s something, right? And several of you have brought us meals, you blessed souls. It’s nice to see a familiar face around here that isn’t asking me to change its diaper or feed it ice cream.

Knowledge of the outside world. Hey, is there some kind of election coming up? Wasn’t there some sport that just had a tournament or got a new outfit thingy? What season is it, again? I can’t even remember the day of the week…

Prayer life. Where I usually try to be very intentional about reading my Bible and choosing something or someone to pray for, recently my prayers have been all but limited to, “Please God, let the baby stay asleep.” and “Dear Lord, please let us have a few more diapers stashed around here somewhere.” Or my personal favorite: “Thank you, Lord, for my kids! And now, bed time!”

 

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus

It’s Hard to Be a Baby

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus!

My sweet little baby, you make me wish I was the baby. 

Seriously, though! You can lie around most of the day. You are fed at the moment you act like you’re hungry. You can sleep whenever you want. You get endless snuggles. Everyone is gentle wth you, and says sweet things, like how cute you are and how they can’t wait to see you again soon. All your clothes are soft, your blankets cozy, and you’re surrounded by people fighting each other to hold you. Life must be so hard.  

 Sometimes, when you are unhappy, I can’t help but wonder why. It just doesn’t make sense. You went on a nice afternoon stroll. You got fed right on your schedule. You  napped only when you wanted to. You didn’t even have to go to the bathroom to do your business, and I cleaned you right up! But when I laid you down in your bassinet (asleep, by the way) so that I could take a shower, you acted as though I had told you that you were never going to DisneyWorld. Total injustice!

Sometimes, you look like you are totally offended at something I’ve done. For instance, when I invited a photographer friend over to take some pictures of you so I could show everyone your big blue eyes and adorable, cuddly poses, you wouldn’t stay calm. Then, you pooped right on the couch! I mean, give me a break, kid. When you’re 18 and I don’t have a photo for your senior yearbook, I’ll remind you about the time you pooped during your naked baby photo shoot. 

But as much as you squirm, or fuss, or scream, or wake me up at night, I’m always going to love you. I’ll always take care of you. I’ll always kiss you (even in front of your friends) and I will forever be sharing my life, my love, my heart, and my milkshakes with you and your siblings. Even though it’s hard to be you sometimes, remember all the poop I’ve cleaned up. It’s easier to be you. 

food, home, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, random thoughts

Currently

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Hello, friends! It’s time for another Currently! I’m linking up with Becky at Choose Happy and our other friends to bring this week’s update. Join us!

currently button

Hoping || that EK gets back in a rhythm here at home after her weekend away. I think she was tired and a little off-kilter, because she was tantruming like a champion yesterday afternoon and evening, and wouldn’t nap. That’s a little unusual for her… she likes her sleep typically. Anyway, I’m hoping she’ll figure it back out soon because it was a tough night last night, and this morning was still a little off.

Watching || Lost. I know, I know… I’m years behind on the Lost train, but it’s never too late to watch a good show, right? No spoilers, but tell me what you thought of it if you’ve seen it! I’m about halfway through the first season. I’m loving Jack, I like Claire and Charlie a lot too, and I have really enjoyed learning everyone’s back stories.

 Eating || a snack that for some reason popped into my head after not having it for years. In college, I nannied for a family of four boys, and they and their mom would sometimes have a snack of graham crackers with vanilla icing  – just the stuff from the can. It seems so simple and unremarkable, but it’s actually quite good, and made it into my “comfort food” category. It’s sweet, but not the worst thing I can think of to eat (I don’t like too much icing on mine) so the other day, I finally broke and bought the can of icing and box of graham crackers. I’ve really been enjoying myself! 

 Enjoying || some morning and evening family walks. Before it gets too hot or after the sun starts to set are the only times we can really stand walking with all of us – probably because it’s a heavy stroller with two, and wearing a baby is extra toasty. But we’ve been enjoying the family time, and the exercise… or the glass of wine while we stroll after dinner!

