Tag Archives: life

home, mommyhood

Currently – Late but Great!

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Prepare for a picture overload, because I’ve got some to show off today! For this week’s Currently, I’ve got lots of updates for ya. We had a busy week with visitors, Hubby working overtime, and new things going on! I’m linking up as usual with Becky at Choose Happy! Join us!!

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Doing || a surprise bathroom renovation! This was a little dismaying, because we hadn’t planned on doing anything to our upstairs since we just redid the basement, but when the shower in the master bathroom started leaking (onto the new ceiling and flooring downstairs!) we knew we had to take care of it. Because the shower was tile, we had to completely tear it out and start over. We’d already had a patch job, and that was what leaked this time around. So we’ve picked out new tile, and are redoing the floors and repainting the walls while we’re at it. No better time than when you’re already gutting it, right? Here’s the shower all taken out… you can plainly see the water damage we’re dealing with.

Damaged wood (some of it had already been ripped out) and straight up drywall from the ceiling downstairs just exposed underneath our tile. Clearly whoever redid the shower before we bought the house didn’t do a great job.

 

This is what we’ve picked out for the floors and shower… White subway for most of the shower, mosaic for floor tile and accent strip, and that big tile on the right will be the bathroom floor – it was freeeeeeeee!
Current situation in the nursery… sorry Baby D… the drawers from our vanity, as well as everything else stored in the bathroom has made it into your room.
Current situation in my bedroom… the actual vanity, and yes, the toilet, are at the foot of my bed. I keep them there as a reminder that my middle of the night pee must take place in the hallway bathroom. HA!

Growing || Tomatoes and peppers and squash, oh my! Those three things are the most common item in our garden, but we’ve also got some eggplant, zucchini, cucumbers, and several herbs as well. We finished up our third bed yesterday, so the new wave of tomatoes should hit after our other one is almost done. We tried to time it right!

Tiny cucumbers!

 

EK trying out the first fruits.
Gardeners in training. You can tell this was before we finished the third bed on the left.
Driving around with the truck full of dirt. I was stopped at a red light, FYI 🙂

Enjoying || the fact that my mom was able to come for a nice, long visit this past week or so! She came up to keep the kids since Hubby and I had a wedding on Saturday, but we ended up getting a lot of work done while she was here, and also an extra date or two, since our anniversary was Saturday!

Celebrating || Speaking of our anniversary, we celebrated 6 years together this weekend! 6 years, 2 homes, almost 3 kids, 1 home renovation (unless you count the bathroom as the second!), and a thousand happy memories already. I love that guy! He surprised me with some gorgeous earrings that go with my necklace and ring that he’d gotten me over the past 3 years. He’s so thoughtful! And GREAT at getting gifts 🙂

The fabled chef’s hat. Adorable, am I right?

Going to || Summer camp! EK’s first week of summer camp is this week (she’s got one more week the wee of my due date) and she’s loving it! The theme is cooking, so naturally she is enjoying herself immensely. She also comes home SUPER tired (or at least she did yesterday and today) and takes a long nap, so that’s a second reason we love it! She misses school I think, and we all need a little break from the norm (and our brothers!) sometimes, especially when summertime means we are all together all the time. She got in the car today with a giant grin on her face, and a toddler-made chef’s hat on her head. It was basically hilarious! Final perk to summer camp? It’s happening at our church, which is where she’ll go to preschool next year (different than this past year), so she’s spending time with some of the teachers and kids she will be with next year. Yay for helping with transitions!

The fabled chef's hat. It's adorable, am I right?!
The fabled chef’s hat. It’s adorable, am I right?!

Well folks, that’s about it in our life. Hope you enjoyed the long, photo-logged update! I want to hear what’s going on in your lives… anyone redoing a bathroom? Growing tomatoes? Celebrating an anniversary?! Tell me about it!

mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say (and Do)

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Happy Tuesday! This week has been one of stories more than catchphrases, so I’m sorry for the different layout. But I bet you’ll giggle at these things as much as we did!

  
In relation to the picture above, J was extremely tired when I put him down for his nap, and he’d been begging to go for a few minutes by the time I put him down. So apparently he was too tired for all that junk in his crib, and threw it all out to go to sleep. Simplify, am I right?

