Category Archives: women

holidays, mommyhood, women

6 Things She’d REALLY Like for Mother’s Day

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Because Mother’s Day is next weekend, and you need to start dropping hints NOW, I decided to post this a week in advance. As a mama, I think I’ve got a lead on the whole mother’s day gifting thing. Jewelry is always nice, and so are coffee mugs with sweet little sayings on them. But here are some things that I think would be a real hit with any mom, less expensive than diamonds, and a little better received than her 14th coffee mug.

If you do happen to think this mug would pair nicely with any of the suggestions below – you know, if the mama has a sense of humor – you can find it on amazon.com!

1. House Cleaning Service. It would be lovely for the mother in your life to not have to clean her toilets or mop the floors for a little while. She’d love it if you hired someone to do it for her for a change!

2. Date Night with her Significant Other. I bet she’d love to be wined and dined and out on the town for a little while, kid-free, in a cute top and dangly earrings. It doesn’t have to be the most expensive joint in town, as long as it also isn’t a Chili’s.Not hating on Chili’s, but not on date night, folks. Not on date night.

3. Coffee. To put in last year’s mug, of course! Whether it’s a gift card to the local coffee shop or a bag of her favorite expensively-roasted beans, this little caffeinated treat will ensure the safety and sanity of all involved. If she’s a coffee connoisseur, consider a French press or a nice bean grinder to feed her addiction.

4. Massage, Facial, or Mani/Pedi. One of the biggest perks of spa-type gifts is alone time. No kiddos at your massage, am I right? I think any spa-type gift is a relaxing and thoughtful one, and the better you know the mama, the better you’ll be at choosing which kind to get. If you don’t know her too well (maybe it’s your new mother-in-law) you could get a gift certificate to the location, instead of the service.

5. Wine.  A newly-encountered bottle of foreign wine to pair with the next meal of her choice, or a nice bottle of her favorite to enjoy while bathing the kids then watching Netflix, wine can be a much appreciated gift! Better still, a night out with the girls at a local wine bar could be the thing that keeps your favorite mother sane. The mama you’re thinking of isn’t a wine drinker? Get her a fresh bottle or six-pack of her favorite libation and she’ll thank you just the same.

6. Movies. This doesn’t necessarily mean take her to the movies. That can be a super expensive evening if you’ve got to hire a babysitter, go out to dinner beforehand, and get some snacks and two $15 tickets. Since that’s typically the deal with an at-the-movies date, she might just be willing to settle for watching that flick she missed in the theatre snuggled up with you on the couch with a glass of wine. Bonus points if you cooked her dinner and put the kids to bed. After all – quality time is the goal.

Whatever you decide to get the lady who bore the children, make sure you have her mind when you get it. Pair it with a card with something you wrote inside it, and she’ll swoon. Show some love, add a few hugs and kisses, and it’ll be perfect.

faith, home, random thoughts, women

Jesus and Coffee – a Saturday Morning Talk

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I’ve seen a few posts from different bloggers about “If we were having coffee” and “Coffee and Jesus” and “Weekend Coffee Date”. I’d like to have my own take on it, and combine some of the styles and things I’ve read.

  
If we were having coffee this morning, sitting on my (new!) couch, looking at a gorgeous morning out our big windows, we might be watching my kids run circles around us. Our coffee might need to be reheated once or twice, because I often break for diaper changes, snacks, help with starting a puzzle, or (honesty, here) to go to the bathroom. My coffee would be half-caff, with some cream, and a little bit of sweetness. What would yours be?

If we were having coffee, I would want you to ask me challenging questions. I like that. I might not seem to, especially what it’s hard for me to answer. But I want you to ask anyway. It’s good for me. Really.

I want to tell you all about what the Lord is doing in my life. I want to tell you how I feel like I’m in a good place, how I’m super thankful for everything I have. I also want to tell you that sometimes my hormones and stress get the best of me, and I break down. I want to tell you about how I have hard times, how I get angry or sad, and how that’s okay. I want to tell you all about how I deal with those feelings.