Loving || the new My Big Jesus website! I love writing for the site every week, and I’m glad their site has had an overhaul! It’s faster and looks better now. If you’ve been following my blog for a while, you know that I post for them every Monday. If you’ve never gone to visit the real site and check out the rest of the material, make sure you do it! It’s a great, encouraging and entertaining operation.

Well, that’s what’s going on with me right now. What’s going on with you?

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus

Completely Normal Chaos

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus!  

When I was in fourth grade, I first heard the phrase “completely normal chaos”. I think it was the title of a book I should’ve read that I don’t remember actually reading. But the phrase, even then, resonated with me. I liked the sound, the feel of it. It brought fun, homey, and comfortable images to mind. I loved the concept of completely normal chaos, and I’ve thought about being a part of a “comfortable crazy” ever since hearing the phrase for that first time.

Well y’all, my day has arrived.

I could use that beloved phrase to describe my life at almost any given moment. If you were a fly on the wall of my home, you would witness a certain level of chaos. I don’t mean natural disaster chaos, or even high school pep rally chaos. I mean you would probably find a mess being made. You would probably find a pile of laundry or four. You would probably hear some crying and some laughter and maybe some shouting. You would see books scattered about, Legos in partial towers on the coffee table, and small bites of food littering the kitchen floor. You would find empty bottles and discarded socks, toy crumbs and puzzle pieces in almost every room. You would hear laughter, or shouting, or crying, or a combination of the three. You might hear music playing over the din, or even catch snippets of Frozen wafting up from the TV in our basement.

For non-parents, or for parents who have forgotten or don’t know what having three children under age four is like, this could be a special kind of torture. I myself took a while to get used to it, and some days if I dwell on it, I still feel my heart beating a little faster than it should. But this chaos, this din, this wonderful messy life is mine, and I am thankful for it.

The voices, be they crying or laughing or arguing or whispering sweet words… those voices are my precious gifts, little companions I brought into the world. The mess, toys, laundry and food crumbs… that mess means that we are abundantly blessed with more than enough food to eat, clothes to wear, and toys to play with. This splendid life I’ve been given is full of chaos, but it’s become my “normal”. That doesn’t mean that it’s easy and perfect, or even that it’s boring. It just means that it’s normal, typical, and familiar. Chaos is often something unusual, but not for us. Our lives are full of this wonderful, exciting, completely normal chaos.

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, women

To My Kids: Sometimes I Cry

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus. 


Sometimes, at the end of a particularly trying day with you guys, I cry. I’m overwhelmed with all the feelings, with exhaustion, with knowing I’ll get up and do it all again tomorrow. So sometimes, there’s nothing to do but cry.

I cry selfishly for the fact that the day took so many hours to be over.

I cry because I don’t know if the choices I made were the right ones.

I cry because I don’t know if you felt loved enough, cherished enough, hugged and kissed enough.

I cry from sheer exhaustion, as I literally fall into bed, having nothing left for your dad but tears.

I cry because I was so frustrated over a hundred little things that went “wrong”.

I cry because I didn’t rejoice enough over the things that went right.

I cry because it’s okay to feel sad, to feel scared, to feel angry, or to feel lonely.

I cry because I’m so full of love and happiness, I can’t express myself any other way.

I cry because I’m so grateful to have tomorrow to start over.

You see, every day, I do my best. For better or for worse, my best is different every day. Sometimes, my best is not letting you do something that you want to do, because it’s a poor choice. Sometimes my best is ice cream for dinner. Sometimes, my best is a perfectly planned day, with healthy snacks and meals, fun play dates, great naps and lasting memories made. Sometimes, my best is losing my patience with you, and having to apologize. But always, always, I love you. Because I love you, because I care so much about you, I sometimes have a reason to cry. And that’s okay.

mommyhood, My Big Jesus

Things I Love About Newborns

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus!

