Tag Archives: babies

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus

Why does it always work out that way?

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As I type this, I’m sitting on my couch, listening to my son fuss. He should be asleep. It’s 7:50pm, and he’s been in the bed for half an hour. The first 20 minutes were silent – and now, as I’m trying to leave the house, he’s awake and fussing to get up and play. He had a big day full of family photos and playing hard. He needs to rest after the craziness of the day. This is the first night in weeks that he hasn’t gone to bed without any trouble. It’s also one of the first nights that I’m trying to go out to a birthday party that started at 7:00. Hubby is working, and my mom is keeping the kids. She and my daughter are happily watching a quick tv show before bed, and my mom simply requested that J be asleep before I left.

Or it should’ve been a simple request.

I’m dressed, purse and keys in hand, hoping this won’t take all night. I’m dying to see my friends while I’m wearing mascara and not wearing yoga pants. Plus, I don’t want to miss the cake – because there has to be cake, right? But here I am, held back by the quiet (getting quieter…) sounds of my still wakeful son. I’ve check on him several times – checking his diaper, patting his back, giving him smooches. And still he fights sleep.

I wonder how often God waits on us… fussing… whining… refusing to just rest. I wonder if He is sitting, on some heavenly leather sofa, waiting for us to come around to the thing we need the most. He’s probably not waiting so that He can go to a party, but waiting because He knows we will be happy when we finally get what we need – Him. When we rest in Him we are refreshed. We are rejuvenated. We are healthier and more whole. But we put up a fight, just like my son is doing now. We think we know what we want, but we forget to listen to the One who knows best.

mommyhood, siblings

I hope they are friends.

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There are so many directions I could go when I talk about siblings, but I’ll start here: I’m already worried my kids won’t get along.

Actually, let’s not say worried so much as it’s already on my mind. What’s the key to your kids getting along? I know from experience it doesn’t just happen. Here’s the short version of my relationship with my brother: We’re almost 7 years apart, so I remember being an only child. He was cute as a baby, but started bugging me about the time he learned to walk (he followed me around because I was his favorite), and then didn’t stop it for… a long time. We were never in the same stage of life until he was in high school or so. Now that we are both adults, we get along much better, but still argue over stupid stuff sometimes – you know, like who knows more Harry Potter trivia and why it think it’s ridiculous that he would want a CAT of all things. I talk to him on the phone every few days, see him every couple of months, and truly enjoy his company. But did our parents somehow pull us out of the stage in which we just annoyed each other and magically thrust us into mutual appreciation of the other?

Braces and bowl cuts.
Braces and bowl cuts.

On the other hand, Hubby and his brothers have always been close. He says they fought about stuff, but it was only for a few minutes and they would be back to playing and snuggling again (thoughts on those Hsu boys acting like puppies here).

As for my kids, it seems that right now is the stage of J annoying EK ALL OF THE TIME. All he wants to do is be near her, play alongside her, or just watch her. Too bad all of those things make her unnecessarily frustrated. She gets to the point that if he crawls in her direction, she just screams. What is that about?! It just hurts my ears and makes J laugh all the more.

All I did was ask her to sit next to him for a picture.
All I did was ask her to sit next to him for a picture.

I hope that soon, J will catch up a little and be able to play with EK rather than just grab what she’s holding. I hope she will learn to think he’s cute and fun instead of just being jealous and annoyed when he’s in the same room. I hope the moments of giggles about weird sounds they make and laughing about messes during dinner never stop. I hope they are close when they get in school, and share friends, and help each other out. I hope they have that undeniable bond of love and support, even when they disagree with each other. I hope they can encourage each other to be better people. I hope they are friends.

mommyhood

I Had a Meltdown

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The other day, Hubby and I needed to run some errands. EK had been sick, so we hadn’t left the house very much, and if we had, she hadn’t gone with us. We needed a nice family outing to make us feel like we weren’t such homebodies.

We went out to lunch, and headed to Target. When we got there, EK was asleep (her schedule was totally thrown off while she was sick, and we haven’t straightened it out yet) so I ran in and left Hubby in the car with the kids. I wasn’t THAT long, but when I got back in, she was awake – aka not a long enough nap.

