Tag Archives: friends

faith, mommyhood, random thoughts, women

I Sweat the Small Stuff.

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I think I’ve written about this before. In any case, this (insert the title here) has always been true for me. Detail-oriented, follow-through-with-everything Whitney has stressed over little things her entire life. I know some of you others feel that way, too. Which is why this particular situation and my resulting feelings might be for you, too.

Sometimes, I think the Lord speaks to you through the most random people.

Like the other day, someone commented on my post about our “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad evening“. She basically said this: we can handle big things like we’re ninjas (I loved that!), but when it comes to a pile up of small things, we may just go insane.

Too right she is.

When something big happens, something really important or truly difficult, I ninja up, call upon my people to help or pray, roll up my sleeves and get through it. But if a hundred little tiny things go wrong during a regular old day, when I can’t pinpoint the problem or put my finger on the exact thing that’s frustrating me, I start to go bonkers. I mean it. Bonkers. I want to fly off the handle. Sometimes I do. But who does that benefit? No one. Not me, certainly. Not my kids, who didn’t really do anything besides act their ages. Not Hubby, who is as patient with and kind to me as any human alive could be.

When I read her comment, it was like I got a tap on the shoulder: Hey, she’s talking about YOU. I’ve typically been cool under pressure, and able to handle a lot of stress when it’s put on my shoulders. But BOY do I ever sweat the small stuff. And as a mom, that’s the biggest recurring piece of advice I hear… Don’t sweat the small stuff. Enjoy the little moments. You’ll miss this. Don’t worry about the accidents and messes. Well, that’s all well and fine to say, and for me to nod and smile about. But when he spills the third meal on the floor I just cleaned, add some pee-pee in her panties, hear from the babysitter who’s cancelling and ruining my date night, and then I can’t even give my kids a bath without the entire bathroom (and myself) being soaked? I’m done. I AM DONE.

Any one of those things is a little thing. It falls into the category of “small stuff”. I’m sure I’d think several of those things are funny in a few days when they haven’t happened in a while. But altogether, piled on in the same day, it overwhelms me in a way I can’t accurately describe. I’m immediately ready to throw in the urine-covered towel, and tell Hubby I’m going on date night alone. I’d like to say that my first response is to call for help, to lean on the One who is always ready to hear my cry and give me exactly what I need. But how often is He my last resort? I call on Him for big things, for important things, for scary things. But for the little stuff? Nah – I think I can handle it myself.

Well, I can’t. I need peace. I need rest. I need help. I need love to flow out of me. I can only find those things in one place: the arms of Jesus. And there’s good news! He’s ready and waiting to accept me with open arms, and give me what I need.

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus

My Kids Are Basically My Best Friends

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus!

I came to the realization the other day that my relationship with my kids is similar to that of best friends. Our level of closeness rivals that of Bert and Ernie or Thelma and Louise. I’ll tell you why. 

  
I talk to them more often than anyone else. When I’m constantly answering, “What’s that, mama?” and asking, “Are you ready for lunch?” I easily exceed one million words a day that’s we’ve exchanged. We literally talk about everything: foods we dislike, places we’ve left things, how bad our poops smell, and why we have to wear shoes to go to the playground.
I hold their hands a lot. We just love physical contact. Every time we’re in a parking lot, on a sidewalk, in a store, or crossing a street, we hold hands. We just can’t keep our hands apart.

We’re inseparable. I literally have one of my two best friends by my side all day long. We don’t even go to the bathroom alone! The only time they can bear to be separated from me is when they’re sleeping, and that’s only sometimes.

We know everything about each other. We’ve been in some seriously close situations together. Potty breaks, showers, laughing, crying and sleeping: we’ve done it all together.  There are very few things about each other we don’t know. For instance, we can read each others’ moods, get on each others’ nerves, and do the sweetest things for each other, all on purpose.

We love each other a lot, but bicker like an old married couple. We don’t agree on everything, and we’re completely honest about it. I don’t agree when they poop at inconvenient times or refuse to eat their vegetables. They don’t agree when I make them go to bed on time or share their toys. We aren’t afraid to speak our minds. Our family is a safe place, after all.

