Tag Archives: humor

mommyhood, siblings, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say 

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Happy Tuesday, everyone! I’m glad to bring you a long list of hilarities, courtesy of the children! I literally can’t make this stuff up, y’all. Enjoy!

First time with his legs falling asleep…
J: Help me! My legs aren’t working! They’re not working a lot!

EK to Hubby: Daddy, tonight, can you take me on a special date, just you and me?
Hubby: You know what? Sure. I’ll take you out for dessert.
EK: Can we go have gelato?!
Hubby: Sure!
J, running in from the other room: TONIGHT! Can Mommy take me to have ice cream?! And that big girl (aka adult) who gives us gelato can give it to us?!
Me: *dying*

EK had just been out for ice cream with her daddy.
J: You say, “How was your special date?”
EK: No, you say it to me.
J: Oh. How was your special date?
EK: Great!

How the kids know we aren’t fancy: They ask for a towel instead of a napkin. A paper towel, of course.

Hubby: How was your nap?
EK: I didn’t go to sleep.
Me: Really?
EK: I just read a book.
Me: For three hours? (She can’t really read yet.)
EK: Yeah, I had to stay in my room till nap time was over.
Me: Um…

J, the first thing he said when he woke up: I love you and you’re awesome, EK.

 

EK to our waitress after we’d ordered: And also, excuse me, did you know that I’m the big sister who is four and that’s my brother who is three and my brother who is one and may I have my water in an adult cup?
Waitress: *pause* Since you’re the big sister, you can have water in an adult cup if your parents are okay with it.
EK: Okay. And for the brothers, they need cups with lids.
Me: *dying*

Bedtime stall of the week…
J: Wait! I forgot my nightstand water!

A breakfast song by J: This is the way we eat eat eat, eat eat eat, eat eat eat. This is the way we eat eat eat, before we go to play.

Misnomers of the week:
Stomach=stomachache, i.e.: My stomachache is getting hungry!
Potato=batato, i.e.: the food, Mr. Batato Head, etc.

What are your kiddos talking about this week?

mommyhood

Things Toddlers Say 

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Happy Tuesday, y’all! Hope you’re enjoying 2017 so far! Here are just a few highlights from the past week in the lives (and mispronunciations) of my kiddos… enjoy!

EK, 100x a day: J! You’re unnerrupting!

Going through the line at McDonald’s…
EK and J: Almond Donald’s had a farm! E I E I O! And on that farm he had a poop! E I E I O! With a poop poop here, and a poop poop there! Here a poop, there a poop! Every where where where where where!
Hubby and me: *silently dying of laughter*

Watching The Sound of Music, when Maria is conversing with the Reverend Mother…
J: What’s this part?
EK: Maria’s just talking to her grandma.

EK: Can you plug the tree lights in?
Me: Why don’t you do it?
EK: It’s too hard.
J: I’ll do it!
EK: Well, I got it started for you!

Me: Ahh! He almost spilled my wine!
EK: Well its right there if you need it.

Mid-argument, EK to J: Do you think I do not have eyes?!

J, in a high-pitched voice: May I pwease have a tiny, little bit of candy from my stocking, pwease? (He’s been working on his vocal inflection, specifically when asking a question.)

EK, holding a bouquet of flowers: Daddy, can you water these up?

J: *drops a piece of bread into his soup* Look! It turned into chicken!

At bedtime…
Hubby: All right, good night, J.
J: Daddy, wait!
Hubby: What’s up?
J: Happy new year, Daddy.

Hubby: How’s that bread EK?
EK: Well, I don’t like the taste of it. (Said in a way that implied nothing else was wrong with it.)

At the doctor’s office for a check up, and our doctor was just telling us he was all finished…
J: Doctor? You’re the best doctor.
Doctor: *chokes up a little* You just made my year! How about I give you a few tokens to get a prize? How many do you think you’d like?
J: One. Or two, so I can share with EK.
Me: *dies*

Well, there you have it. Adorable and hilarious children. What have your kids been talking about recently? Any Christmas or New Year’s funnies?

mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say 

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Hey there, and happy Tuesday! I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! We sure did – we hosted and had a total of 13 here for about three days, and completed our celebrations with sugary hangovers yesterday. Back to a little more normal today, thankfully. Here are a few of our funnies from the past week. I tried to live in the moment and keep my phone out of my hand as much as possible, but I did write down these for ya! Enjoy!

EK: You should sleep down here! (in her room)
Me: Do you think Daddy would miss me?
EK: No, he’s at a long gig. You can sleep with me because I don’t snore.
Me: *dead*

EK coming out of the bathroom: Mom, we really should clean the toilets.

EK, on our waiter at the Mexican restaurant: He looks like a prince!

Bedtime stalling techniques of the week:
EK: Can you ask Daddy to put a stained glass window in our house?
A few minutes later…
EK: I think Daddy knows how to make windows.