I want to ask you the hard questions, too. I want to know what’s the best thing in your life right now, and what’s hard about your life, too. I want to know all about your job, your children, your home life, your friends. I want to know your dreams and goals, short term and long term. I want to connect with you, to speak life and truth to you, and to pray for you.

If we were together this morning, in my home, getting to know each other, I would be happy to make a new friend. I’d be excited to build a relationship with you.

faith, My Big Jesus, random thoughts, women

We’re All On the Same Bus.

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Some situations are inherently leveling for a group of people.

  
For instance, this week, I worked in a showroom at the High Point Furniture Market. I parked at the local shopping mall each morning, and rode a shuttle (read: bus) to and from the building I worked in. Everyone on the bus was in the same boat. Busy, a little late, and semi-awake in the mornings. Tired, anxious to get home, and in a cut-the-shit sort of mood in the evenings. I’m sharing my seat this evening with a girl about my age who is overhearing the same conversations in front and behind us, eyeballing the same over-the-top outfits, and grinning with me about the bus driver who doesn’t know how many people his bus holds.

Being in the same situation right now has built a bridge of common experience between us. She didn’t work in my showroom, I don’t know her name or where she’s from, and I’ll likely never see her again. But we are having a great time, giggling at the girl whose “professional attire” is a backless, sideless (frontless?!) dress. We are bonding, if only for a moment, because we’re in the same boat. We are having many of the same feelings- mainly, I can’t wait to get home! For me, it’s a “put on sweatpants, snuggle my kids, and let Hubby cook my dinner”. For her, it might be the same, or it might be a “put on my sparkly top and meet my girlfriends for drinks”. Either way, we aren’t home. We’re sitting on the shuttle after long days on our feet, finding anything and everything a perfect combination of slightly annoying and deliriously funny.

How much more might we be able to bond over long conversations about similar life situations, shared goals, and common interests? Instead a single instance leveling us and making us momentary friends, much closer we’d probably be if we were meeting there after a day apart, dishing about our jobs, talking about our kids’ most recent milestones and setbacks, and chatting about weekend plans.

The more you have in common with someone, the more drawn to them you often are. When two people are outgoing and funny, it can bring them together because they both might have a lot of fun. If they also both happen to be moms of kids around the same age, then even moreso. Add on a few more things like a shared interest of cooking, a connection made through folks at church, and a teaching background? We’re basically besties by the end of the conversation. We’re all riding the same bus in this thing called “life”, and randomly choosing a good seat buddy can be an incredible blessing. It can take a long, bumpy ride, and turn it into an amusing, not-so-bad sort of journey.

mommyhood, random thoughts, women

Dear Lady Who Labeled Me…

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I had a strange (read: annoying, frustrating and sad) thing happen to me yesterday.

I was out running errands with J, and I had a few things to do that shared a parking lot, so I popped him in the stroller, and went from store to store… to Starbucks. Obviously. After I’d ordered my venti decaf iced coffee (because… pregnant) we waited at the end of the counter for it to be finished. An older lady (probably about my grandmother’s age) said, “Oh look! You two match!” J was wearing a green shirt and I was wearing tie-dye that had some green in it. Okay, lady. She proceeded to say how cute “she was” (seriously? He’s wearing a green tee, baggy jeans, and huge sneakers. She?!) and I was like, “Yeah! He’s a cute, big guy!” to nicely emphasize that she wasn’t right about the “she” part. Next, the lady said something that began to really get to me…

“He’s just really happy to have a stay-at-home mom.”

Hold on there, lady.


It’s not that I’m not a SAHM. It’s not that I don’t like and appreciate that I’m a SAHM. It was 3:00pm, I was in my bum clothes (gym shorts and a big t-shirt), and I’m out at Starbucks with my son (aka obviously not at work). I guess it’s a fairly safe assumption that I don’t have a 9-to-5. It’s just that it frustrates me that you had to label me, without knowing me. You had to give me a label – even if you weren’t judging me. You were actually applauding me… I think. But let me tell you something. I’ve been a working mom, too. I’ve had a full-time job. I’m still working a part-time job. In fact, I had been at work that very morning, and was enjoying time with my son I had missed while I was gone. I don’t think I’m a better mom now that I was when I worked full time. I don’t think J loves me more now that I stay home with him more hours a week. But it was what she continued to say that baffled me even further.

