Tag Archives: babysitters

mommyhood, random thoughts

Babysitters: Are You a Micro-Manager From Afar or Do You Enjoy Your Outing?

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Because I’m in the hospital with my brand new, sweet, second son (Baby D says, “Hey there!”) here’s one I wrote a little while ago!

I can be one of two things when it comes to leaving my kiddos with someone… I can be a micro-managing crazy person with a list of a hundred guidelines (read: requirements) or I can just be the trusting mom who says, “Have fun!”

My slightly-OCD tendency is to overdo it. I get worked up, setting out pajamas and sippy cups (already put together, because no babysitter ever knows how to figure that mess out) and favorite blankets. I want to write where every single item in the house can be found, a list of healthy, mom-approved foods that I know my kids will eat (and when they’re allowed to eat them), how to work the TV so that they can watch an allotted 22-minute educational show, and a detailed bedtime routine that must be strictly followed. I want to leave numbers for the closest ten people, and I want to check my phone every two minutes while I’m gone.

But let’s be honest: would that be a nice outing for me? Probably not. I’d be miserable, wondering whether or not everyone kept to my schedule, and looking at my phone every two minutes is just rude, whether I’m out with the girls or with Hubby.

The alternative to this, for me, is the opposite end of the spectrum. I just say, “Bye!” and leave it in the probably-capable hands of my babysitter. They’ll call if they need anything, right? It’s just about relinquishing my control into someone else’s hands, and in the case of my children, it’s tough.

I remember that on my 3 year old’s first day of preschool, I was so nervous. She was crying when we left (Doesn’t every kid cry on their first day of leaving Mom and Dad? No? Just tell me they do.) and I was worried all morning that there would be some need that she’d have that they wouldn’t notice, or couldn’t help her with. Not that I had chosen a preschool that I wasn’t comfortable with or anything like that. I just felt like Mama knows best, ya know?

But now that I’m pregnant with my third, I’ve become a little less crazed about it. When I take my daughter to school, I make sure her bags are packed with everything she could possibly need (yeah, I still do it) and I hug her, kiss her, and run out. I’m a little more confident.  I don’t write a big list for a babysitter, either. I offer some tips on getting them to eat dinner (It’s all about options!) or to make bedtime go more smoothly (Don’t try to do it too early!), but then I kiss those tiny angels, apply my lip gloss, and get the hell outta dodge. I mean, Mama needs a night out, right? (Side note: I am guilty of often hiring a  babysitter after my kids bedtime, so that there are no transitional issues. My 1 1:2 year old sometimes tries to squeeze out the door with me, or I can hear him hollering as I get in the car. Breaks a mama’s heart, so I avoid it where I can.)

Letting go is hard, no matter what the situation, how long you might be letting go for, and into whose hands your leaving the precious ones. How do you cope deal prepare to leave your kiddos with someone else?

mommyhood

Parenting Plight #2: Babysitters

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Let me make this clear before I get started: the plight of which I speak isn’t the babysitters themselves. Oh no, our family is blessed with wonderful, sweet babysitters who love and take good care of our kids, including several family members. No, the plight is a different beast altogether.

The plight is the leaving. The preparing for every possible scenario that might occur. The feeling that your phone must be on loud and in a visible spot at all times during whatever it is that you are doing away from the kids. The hoping you don’t get the phone call you’re waiting for. The sneaking out (I know- sneaking causes a whole set of issues- we don’t always do it) while they are distracted doing something else. The feeling that you’ve forgotten to mention something, or forgot to leave a certain item in plain view, or forgot to get cash to pay the sitter with. You know what I mean.

The plight of leaving your kids with someone else must get more comfortable at some point, right? I mean, beyond the missing them and hoping they sleep well, it must get easier the older they are. I remember as a kid, my parents leaving meant that I could probably play board games and watch movies and eat cookies and stay up late with a sweet older girl who would serve, for several years, as a role model and favorite person to see on the occasional weekend my parents went out. But right now, with my two year old and six month old, leaving means that I better have my daughter fed or she won’t eat. And Frozen in the DVD player. And a swaddle (she will NOT sleep without one) ready for emergencies or bedtime. And I better have my son in a happy mood, in his pajamas, with everything he needs for bed already in his crib. And several bottles made and ready to go, because if I only leave one, he will wake up every two hours till I get home and need one. Hubby can’t relate to this, because I have self-diagnosed OCD and he is as laid back as they come. See why we fit together so nicely?

Often, we are lucky enough for our babysitters to be grandparents. They know routines. They know what to do in case of a meltdown. They know where everything is in the house (or in some cases, baby stuff is all there in their own houses). They are familiar, safe faces and personalities. And praise the Lord, they are free. But lately, even they have a little resistance from the too-smart-for-her-own-good toddler. My mom doesn’t like to do bedtime with her right now because she gets up so many times before she is finally down for good, and when she gets up and all she finds is my mom, she is likely going to melt down. Why? No good reason. She loves my mom. She knows Hubby and I are coming home. She has everything she needs (full belly, clean diaper, swaddle, animal friends, etc). She just needs extra love right now, in this stage of her life.

Now, I will say two things, and they are in no way supposed to sound pushy. They are simply my opinion. First of all, the plight of leaving shouldn’t make you feel like you can’t have a date night, or go out with the girls, or even just see a movie by yourself if that’s your thing. We all need a little sanity, a little freedom, and a little time where the company can form complete sentences and drink a glass of wine. Secondly, if you’re in a committed relationship, it is really, REALLY important for you to have some time with your significant other alone… by yourselves. A revolutionary thought, i know. This is my opinion, but I’m also sure it’s true. Your relationship needs time that isn’t interrupted by kids’ meals, baths, naps and bedtimes. Make your person a priority. Don’t read that as “neglect your kids for that person”, but read it as a call to not neglect that person for your kids, if your person is important to you. Hubby and I love spending time together with the kids. We love spending time together at home after the kids are in bed, by ourselves or with friends. But we really appreciate a night out, just the two of us, slowing down, reconnecting, and getting to know each other better. It’s a time to see him as Hubby instead of Dad, for me to be a wife instead of just Mom, and to revisit hopes and dreams and careers and thoughts on life in general, instead of schedules, kids, bills and housework. Remember that time? Yeah. We were living the crazy life. We were doing what we wanted to, when we wanted to. We don’t really want to go back there, but a few hours of doing just that is exactly the therapy we needed.

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Dinner at The Porch, drinks at Recreation Billiards and music at Bull’s Tavern was our perfect date night.