EK, anytime I’m out of the room for a minute: Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you anywhere!

Getting on to an elevator…
EK: Come on Jophiss, let’s get on the alligator!

So EK can’t really say “Joseph” yet. She used to call him “Joe-face”, which came about organically and I LOVE it when she says it. She then switched to Joe-Joe, which is what several of our family members call him, but now she’s back to trying for “Joseph” but resulting in “Jophiss”. I’m pretty much loving it.

Sometimes, at bedtime, Hubby and I sing songs from old movies or shows as lullabies to our kiddos. Some of our repeat offenders are “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”, “La Vie en Rose”, and “Edelweiss”. Recently, “Edelweiss” has entered into my son’s vocabulary, and he often sings about it. He sings the word “edelweiss” (the first word of the song) correctly, believe it or not, then jabbers on in a semi-correct melody for a few more bars. Today, with several of our family members around, he started singing it, and EK picked up the tune, and finished the song. IT WAS PERFECT. And when I say perfect I mean she only missed a few words and it was so dear to listen to. Not a dry eye in the room.

Reading Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?
EK: Yeddow duck, yeddow duck, what do see? I see blue horse lookin’ at me! Neeiiigghhh!

Sitting down at lunch together, leaning back in her chair…
EK: Soooooo! Whadda you guys doing?

Pointing to a callous on Hubby’s hand…
EK: Daddy! You got a boo-boo?
Hubby: Yeah, I do.
EK: You better get a band-aid on there!

J has always liked green beans. The other night, he put up a giant fight about them. I stepped away from the table for a minute, and came back to EK feeding him the green beans. He was happily shoving them into his mouth. I call that a win.

EK, upon waking from a nap, pointing to her ankle: Mamaaaaa… My ables huurrrrrrt….

Well, that’s a wrap up for our week in kiddo-speak. What are your kids saying? I LOVE it when people comment and tell me!

home, mommyhood, parenting fails

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Evening

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I apologize if this seems a little ranty. I might not even publish it after I write it, but sometimes writing things makes me process them, and therefore makes me a little less stressed.

Tuesday was a pretty great day. We got up, ate some pancakes, which I totally failed… tried to make something up on the fly. Usually I’m good with improvising pancakes, but I just screwed up the consistency and had to add Bisquick to them just to make them cook properly. At least they were eaten? Ha! Anyway, after that, we packed up to visit Hubby’s mom, who the kids haven’t seen in a little while. We had a fun time just playing and relaxing at her house, and EK ended up staying with her for lunch, while Hubby, J and I came home for lunch. It was a nice treat for all of us. When Hubby had picked her up, both the kids were so pooped they went down for early naps, and we worked in the garden while they slept. We the got ground ready for the third bed we’re starting, and weeded in between all the beds. It was great progress, and there’s just something that feels good about working with your hands in the dirt.

When the kids woke up, we played outside for a few, got nice and dirty, then came in for baths before dinner. Nothing out of the ordinary. Hubby cooked dinner (while I randomly felt really sluggish. Maybe the sun took it out of me?) and when we served, EK basically decided she was going to act like a one-year-old. She was trading bowls with J, eating with her fingers, spreading it all over the table, and not really eating much. After encouragement to eat like a big girl, pointing out how well J was doing, and even saying we’d go downtown to get gelato if she finished properly (glad J doesn’t quite understand that yet or he’d have been mad) she still didn’t eat much, and just sat in three different chairs for the last 8 or 9 minutes at the table. My hormonal self was totally over it. I know she can do so much better, and than made it even worse.

After dinner, we cleaned up a bit, and let the kids play in the kitchen while we were in there – they love that. J had an old baby food jar that I’d saved (I reuse them when I make my own food) and ended up breaking it… all over the kitchen floor. So, of course, we commenced making sure children don’t get cut, and the mess gets cleaned up, which really meant me vacuuming while Hubby kept the kids out of the way in the living room. Once again… totally over it. 

Finally, mess was cleaned up, and Hubby could get ready for work. Kids starting fighting over every toy in the room, so we sent one downstairs and kept one upstairs. I was trying to finish up the kitchen and start a load of laundry, and Hubby finds out he’s locked his keys and his spare key in the car he needs to pack with speakers, instruments, et al. Fabulous. We call the locksmith while I’m finishing up laundry, and I realize that at the bottom of the stairs (where we throw the laundry down) there’s water on the floor.

