Recently, I’ve been going in and out of a slump. A gray area. An in between. MAN I hate it. I have a lot on my plate, just being wife, mom, keeping house/laundry/food under control, and keeping up with my part-time church job. Usually, having a lot on my plate makes me productive… I do what I need to do and more. But in the past few weeks, we’ve spent two weekends away from home, added thinking about moving/renovating/etc and I’ve added a few more hours a week to my church job. I love those things; they excite me and they are positive things in my life. But on the other hand, I’m getting a little too overwhelmed. I’ve passed “busy” and am headed towards “drowning”. My response? Take a day where I’m really sad, feeling blue, and don’t do anything. Was that the right response? Probably not.
I did some talking to my sister-in-law (relational clarification: one of my best friends) Holly and our friend Nikki, and we just decided it was normal. Whatever stress or problem or other thing you’re dealing with, it’s normal to have a day or two where you just kinda shut down, press the reset button, and have a kind of culmination of the emotional and physical toll that stress can take on you. Boy, that was good news. My brain had been spinning all afternoon like “Am I depressed?” and “Should I be on anxiety medicine?” but truly I think I just needed a day to shove off my responsibilities (thanks, Hubby!) and do some resting.
I want to be a good mom for my kids… every single day. I want to be a good wife… every single day. I want to be good at everything I do, to spread truth and be a blessing. And I know the only way I’ll accomplish this is to stop trying to do it myself. I am too busy trying to do and do and do to remember to let God work through me, to let him order my steps and speak through me with love and kindness.
It’s a shift in my thinking that I need. To call on God when I start to stress out, or feel low, or lose my temper. To pray without ceasing, as Paul said. To keep God first in my mind, and He can help me through. He created me, and He has ordered my steps to this point. I know He has also given me the tools that I need to do these things He has called me to – I need only to let Him help me.