Christmas morning, EK: What is all this stuff?
Me: Santa came!
EK: Oh.
Me: *face palm*about the money I spent*

EK: Look, I made bacon!

J: Can you sing a song about a doggy?
Me, singing: How much is that doggy in the window? The one with the wiggly tail…
J: No, like Charwotte, with the black eyes and the house and the pumpkin patch.
Me: *still clueless*
Me, 20 minutes later: Charlotte’s Web!

J: When I was a baby like D, I broke something very fwagile.
Me: Oh really?
J: Yeah, it was a very adult cup.
Me: Oh wow. Well I’m sure it’s alright now.
J: Yeah, and when I’m an adult, I could drink a lemon.
Me: Okay…

J spent several minutes drawing eyes and “zipping it”, aka sliding the bar across to erase what he’d drawn. He drew D, and EK, and finally settled on “Mike the Monster who has one eye” (from Monsters Inc.). And then he asked me not to “zip it”. 

EK, at the children’s museum: Daddy! I’m gonna go climb the bean stump!
Whole room: *dies laughing*

Well, I hope you enjoyed our funnies! Have a great week!

mommyhood, My Big Jesus, travel

5 Things Parents Do On Vacation Without Their Kids

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus. 

My husband whisked me away last week for a whirlwind trip to NYC. There were several reasons (excuses?) for the trip, including a special concert, my recent birthday, and a desperate need of time off during a busy season, and it was well-timed and perfect. While it was short (48 hours, to be exact), it was just what we needed to relax a bit and treat ourselves before we stopped sleeping entirely.


During the trip, I noticed a few things we did simply because the kids weren’t around. Life with kids is awesome, but it’s different- no one will argue that. So on our two special days without them, here are a few things we did differently…

1. Eat all the fancy food. Of course when you’re in NYC, you get a little crazy about finding good food. But Hubby and I went to restaurants we’d never dream of taking the kids. There was no macaroni and cheese on any menu, and we ate adventurously (as is our favorite thing to do).

2. Walk quickly. The pace might be a bit quicker there, but we power-walked everywhere we went. We were able to make the most of our time (and not spend a fortune on cabs) because we could be quite quick. There were no strollers, no one hanging onto us or needing to stop and rearrange their sock. We strolled around the city, Googling and Yelping to find our next destination as we walked. It was amazingly simple and free.

3. Abandon the schedule. We are whenever we were hungry, and even if we weren’t. We stayed up really late. We stayed out the entire afternoon, whereas usually we are bound by naptime. There was nowhere to be except wherever we wanted. And most importantly…

4. Sleep late. I’ll be honest, the first morning, my body clock woke me up at 7:30. But I looked at the time, rolled over, and slept two more hours! It was glorious!

5. Call home a lot. We FaceTimed and texted my aunt (who kept the kids) a couple of times a day, just to make sure things were alright. And to share what we were up to. But not because we missed the kids. Nope. Not much.

It was a great time away, and fun to remember those things you get to do without your tiny buddies. But you sure do miss them while you’re gone.

mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say 

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Happy Tuesday! These are a few sillies from the time we were together with them this week!

J: I’m hot because of the triangles on my pants. (Points to plaid flannel pajama pants)

J runs up to me and burps.
Me: Ugh.
J: I burped!
Me: Yeah, I smelled it.
J: I burped right in your nose!
EK: I sneezed in Daddy’s ear!
Me: *face palm*

EK: When you were in New York, I miss-ed you guys THIS MUCH! (Reaches her hands “like a tall building”)

EK gets out of bed twice, telling me she has to ask me a question. When I finally get her back in there and hear the question, it’s this: “Why are there stars in the sky?” I’m sorry, I really want to have this conversation but not at bedtime.

Hubby: Did you have fun with your cousins?
EK: I had zero cousins. (Not true.)
J: I had five covens!

J got a monster-looking stuffed animal that his grandmother called a “wild man”. He is now telling everyone that it’s a “wise man”.
He’d make a great Balthazar.

Hubby let me know about this one…
EK: What letter does that start with?
J: D! For dinosaur!
EK: Yeah!
J: And Davis!
EK, quietly: And for Mommy’s word.
J, matching her tone: Yeah: dammit.
Well, at least they’re smart.

EK from the guest room: J! Will you come undo me?
Me: What?
EK: I’m stuck on the bed!
J: Yes! I’ll come get you!
(Apparently this is a game they play that I wasn’t privy to.)

That’s all for this week, since we had three days of being gone. More Christmas funnies next week!

mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

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Hey y’all! Yesterday was my birthday, and so it was full of doing fun things, running around town, and not publishing this post. So sorry it’s late, but here are this week’s funnies!