Water on the floor? Who cares? Me. Because right above it is the master shower. Which had been “fixed” during the renovation. Fabulous. Just enough water to make the drywall warp just a tad. So naturally, I just say, “Screw this day.” and turn on the TV so at least the kids are quiet till bedtime. I knew I couldn’t handle any other sibling arguments or tears because “someone else has the toy I want.”

Basically, I was ready to call it quits on life. Between motherhood and homeownership, silly mistakes like locking keys in the car aside, I was so done with dealing with things. I didn’t want to think any further about any situation. I wanted to zone out. Cue the time that I’d normally pour myself a bottle glass of wine. BUT OH WAIT – I can’t, because I’m so pregnant I can’t believe I forgot about it for a minute.

So, instead of getting even more frustrated that I was dealing with everything painfully sober, extra large and continually uncomfortable, I decided to say, “Whelp, shit happens.” and just move on. So I snuggled the kids up in their pjs, sent them off to bed – which, by the way, took over an hour total, which never is the case because my kids typically love to sleep. But hey, don’t forget my new motto: Shit happens. (Anyone else feel like it’s always the nights you’re doing bedtime by yourself instead of with your spouse that it seems to take the longest?) But about that time when I started to pull my hair out, wondering when the super-sleepy kids would let it go and go to sleep, my babysitter showed up! Oh yeah, I was going out tonight, with my sister-in-law, to hear Hubby play music! It was my night to put on a clean blouse, my wedges, and LIP GLOSS, Y’ALL! I was beside myself with excitement, so I handed over the monitor (which of course was quiet, because babysitter, right?) and got ready to go.

The reminder and the mood shift was all I needed to just relax and call it a day. I have to remind myself over and over that it’s okay to take a time out, to just call it. I need to be reminded that I don’t have to be perfect, the shit does indeed happen, and it’s even okay for me to get upset or cry about it. That just makes me human. Or maybe it makes me hormonal, but that’s me right now. It sometimes takes a the ability to completely leave the situation to get over it. I didn’t really think about it again after I was able to just move on and be somewhere else.

mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

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Good morning! Hope y’all are having a great Tuesday so far! Here are some funnies from our family over the past week… enjoy! 

 Any time I forget anything:
EK: Mom! You too-got!

Me: Let’s talk about what you want for lunch, guys.
J, runs to get a squeeze pouch of he-doesn’t-even-care-what, and hands it to me. When I don’t immediately open it, he starts fussing and slapping his legs (the “I’m annoyed” sign).
Hubby: Oh, he hasn’t had anything to eat since his after-breakfast-after-snack snack, so he needs his pre-lunch snack before he has lunch and then a snack before his nap bottle. Then he’ll go two entire hours without eating and be ravenously hungry when he wakes up, so that he can eat straight till dinner.
Me: Basically.

When we were visiting my parents, we happened to be on a playground near a train track, and actually saw a train go by. Ever since then…
EK (every five minutes): Can we go see choo-choo train?
My response: We can’t really plan on being right where one is. It’s just a happy accident when we see one.
Hubby’s response: No.

J (trying to open a door): Hup! Hup!
Me (five minutes later): Oh! You’re asking for help!

EK: Birdie! Stop eating our blueberries! NOW!
Me: I guess somebody’s gotta be the scarecrow.

EK (in the car): I’m hot.
Me: Okay, here’s some air (I adjust the front seat vent).
EK (holding her hands out, with a relieved look): Ahhhh….

And here are a few contributions from my mom, while we were in the mountains…

EK, with her doctor kit: Mecie (what she calls my mom) I want to hear your heart beep!
(Proceeds to listen, then take blood pressure, and hand my mom some “ice cream”.)
EK: I’m gonna be a doctor-man!