Next we hit Babies R Us (right across the street). I only needed one item, so I just ran in, grabbed it, (paid for it, obviously) and ran out. Super short. When I got outside, Hubby said J had been crying, so he didn’t want to get them out of their seats, so he was standing at J’s door entertaining him. When we got back in the car and started moving, he was alright.

At Lowe’s, Hubby ran in to get one thing. I could tell they were getting restless, but I thought we were done, so I just turned up the radio and tried to entertain them by singing along. It kinda worked.

Hubby got back and headed to the music store. I should have know to just get the kids out, but he said he just needed one quick thing (I also should’ve known that there’s no such thing as “one quick thing” at a music store). The longer we sat (with the AC on, of course) the worse it got. J was really sick of being in his seat, and every time he cried, EK cried. That phenomenon is BRUTAL and pointless. What is she trying to accomplish by crying when he cries, anyway? I know him crying and not being able to stop it is annoying. You don’t have to tell me. But when you start, also? That’s just ridiculous. Keep it together, girl.

But she didn’t keep it together. And neither did J. So I got out, got the kids out, and walked in the store. Of course, Hubby is just strolling, looking at something or other. He sees us, and goes to the register, where he’s already down everything he was going to buy. COME ON DAD! We are tired and hot and need a change of location from Mom’s TINY CAMRY. Let’s go.

Once I start putting J in his seat, he’s done for. He knows it’s time for him to eat and nap and he is pissed. Like I said, I should’ve known better. He wails all the way home. EK has finally decided that adding to the noise isn’t worth it, and she’s staring out the window trying to forget her life, teenager style. (I’m in trouble later, right?) Finally we get home. Once J is out of his carseat and EK is walking in the house, it’s like there were never any problems. I can’t even explain how weird that is to me. I wanted to be in the house, but even when I got in, I considered bursting into tears because I was so relieved and tired and frustrated and hot and wishing I could blame my crazy on hormones – I’m 8 months post-partum… does it still count?

Being in the car with two crying kiddos is my hell. Seriously. If anyone wants to make me miserable, that’s the way. Knowing there’s nothing you can do to help said kiddos is just the icing on the cake.

Have you ever had the moment where you’re at the tipping point? Wishing you could just call it and teleport to the beach, or a remote cabin in the woods? How do you cope in the moment?

mommyhood

Like a Litter of Puppies

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This post was featured on MyBigJesus.com

Hubby and I have said, ever since we started talking about kids, that we’d like to have them close together. There are two reasons. First of all, my brother and I are almost seven years apart, and we were never very close… at least not until we were both adults. We get along great now, but we were never in the same stage of life till we “grew up”. Secondly, Hubby grew up with two brothers, just a little over 3 years between the oldest and the youngest. They’ve always been best friends – shared everything, fought over everything, loved the same things, and disliked the same things. They knew each others strengths and weaknesses, successes and faults. Yet they had a strong bond. They still have do, and that bond has carried over into their wives and children as well (you know, once the kids have personalities and do their own things).

Hubby (far right) and his brothers, circa 1988-ish.
Hubby (far right) and his brothers, circa 1988-ish.

I just spent an evening recently, celebrating one of my sisters-in-law’s birthday, with the whole family (Hubby’s parents, his brothers, their wives and the offspring). The love that every person in the house had for every other person was amazing. We know each other well, know our nieces and nephews well, and we love each other well, too. But the most hilarious thing is to see the brothers interact. When they’re all together, they have a hilarious tendency to revert back into their eight, nine, and ten-year-old selves. They immediately start bragging about their Nintendo skills, talk about how they used to wrestle each other in the basement (roundhouse kick to the FACE!), and possibly give a quick reenactment of one of their fights. Or, they lie on the floor, cuddling, like a bunch of puppies, maybe even with their kids.

Sometimes I sit and think about how much love is in that pile of faces and limbs and laughs. Grown men or babies, love and a sense of belonging abounds. What a great image of the love of a Father, who knows us better than we know ourselves, who knows our thoughts before we think them, and loves us abundantly anyway. To be loved is important; to love others unconditionally is of even greater significance.

So when I think about my children, I want to pile them up like puppies. I want to them to have that sibling love inherently, to not really know life without their best friends. I want them to experience that love early, and first hand. Their siblings and cousins, because of their closeness, will know each other inside and out, and will know how to love through differences or difficulties. What better way to love and be loved?