Having little stooges to share my life with is basically one of the best things I’ve ever decided to do. Now, if they’d just get old enough to swap off driving on our road trips, or pick up the groceries on their way home, we’d be all set.

faith, random thoughts, women

Lean into the Transition

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A few nights ago at our community group (a group of six couples from my church that meet together to have dinner and fellowship every other week) we were talking about seasons of life. Our group is comprised of two (fairly) newly married couples (with no kids), two couples with young kids (ages 0-7) and two couples with older kids (high school-aged or older) so we’re obviously all in different seasons of life.

As I listened to one of the women talk about how she felt like she and her husband were in a period of transition, I realized that she, being five years younger than me, was also almost exactly where I was five years ago: buying their first house in the hopes they’d be there for a long time, not having kids yet, working jobs that may or may not be the ones they stay in forever… I can remember when I was there. The end of my second year teaching, Hubby and I had been married and lived in a rental property for our first year of marriage, and we were looking forward to having a place that was really ours. Not just a place to “squat” for nine months or a year, or a place we’d just move from in a couple of years. We wanted to buy a home to bring kids home to, ya know? And we achieved it, thank goodness.

But I remember well the feeling of moving and moving and moving that you get while you’re in college. Every fall, I moved to NC for the school year. Every summer I moved back to GA for a couple of months. After graduation, I lived with two of my girlfriends for a little less than a year. Then I moved into the little house Hubby and I lived in right when we got married. After that, after six years and back and forth and to and fro, Hubby and I settled. And here we still are, five years later, happy as can be in our wonderful house in our favorite neighborhood.

I’m not jealous of her stage of transition at all.

But we’ve got our own transitions. Our kids are always growing and changing, and we’re adding a new member to our family in July. We haven’t moved, but we just went through several months of a home renovation (and let me tell you, that felt like an eternity of “in limbo”). I stopped teaching and started leading worship, and Hubby started working at a recording studio. These are all transitions… even if they aren’t as big as some other ones.

I am thankful each day for the season of life I’m in. There are days I’m frustrated and exhausted with it, but most days, I’m happy. I get to spend a ton of time with Hubby and our kids, I’m doing a part-time job that I love, living in a home I enjoy, and a circle of wonderful friends and family with whom to share my life. Every transition and change that comes my way might throw me off a little, but instead of turning back and refusing to move forward, I try to lean into the wind. 

faith, home, random thoughts, women

Jesus and Coffee – a Saturday Morning Talk

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I’ve seen a few posts from different bloggers about “If we were having coffee” and “Coffee and Jesus” and “Weekend Coffee Date”. I’d like to have my own take on it, and combine some of the styles and things I’ve read.

  
If we were having coffee this morning, sitting on my (new!) couch, looking at a gorgeous morning out our big windows, we might be watching my kids run circles around us. Our coffee might need to be reheated once or twice, because I often break for diaper changes, snacks, help with starting a puzzle, or (honesty, here) to go to the bathroom. My coffee would be half-caff, with some cream, and a little bit of sweetness. What would yours be?

If we were having coffee, I would want you to ask me challenging questions. I like that. I might not seem to, especially what it’s hard for me to answer. But I want you to ask anyway. It’s good for me. Really.

I want to tell you all about what the Lord is doing in my life. I want to tell you how I feel like I’m in a good place, how I’m super thankful for everything I have. I also want to tell you that sometimes my hormones and stress get the best of me, and I break down. I want to tell you about how I have hard times, how I get angry or sad, and how that’s okay. I want to tell you all about how I deal with those feelings.

I want to ask you the hard questions, too. I want to know what’s the best thing in your life right now, and what’s hard about your life, too. I want to know all about your job, your children, your home life, your friends. I want to know your dreams and goals, short term and long term. I want to connect with you, to speak life and truth to you, and to pray for you.

If we were together this morning, in my home, getting to know each other, I would be happy to make a new friend. I’d be excited to build a relationship with you.

faith, My Big Jesus, random thoughts, women

We’re All On the Same Bus.

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Some situations are inherently leveling for a group of people.

