Tag Archives: MyBigJesus

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, siblings

He’s gonna be a sockah playah!

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This post also appeared on MyBigJesus.com

My eldest child is a daughter. My daughter is not an athlete. I don’t consider this to be a reflection on her gender. I don’t consider this to be a reflection on her girlhood. I consider it to be a bit of laziness and a bit of clumsiness, combined with the fact that mom and dad and grandma and grandpa and everyone in her life have always done what she needed. She loves to dance and loves to run, but she is not very graceful. It’s endearing, truly.

My son however it is already running as soon as he learned to walk. He is climbing. He is jumping and shouting and being fast and crazy. The desire to be faster and stronger is so much more with the second child. I don’t think their differences are boy versus girl. I think their differences have more to do with the fact that my son has always wanted to catch up to my daughter. Maybe it’s just a second child thing.

Those things being said, I will fully support the habits, desires and interests of my kids. If EK wants to try out for every sports team her entire life, I’ll support it. If J never wants to do anything athletic in his life, I’ll support it. I want them to be well-rounded, but also happy. I’d love them to be musical and athletic and theatrical and academic and social and everything all at once… wouldn’t everyone like their kids to have talent out the wazoo and be gifted in anything they tried? But that just isn’t the most practical thing to expect of your child.

I know my kids aren’t old enough to have really shown us what their talents or interests are yet, but I’m preparing for it. I know it’s coming. And when it comes, we’ve got ten years at least of it being a huge part of our lives. I don’t want to be a mom who forces her kids into things they don’t care about, or makes them stick with what they started for several more years, even if they hate it. That being said, we won’t decide that our first piano lesson wasn’t what we thought and we can just quit. We also, won’t try one new thing every single year till high school graduation. That just gets too crazy. We will strive for a good balance, no over commitment, and the most fun and learning. Those are the priorities.

Now remind me of that in 5 years or so, okay?

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, pregnancy, siblings

Once… Twice… Three Times with Baby

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I like to think that by blogging, I’m able to impart a little motherly wisdom, provide a little entertainment, and encourage some weary women out there with a little good news. I think this post does all three of those things pretty well… So here’s a post about pregnancies – and how they’re all different.

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When you’re pregnant with your first baby, no matter how you feel, you probably have the opportunity to rest a lot. With your first, you can lounge around in your free time, sleep a lot, rest, and exploit your spouse to please cook the thing you’re craving and take out the trash because your pregnant nose is in overdrive and you can’t stand the smell. You always know what week you’re on (16 weeks, 2 days, 3 hours and 15 minutes) and you have the due date marked in all your friends’ and family members’ calendars. You have a perfect nursery, complete with outfits for every type of weather and every size up to 3T. You’ve looked at day cares and preschools, read parenting books and blogs, and chosen the perfect name for a successful human. You are way ahead of the game, due purely to excitement.

When you’re pregnant with your second baby, there is no resting unless your kid is resting (so basically none). There is no requesting special meals, because the meals revolve around the current kid, not you. If he takes out the trash, you’re probably doing the dishes or changing a diaper, anyway. You try to eat as healthily as possible (fruit, non-sugary cereal, etc) since you’re trying to feed your kid pretty healthy, too. You keep on doing your thing as much as possible, sneaking naps if you can, and going to bed a little earlier, if your spouse is helping with laundry.

With your third, all bets are pretty much off. You’re going and bopping and feeding and playing and cleaning and laundering and driving to and from and yonder. You’re eating a lot of mac and cheese, because that’s what’s easy to satisfy everyone’s palates. You’re already swimming in diapers and wipes, so no need to buy a bunch of those in preparation. You’ve got every type of hand-me-downs, so the kid is set on clothes. You feel like you want to buy the third kid something new, but you just don’t need anything and you don’t have extra cash really to throw at unnecessary baby items. You also better have your maternity clothes unpacked at 8 weeks, because you’ll need them.

But you know what will be the same every time?  You’ll still smile when you feel the baby move in your womb. You will be excited to pick the name, however far along you are. You will know love that you didn’t know you had room for in your heart. You will begin praying for that little being and the rest of his or her life.

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus

That Moment When…

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That moment when you look at your kids, and they’re playing nicely together.
That moment when their plates are empty, and haven’t been flung to the floor yet.
When they say please and thank you.
When they ask for an extra hug and kiss.
When they blow your mind with their brilliance, their intuitiveness, and their stinkin’ cute curls.

But also, that moment when she pushes him down.
That moment when all the stuffed animals are in the toilet.
That moment when you aren’t sure how much they ate, because food seems to multiply when it hits the floor.
When you’re sure your kids had friends over while you went to the bathroom, because two kids couldn’t have done that by themselves.
When you didn’t finish your breakfast, or your coffee, or shower.
When they refuse to nap, refuse to eat, refuse to be held, and refuse to be put down, simultaneously.