“You know, I think it’s finally coming back into vogue now.”

What?! Are you implying that staying home with your children is something you do because it’s in style? Or that you don’t do it because it isn’t? AND thankyouverymuch I made a choice to be home with my kids… to quit my job, to put a halt in my career, to take a financial (and let’s be real, emotional and personal) leap of faith and stay home with my children. I wanted to try it, to be with them while they were little and needed me more than they might need me later. I wanted to help them learn and grow and see their precious little selves learn to walk and talk and potty train and see what happened when we added another sibling to their ranks. I DID NOT decide to “stay at home” (which, by the way, for me, doesn’t include that much staying at home) because I thought it was in style, popular, likeable, or more acceptable than what I was doing before.

Staying at home was (and is!) what I wanted, and my family was able to make it happen. I am grateful every day for that, even when I’m driven crazy by the lack of routine (or the drilling sameness of it) and I’m an unshowered, goldfish-eating, coffee-guzzling wreck. I don’t make choices for my family because of what other people will think or say. I also don’t judge what choices other people make for theirs. Every family has its own system that works, and its own choices that make it special. What my family does won’t necessarily work for everyone. What other families do won’t necessarily work for mine. But when I get labeled and targeted as a member of a group, and then given a reason to do it, such as “it’s in vogue” to do so, my feelings get hurt, my 26th-week hormones get a little… well… ragey… and I have to call my gal pal to vent about it so that I don’t let my crazy fly in the face of this old lady who shares her opinions a little too freely.

Anyway, sorry for the rant, but I apparently needed to vent some more. Situations like this, and feelings like hers (and like mine that resulted) are the reason that I signed this petition and made a #mommitment to end the judgement surrounding being a mother. Every single mama should do her best, and not be judged for it. Every single mama should feel supported and loved, and not labeled or lumped into a category for her choices.

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faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, women

My People.

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus!

Village. Tribe. Support system. Club. Group of friends. My people.

No matter what you call them, it’s always so nice to have them.

A  group of people, in similar situations as you (for me, other parents), who are supportive, loving, relatable, and understanding. They aren’t judgmental, degrading, overcritical, or negative. They listen. They help. They care. They give advice when asked. They let you vent without judging. They respect your parenting choices. They love you for you. They love your kids for themselves. And you do the same for them.

These people are as inexorable to your survival as your coffee in the morning and your washing machine in the… all day every day. Their encouragement, interest in your life and feelings, and concern for you can help you get through the worst of days, even if you’ve already cleaned up several spills (of all sorts of liquids), survived multiple tantrums, and have silvery smears of snot all over your shirt. Having someone you can vent to, cry to, talk to, ask questions of, and plead for sanity from… or at least have a little confirmation that you’re not totally losing it.

Whatever your situation, your status, your goings on day in and day out, it’s likely that sometimes you need a pick-me-up, a funny story about how your colleague (read: mom friend) had the same thing happen to them yesterday. If you’re a working mom who’s dealing with childcare woes, a stay-at-home mom who’s dealing with scraped knees and stubbed toes, or a part-time working mom who’s going nuts trying to figure out the schedule of working time vs. naps and play dates, you’re probably, in a moment of frustration, shooting a text to your pals, sharing the latest thing you’ve been dealing with, or informing them about the most recent baffling news about a sale you missed out on.

But you’re also sharing your successes. You’re sharing about those moments you couldn’t love your kids more, the moments your spouse swept you off your feet again, and the moment the mountain of laundry (almost) disappeared. You’re cheering on your friends when they tell you about the whole day their toddler spent in big boy underwear, the fact that they didn’t forget to put on the trash on the right evening, and the promotion they just got at work. You’re praying for each other about struggles and praising Jesus for the victories, big and small. Having a few people who can totally get you, love you through your mess and in spite of your crazy can save your day.

