Category Archives: random thoughts

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mommyhood, parenting fails, random thoughts, women

20 Thoughts a Mom Might Have at 4:30am

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus. 

I’ve been a mom for four and a half years. It’s been about that long since I’ve had a night’s sleep that was uninterrupted. Even if my kids aren’t the ones that wake me, my brain is on overdrive, wondering if my to-do list was accomplished, hearing phantom baby cries, or already worrying about the things happening the next day. I don’t always wake up in the middle of the night with a baby, but I almost always wake up with at least a little stress. Here are a few thoughts I might have, if I wake at 4:30am…

1. Ugh. I have to be up so soon.

2. Did I ever move those clothes into the dryer?

3. I think we’re out of milk!

4. How is it possible that he snores so loudly?

5. Was that a baby I just heard?

6. I can’t forget to make the appointment for the baby’s check up.

7. When did she come upstairs? I’d take her back to her room, but she’s fast asleep. I guess one night is fine.

8. I thought the night sweats would be over by now.

9. I remembered to turn off the oven after dinner. I’m sure I did.

10. I definitely hear the baby.

11. Okay, we need milk, bananas, tomatoes, and bread. I should probably get up and write that down. But my body is sooooo heavyyyyy…

12. I wonder what happened at the end of that episode? I must’ve fallen asleep.

13. I just can’t get comfortable!

14. I’ve got to pee, too. Maybe I should just get up.

15. I guess the baby is quiet now, so I’m going to hold it.

16. Okay, count the sheep. One. Two. Three…

17. Thirty-one, thirty-two…

18. How many more minutes till my alarm goes off?

19. I guess if I’m not going to sleep, I could squeeze in a run before everyone wakes up.

20. Actually, I’m pretty sleepy now…

And then, I bet you can guess what happens. I finally doze off, somewhere in the ballpark of 6:00am, and then it just isn’t very long until there’s a toddler stomping up the stairs, or  a baby shouting “Mama!”

fashion, home, mommyhood, music, random thoughts, women

6 Reasons I’m Excited for Fall

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Last night, Hubby and I sat outside on the deck and played cards with friends. It was ever so pleasant outside, with the lights strung around us, the cicadas chirping and a slight breeze. I might’ve even had a chill by the time we went inside, hours after the sun had gone down. It just made me even more excited for the start of fall. It’s always been my favorite season, so I decided to share with you a few reasons why I’m so excited for it to get here.

School. This one is big, maybe even the biggest, for me. I’ve spent my entire life either as a student, a teacher, or now the parent of a student, and so my goal-making, fresh starting, and excitement of all things new happens in the fall. We begin a school year excited for new opportunities, anticipating fall and winter holidays, trips, and weather, throwing ourselves gladly into rigorous schedules, and making short- and long-term goals for ourselves and our families. As a worship leader, it’s the time that several more ministries and church-related things start back up. As the mom of young kids, it’s the time that I get a couple of mornings a week of free time (thanks, preschool!) to write, to read, and to be “me” instead of “mom”. Those things excite me almost more than anything else!

Boots. These are treasured items in my wardrobe, and yet something I just DO NOT wear when it’s warm outside. They’re the first thing I lose in the springtime, because I sweat just thinking about wearing them in the hot. But I sure do love pairing them with dresses, leggings, and skinny jeans. They are almost my only footwear during the cooler months.

Scarves. Just like boots, I’m not great at wearing them in the warm weather. I get a little claustrophobic with something around my neck if it’s hot. But I love scarves for their pops of color, multiple uses, and the way they can replace a statement necklace for outfit completion.

Candles. I love scented candles! I also love candlelight, and so when fall is here with the yummy cinnamon smells and even on to Advent for the Christmas tree scents, there’s usually a candle lit somewhere in my home.

Fires. Whether from a candle, a hearth, or a roaring bonfire outdoors, I love to be near a fire! I like bundling up, cuddling, drinking and dancing near a big fire. Hubby’s friends used to pick up discard trees from around their neighborhood after Christmas was over, and have a huge bonfire in early January. I think that’s a brilliant idea and will be reinstating it this year.