The four babies of the three aforementioned boys, less than one month in each picture.
The four babies of the three aforementioned boys, less than one month in each picture.
mommyhood

The Double Nap

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There is a certain sacred time in a parent’s day: nap time. It’s like Ecclesiastes 3 says: There is a time for every matter under heaven. Reaping and sowing. Weeping and laughing. Mourning and dancing. Casting away stones, and gathering them together. In short, it’s the time where shit gets done.

In the life of the parents of two (or more!), there is an even more sacred yet elusive time of day. This time is the double nap. Some days pass without this time. But on the days that you experience even a few minutes of a double nap, OH THE GLORY! Here is a list of things that might happen during a double nap:

1. Personal hygiene: uninterrupted shower, complete with time to shave your legs and dry your hair!
2. Uninterrupted pee. Or poop. Don’t even act like you aren’t glad of this.
3. Uninterrupted pump (if you’re still breastfeeding, of course).
4. If your spouse is home… I’ll let you guess.
5. A ridiculous amount of cleaning; laundry, dishes, floors, bathrooms, etc. can all magically get done if the kids are all asleep.
6. Phone calls. Catching up with family or friends, bill paying, registrations and more.
7. BLOGGING! (You know where I’ll be.) Or Facebook, email, Twitter, Instagram, SnapChat, etc. Social media galore.
8. A nap of your own. Never underestimate what Hubby and I coined the “hard shut down and restart.”
9. Exercise. Running laps around your house and yoga to YouTube videos absolutely counts.
10. Meal prep or freezer stocking. You are your own sous chef!
11. Gardening/yard work. Sometimes this can be combined with #9.
12. Quiet time. This might be journaling, praying, meditating, reading, etc. Aka bliss.
13. Home lunch dates. I often find that double nap occurs during a lunch time if I’ve properly used my morning. Have a friend over for a take-out feast!
14. Finishing your novel. No, not the one you’re writing. I’m talking about the one you’re reading that you haven’t had time to read!
15. Eating a meal, drinking a hot cup of coffee, or having a glass of wine by yourself. Maybe this occurs in a bubble bath, or in the sunshine on your back porch. Your choice.

What do you do if you’ve got a double nap opportunity?

mommyhood

Reasons I Feel Sorry for My Second Kid

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Let me preface this post by saying that my little boy is a ray of sunshine to all who know him (me most of all) and I love him dearly. I don’t show preferential treatment to either of my kids, and they are both well taken care of. That being said, parents of two or more kids, you’ll be able to back me up on this…

1. He gets really dirty. When EK was not quite 8 months, she was never really dirty. She played a lot, but she had a nightly bath, and her hands and face were constantly being wiped. J usually gets a nightly bath, but that’s the first thing to go if we’re running late or having a rough night. And as far as wiping his hands and face go, he’s left to the mercy of time… either we have it, or we don’t. EK is always trying to feed him something, or hand him something from the ground that’s covered in dirt. Yikes.

2. He wears a lot of hand-me-downs. Don’t get me wrong – EK did also (they have a lot of cousins). But most of her wardrobe was carefully selected before she was born, in lots of sizes, in sweet little outfits. J’s just wearing whatever I can toss on him before he starts rolling off the changing table.

3. He doesn’t get to play with many toys. EK isn’t a great sharer to begin with, but if it’s her stinky ol’ brother we’re asking her to share with? Well that’s totally unreasonable. Anything he has in his hand automatically becomes hers. And bless him, he doesn’t even cry about it.

4. He doesn’t get as much one-on-one time with Hubby and me. This is one we really try to keep to a minimum. We frequently take one kid each if we’re going separate places, so that each kid gets all the attention. But let’s face it – that first kid got all the attention (from everyone because she was the first grandchild on both sides, also) until J was born.

5. He rarely finishes a nap or night’s sleep. EK is loud. Really loud. And unless she is sleeping when he is waking up, he gets woken up by squeals, cries, or heavy-footed running by his bedroom door.

What are some things you feel like you did for your first that you didn’t (or couldn’t!) with your second?

mommyhood

Things New Moms Are Thinking

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Listapalooza Part 2: to go hand in hand with the Things You Think at 40 Weeks Pregnant post….