  
For instance, this week, I worked in a showroom at the High Point Furniture Market. I parked at the local shopping mall each morning, and rode a shuttle (read: bus) to and from the building I worked in. Everyone on the bus was in the same boat. Busy, a little late, and semi-awake in the mornings. Tired, anxious to get home, and in a cut-the-shit sort of mood in the evenings. I’m sharing my seat this evening with a girl about my age who is overhearing the same conversations in front and behind us, eyeballing the same over-the-top outfits, and grinning with me about the bus driver who doesn’t know how many people his bus holds.

Being in the same situation right now has built a bridge of common experience between us. She didn’t work in my showroom, I don’t know her name or where she’s from, and I’ll likely never see her again. But we are having a great time, giggling at the girl whose “professional attire” is a backless, sideless (frontless?!) dress. We are bonding, if only for a moment, because we’re in the same boat. We are having many of the same feelings- mainly, I can’t wait to get home! For me, it’s a “put on sweatpants, snuggle my kids, and let Hubby cook my dinner”. For her, it might be the same, or it might be a “put on my sparkly top and meet my girlfriends for drinks”. Either way, we aren’t home. We’re sitting on the shuttle after long days on our feet, finding anything and everything a perfect combination of slightly annoying and deliriously funny.

How much more might we be able to bond over long conversations about similar life situations, shared goals, and common interests? Instead a single instance leveling us and making us momentary friends, much closer we’d probably be if we were meeting there after a day apart, dishing about our jobs, talking about our kids’ most recent milestones and setbacks, and chatting about weekend plans.

The more you have in common with someone, the more drawn to them you often are. When two people are outgoing and funny, it can bring them together because they both might have a lot of fun. If they also both happen to be moms of kids around the same age, then even moreso. Add on a few more things like a shared interest of cooking, a connection made through folks at church, and a teaching background? We’re basically besties by the end of the conversation. We’re all riding the same bus in this thing called “life”, and randomly choosing a good seat buddy can be an incredible blessing. It can take a long, bumpy ride, and turn it into an amusing, not-so-bad sort of journey.

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, women

My People.

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus!

Village. Tribe. Support system. Club. Group of friends. My people.

No matter what you call them, it’s always so nice to have them.

A  group of people, in similar situations as you (for me, other parents), who are supportive, loving, relatable, and understanding. They aren’t judgmental, degrading, overcritical, or negative. They listen. They help. They care. They give advice when asked. They let you vent without judging. They respect your parenting choices. They love you for you. They love your kids for themselves. And you do the same for them.

These people are as inexorable to your survival as your coffee in the morning and your washing machine in the… all day every day. Their encouragement, interest in your life and feelings, and concern for you can help you get through the worst of days, even if you’ve already cleaned up several spills (of all sorts of liquids), survived multiple tantrums, and have silvery smears of snot all over your shirt. Having someone you can vent to, cry to, talk to, ask questions of, and plead for sanity from… or at least have a little confirmation that you’re not totally losing it.

Whatever your situation, your status, your goings on day in and day out, it’s likely that sometimes you need a pick-me-up, a funny story about how your colleague (read: mom friend) had the same thing happen to them yesterday. If you’re a working mom who’s dealing with childcare woes, a stay-at-home mom who’s dealing with scraped knees and stubbed toes, or a part-time working mom who’s going nuts trying to figure out the schedule of working time vs. naps and play dates, you’re probably, in a moment of frustration, shooting a text to your pals, sharing the latest thing you’ve been dealing with, or informing them about the most recent baffling news about a sale you missed out on.

But you’re also sharing your successes. You’re sharing about those moments you couldn’t love your kids more, the moments your spouse swept you off your feet again, and the moment the mountain of laundry (almost) disappeared. You’re cheering on your friends when they tell you about the whole day their toddler spent in big boy underwear, the fact that they didn’t forget to put on the trash on the right evening, and the promotion they just got at work. You’re praying for each other about struggles and praising Jesus for the victories, big and small. Having a few people who can totally get you, love you through your mess and in spite of your crazy can save your day.

***

If you’re interested in learning more about moms supporting moms, and changing the course of the mom wars, check out #mommitment on Facebook, Twitter, and the blogosphere, or read about it from Julie at Next Life, NO Kids. #mommitment moms are committed to spreading the love and support, and ending negativity towards each other. Here’s the link to sign the petition and join the movement!

home, mommyhood

Currently – Ella Kate’s Birthday!