J’s misnomers:
Guitar pick = corn
Laundry basket=washing bucket

EK: How do you spell candy canes? And cookie! And ginger man bread?

At a restaurant, EK: Mommy, can you sing “Kill the Beast”?
Me: … *look at Hubby*
Hubby: I think she’s talking about him. *points to strapping guy with ponytail*
Ek: He’s REAL! (Gaston, obvi.)

Hubby was still in the bed when J was reaching down in between the bed and the wall. He heard him mumbling about “I’ll get your sister!” and “Almost there! I can almost reach her!” Finally after much struggling, Hubby realized that he had dropped something. He was holding the Christmas dog, but had dropped “his sister” behind the bed and couldn’t get her out. Here are the puppy siblings:

EK, speaking my truth: Jimmy John’s is such a great place. I love it.

EK, pretending to be me: EK! J! D! What’s your name?! (Nailed it.)

J: How do we spell Joseph?
Me: J-o-s-e-p-h.
J: That was really clooooooose!

More Christmas mashups…
Somewhere Over the Reindeer
The Grinch is yucky! A toad! A sock! (Sot, because that word is actually in the song.)

holidays, mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

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Happy Tuesday! Things are always funny at our house, and so I’ve compiled this week’s quotations and sillies for you. There are even a few Christmas-themed comments (and songs!) as well. Enjoy!

J, at the table: I gotta go pee!
Me: Why don’t you ask Daddy if you can be excused?
J: Daddy, can I pee pee excused?

J made a “necklace” out of these:And then brought me two of the links, saying: Look! I brought two slices of my necklace!

EK at dinner: I dropped my napkin on the floor! I hate napkins.

After several days of begging me to sing Christmas songs as their lullabies…
Me: Want me to sing a Christmas song?
J: Uh, sure. Which one?
Me: Uh, well, I don’t have to.

McDonald (as in the farm): Miss Donald, Mix Donald and uncle of Huey, Dewey, and Louis. I guess it makes sense.

J, in another room: This is not working! This is a sad day for me.

J, randomly melting my heart: Mom, you’re always gonna be my lady.

In the “Monkeys Jumping in the Bed” rhyme, J always says, “…and the mama-doctor said, ‘No more monkeys jumping on my bed!'”

In the sushi restaurant, J listens to the song playing in their house system: This song is called Mulan!

J on Santa: Santa’s waiting for me get RUDE!

At dinner…
J: Everyone take a drink of your water!
Everyone: Okay!
J: One! Two! Three!
Everyone: *drinks*
J: Four! Five! *drinks*

Hubby: Your hair is getting down in your food, babe.
EK: I’ll just put some conditioner in it.

J: What’s that on your shirt, Daddy?
Hubby: Probably whatever D is eating.
Me: I think he means the alligator on your polo.

And a couple of Christmas Carol Mash-Ups:
To the tune of Happy Birthday: Happy merry Christmas, happy merry Christmas! Happy merry Christmas, and a cup of good cheer!
“Away in a manger, the cradle will rock…” or “Away in a manger, lay down his sweet head…” I guess there are a lot of words in that song.
Santa baby, slip a table under the tree…

Do your kids misunderstand the words to songs? Especially Christmas songs?

home, mommyhood, siblings, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say 

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Happy Tuesday! I hope you guys had a nice time getting back to the real world this week. I know it’s been hard for me to find my productivity! It’s getting harder and harder to write things down as the kids say them – they’re so often in the middle of conversations or at a moment that it’s tough to write a note about how funny they are! But here are some funnies I did manage to write down. Enjoy!

J, literally all the time, with perfect inflection: Honey! Where’s my super suit?! (Quoting Frozone/Lucius from The Incredibles)

EK: Look, Mom! Matcheration! (Pointing to the photo below, meaning some sort of cross between matching and organization)

J, at 7:00am: IIIIII waaaant myyyyyy giiiiiingiiiiiin aaaaaale! (Odd time for ginger ale, I think.)

EK and J, angry screaming at each other across the house on Thanksgiving morning: “I’m thankful for you!” and “I’m thankful for you, too!”

EK, about our friends’ chocolate lab: Bella’s a good-looking dog, but man, is she big!

EK, doing something with Necie: G-Daddy! Will you come help your number one girl and your wife?!?!

EK: That’s canfastic! (Fantastic, I think.)

EK and J were practicing clearing their throats. J was clearing his with his mouth closed (hrm hrm, if I had to write it down) and EK was clearing hers with her mouth open (ahem). She kept saying, “No! That’s not they way!” until he did it with his mouth closed, and was able to make the ahem sound. Then she said, “Yeah! That’s the way!”