That moment, you are a mother. Yes, you’re always a mother, but you might wear a hundred other hats in a day… wife, sister, chef, friend, housekeeper, daughter, co-worker, chauffeur or any myriad of other jobs you may sometimes hold. But that moment, you’re simply a mom.

You are more than just a busy woman or even a slightly sticky, exhausted human. You’re a mom who provides fully, loves deeply, tries hard, and picks herself up when she slips. You’re a mom who kisses booboos, fixes hair, wipes noses, and cuts crusts off sandwiches. You’re a mom who molds minds, chases dreams, encourages personalities and shapes the future.

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faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, parenting fails

You Ruined the Moment!

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Today, I had a moment. A moment of full appreciation of all my little guy’s cuteness and quirks. He’d gotten up from his nap a little fussy, and just wanted to cuddle. He needed his mama. I was obviously glad to oblige. I was even tearing up, burying my face in his curls behind his ears, and telling Hubby how glad I was to have a little guy who loved his mama. Then just like that, the moment was over – squelched by a bit of vomit, rolling right down our sleeves and on to my pants.

Thanks a lot, kid.

Luckily, we both needed baths anyway, so I took him to my bathroom, figuring we’d just hop in the shower. As soon as I got his diaper off, he decided to make sure the aforementioned sweet moment was completely gone. He stood up straight, took a big breath, and peed right onto the bath mat.

It was gone. But thanks for making sure, kid.

But the truth is that I often look at my little humans and think about how incredible they are. I think about how EK has her daddy’s hazel eyes, with the speckles of gold. I think about how J has the ice blue eyes of my grandfather, who died while I was pregnant with J. I think about EK’s stubborn personality and wonder (batting my eyes and smiling sneakily) where she could have possibly gotten it from! I listen to J’s happy wordless jabber, probably making up stories and using his imagination already. They’re amazing. God has already given them a thousand unique qualities that I will love, struggle with, pray over and brag about. They are mine, my own. And they are wonderfully and fearfully made.

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, siblings

Your First Child… and Your Second

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People tell you things about your second child. He will go with the flow, they said. He will have to, they said. Your second is always more easy-going, right?

Wrong. In my case, dead wrong.

Our oldest child is very go-with-the-flow. She loves running errands, having play dates, and being out of the house. She loves going out to dinner, meeting new people, taking a nap whenever, staying up late, and generally having a full schedule. I mean, she does really well entertaining herself at home, but she’s also great at all-around keeping herself occupied wherever we are.

Our second child is the opposite. He’s a homebody. He likes nothing better than to be at home, with his toys, nap on his own (different-every-day) schedule, eat at our own dining room table, and go to bed over an hour earlier than EK. This, as you might imagine, can cramp our style. Specifically, it cramps my playdates-and-meals-at-restaurants style. He often naps through the lunch hour. My lunch dates will have to wait. Playing in the playplace at Chick-Fil-A? No way. Morning playdates while EK is in preschool? You must be joking. And put him in the nursery at church with babies he knows and parent volunteers he knows? ALL BETS ARE OFF.

But which kid is right? Which one has the “better” idea of what’s going on? Neither. They’re both great. I love taking EK with me when I go to Target and Costco and the grocery store, because she loves being out and about. Talk about a girl making my busybody, stir-crazy-at-home-all-day heart happy! Equally, I love my at-home cuddles with J, watching a movie or snacking on fruit at the kitchen table, instead of going out to lunch with friends. I even (usually, anyway) think it’s amusing to go behind him and right all the upturned objects he’s hit with the Swiffer he nabbed, and pick up the food crumbs he’s dropped off his pants as he walked away from the table.

Both my kids are awesome. God has given them totally different personalities, and it’s my joy (and yes, occasional frustration) as their mom to get to know them, even as they change every single day. I can already enjoy special moments with each of them separately, doing things that they enjoy. I love knowing them, and knowing that they’re different.

mommyhood, My Big Jesus, pregnancy, random thoughts

10 Reasons I Want to Throw a Toddler Tantrum

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This post also appeared on MyBigJesus.com!

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Does anyone else wish they could hit the floor, scream at the top of their lungs, and cry it out?

1. I use wrinkle cream around my eyes, and acne-prevention face wash. At the same time.

2. The snack I made was for me, not the tiny pairs of hands that keep stealing it.

3. My coffee doesn’t reheat itself.

4. I want to take a nap, so why don’t my kids?!

5. I am angry that I don’t know the sound a rabbit makes, too.

6. I’m swimming in laundry. Seriously.

7. I just put those puzzles together, for crying out loud.

8. I can’t drink wine while pregnant.

9.  I was using the laptop! And no, I didn’t want to watch Frozen!

10. I want to go to sleep at 9:00pm, but I can’t, because my toddler doesn’t want to.

mommyhood, My Big Jesus, parenting fails

Failing at Manners

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This post also appeared on MyBigJesus.com !