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Okay, so this edition of Currently didn’t quite go up on time, but I’ve been so busy celebrating my wonderful, smart, gorgeous THREE-year-old that I’ve barely had time for anything else!

We spent all of last week getting the basement at least partially ready for guests (I mean, not all the way, but there were places to sleep!) and getting ready for EK’s party on Saturday. As (I think) I mentioned before, her requested theme was “princesses, pizza, and painting” and I’ll say – we sure accomplished all three! Here are some highlights before I start my regular “currently”.

Sweet college friends who made my weekend!
Amazing tie-dye princess cupcakes made by my sweet friend, Lauren! (If you’re local, she’s for hire!)
EK was really impressed with the cupcakes.
Just a few of EK’s sweet cousins and friends who came to celebrate! I got everyone looking but her, ha!
Yesterday’s outfit. Underneath the hoodie, the dress says “Birthday Girl”.

 

Kiddos enjoying one of the presents… it’s a pretty cool little castle!

 

Now for my semi-normal currently – linking up as usual with Becky at Choose Happy and the other fabulous bloggers from all over! Join us!

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Thankful for || an amazing weekend (and day today!) of celebrating my incredible daughter, who I CANNOT BELIEVE is 3! It seems like just yesterday that she was a teeny little squish, and now she’s talking 90 miles a minute, running, dancing, playing and showing me she’s an incredible person, inside and out. It totally rocks me if I sit and think about it. Okay – I’m gonna cry. Moving on…

I’m thankful for several more things, so I’m going to lay them all down, list-style: my mom, who spent the entire week helping us clean, entertaining the kids while Hubby and I organized and rearranged the basement, and letting us go on TWO dates while she was here! Total win, Mom. Thanks!. Also, thankful for a mother-in-law who helps move furniture, hang pictures, work in the yard, and spoil children. She’s a great lady, as well! Thankful for sweet college girlfriends who slumber party with my in my partially-furnished basement, spoil my daughter, and make me feel like I’m ten years younger again. Thanks, gals. I love you. Lastly, thankful for an incredible husband, who puts up with my hormonal mood swings and my never-ending honey-do list, loves our children in a way so mind-blowing that I can’t describe its awesomeness, and still manages to have time to do wonderful things for me and make me feel special, even when I feel like a crazy, sobbing, way-too-pregnant cow. Yep. I went there. Love ya, babe.

Eating || my mom’s homemade spaghetti recipe, with a little change. It’s canned tomatoes and sauce, basil, oregano, garlic, onion, and ground beef. Last night, I used fresh tomatoes, fresh oregano (from our garden, that had somehow survived (and flourished after!) winter – not so for the basil), and added some grated carrots and some frozen spinach. Surprisingly, the kiddos couldn’t tell about the veggies, and the oregano made the whole thing pop! Yum.

Dreaming of || my facial on Friday, and the fact that I might ALSO get my nails done. Y’all, I need a couple of hours of pampering after a busy and stressful few weeks, and I’m MORE THAN EXCITED about it on Friday. Can I get an amen?!

Planning || big blog things for the next few weeks and months. I’m going to start asking for opinions, stories, and requests for what you’d like to hear about. In fact, go ahead and leave those in the comments! I’ll start collecting today!

Thanks for joining me on my birthday edition of Currently! What have you been up to?

mommyhood, random thoughts, women

An open letter to friends who don’t invite me to stuff just because I have kids

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To all of my friends who have ever not invited me to something, simply because I have kids:

I have three important things to say.

1. The invitation to the party, event, etc. is almost as good as getting to come to it. I know that you would’ve liked me to come, but you thought you knew what my answer would have to be, so you saved me the trouble of saying no. Well, I want to take the trouble of saying no, because sometimes that leads me to number two.

2. The answer just might be yes! I know it’s often not a kid-friendly function, and that’s okay with me! I have lunch dates, I go out with friends, and I even attend parties after my kids’ bedtimes. The tricky thing is that I still have to be invited. I can’t  just show up to your party, because, you know.