Me, conversationally, to Hubby: EK is really good at learning songs and lyrics.
EK: You’re still a teacher for me, Mom.
Me: *teacher heart melting*actual tears*

EK, early in the day: Mom, can I wear some of your lip gloss?
Me: This is actually lip stain and stays on for a long time, so I’ll get you some lip gloss.
J, later in the day: Mom, your lipstick looks good!
EK: It’s lip stain.
J: No it’s not! It’s lipstick!
Ek: It’s LIP STAIN!

A friend of ours at church was horsing around with EK, and said, in a fake mean voice, “What if I said you had to sit right here and be quiet?!” (EK knows he’s kidding, by the way.) J (who apparently didn’t know he was kidding) runs up, hits him on the back, and shouts, “Don’t talk to my sister like that!” (Sibling win.)

In the Starbucks drive-thru, J: We’re at Chickalay, Mom!
Me: We must go to Chick-fil-A a lot.

Hope you enjoyed these highlights! Do your kids argue about random stuff, too? PLEASE make me feel better, ha!

mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

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Happy Tuesday! Hope everyone is doing well and enjoying a last day or two of prep for the biggest meal of the year! Here are a few funnies from my family this week…

EK, randomly: A school bus fell on my lip!

At dinner, J says to me: I put snot on you.

After J kicked his brother, I told him to say he wouldn’t kick his brother anymore.
He said: I won’t kick any more brothers.

J: Know what I wanna be for Halloween? A sea diber.
Me: A sea diver? Cool!
J: Yeah! With a mask and a lid on my mouth and one of those things you swim in.

J: You know what I want for merry Christmas? A crane. For snow.

After a fun evening out of town, we were getting ready to go home…
J: I don’t wanna go home! I wanna stay here!
Hubby: Well, you can stay here in the parking lot.
J: Well… is my family coming, too?

J was drinking out of this cup:And then he asked the question: Where is the blue sipper thing that you sip the beer out of?
I wasn’t sure how to respond.

EK to G-Daddy: Squish me as much as you miss-ed me!

Hubby and I were working out and talking about squats. J then exclaimed: I’m gonna do ten squashes!

J, when first waking up: You know why I love everybody? Because I’m so happy.

J has a kids’ Camelbak cup. The rubber spout pops into a closed and locked position, just like the regular Camelbaks do, except it’s so tight that he often has trouble getting it back open. One day, he literally threw a tantrum about his inability to get it open. I saw that he was using his index finger, so I said, “Why don’t you try using your thumb instead? Our thumbs are really strong.” He tried it, and of course it worked. So now, every time he opens his spout, he says, “Mom! I used my thumb! Thumbs are REALLY STRONG!”

Well, are your kids excited for Thanksgiving? I hope you have a wonderful holiday!

mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

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Happy Tuesday! I hope you’ve gotten out there to vote! If not, there are a few hours left. The kids were really sad that I didn’t take them along with me, because they were very curious. But I also could not see waiting in a long line with a couple of rambunctious toddlers. Next year, maybe.

Anyway, here are the funnies! Enjoy a little lift in an otherwise serious day.
Me, waking J up from a long nap: *snuggle*kiss*cuddle*
J: *big yawns*
Me: You’re the cutest.
J, whispering: Get out of my bed.

On a walk with the kids in two strollers…
Me: Slow down! This is not a race.
EK: Yes it is! Run, Daddy! Run!

On the same walk, passing a family of six…
EK: That was a big family!
Me: They only had one more person than us!

EK, randomly: I texted Samuel from your phone.
Me: Oh, uh, okay…

Classic…
EK: For dinner, I want a hamburger and French fries and ketchup.
J: I want a hamburger and French fries and butter and ANOTHER HAMBURGER!

EK, randomly: Can I take a boat ride and get pregnant?
Me: Wait, what?

We are often trying to make D walk nowadays (he’s stubbornly crawling still) and every time we do it, J follows up with: Hey! Let’s see if J could walk!!

Current Misnomers:
Library=live-bary
Plasma car (a neat ride-on toy we have)=jasmine car
Remote=Bamote

After J was singing his own mash-up of “Twinkle Twinkle” and “ABC” and semi-playing it on the piano…
Me: That was great, bud! You’re so talented!
J: I’m so tired of songs. (Gets up and walks away.)
Me: Okay…

J, just before his nap: I can’t wait for Christmas, Mommy.
Me: Why is that, sweetie?
J: I can’t wait for Christmas and when the snow comes while the sun is down.
(Poor kid doesn’t realize we don’t really have white Christmases in this state.)

Things my kids pretended a large cardboard box was: house, boat, closet, and the ultimate hiding place. For DAYS.

Me: I was thinking we could have Italian for dinner.
J: That sounds ablicious!

Every single morning… Already…
J: IS IT CHRISTMAS?!
Me: Is the tree up?
J: No.
Me: Then not yet.

Well, there are the funnies. Are your kiddos excited about Christmas? Are they already begging to do all the Christmas things?