1. So, you’re just gonna load me in the car with this tiny thing and send me home? You’re not even gonna check on me?

2. I could just use a nap.

3. This kid sure eats a lot.

4. Casseroles.

5. What day of the week is it?

6. I still have to pee. A lot.

7.I’m so sleepy…

8. Ugh, I wish I hadn’t Googled that.

9. Is that (sound, poop color, facial expression, smell, etc) normal?

And finally…

10. I had no idea I could love a teeny human this much.

the first teeny thing I loved more than anything.
the first teeny thing I loved more than anything.
mommyhood

Things You Think at 40 Weeks Pregnant

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I love making lists (I might’ve mentioned that?) so here’s one for ya! This is a little bit of how I was feeling when super 40 weeks pregnant with my kids…

1. WHEN (for the love of all that’s holy) will this be OVER!?

2. I just want to know what he (or she) looks like!

3. I’m so uncomfortable all of the time.

4. I can’t wait to lose all this weight! (Said the first-time mom.)

5. If another person asks me if I’m carrying twins…

6. Yes, I’m doing jumping jacks. YES I WANT THE LABOR TO START!

7. House is clean, laundry is done, nursery is ready, and I’m caught up on my shows. What now?

8. I need another pedicure. It’s only been a few days, but I can’t see my feet to know if my toes still look nice.

9. I’ll have that fourth donut. I mean, I’m due this week, so I have to stop eating this junk in a few days.

And the kicker:

10. I can’t wait to have my morning coffee, a glass of wine with dinner, and… oh my gosh, I have to pee NOW!

Here's some homage to #7 - the answer to "what now?" was "take a belly selfie!"
Here’s some homage to #7 – the answer to “what now?” was “take a belly selfie!”
faith, mommyhood, random thoughts

How It Looks From Here

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I got an interesting comment the other morning. The person said, “I’ve just been reading your blog. Final verdict: parenthood sounds hard.” It was in the middle of a good-natured comment from an old friend, but still took me a little off guard. My first reaction is “Duh! An hour at my house is the only birth control you’ll ever need!” But then, I wondered if I hadn’t been portraying my life the right way. Am I posting too many things that are frustrating or annoying or hard or sad? Should I be glossing over those difficult parts and highlighting only the good? I don’t want anyone to think I have an unusually difficult time with my kids. But I don’t want you to think I have an unusually easy time, either. I just want to be real. Encouraging, but real. (My thoughts on that a little more in depth here.)

Parenthood can look like all sorts of things at different times, different seasons, and to different people. Motherhood can look wonderful. It can look hectic. It can look easy. It can look good, bad, crazy, scary, or sad, depending on the moment. There are times full of snuggles and smiles and eating all the food on their plate and going to bed on time. There are times of skipping naps, toddler tantrums, picky eating, snotty noses, poop-splosions (read about those here) and breaking down to cry. It’s ridiculous how quickly you can go from thinking, “Awesome! I’m doing it! This is great!” to “I can’t wait for Hubby to get home so I can sit down.” or “When does school start back, again?”

In the moments when my toddler has finally fallen asleep, and I’m still laying in her bed, spooning her, for fear she’ll wake up if I move, I drink in the snuggles. I thank God for the moments like this, when she turns back into a baby again, blanket in her mouth (gross, I know) and face softened to chubby cheeks and eyelashes. And maybe I cry a little bit, because I yelled when I shouldn’t have, or I had to harp on her too many times to share with her brother, or I simply was so busy with work and errands that I barely saw her until bedtime. Finding the grace to forgive yourself isn’t easy when you feel like you didn’t do the best you could possibly do. But you know what? I always make time for smooches and snuggles and she’s always fed and rested and clean. If those things are true, my day wasn’t a complete fail.

Sometimes, when one or both of the babes has gotten up in the night, I’m a zombie, and several cups of coffee don’t seem to be giving me the boost I need, we park it in front of the tv for longer than I’d like to admit. We eat whatever is the easiest thing to scrounge up for our meals and snacks, or we pile in the car and get drive-thru burgers and fries. I do no laundry, no dishes, and the only thing I clean is baby bottoms. Talk about the mom version of an under achiever, right? But those days aren’t the norm. They aren’t even common. But sometimes they are necessary to a tired family. When we all take naps on the couch watching some awful Netflix movie like Turtle Tale, it’s not likely I’ll complain that much. Sometimes those are the days that bedtimes come a little easier and less crying jags happen. On days when I “accomplish a lot”, I’ve been vacuuming instead of playing, and there are groceries in the fridge because I lugged my kids through the grocery store… Those are sometimes the ones that there are more frustrating than rewarding.