After three years of watching my first and then second newborn grow into rough-and-tumble toddler and preschooler who feed themselves, make big messes, know more words every day, have super-stinky poops and holler louder than I would’ve imagined they could, having a newborn in the house again has totally baffled me all over again. It’s amazing how tiny they are, how soft their skin is, the way their legs draw up to their bottoms. It’s just plain cute is what I’m saying. Here are a few wonderful things I’ve rediscovered about newborns over the past week and a half since we added our newest… 

 Fuzzy Bodies || Their little bodies are covered (head to toe, in the case of all three of my children) in fine, downy hair. It’s literally adorable how monkey-like the little babes are. Their cheeks, their shoulders, their knees, all covered in fuzzy, little baby hairs. So cute.

Squeaky Noises || The squeaky, high-pitched noises accompanying stretches and the contented grunts accompanying full tummies are the cutest sounds in the world. That is all.

Deep Blue Eyes || I’ve often heard people say that all babies are born with blue eyes. While I don’t really know if that’s true, it was true for my children. All three of them had the deepest blue eyes at birth, like when you’re out on the ocean and you can’t even fathom where the bottom is… that deep, dark blue. J’s lightened pretty quickly, and are a pretty crystal blue now. But EK’s (and D’s so far) stayed darker for much longer, then started to develop a few more colors, and are hazel now. Word’s still out on what D’s will do.

Snugglability || There just isn’t anything in the world like cuddling a sleeping newborn baby. Nothing at all.

Wrinkly Everything || Similar to the fuzzy bodies, the wrinkly skin is also super endearing. Wrists, ankles, necks, everything has a few extra rolls and wrinkles and it’s adorable.

Quiet Mom and Baby Time || Whether you’re breastfeeding or bottle feeding, chances are there is a good amount of time that you’re alone with your baby… even if it’s only in the middle of the night. When baby is eating, or sleeping after a feeding, that time alone with just them is such sweet bonding and precious snuggle time that you will never regret.

Providing for Everything || A newborn is wonderfully (and sometimes terribly) dependent, but having the tools to give the baby everything he needs feels so good. It’s nice to know that if I can change his diapers, feed him, keep him warm, and give him lots of snuggles, he’s pretty much got everything he needs. No toys, playdates, or homework help needed. Instant supermom.

There are a few more things that I love, but most of them have to do with how different they are from my bigs, such as the fact that he can’t run, walk, crawl, or even roll over, the fact that right now, he eats for free, and the fact that he naps all day long. But newborns in general are just perfect… sweet blessings from our Creator that remind us how much we can love and how much we are loved.

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus

The Days Are Long, But the Years Are Short

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Sometimes, cliches are stupid. You hear them, and you know they’re outdated, or they’re totally unrelated to how you’re actually feeling. (Everything happens for a reason and good things come to those who wait.) Other times, cliches are totally on par. (Two wrongs don’t make a right and laughter is the best medicine.) One cliche I’ve been hearing a lot recently (as in, ever since I became a mom) and I unfortunately agree with is this: The days are long, but the years are short.
Oh my, but the days are indeed long. They start earlier and earlier (can you say toddlers get up with the sun?) and they seem to be ending later and later. Here’s another cliche on this same note: Sleep is for the weak! Oh, that’s not a cliche? That’s just a stupid thing people say? Oh. You’re right. Anyway…

As I’m surviving my long days of diapers, chores, to-do lists, crying and clinging, I sometimes get frustrated. When naps don’t go as planned, my outings are cut short by tantrums, or the lovingly-prepared meals hit the dirty floor (for the second time), I can’t want to cash in my chips and call it a day, even if I’m in the hole.

But what about the second part? That bit about years being short… it surely hits home when I look around and see how time has flown. My daughter is a tall, lanky three. She’s twice as talkative as she was just a few short months ago, and today at the pool she was jumping off the diving board. I’m a proud mama bear, but I’m weeping on the inside, pining for her days of fat-cheeked giggles and learning to crawl.