Leggings. I’ve recently started loving leggings even more than I did a few years ago, maybe because they’re so comfortable and practical to wear while pregnant. I have several funky patterns, bright colors, and tunics with which to pair them. And THEN, I toss on a pair of boots for the fall-style win.

Well, now you know what I’m looking forward to. What are your favorite things about fall?

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, random thoughts, travel, women

He Could Be My Son. 

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Mahmoud Raslan/Anadolu Agency/Getty Images

This boy – five years old – having seen more than many children will see in their entire lives, has shocked our country into realizing and responding to the terror and violence wreaking Syria. It might have been easy to turn away from the information we get via television and the internet, when the headlines are often focused on the latest Trump-ism or Bieber folly.  But this photo, this one viral image of a dusty, bloody boy, tiny and scared, in the back of an ambulance, has been burned into my psyche. 

He could be my son. 

He could be a nephew, a neighbor, a classmate. He is all of those things, even if not my own. He is torn from his home by a futile attempt to force Syrian citizens into submission by the radical government regime. All the effort does is harm, maim, and kill. 

He could be my son. 

He could be one of hundreds, thousands. Displaced, alone, wandering. They might be hungry, thirsty, and tired. They are struggling to take even one more step towards just the possibility of freedom. 

He could be my son. 

He could be my very own boy, ripped from me by an air strike. He could be my son, and I could be torn from him by rescuers who can only save a few. He could be my son, my only possession worth saving, and I would die for him a hundred times over. He could be your son, dirtied, bruised, bloodied, scared to death. 

Silent. 

He could be my son. 

Please consider giving what you can to a local and specific relief effort. Here is a short list (there are many more!) of organizations taking donations of any size:

Karam Foundation 

Hand In Hand for Syria

Mercy Corps

Migrant Offshore Aid Station

If you can’t give, do what we can all do: pray. 

food, home, mommyhood, random thoughts

Currently

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How is it possible that summer is almost over? I can hardly believe that it’s halfway through August, and we are gearing up to get back in the schoolyear routine. I won’t lie – I love it. I love the routine, the schedule, the way my kids love school and the way it improves them to have it in their week. But before we get back into the swing of things, we’ve got a couple more weeks of being lazy, sweating, and relaxing. Here are a few things I’m currently up to…

Planning || my best friend’s baby shower! She’s due at the end of October, so I’m planning things with a few of our friends to celebrate her baby girl! I’m so excited! I’ll post about the shower after it happens – don’t want to ruin your surprise, Lauren!

Anticipating || Another friend’s gender reveal this weekend! I’ve never actually been to a gender reveal party, and the only “gender reveal” I did with any of my kids was let EK devour a cupcake with blue icing and post a photo on Facebook. So, needless to say, I’m excited to see what they choose to do! AND I can’t wait to start getting a few things for the baby, once I know the gender!

Stressing || about toddler life. J has proven more difficult (in some ways, at least) than EK was in regards to toddlerisms. For instance, he’s been doing this (disgusting) thing where he takes a bite of something, decides he doesn’t like it or want it, and just holds it in his mouth for a super long time. Like, up to half an hour. And it’s been different things… a bite of squash, a BBQ flavored potato chip, a spoonful of yogurt, a bite of okra. It’s not like it’s been spinach every single time or something. But it is GROSS and I’m over it. He also tantrums more often and more intensely than EK did. I’m certainly not giving in to it (like bribing him out of them), but it’s uncharted territory to figure out whether to just leave him in the living room floor, or move him to his room, or try to sit him in time out. He just goes belly-down and kicks his legs on the floor. Yikes.

Baking || a garden fresh squash bake! We had a few large squash from the garden, and I wanted a creative way to use them up. My big kids don’t really like squash, so I didn’t worry about choosing a recipe they would like. After scrolling through twenty or so recipes for “stuffed squash” of many varieties, I settled on making my own. I had read several with sausage, and several with a grain of some sort (quinoa, etc), so I stuck with sausage, and added grits, fresh tomatoes (also from the garden) and some pepper jack cheese I had in the fridge. It was delicious!


Well, that’s about it for our last little bit of summer here. What are you doing until school gets started again? Or has it already started for your family?!

faith, home, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, random thoughts

Childhood Unplugged

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus. 