EK: Can we play with the choo-choo trains?
Here’s a picture of what she was talking about: 

 Hope you enjoyed the humor from our week! What are your kiddos saying that’s cracking you up?

food, mommyhood, travel

Currently 

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Happy Monday, everyone! After a lovely weekend of being away and unplugged (aka bad internet connection and no blogging) I’m back to the real world! I was glad to be back and see my kiddos, and I’m excited for a full, busy week this week. I’m linking up today with Becky at Choose Happy, and some other fabulous bloggers, to bring you this week’s edition of Currently.

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Celebrating || Hubby’s cousin Parker and her new husband, Charlie! Two of the sweetest, most genuine souls you’ll ever meet, they are dear to our hearts. Their wedding was a beautiful weekend in the mountains, with delicious food and fun family. We were able to stay in a beautiful, old hotel in Blowing Rock, NC, called the Green Park Inn on Friday night. It was charming!

Exploring || the Appalachian mountains! Hubby and I spent Saturday before the wedding driving and walking up Grandfather Mountain, driving through several small mountain towns, and seeing the gorgeous colors and lines that are made up by the Appalachians. The weather was perfect, and the setting was incredible. We couldn’t have asked for a better day! It was a perfect “mini-babymoon”, and we’ve also decided we are taking the kids back really soon to take them to Tweetsie Railroad! I’ve never been- have you?

Here are a few pictures of the afternoon. You’ll have to pardon that they’re just of me. When there’s only two of you, it is difficult to get a picture of both of you! 

It doesn’t swing much anymore, but it sure was windy up there!
  
I was literally on top of the world. At least for a few miles.
  
Couldn’t you just look at that for the rest of your life?
  Thankful for || my mom, who kept our kids Friday and Saturday while we romped in the mountains. She was totally willing to drive up from Georgia and snuggle my babies all weekend to let Hubby and I get away, guilt-free!

Craving || donuts! Friday (National Donut Day!) was a little too hectic (trying to pack, make sure the kids had what they needed for the weekend, and get out the door on time to make it to the rehearsal dinner) for us to make it to Krispy Kreme to get donuts. So now I’m craving them after seeing everyone’s pictures and posts about it! My absolute favorite is a chocolate iced donut with sprinkles, followed closely by a chocolate cake donut. What’s your favorite?

This baby is SO calling my name.
This baby is SO calling my name.
Excited about || submitting my writing to several places, and actually getting chosen to be published! The first piece to be chosen and published was my list of Life Lessons You Probably Learned in Your 20s on Scary Mommy last month, and I have another piece that’s being published on a different site in July. I am so excited, especially being fairly new to blogging and writing, that I have some good stuff in my brain that I can get out with the right words, and pass on to others.

Well, that’s what’s going on with me currently. Link up or comment, and let me know what’s going on with you!

home, mommyhood

Ways to Keep the House Clean

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We started to clean the bathrooms a few days ago. This is what it looks like right now. I didn’t clean it up after taking this photo. I just closed the door to the bathroom.
Having kids – multiple kids especially – sometimes makes your home… well, a disaster zone. Depending on the number of kids and their ages, that could be a mild-to-massive understatement. Typically, Hubby and I are pretty clean. We like our dishes to be done soon after meals (partially because we’ve had ants in the past, and THAT, my friends, is a terrible thing to deal with). We like our laundry to mostly be clean and put away. We do not like to feel grit on the floor underneath our feet. These are just a few examples of a perfect world at the Hsu house.

However, we’ve found those goals to be basically unattainable. Dishes? As long as they’re soaking, they’re good for several more days hours. Laundry? If you’ve got clean underwear, you’re all set. Grit-free floor? Yeah, right. Vacuuming happens every other day or so, and I still feel the grit. And what have we not even mentioned? Handprints on windows and mirrors, rings in tubs and toilets, dusting (who has time for that?!) and all the rest. My kids are like dirt bombs. I bathe them every single day (really, I do!) and somehow, they’re tracking food, dirt, and something that makes spots on the floors (Their sippy cups? Drool? The world may never know.) in and out and around the house all day long. Everything I accomplish during naps or after they go to bed seems to be undone within a matter of minutes. We’re thinking of quitting the housekeeping thing altogether.

Current situation on our bedroom floor. We’re switching out furniture, and someone (rather, two someones) decided to pitch in.

Our normally lovely indoor garden, as redesigned by Joseph (with a measuring spoon and a small pitcher, I might add).