Growling "like a dinosaur" instead of eating her lunch.
Growling “like a dinosaur” instead of eating her lunch.

So, I’ve been trying to teach EK about manners. I know, my two and a half year old doesn’t know much about manners (says anyone who’s ever spent time with her). She’s a little spastic, likes to run around instead of stay in her chair during meals, and thinks spitting, yelling, sounding like a fire truck, and pushing down her brother (who just learned to walk) are all acceptable things to do. We talk every day about being polite, making good choices, and being kind to others, and I can tell it’s finally starting to sink in. She knows better than doing lots of the things we talk about. And that’s where we get stuck.

Recently, she’s been saying, “That’s funny!” or “Ella Kate so funny!” after she does something mean or rude. So the other day, I countered with, “No, that’s not funny. That’s rude.” If you could tell me how to take those words back, I’d pay you a million dollars.

I have literally heard that phrase several times a day since I said it the first – and only – time. Of all the things I say that she parrots, I can’t believe that’s the one. Sometimes, she does something truly funny, and we tell her so. And right on cue, she responds with, “No! That’s not funny! That’s rude!”

Talk about a lost meaning. A giant parenting fail that I committed, just as I was trying to teach manners. The best laid plans, right? Well, I can’t stop teaching her about manners because I had an epic fail. I can’t just let her run me over when I try to teach her right from wrong. One failed teachable moment doesn’t excuse me from ever teaching her anything again. It just makes me want to get it right even more. As a parent, it’s my job to teach her to make good choices on her own, so that she can do it without me later. It’s a scarily important role, teaching those things. It’s tough. I’m sure when she’s a teenager, it’ll be tougher still. But I can’t be discouraged by one fail, or five fails, or a thousand. That loud, endearingly crazy girl is going to get the right idea, if I can help guide her in spite of ourselves.

faith, health and fitness, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, pregnancy, Run Away.

A Time Out for Mommy

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My lungs are burning, I thought.  Whether from cold or effort I don’t know. 

That was the first real thought of what might have been a hundred during my first mile.

It’s been too long since my last run… especially since I’m pushing this double stroller.

Why didn’t I pack tissues?! There was room in the stroller for goodness sake!

If my fingertips are this numb, how are my kids doing? Why didn’t I make them wear gloves? Worst mom ever!

Gosh, I have to pee. I know. Pregnant with my third kid and I have to pee. Big surprise.

How many times is EK gonna drop that blanket? I’m never going to make it for three miles if I’m stopping every ten feet.

This is just a sampling of how my mind rambles while I’m running. It’s extremely silly sometimes, how my mind will come up with anything to think about besides the work it’s doing. And the truth was that even though it had been awhile since my last run, I wasn’t even working that hard. What was hard was the cold, my runny nose, and the fact that I always have to go to the bathroom.

But I needed the time out. Time outdoors. Time out in the sunshine (which has been hit or miss these days). Time out for my kiddos – not like a punishment, but a total removal from their current situation (sitting inside, toddling along after me, asking to be picked up). Time out of my normal laundry-dishes-picking-up routine. Time out from my “feed the kids, change a diaper, clean, repeat” routine. A mama can only put together 2732 puzzles before she needs a time out.

And y’all, when I tell you I need a time out, I’m serious. I get frustrated easily. Call it hormones, call it a generational curse, call it whatever you want. But I do. I work on it all day, every day. I pray about it. I have others pray with me about it. But I’m human, and I lose patience and lose resolve. So when I need to get rid of some frustration, I like going on a run. Winter is the worst, because my time out can’t happen if it’s below about 45 degrees (yes, I’m a weenie and I hate the cold). But when it’s 45 or above, my double jogging stroller is my best friend, who understands my venting and my struggles. Okay, fine. “Understands” is a stretch, but you get the idea. At least the stroller doesn’t struggle back.

Sometimes, I’m in need of more than just a run. I’m in need of a run to Jesus. I pray harder every mile. I pray for myself, I pray for my kids, my Hubby, my friends, my family. I pray for grace as a mama. I pray for patience and a clean heart. I pray that the 25 minute nap that J got in the stroller will last him till bedtime. I pray that I won’t collapse going up the last hill before I’m home. I pray because I need Jesus so much. I know that he’s the only one who truly understands, and can cleanse me and mold me into a more perfect woman in his sight.

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, pregnancy

The Social Networks of Moms

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This post also appeared on MyBigJesus.com so check it out there, too!

I have a theory about moms and their social lives. It’s that most moms have five groups of people in their social networks. I’ll describe them a bit for you:

1. Friends from before you had kids. Notice I didn’t bother to separate these into high school friends, college friends, work friends, etc. They’re all lumped together now in a group of “they’ve known me as a woman before she was a mom”.