I bet you read the title to this post, and thought I was one of those no-technology, stick-to-the-outdoors sort of moms that somehow get their toddlers to eat vegetables at every meal, and don’t even have televisions at their houses. 

I’m definitely not one of those. 

My family has regular movie nights, where we watch entire movies, even beyond our “expert”-allotted one hour of screen time and right before a later bedtime. My kids eat veggies when they’re in pasta sauce or baked into muffins. And get this: we don’t even go outside some days, especially if it’s all that hot. 

But sometimes, we have opportunities to live life unplugged. My daughter has a keen imagination and could play dress up for hours. My older son loves wooden trains and tracks, and spends entire mornings rolling them along the tracks or on table edges, seeing if they’re going to crash when the magnets carry too much. They love coloring, blanket fort building, helping in the garden, and recently, the Olympics have brought on a random but fun interest in volleyball. My oldest and I are reading our first chapter book together, and imagining the pictures as we go along. 

I’m not pretending that we do these things every day. Sometimes, we don’t have a totally unplugged day for weeks at a time. But when we do… when I forget I have an iPhone, I don’t care what’s on TV, I lose track of time, and we just play… Those are the times I feel like I’m sharing my own childhood with them. I remember days of reading book after book, throwing sheets over the dining room chairs and hiding underneath, filling giant coloring books with crayon colors, and swinging for hours. I love sharing my favorite movies with them, or playing reading games on the iPad, but sometimes, somehow, unplugged is just sweeter. 

Now, I’ll be crying by the end of tomorrow about how my preschoolers won’t stop fighting, and I’ll have broken the unplugged magic by lunchtime, but hey- it can’t be every day. 

home, mommyhood, random thoughts

Currently (Out of My Routine)

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Y’all, I know I said this with the last currently, but I wasn’t kidding: I’m a summer slacker! It’s glorious. I just spent a couple of days at the lake with Hubby’s family and I am refreshed. I will be at the lake again this weekend for our cousin’s bachelorette. I am looking (far) forward to a September week at the beach. I am hoping for at least two weeks’ worth of pool days before it closes for the summer. Our kitchen is full of ripe, vine-fresh tomatoes and huge okra, yellow squash and colorful peppers. I am summer happy.

So now, I’ll give you a real update on a few more things that I’m Currently up to…

Exploring || how to entertain three kids for the last few weeks of summer. I mentioned the pool; it’s hard to be there when all three kids are awake. We either miss D’s morning nap, or we have to wait till everyone’s afternoon naps are finished. Or else I’m only taking one or two kids.

Hearting || our local children’s museum. We’ve had a membership there since EK was my only babe, but we’ve loved it every time we’ve walked in the door.

Watching || still Gilmore Girls. I know y’all think I’m going really slowly, but we just haven’t watched much tv this summer. I’ve been reading LOTR and now the new Harry Potter and the Cursed Child (fangirling!) so I haven’t been spending my nights watching tv. But anyway, I’m committed to finishing the old GG before the new season comes on Netflix in November!

Eating || popcorn! Skinny Pop, Boom Chicka Pop, and some sort of Himalayan Pink Salt flavor from our local grocer, but I’m addicted to the salty popcorn! I ate some Trader Joe’s kettle corn, and it was good – but I think it’s the salty that I love.

What are you up to currently?!

home, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, random thoughts

5 Random Jobs I’d Like to Have

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This post first appeared on My Big Jesus. 

As a SAHM, I don’t get too much time to dream of jobs I’d like to have. However, these are five jobs I think I’d like to have, if only when I retire. 

Bartender. Not a late-night, dance club bartender, but I’d love the afternoon slump through happy hour shift. I’d love to be the one to know your usual, hear your crazy, frustrating or silly stories, and cheers you to new life phases. Hubby and I have a local pub we love, where we did their 90-day club (going to their bar every day for 90 days). We grew to love that afternoon/happy hour, because that’s when we made friends with the bartenders (who we still hang out with).

Clerk at a bookstore. I wouldn’t really like to work at Barnes and Noble, but a local books-and-coffee or even used bookstore would really appeal to me. I like being surrounded by books, and I like helping someone find their next read. Maybe I’d even get a discount!