Recently, I’ve realized there are a few things help me stay motivated to keep things slightly nearer to under control:

1. Leave the vacuum out. If it’s already plugged in and out in the middle of the room, I’m likely to use it more often. (Not a suggestion. Merely an indicator of how often I need it.)

2. Put the laundry on the couch after taking it out of the dryer. If you put it in the place where you’re most likely to sit down, then you’ll have to fold at least some of it to be able to sit. (Not a suggestion. Simply an indicator of how much I dislike folding laundry.)

3. Order take out or eat at a restaurant instead of cooking. The more items you can throw away, the less dishes you have! (Not a suggestion. Just a dire straits situation.)

4. Eat outside. This helps with clean up after meals, especially if you’ve got a hose near your porch. Just brush everything onto the porch or the ground, and sweep/hose it off into the nearest grass or dirt. Done! (Not a suggestion. Unless you’re trying to enjoy the weather.)

5. Keep the kids in diapers as long as possible. Less people using toilets, toilet paper, and bathrooms in general means they must stay cleaner longer, right? (Not a suggestion. DEFINITELY NOT.)

6. Only bathe the kids once a week. Saves water, no ring on the bathtub, and less baby soap to buy. Makes even more sense when it’s summertime and the kids are swimming a lot. (Not a suggestion. But it would save water.)

7. Attach Swiffers to your kids’ feet whenever you’re at home. JUST KIDDING! Or am I?

What are your tips (real or not real) to stay ahead of the game and keep your house clean?

mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

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Happy Toddlers Tuesday! I bet y’all thought I forgot! I just had a busy day, so it’s going up as an evening edition.

This week, J makes an appearance, and we’ve got a Hubby funny as well. I hope y’all are having a great week so far! Enjoy! 

 Botany:
Me: Look at your tulips! Remember how I said they’d open up after a few days?
EK: Aww! They’re really cute!

EK, unprovoked: Can I watch you get a baby in your tummy?
Me: *ridiculous laughter*

Me: Say you’re sorry to your brother.
EK: (Completely and actually innocently) Sorry Do-Do. (Instead of Joe Joe like she often calls him.)

Potty training advice:
EK: Don’t poop in your big boy panties, Daddy.

Home improvements while kids are napping:
Me: Well, let’s just go to Lowe’s. Let’s just wake up the kids and go! (Sarcastically of course.)
Hubby, deadpan: Yeah, whether they nap or not has never made a difference to my day.

Teaching J our friends’ names:
Me: Chris…. Andrea. (x1000)
J: Isssssss! AnDEEugh! (time #1000)
Me: great job! Say bye bye to them!
J: Bye bye, mama!
(Repeat the above about 5 times.)

Personal grooming:
EK: Mom, can I have a cair-hut?
(Apparently she missed the word haircut.)

Housekeeping:
Me: EK, could you please put your plate in the sink?
EK: No.
Me: Come on, I asked really nicely.
EK, with dramatic teen-like eye roll: Uuuggghhhh okayyyyyyy! *slams plate in the sink*
Me: Thank you?

Well, those are all my funnies from this week. What are your kids saying?

food, food, home, mommyhood, pregnancy, random thoughts

Currently – Thank Goodness It’s Summer!

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Hey y’all! I hope you had a great weekend, and happy Monday! Can ya’ll believe today is the first day of June? It’s blowing my mind that 2015 is half over, I’ve got less than two months till baby #3 gets here, and that preschool is over and summer is in full swing!

I’m linking up again this week with Becky at Choose Happy. It’s her twentieth week hosting the link-up, so join us to celebrate!

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As for me, this is what I’m currently up to:

Watching || Movies! It’s summertime, and TV has come to a halt. I’m catching up on movies that have been out and I haven’t seen them yet. Let’s be totally honest: all you parents know that going to the movies is an expensive date night, since a movie ticket these days is anywhere from $12-15 right off the bat, and that’s not counting snacks or dinner, or a babysitter! So naturally, we don’t go very often. We love to just catch things when they hit Redbox or Netflix. Anyway, the two I’ve seen most recently are Wolf of Wall Street (totally awesome movie but not for the faint-hearted, due to sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll), The Duchess (historical fiction, Kiera Knightley, wonderful costumes, enveloping story, and winner on Netflix), and Big Hero 6 (so much awesome that I can’t fit it into a description). I really enjoyed them all! What’s something that’s come out in the past year or hit Netflix recently that I should see?