But what’s the formula here? Is there a way to ensure that my kids have a great day every day, and sleep well every night? I bet not. I bet there isn’t even a formula to ensure that they don’t have a good day and don’t sleep well. I just do the best I can; I love on them, try to teach them right from wrong, feed them (as healthily as I can), help them get rest (even if it means napping with them), foster learning and love of learning (whenever possible), bathe them (sometimes more than once a day), and pray for them. I don’t know how it looks from the outside. Maybe it looks hard to you, or maybe it looks fun! Maybe it looks rewarding, or like something you aren’t ready for right now. All those answers can be the right one.  It’s looked like all of those things from the inside, too. But from where I sit, the mama of two adorable (however crazy) kiddos, I have a blessed life, and I try to bless those kids in return. It’s looking pretty sweet to me.

mommyhood

It’s Been One of Those Nights

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One of these nights, one of these crazy, old nights… -The Eagles

Sure, the Eagles weren’t writing about a mom trying to put her kids to bed, but that one line got stuck in my head as I trudged my way through the worst night in a while.

Today I worked my summer camp job most of the day. We’re leaving on a big trip this weekend, and there is a lot to do between now and then, so naturally the day was pretty busy. This evening, I had a lovely dinner with my family and my friend Katelyn who was in from out of town. Everyone behaved so nicely (due to fairly well-timed naps) and we were home in plenty of time to have a leisurely bedtime routine. Hubby was headed to work so I convinced Katelyn to stay for a few minutes longer for some extra snuggles (read: to be an extra pair of hands for a few minutes).

Ignore my complaining... this girl made my night so much that I'll forget about the bad stuff tomorrow!
Ignore my complaining… this girl made my night so much that I’ll forget about the bad stuff tomorrow!

After the kids were bathed and in pajamas, Katelyn had to leave.  I plopped EK in front of the iPad to watch an episode of Super Why (she LOVES it). We’ve done this before in times that I’m alone with the kids at bedtime and it’s worked fine. This was about 7:45, which is a pretty normal time for J to be getting to sleep. We don’t have an exact time for bed, since if they nap and how long and what we did that day determines what time they get super sleepy.

So I spend the whole episode of Super Why trying to get J  sleepy and it ain’t happening. When EK got bored (about the time J would typically be passed out hard) she kept running in the room, which would jolt J out of any sleepiness we had going. I’d send her out with a job (hop in bed, pick out a book, etc) and try again to get J down. This happened several times, and finally she cried when I sent her out again. I figured it was time for an attention swap (it had been over half an hour) so I laid J down (instant cry) and closed the door. Six months old isn’t too early to have a little fuss and self-soothe practice, so I got EK tucked in, and sleepy-looking. After a few minutes of snuggles, I realized J was doing the opposite of soothing. I said, “Mommy needs to go help J since he’s been crying for a few minutes now.” Cue the screaming toddler. Clearly she hadn’t felt like the few minutes was enough after J had gotten so long with me. I tried going back and forth for a while, but then everyone was crying (including myself, after I had closed both doors, walked to the kitchen, and thought about pouring myself a large glass of wine) so I bit the bullet. I put J on the boob, sat on the edge of EK’s bed and hummed. After J had passed out (he hadn’t been hungry, mind you, he had eaten plenty) I laid him down and went back to EK for another 5 or 7 minutes. All of a sudden, it’s 9:30.

Of course, this was an unusually restless and stressful evening, and of course it’s one that I’m here by myself. When they were finally both asleep, part of me said, “Just go to sleep. Lay down on your bed, and go to sleep.” But the rest (the more responsible part) of me, was reminded of all the chores that hadn’t gotten done yet this week and the laundry and packing that had yet to be done before we go. Unfortunately, all I wanted to do was lie back down next to EK and sleep till tomorrow. But what did I do? Some dishes. A tiny bit of laundry. And then I sat down to write. I needed to vent. I needed to hear from someone that I’m not the only one with nights like this. I needed do a little something for myself – and now that I say that, I realize I should have poured myself that glass of wine.

Please tell me you’ve also had one of these nights…