***

If you’re interested in learning more about moms supporting moms, and changing the course of the mom wars, check out #mommitment on Facebook, Twitter, and the blogosphere, or read about it from Julie at Next Life, NO Kids. #mommitment moms are committed to spreading the love and support, and ending negativity towards each other. Here’s the link to sign the petition and join the movement!

faith, mommyhood, women

Let’s Stop Shaming Ourselves

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How often do we as mothers – as women, as humans! – shame ourselves? We do it unconsciously, as if it’s built into our DNA. We give ourselves the roughest time, hold ourselves to the highest standard. I know that I beat up on myself for using unkind words toward my toddler in a stressful moment, or not using my time wisely to do the chores, get more sleep, or make a healthier meal.

It takes a lot to be a mom, whether you’re a stay at home mom, or work at home mom, or work outside the home mom. It takes an incredible balance, to do everything for your kids, to take care of the house, the spouse, the pets, to go to your job every day, to get your shoes on the right feet and shirt on forwards. Every single thing we do, we tend to hold ourselves to a standard of perfection. And I don’t know about you, but it’s exhausting.

When we give ourselves little or no grace in our lives, it’s exhausting. When we don’t give ourselves room to breathe, grace to make mistakes, and the opportunity to start over every morning (or after every nap!) it can lead to just making more mistakes and getting even more choked out trying to do your best.

Jesus’ parable of the prodigal son is a perfect example of how we need grace from the Father, but also from ourselves. Both brothers in the tale needed grace – the younger needed it from his father after he had strayed, and the elder needed it from himself, because he had held himself to a nearly impossible standard. The elder brother laments to his father about how his brother rand away, squandered his wealth, and came home to have a party thrown in his honor, while he himself had been working day and night for his father, with nary a calf killed in his honor. His father tells him, “All I have is yours.”  He could have everything his father owned at any time, if he had only asked. He just hadn’t felt worthy.

There are so many things we can miss out on when we don’t feel worthy, when we don’t treat ourselves well. We withhold things from ourselves because we think we don’t deserve them: time off, nights out, afternoons away, time at the spa, other indulgences. We feel like if we take time and money for those things, we aren’t spending that time and money on what’s most important – our kids. Well, to an extent, that may be true. If we’re spending ALL our time and money away, maybe we do need to reevaluate.

But if you are so stressed because you haven’t had a few hours away from the kids and the housework to get your nails done, have dinner or drinks with your girlfriends, or just to roam Target, alone, with a Starbucks in your hand, then I say you deserve it. Get that babysitter, call that friend, or ask that relative to love on your kiddos for a few hours. You work hard. You do the absolute best you can, day in and day out. Give yourself some grace, and a break. How much easier will it be to show grace and love to your kids if you aren’t stressed out? How much easier will it be to come home and cook dinner if you haven’t been pulling your hair out all afternoon? We love and give and do our best from a place of fullness. If you feel like your tank is empty, and you’re “all gived out”, then allow yourself to recharge, whatever that looks like for you, any way you can. Help yourself to be the best you by giving yourself grace, and forgiving yourself for your mistakes. Tomorrow is a new day.

mommyhood, my journey as a mother, pregnancy, women

I’m Making a Mommitment.

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Lately I’ve realized that my social media newsfeeds are overtaken by things about parenting. Blogs giving me suggestions, companies trying to sell me their products, friends posting questions, opinions, and pictures of or related to their kids… I’m totally inundated by “mom stuff”.

Another thing I’ve noticed is that a lot of these articles, products and opinions contain labels about a parent’s style. How the mom delivers her baby. How she nourishes her baby. How the parents help their babies sleep. How the parents plan to transport, potty train, educate, and discipline their offspring. There are a thousand ways to rear a child, and no one has any business telling other people they’re doing it wrong, or to try to force their way on someone else. We’re all doing the best we can. This video is a great one along those lines, I think:

I wrote a post a couple of weeks ago about helping mothers (especially expectant mothers and new mothers) feel celebrated and loved. Well, this is part of that. Melissa at One Mother to Another (she’s the best!) brought a movement to my attention. It’s a #mommitment for us to all make to each other, to support mothers, one and all. Whatever our similarities or differences, to set them aside and support each other’s efforts to be the best parents we can, in the best way we know how.