3. My feelings sometimes get hurt. Yes, I know how this sounds. I’m not trying to whine or make you feel guilty or anything. I’m just being honest. I’m sitting right here as you make your plans, and maybe you already know that tonight, I’ll have to say no. But can you just throw this tired mama a bone? I want to feel wanted.

Now, I don’t need a bunch of invitations to stuff upon people reading this post. I’m not looking for pity. I’m just sayin’. A gal can be honest in this little corner of the internet, right?

home, mommyhood, women

Currently – Celebrating Easter!

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Happy Monday! I’m linking up again today with Becky at Choose Happy for her Currently series. Join us, and just let us know what’s up with you currently! It’s a great way to find fun new blogs to follow, and to find friends. I love it!

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Enjoying || a relaxing day after a super busy Easter week. Everyone slept late this morning, and we don’t have anything on our schedule. Hopefully it’ll be a day of catching up on chores and maybe taking a nap!

Thankful for || a wonderful Easter weekend. It was full of good church, wonderful family, and sweet friends. The Lord is risen, and we couldn’t be more grateful!! There were so many celebrations we could barely keep up… We were so busy we literally didn’t get a single picture of everyone in their cute outfits! Here are a few instead of an actual “Easter photo”:

Cousins on a couch!
Elsa’s Easter outfit. What Easter dress would be complete without the Ice Queen’s crown?
Bunny love.
He was getting better at caring about the eggs by the end…
I snapped this one from behind the piano right before the Good Friday service… my favorite night of the year, I think.

Looking forward to || my mom’s arrival this afternoon! She’s staying through next weekend to help us get cleaned up, organized, and set up for guest hosting and party throwing! And of course to snuggle the sweet ones.

Excited about || my college girlfriends having a slumber party at my house next weekend! We haven’t gotten all together since our super fun weekend in December, and I’m glad we will be together again! It’ll probably be full of milkshakes and laughter and not staying up as late as we used to, but it will be much-needed time to catch up, love on each other, and store up time together for the next few months till we do it again.

Decorating || the basement! Finally! Cleaning crew comes in this week to make it really move in ready, and today I got a fabulous rug for the living room down there! Just have to find a car big enough to go pick it up – ha!

Found this rug at Homegoods – for a steal, obviously.
Snazzy custom handrail, all finished up! Now to patch the wall and floor, and build a baby gate! (Please ignore the pile of laundry at the bottom of the stairs. It rarely goes away.)

Well, that’s what’s going on in my life! Thanks for reading, and I can’t wait  to hear what’s going on with you!

faith, random thoughts, women

Wonderful Women

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Last night, I attended a “women’s supper club” for a group of women from my church. It was FANTASTIC. There was sharing, laughing, crying, hugging, praying, talking, teaching, and loving each other. I met new women, reconnected with some I hadn’t seen recently, and chuckled and snuggled with women I know well. It was a much-needed night of frivolity and fellowship and faith-building. I realized this: I have lots of wonderful women in my life, and I love finding more. You can never have too many women who are peers, women who are mentors, women who are mentees, women who have walked through your trenches, and women who are in them right beside you.

Women were created for relationship. It’s in our nature. God created Adam, and then created him a companion in Eve. I think that we were created for communication, fellowship, compassion, and love. This isn’t just limited to a romantic relationship, or familial relationship. This very nature of women spreads to all relationships – friends, acquaintances, strangers, all.

I’ve had several blog friends recently start up ways for women to connect with and find friends online (in a non-creepy or stalkerish way haha). Women can be lonely without a group, without a tribe. I am lucky in that I have a tribe built in where I live, but I still want to grow it! I want to help women connect with each other, build meaningful relationships, and make lasting impressions on each other. I know how important those types of relationships have been in my life, and how much they still will be for the rest of it.

I’m not sure the way I want to go about this yet. I want to help y’all out, help you get to know each other, help you find gals in your area who are like-minded and need a group of friends as well. I want to make it authentic and not forced. I want to make it realistic and long-lasting. So it’s a tall order, but it’s on my heart. And I’m going to be praying about it. It already makes me excited!

Please comment if you have ideas, ways to connect that are already in place, or anything else you think might be helpful in the process. If you’re a praying person, I invite you to join me in prayer in the first steps of the process, and for the hearts of the women that might get involved!