Eating || Tomato sandwiches! This is my favorite summertime staple. Of course, my favorite way to do it is go out to the garden and hand-pick the tomato is like on my sandwich, but since we aren’t quite there yet, I’ll settle for heirlooms from here and there. Delicious!

Pretty soon these babies will be sandwich ready!

Excited about || This coming weekend! Hubby’s cousin is getting married up in the mountains, and so we are packing up, totally kid-less (thanks, Mom!) and spending Friday and Saturday in the mountains, celebrating and relaxing! It’ll be the only time we “get away” without the kids before baby #3 arrives, and so I’m really glad that we had an excuse (and a good one at that!) to get out of town, even just for one night. And it’s really nice that my mom was able to come up here and stay with the kids… that way they’re at home in their comfortable space, and with someone they know really well.

Preparing for || baby #3’s arrival! I guess I’m always doing this off and on (well, I’m always cooking a baby), but this week I’m really planning on doing some work in his nursery and with the clothes, etc that I have for him to use. I’ve already got some size 1 diapers (leftover), crib sheets (shared from J) and clothes (hand me downs, of course!) I need to get organized and put away. It’s totally coming soon – less than 9 weeks till my due date! – and I want to be ready if possible. Also, with my third, it’s a little more likely that he’ll be a day or two early, so I want to be ready for that, too.

Feeling || energetic (finally!) and productive. I have a long but needed to-do list (see above) and I want to do a few workouts this week as well. I’ve been enjoying working outside in the garden (having had a green thumb a day in my life) and calling it exercise, but I need to be walking, and visiting the Y also. Here’s to a great week ahead!

That about sums up what I’ve got going on. What about you? What are you currently up to?

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, siblings

When am I not a “new mom” anymore?

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus!

I spend a lot of time reading advice for new moms, or reading things for new parents. Still, even expecting baby #3, I’m doing this. It must be because I know that I haven’t done everything perfectly. It must be because I’m still new at having a three-year-old. It must be because I’m fairly new to having two kids. I’ll be new to having a third kid (in two months). There’s always something we’re going to be new at. Can you really be a seasoned mom at everything? 

 Whether you’re a new mom because you just delivered your first, or you’re a long-time mom who has a few adult children, there’s always something to remind you you haven’t done everything yet. Taking your first vacation as a family of four can be as brand new (and difficult) as the day you brought your first home from the hospital. Moving your toddler to a big boy bed can be like having a newborn again who won’t sleep through the night. First middle school dance, first high school prom, and first college formal sound similar, but require different tools (and feelings) in your mama arsenal. Even doing the same thing with each of your children can be like night and day. Sending a child to college is different with every child, since they’re all going off to different schools in different locations in different situations. Marrying off a daughter feels different than marrying off a son, so if you’ve done one, you might be new at the other. Sending off or marrying off your oldest is a totally different experience, I’m sure, than doing so with your youngest.

This year, my big thing I was new at was being a stay at home mom. I’ve been learning every day (every.single.day.) how to walk in this role effectively, gracefully, and comfortably. This is a big one for me. I identified a lot as a working mom for my first two years of motherhood. I had friends who did it that I could get advice from and vent to about things. I had the best of all possible situations, because my daughter (and then my son) stayed home with Daddy. There were still frustrations, sad things, and hard things about not being home with them. And, there were also great things about it.

Sorry I’m not sorry I just wrote that.

There were things like missing the tantrums, not being super stressed about missed naps, not seeing them get their shots at the doctor, or being able to kiss the sick kid on the head, and go to work, instead of dread a fussy day of remembering to give doses of Tylenol on time. I loved having a purpose outside of the home. I still do. I work part-time now (roughly 5-8 hours a week outside the home and several more inside) and I love having that outlet, that reason to leave the house, and the fact that I have the best of both worlds: a job that I love, and the opportunity to spend tons of time with my kids.