My #mommitment to you:

I pledge to accept you as you are, no matter your situation, choices, or style. I promise to support you, in any way I can, no matter whether we made the same choices for our little ones, or if we couldn’t be more different. I vow to be in your corner, defend you, stand alongside you, laugh with you, cry for you, be happy for you, or mourn with you. I will listen to you respectfully, and respond with kindness. I will share my opinion with grace and understanding. I will not judge you, condemn you, or scoff at you. I will not label you or assume things about you by the choices you have made. I will celebrate your special journey as a mother.

I will do these things because we are bound by an invisible tie. We know some things about each other without being told. We have similarities that cannot be chosen – they are inherent. We are mothers, and we should stand together. I know that sometimes, I will need these things from you, too. I have often asked questions, needed advice, and just plain needed to vent. We all need each other, and building barriers because of styles and “labels” doesn’t help any mother, or any child. 

So there it is. A commitment to you, fellow moms, to be supportive, loving, kind and helpful. To NOT be judging, belittling, unkind, or harsh. I’m passionate about ending the mom wars, and spreading the love and support to all moms. Hear me? Every. Single. One.

mommitment

If you’re interested in reading about the mom behind the movement, visit Julie’s page Next Life No Kids and read about her journey, and her movement. You can also find her and the mom movement on Facebook and Twitter. Join us, and make your mommitment to end mom wars with compassion and support.

everyday mom link up

mommyhood, random thoughts, women

An open letter to friends who don’t invite me to stuff just because I have kids

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To all of my friends who have ever not invited me to something, simply because I have kids:

I have three important things to say.

1. The invitation to the party, event, etc. is almost as good as getting to come to it. I know that you would’ve liked me to come, but you thought you knew what my answer would have to be, so you saved me the trouble of saying no. Well, I want to take the trouble of saying no, because sometimes that leads me to number two.

2. The answer just might be yes! I know it’s often not a kid-friendly function, and that’s okay with me! I have lunch dates, I go out with friends, and I even attend parties after my kids’ bedtimes. The tricky thing is that I still have to be invited. I can’t  just show up to your party, because, you know.

3. My feelings sometimes get hurt. Yes, I know how this sounds. I’m not trying to whine or make you feel guilty or anything. I’m just being honest. I’m sitting right here as you make your plans, and maybe you already know that tonight, I’ll have to say no. But can you just throw this tired mama a bone? I want to feel wanted.

Now, I don’t need a bunch of invitations to stuff upon people reading this post. I’m not looking for pity. I’m just sayin’. A gal can be honest in this little corner of the internet, right?

mommyhood, my journey as a mother, women

My Journey as a Mother: Confessions of a Night Owl

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Y’all, having early-rising kids is hard.

That’s a statement that (if you know my kids well) would get me stoned by many. My kids rise between 7:00 and 8:00am. I know there are a LOT of you with kids that get up WAY earlier. But this is still a struggle for me a lot of days… because I’m just not a morning person. Now, if I can get up (after several alarm snoozes), take a shower, make myself breakfast and coffee, and have a while to myself, I’m not so bad. I mean, I taught school for 6 years and was fine by the time I got there. But that’s an hour or more after I woke up, and frankly, before that, I’m not worth seeing.

My kids, however, often get the blunt end of my morning crankiness. I try not to be mean or anything, but often I’m blase and awkwardly quiet – avoiding using my voice at all costs. They are chatterboxes, full of life and cuteness no matter what time it is, and I’m giving them 10% (unless you count the 90% of my strength it takes to change the inevitable poopy diapers and not choke).

I have heard from a lot of my stay-at-home mama friends recently that they’ve made resolutions to get up before their kids. The reasons are different for everyone: chores, quiet time, uninterrupted shower, breakfast with their husbands, working from home, or any combination of these. For me, it sounds great. It sounds like the perfect solution to not getting much alone time, needing a shower first thing to wake me up, and being able to ingest some caffeine before I had to speak out loud.

But in practice, it just isn’t going to work.