Doula. I’m not a very scientific or medically-minded person, but there’s something truly beautiful about the birth of a child. Being able to assist families in the birth process seems like such a meaningful thing. And after having three of my own, I think that I could be around pregnant mothers and newborn babies every day of my life and love it. 

Sous chef. I might not be the most creative chef or the best cook on the planet, but I can follow directions and I love being in the kitchen. I like chopping, stirring, sniffing and sampling. Isn’t that what sous chefs do?

Photographer in Disney’s Magic Kingdom. I’d love to take pictures of families as they come into the MK for the first time. You know, the one where they’re wearing mouse ears the first day, and Cinderella’s castle is in the background. The happiest place in the world, filled with smiling, happy families (at least until they get hot and tired), posing for their first photo. 

What are your dream jobs?

home, mommyhood, random thoughts, travel

Currently: A Summer Slacker

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Y’all, I’ve been a slacker. I haven’t been writing unless I really need to (aka for My Big Jesus or for Toddler Tuesday). I’ve been soaking in the sun. I’ve been spending a lot of time in my car. I’ve been barely glancing at my email, and hardly thinking of the blog. And it’s been nice.

But this week, I have catching up to do! I have friends I haven’t seen in a long time, and things I want to write about but just haven’t had time. So those are my priorities! And to catch you up, here’s a little currently so you know what’s been going on all this time!

Traveling || to Georgia, to hang with my folks! We spent the majority of the time in the pool, and I had some special time with some old friends I hadn’t seen. Between a pool date with my gal pal Katelyn (who I’ve been friends with since we were 13) and a date in ATL (oh yeah, I went down there ALONE) with my oldest bestie Lauren (friends since age 11 and the dawning of a love for BSB), AND a stellar brunch with my sweet cousin and my adopted little brother (here’s SnapChatting you, Harrison!) on our way through Atlanta to get back home, we were really blessed to see even more loved ones than usual.


Relaxing || at Lake Norman. Hubby’s parents graciously let us bring the family down for three whole days to soak up the sun, swim, boat ride and snuggle with the grandparents. We had good conversation, lots of fun, and special Sun Drop slushies – which my kids had never had before! (For those of you that don’t know, Sun Drop is a North Carolina-made soda, and the slushies were totally delicious.)


Anticipating || the Olympics! I foresee myself bumming everyone’s cable and spending lots of time at our favorite restaurant/bar to enjoy the games. We don’t have cable, and every two years I really regret it, because I’ve always loved being swept up in the Olympic Games. My favorite summer sports to watch are volleyball and gymnastics, and I also love swimming and diving. What are the sports you won’t miss?

Planning || D’s first birthday party! I can’t believe it’s here. I’m not really getting him gifts (he’s got all the toys and clothes a kid could want) but I want to celebrate him. And who doesn’t like a good cake smash photo? 

Organizing || the kids’ toys. While they were in camp last week, I’ve made it a separate mission to get things organized, and also get rid of or pack away for a while things that are not getting played with. It’s hard to get rid of toys when I have another kid that will likely play with those things when he gets a little older, but if I leave the toys unattended for too long, they’re everywhere, too cluttered up to actually play with, and getting stepped on and broken by two angry parents. So, here I am, getting things back under control. Phew!

Well, what are you doing currently? Are you looking forward to the Olympics? Have you vacationed yet this summer?

food, home, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, random thoughts, siblings

5 Ways My Third Kid Gets the Short End of the Sibling Stick

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus.


It’s no secret that having multiple kids can really split your time, efforts, and finances. It can also weaken even the strongest parents’ preconceived notions of how they’ll raise their children. Here are a few ways my third babe has already been

1. He can’t talk yet. His siblings do all the talking (over him and for him) and sometimes they don’t interpret correctly. He doesn’t get to request what he gets for snack, or what to watch on TV. He can’t communicate about whether he’s cold without pants on, or that he hates wearing shoes (well, that I actually did figure out). He can’t tell me when he needs help reaching something. He can’t even tell me when his brother hit him, when brother said he didn’t. He’s just gotta roll with whatever punches are thrown (no pun intended).