I’m not really writing this to be like the old lady at the grocery store who tells you how much “you’ll miss this”. I’m not even writing it to say you should “enjoy the little moments”. I’m just writing it to say that, by God, you’re right. The days are long as hell sometimes. They’re so long and tedious that you’ll cry for a glass of wine and your pillow. But the years are truly short. They’re so short and sweet that you’ll be floored by how quickly the milestones are passing. Motherhood is full of these paradoxes and imbalances. So alright, I’ll say it. You might as well know that “you’ll miss this” and you should “enjoy the little moments” before they’re too quickly gone. Look for the fun in your long days, and savor all the moments you can.

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, parenting fails, women

He Will Come Through

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus!

 After a particularly difficult day with my three-year-old (that wasn’t helped by a fussy one-and-a-half-year-old who thinks it’s time to learn how to throw a proper tantrum), it was finally bedtime, and I was exhausted. I could tell the kids had had enough of me, and I had had enough of them. I hate those days that I haven’t done my best. I wasn’t the best mom to them. I didn’t use the kindest words or have the most patience – or honestly, much patience at all. The fun things I planned seemed to go awry almost immediately. Meals I prepared weren’t liked. The way I tried to fix problems didn’t work. Everything just… sucked.

After my son was down in his crib, I went into my daughter’s room. I said, “You know that I love you, right?” Head nods… with a smile, even! “You know that even when I’m angry or I’m sad, I still love you?” More nodding and smiling… then a jump into my arms.

Y’all, I couldn’t buy that forgiveness. I couldn’t buy that redemption from my difficult, beloved daughter at the end of a crappy day. I melted, tears dripping into her hair, thankful beyond words for the most perfect example of “forgive and forget”. She reminded me that though I fail, I’m still her mama, and she still wants and needs my love.

Just like her forgiveness, I also needed forgiveness for a failed day. My sin was so heavy, weighing on my mind and my heart, and my guilt was even worse. I needed a forgiving Father to smile and nod and tell me He still loved me, too. I hit my knees at the end of that day, begging Him to drag me out of the rut I couldn’t get out of on my own, begging for a reset of my attitude. He comes through, y’all. If you let Him, He comes through. It’s not easy, and often, it’s not pretty. But He comes through.

mommyhood, pregnancy, siblings

5 Predictions About Life With 3 Kids

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus!
As I’m down to my last couple of weeks before baby #3 arrives, I am forced to think of what life will be like when he gets here. With a 3 year old, a 1 1/2 year old, and a newborn, I think it’s safe to say craziness is about to ensue. Here are a few more predictions of what might be happening:

There will be an (obvious) increase in laundry. I already do approximately one load per day with the four of us. That doesn’t necessarily mean that I do one complete load every single day… it often means I do five loads in one day, and take a few days off. But it would seem as though adding a person (no matter how tiny) will make it even more so. For instance, if this kid is like my other two, there will be one more swaddle per day to wash, and that’ll basically be an entire load a week of just swaddles. Sheesh.

There will be fewer showers/baths. I’m guessing I’ll cheat on the kids’ bedtime routine some nights (usually we do baths just before bed) and take baths out of the equation. I probably won’t shower as often, due to another person clinging to me. All around, that’s some water saved (that we’ll use on laundry).

We will be eating more takeout. What can I say? It’s just easier. Am I right? We can try to keep it healthy… you know… takeout salad and such.

I will be (even more) forgetful. I’m fully prepared to enter into the stage of “Did I brush my teeth today?” and “I thought I put my car keys right here!” and “When exactly is the last time I shaved my legs?” This pregnancy has been an indicator of that. It happens a little more with every kid, they say (at least I think they do). Pregnancy brain is nothing to joke about, but when I’m keeping up with three younguns, I just can’t be surprised that I’m still looking for the… for the… well, for whatever it is I’m always losing.

My heart will be too full to describe. Y’all, I already know this one is true. I’m already full-to-bursting with love for these little guys, so I can’t imagine what meeting the next one will do. I may just explode with happiness! You know, after I remember where I keep the coffee cups and wade my way through the umpteenth load of laundry. Love. It’ll all be about love.