For one, my kids each get up at different times than the other kid and at different times every day. There’s almost no way I can plan on how to give myself thirty minutes or an hour without accidentally giving myself two hours or negative twenty minutes. I might have one up by 6:15, and one sleep till 8:00. I might have them both up between 7:15 and 7:30. On the rare occasion I need to be up to leave the house early, and don’t set an alarm, because the kids will definitely wake up, I will wake up all on my own around 8:05. Of course.

Secondly, if I knew I had a guaranteed hour (let’s just say I would), I’d probably be arguing with myself over a shower, a whole pot of coffee, two loads of laundry, a kitchen deep clean, and three new blog posts. And that list completely left out any quiet time in the Word before the rest of my world distracts me. See! Too many things vying for my attention before my people are even awake.

But at night, like right now as I write this (it’s 9:57pm) I’ve written several blog posts, done a load of laundry, and I have some one-on-one time with the Hubby planned. I’m not even tired yet! I mean, my pregnant body is sorta sick of standing up, but I’m not sleepy. I could probably keep going for several more hours, or until I lay my head down. I don’t have trouble falling asleep when I let myself rest. I just have trouble waking up, no matter how much sleep I’ve had. That’s got to be a problem, right?

The only exception to this weirdness about not waking up well is when I have a newborn. Somehow my hormones or my motherly instinct is jumping that first couple of months of my child’s life. It’s like my body knows I’d never be able to support a newborn unless I made a change. I can magically pop out of the bed when I hear the hungry cry of a baby, and after a quick pee, I’m rushing into the room, changing a diaper, whipping out my boobs, ready to nourish my child. That energetic waking goes away the first few nights of sleep I get uninterrupted. God forbid the sleep schedule should regress a little…

But most days, I man up. I don’t roll over and beg my late-night-working husband to do the morning routine instead. I love those little chatterboxes, and their ridiculously chipper morning attitudes, no matter what time it is. It’s tough, but so are a lot of things about being a mother. I’m sure I’ll do tougher things. But for now, my daily struggle of waking up in the morning, compounded by pregnancy and my night owl tendencies, will continue to be blown away by the morning blessings of my cuties, their smiles, their smells (am I right?!), their snuggles, and their relentless need for breakfast. I love those guys.

everyday mom link up

home, mommyhood, women

Currently – Celebrating Easter!

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Happy Monday! I’m linking up again today with Becky at Choose Happy for her Currently series. Join us, and just let us know what’s up with you currently! It’s a great way to find fun new blogs to follow, and to find friends. I love it!

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Enjoying || a relaxing day after a super busy Easter week. Everyone slept late this morning, and we don’t have anything on our schedule. Hopefully it’ll be a day of catching up on chores and maybe taking a nap!

Thankful for || a wonderful Easter weekend. It was full of good church, wonderful family, and sweet friends. The Lord is risen, and we couldn’t be more grateful!! There were so many celebrations we could barely keep up… We were so busy we literally didn’t get a single picture of everyone in their cute outfits! Here are a few instead of an actual “Easter photo”:

Cousins on a couch!
Elsa’s Easter outfit. What Easter dress would be complete without the Ice Queen’s crown?
Bunny love.
He was getting better at caring about the eggs by the end…
I snapped this one from behind the piano right before the Good Friday service… my favorite night of the year, I think.

Looking forward to || my mom’s arrival this afternoon! She’s staying through next weekend to help us get cleaned up, organized, and set up for guest hosting and party throwing! And of course to snuggle the sweet ones.

Excited about || my college girlfriends having a slumber party at my house next weekend! We haven’t gotten all together since our super fun weekend in December, and I’m glad we will be together again! It’ll probably be full of milkshakes and laughter and not staying up as late as we used to, but it will be much-needed time to catch up, love on each other, and store up time together for the next few months till we do it again.

Decorating || the basement! Finally! Cleaning crew comes in this week to make it really move in ready, and today I got a fabulous rug for the living room down there! Just have to find a car big enough to go pick it up – ha!

Found this rug at Homegoods – for a steal, obviously.
Snazzy custom handrail, all finished up! Now to patch the wall and floor, and build a baby gate! (Please ignore the pile of laundry at the bottom of the stairs. It rarely goes away.)

Well, that’s what’s going on in my life! Thanks for reading, and I can’t wait  to hear what’s going on with you!