But the newness of being a SAHM hasn’t worn off. My kids are always entering new phases in their development, and I’m always catching up and learning the newest thing they do. My daughter is potty-training. One can NEVER be an expert at potty-training. That mess is REAL, y’all (emphasis on mess). My son has learned to climb up and down and all over everything, even in ways my daughter still doesn’t care to do. It’s taken baby-proofing and knowing where he is at all times to a whole other level (think never being alone because I have to be watching him). I’m still new at it. I’ll probably feel, for a little while, new at having a newborn, because breastfeeding, sleep cycles, teething, and growth patterns are different with every baby, and I’m sure the third baby won’t have as much of my undivided attention as even my second one did. It’s just the nature of the beast – no pun intended.

When you feel like you’re new at something, it’s okay. You’ll figure it out. It’s in your nature to find the best way somehow. We’re built for it. You have some motherly instincts, down in there somewhere – sometimes I really felt like I was digging to find mine. But I love my kids. And that makes me a good mom, no matter what stage of mothering I’m in.

mommyhood, parenting fails

Never Do That Again: A Pondering on Threenagers

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Never is a big word, friends. I try not to use it. Its permanence and irretrievable negativity make me nervous. But the one time I do use it, I’m okay with: Never do that again.

 When I’m talking to my daughter, and she does something that scares me, hurts me or someone else, or is just plain offensive, I tell her to never do it again. And then I explain why.

For example, a couple of weeks ago, we were meeting some friends for lunch at our favorite bagel place. I had parked and gotten the kids out before our friends had, so we patiently waited for them to get out of their car, cross the aisle, and meet us. Well, I was patient. EK suddenly pulled way from me, and ran across the parking lot aisle to be with her friends. AND THERE WAS A CAR COMING. Thank God the mother in the Suburban was closely watching and didn’t hit my kid (maybe because she had had a kid who ran out in the road in the past) but I was frantic. I was angry (about as angry as I’ve ever been) and scared and angry some more. I was obviously glad she was fine, but that almost took a backseat to the fear she made me feel when she pulled her hand from mine and took off.

When I had crossed to her, I knelt down, took her face in mine, and made her look at me. I told her how she should never do that again, because it was dangerous, she could’ve gotten hurt, she scared me, she scared our friends, etc. She knew I was serious, I thought. She didn’t cry, but I could tell by her face she was listening and at least partially comprehending. My heart slowed down a little, and we went and had a nice lunch.

Coming out of the restaurant, we were hugging and high-fiving on the sidewalk with our friends, making plans for the next time we’d see them. We had almost gotten to our car when EK decided to make a second round of running around the parking lot. I ALMOST LOST IT. This time, there was no car, and anger was much more than fear. I finally got to her, pulled her over to the car, and made her stand right there while I put J in his car seat. Then, I made some sort of country threat (straight to my roots in a moment of primal fear) like “I’m gonna tear your butt up if you do that again!” in a way that totally lost its “oomph”. I thought about spanking her right then and there, but settled (wisely) for pinning her down in her car seat, closing the door, and taking a deep breath.

Where had I gone wrong to make her think she could do that? How had I not taught her better? I’m a broken record with the “We always hold hands in the parking lot.” (Note to the mom: Always is a concept much like never. If she doesn’t get one, she probably won’t get the other.) I’ve warned that streets and parking lots are dangerous places and told her repeatedly to be careful. I mean, I’ve literally held J like a football to prevent him from getting to the ground for takeoff. But there was obviously a fail somewhere along the way.

I guess she didn’t understand the concept of “never”. It’s a hard one, to be sure. But she didn’t understand. I was just her mom, telling her what to do, just like 25 other times already that day. Why should “Always hold my hand.” and “Never run from me like that.” be any different? Giant light bulb for me: my threenager doesn’t understand obscure concepts. Duh.

How do I make my threenager understand the difference between something serious and something that doesn’t matter as much? Between something dangerous and something I’d just rather her not do? Tacking “never” on to the front of the sentence obviously won’t do it. It doesn’t hold the weight for my daughter that it holds for me. Why? Because she’s three. I can’t remember that and repeat those words to myself enough. She’s three. She’s only three. It’s because she’s three.

Maybe she’s just three, and I’m just trying to be a good mama.