2. Friends you made because you were pregnant at the same time. Perhaps you met these friends at your birthing classes. Possibly, you had the same doctor and ran into each other a lot. Maybe you’re like me, and you met them at prenatal yoga. Or just maybe, you just looked at each other, in the middle of Babies R Us, that registering “gun” in your hand, staring at the wall full of seemingly identical sippy cups, and just laughed together.

3. Friends you made because they also have kids. These are the friends that you were acquainted with, but you’d never really gotten to know before, until you realized your kids were similar ages, and wow! you live in the same neighborhood! Neighborhood park play date, anyone? (Note: They might also be the ones that you keep calling and asking your random “Is this normal?” type questions. And that’s okay, too.)

4. Friends you made because your kids are friends with theirs. Since my kids are young, I haven’t delved too far into this one yet myself, but these are friend you’ve made simply because your kids request to hang out with their kids. Lots of times, that means you and that other mom are gonna get a lot of quality time together, so I hope for your sake she’s cool.

5. Friends that belong in more than one of these groups. These are usually the favorites. Your best friend from college got pregnant at the same time as you. Your community group at church has a couple of moms with kids that are similarly aged. Your kids have had so many play dates with your prenatal yoga friends’ kids that they’re basically best friends now, too.

This fifth group is the one that I say “does life together”. Not that you can’t do life with someone in a different stage of life than you… you absolutely can. But isn’t it easier to relate to someone else who also has a toddler and a newborn, who can relate to the sleep-deprived craziness? Isn’t it more comforting to call a fellow mom to pray for you about your child having night terrors? It just makes more sense to ask another mom advice about getting your four-month-old to sleep through the night.

This group, network, tribe… these are the prayer warriors, the comforters, the make-you-feel-better-ers, and the caretakers on standby. These are the ones who will have coffee with you after preschool drop off in their pjs. They’re the ones who will immediately answer your message at 4:00am, because they’re also up nursing a baby. They’re the ones who will tell you it’s okay to cry over spilled milk sometimes, and your potty-training problems will be over before you know it, who will let you drop off your toddler for an hour while you go to the dentist, and who will remind you that those little mess-making devils are the ones you love, even on their messiest, most devious days – yes, even after you’ve stepped on the twenty-seventh Lego.1557299_10201745293992537_4234563664332024362_o

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus

A Mountainous Moment Away

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This post also appeared on MyBigJesus.com!

A couple of weekends ago, I went to the mountains (Asheville, NC to be exact) with my college girlfriends for about 24 hours. Y’all. It’s the first baby-free 24 hours I’ve had since September. I know, I’m probably spoiled getting away twice in a matter of four months, but I digress.

We had planned to spend a day and a night together before the Christmas rush to catch up, sleep late, eat like the foodies we are, drink wine and shop. It was a great trip: beautiful weather, wonderful friends (we’ve been friends for ten years!) and just enough excitement to make me glad I wasn’t lugging two extra bodies around.

Until I’d gotten through 19 or so of the 24 hours. And then I missed those extra little bodies. No one was tugging at my shirt from around my knees, no one had needed to potty, no sippy cups misplaced, no diapers were changed, and no one had cried because their nap time was off. But then again, no one randomly wanted hugs and kisses, ate the rest of my sandwich I couldn’t finish, charmed strangers with his giggles, or gave a hilarious misnomer to an item she saw in a storefront. Hubby was sending me pictures of the three of them, having a grand time wearing superhero capes and having dance parties. I know, I shouldn’t complain. I was sitting in front of the fire at the Grove Park Inn, sipping hot chocolate. Still, I digress.

When you create two little beings, they are such a part of you that there’s no not missing them. There’s no glad you haven’t seen them in a while or relieved you aren’t changing diapers and scrambling eggs right now. I don’t think it’s a routine thing either… I don’t miss them because they’re a part of my routine and I’m a scheduled person. I miss them because they’re a part of me. They’re my favorite people. They’re opening my eyes to the world that they see and the feelings they’re discovering for the first time, not to mention milestones like learning to walk or pooping in the potty that I might be missing!

I also know that time with adults (read: people with wider vocabularies) and time to be by myself is healthy. I know that getting a full night’s sleep is a good thing, as is building and keeping up relationship with women that I love. It was a relaxing and rejuvenating time; we are an easy-going group, who all know each other well enough that we can skip pleasantries and get straight to what’s going on in our lives. And since we’re all at different points in our lives (ie: I’m the only mom) it’s fun to hear about things that we’ve passed, or things we haven’t come to yet. It’s good for me to remember that my life isn’t only inside my four walls with the three people I see most often. It stretches and encourages me that not all of us are in the same trenches.

Who says when you grow up, you don't like taking hilarious photos?
Who says when you grow up, you don’t like taking hilarious photos?