2. His birthday isn’t getting a big to-do. Sorry, third baby. Your first birthday matters, I promise. But it really snuck up on me, and I don’t have a big party planned. I don’t expect I’ll buy you 400 gifts or plan activities for you and your baby friends. In fact, I bet your siblings will be the life of your party, if only because they can actually demand attention. But I promise you’ll at least get some cake. (And in case you’re wondering, his first birthday is this Saturday. Yesterday I asked his grandparents if they were free that day.)

3. His schedule gets interrupted. We built our lives around the schedule of baby #1 for a while. With baby #2, we at least made sure his naps happened. With baby #3, he naps in the stroller, car, or carrier more often than the other two did, combined. Sometimes he’s gotta sacrifice his sleep to do fun things with his sibs. To the movies or nap? To the park or nap? It’s really not a question.

4. His diet is far from organic. Feeding three kids, even small ones, is no joke – in terms of effort or of money spent. So D learned a lot earlier to eat things like hot dogs and Chick-fil-A. And not that I’m saying there is anything wrong with those things; we all eat them a lot! A friend of mine said it perfectly: The first baby eats organic vegetables, and the last kid eats French fries from the floorboard of the car (which actually happened today).

5. He’s basically never worn new clothes. This might be an exception if it’s not the first baby, but still the first of that gender in the family. But my little guy is wearing hand-me-downs from his brother AND cousin, and still growing out of them like he’s a teenager. There are a few exceptions, since he has generous grandparents, and because my older son is really hard on his clothes. But the vast majority of what he wears has been a little stretched, has been washed 100+ times, includes some sort of stain, and/or harbors a tiny hole I refuse to recognize.

But I must say: even if he gets a little less work put into his diet and wardrobe, and has to learn to do things himself (like eat and walk and defend himself) a little quicker, he is not a bit less loved. Every single person in our tribe loves him as much as they’ve ever loved either of my other kids, including the siblings themselves. There’s a lot of love to go around, and my last baby isn’t shorted on affection!

holidays, My Big Jesus, random thoughts

Patriotism Is for Everyone

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus. 

When I realized my regular day to write here was the 4th of July, I considered asking the editor for the day off. I wasn’t sure I could appropriately write about the holiday, but it felt wrong to write about something different that day. Luckily for me, I had an experience at church yesterday morning that changed my mind. 

I co-lead worship at a video venue on campus at my church. We meet in the fellowship hall, upstairs from the main sanctuary. The worship pastor asked the other leader and me to come downstairs at a certain time to sing “Battle Hymn of the Republic” in honor of the 4th of July. I won’t lie- we dragged our feet a bit. It’s hard to work out timing, and it might have felt a little outdated to sing a song that’s hardly a hymn but not exactly the national anthem, either. 

But when I stood up there with the group, mostly comprised of folks my parents’ age and older, and began singing the song I knew well but hadn’t heard in years, I was surprised by what I felt. The men in the group sang the first verse, and that was all it took to get me a little teary. Their strong and proud voices, raised in a song that meant more to them than country or God, alone; it meant both.  

The congregation immediately got into it, some singing, some clapping, some raising their hands. As I looked out over the sanctuary, my own voice matching the pride the others had portrayed, I was surprised and thrilled to see every group of people – young, old, indeed, every soul in the room! – smiling proudly, staying engaged, and singing along. 

I was reminded that patriotism often means something different to my generation (millenials, if that’s where you’d place my 30-year-old self). Patriotism to them seems not to be pride in a country that your loved ones has fought for. It’s not even taking a part in choosing your lawmakers and representation. In fact, to many it just means wearing American flag-printed bathing suits, shooting off fireworks, drinking Bud Light from a can with stars and bars on it, and shouting, “‘Merica!” as you jump in the lake. 

I’m not saying those things are wrong; I do them myself. But to let your love and appreciation of America stop there is very wrong. Instead of celebrating the 4th of Jupy, celebrate Independence Day, and the history and meaning behind it. Do your research, and go vote. Thank a veteran. Have your grandparents tell you a few stories, because I bet they served in some capacity during a war, even if t wasn’t in battle. Truly see the pride of the generation or two above you, and ask them why they celebrate and sing. I guarantee they will provoke some thought and maybe even open your eyes to a different kind of love for America. You might even become a patriot yourself, one who wants to do your part to keep America the land of the free, and the home of the brave.