Why right now?

You know what’s tough? Training for your first half-marathon.

You know what’s even harder? Training, being totally ready, and confident, and excited, and then getting sick.

Tomorrow was supposed to be race day. Today was supposed to be final “weigh-ins” of the fitness challenge I’ve been doing these past nine weeks, including measurements, strength tests, and a timed mile. I woke up this morning with the fever I had gone to bed with last night, even after a lot of sleep. For the past week or so, I’ve had an eye infection. It’s basically the common cold virus in my eyes, so naturally it comes with several cold symptoms, like swollen lymph nodes and adenoids, sore throat, low-grade fever, stuffy nose, etc. Coincidentally, EK tested positive for strep yesterday (at her well-visit, no less), so she’s sick, too. I asked the pediatrician if there was any chance that I had strep, and he said it was very unlikely I’d have strep at the same time as EKC. So here’s hoping I really don’t have strep, too.

I have to admit, I’m about as disappointed as I could possibly be. I’ve been working so hard, eating well, and I’ve truly been excited about this whole process. I’m discouraged by the last week, and how even eating healthy and trying to get my rest didn’t improve my health enough to make me feel like I could handle it. Even yesterday I was telling myself I could buck up and tough it out through the race tomorrow, but the way I feel this morning, it will take a miracle.

I’ve been asking God why He’s led me along this path far enough to feel like I’d succeed, only to let this happen at the end. I know it might not seem like a huge deal, but it’s been tremendous for me. I feel very discouraged and defeated. I don’t want to be mopey or whiney, but I just can’t get out of the slump I’ve been in the past couple of days. I feel a little like shouting at God and asking why He let this happen at this exact time.

I know I can always run another race. I was ready; I know that if I wanted to I could get ready again. I didn’t really want to be training for a race in the super hot weather, and so if I’m going to do another race, it had better be really soon, even though EKC can last up to 3-6 weeks. That is FOREVER LONG, y’all. A really long time to feel poorly. I’m afraid if I sign up for another race, say, in May, I won’t be all the way better in time to get back up to it. But if I sign up for a mid-summer race, it’ll be terribly hot. My long-term goal was the Run Disney Wine and Dine half-marathon the first weekend in November, but I hate for that to be the first one when I’m pretty much ready now.

Alright, I’m done complaining and ranting. My heart is just hurting, and that’s not even counting actually feeling sick. So if you’re the praying type, say a prayer for my hurting heart (and throat, and head, and eyes) and my body that anxiously awaits that long race I’m dying to run.

2 thoughts on “Why right now?”

  1. It’s really too bad that the timing is so horrible. I can’t imagine that sinking feeling when you know you’re ready but you can’t do it. But think of all you’ve learned about yourself and taught your kids: you can be determined. You can be strong. You can listen to your body. And maybe you don’t get to achieve your goal, but that doesn’t mean that you have nothing to show for it. Maybe rather than working towards a goal, you were developing positive habits, healthy lifestyles and enjoying a hobby.
    Or maybe it just really sucks and that’s equally as valid.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha, I definitely think today I’m feeling both. I moved my registration to a race two weeks from now, so hopefully I can continue this groove for two more weeks and be healthy by then!

      Like

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