Tag Archives: mom life

Parent Fail #437: So I took my kids to Chick-fil-A…

So I took my kids to Chick-fil-A for dinner tonight. Hubby had rehearsal, and I thought since they hadn’t had it in a few days, it was a good dinner option for just the four of us. I was actually pretty pleased with how the whole experience was going; they ate well, played nicely, and had even exchanged their toys for ice cream without any meltdowns. Finally, I gave them the five minute warning before we left to come home.

Then the two minute.

Then the “One more slide down, and then get your shoes on!”

J came out first… my sweet little three and a half year old. He was still squealing, but carried his socks and shoes to our table. EK, my five year old, typical oldest child, came next, her shoes already on. It became clear I was going to have to drag D, my only semi-coherently communicating two year old, out of the play area by force.

As I was wrangling D out from the top of where I could possibly reach inside that sticky, primary-colored plastic, I saw EK next to the door to leave the restaurant, her head turned, looking for me. Assuming she was just being impatient, I almost ignored her, until I didn’t see J.

I bolted out the door of the play area, knowing D probably wasn’t going anywhere anyway. EK shouted at me that J had run outside, just as I saw his shoes and socks at our table. My heart began to pound in my chest, afraid that the Chick-fil-A local high school fundraiser dinner rush was the optimal time for my kid to get snatched, or run over. You know, worst case scenario stuff. (Spoiler: he is fine.)

As I told EK to get back to D in the play area and wait there, I ran smack into my savior – a woman holding my giggling son by the arm, saying, “I’m just worried about this child!” I snatched (see the irony?) said giggling child, and began reprimanding and crying simultaneously. Then, I managed to look at my savior, the woman who had prevented my child from being run over or snatched by a stranger… Full into the face of a woman I knew. A sweet family friend, a mom of several littles herself, who just happened to be walking into Chick-fil-A empty-handed, leaving a free hand to grab my wayward child. Bless her heart, she didn’t know when she chose her dinner location how she would cause tears of relief to run down my face. (And also a long talk about safe choices, followed by a consequence of skipping his nightly TV time.) This parent fail is just one more example of how it takes a tribe, y’all. Do the good works for your fellow mamas.

Things Toddlers Say 

Happy Tuesday, y’all! I hope your last bit of summer is relaxing, as ours will hopefully be over the next two weeks. We are all done traveling for a while, thank goodness. Here are the week’s funnies!img_3843

EK: When we get inside, do you want me to tell you about the helmet of the armor of God?
J: No, I don’t wear helmets.


D, pointing to the cockatoo: I wan’ toggle cockadoodle!

EK: When I get to kindergarten, I gotta stop doing baby things, do my ABCs (she’s ticking these items off on her fingers as she lists), be nice to my brothers, do what I’m supposed to do… then I’ll be doing the kindergarten thing.
Me: You sure will!

D, about five times in a row, holding his hand out: Too so! Too so! Too so!
Me, finally figuring it out: Too slow! Oh!
He wanted to play the high five game: up high, down low, in the middle, too slow!

Watching Star Wars Episode II, and I’m reading the beginning aloud…
Me: …mysterious Count Dooku…
J: *snickering*
Me: …to help the overwhelmed Jedi…
J: Well that was a lot of words.

EK, trying to tell me about Amidala: I love Queen Mazilla.

EK: I shared my blueberries with J!
J: Yeah! I asked her for some and she thinked about it, and den she said yes!

D runs up in a hat…
J: Looks like pirate D is here.

EK planned Hubby and me a “date” and then asked us to dress appropriately (aka gave us heels and a tie, respectively).Then she took J on that same date.

EK: Can we stay up till bednight?
Me: Do you mean midnight?
J: There’s many scary creatures at the midnight in the darkness… like the uglyfish. And a stinky sock! And like a shrimp!

The other night, D spent five minutes holding up different colors blocks and shouting: “Mooooom! Mooooom! Blue? Mooooom! Mooooom! Geen?” (And so on.)
Then earlier today, he spent 5 minutes sitting still on his tricycle as I tried to read my book, screaming, “Moooooom!” until I looked at him. I’ve come to the conclusion he needs a lot of affirmation right now.

Well, what are you kids saying these days??

Things Toddlers Say 

Hellooooooo Tuesday! Last week was blissfully spent with very little social media and very much sunshine and sand… and now that I’m back, I didn’t write quite everything down. But I’ve got a few little nuggets of Toddler Truth for you. Enjoy!

Talking about the dentist… and changing minds…
J: I don’t really want to go.
EK: Well the last time I was there I got a new toothbrush and could pick my toothpaste!
J: Well I guess I could do that.
EK: Mom! J just changed his mind about he dentist! He said he didn’t want to go but now he’s kind of incited! He changed his mind! You know, the whole world can change sometimes.
Me: That got serious quickly.

My mom: Listen! It’s so cute the way he says this! J, what color is this?
J: Toyquoise. It’s light blue.

J, as we passed a bread truck, covered in pictures of different sweet breads: Is that a special treat truck? Can we go where it’s going?

Our babysitter: While you were at the beach, did you eat some seafood?
EK: Yeah, but I didn’t like the seafood. But they had hush puppies, and I was like, “Oh my gosh, they’re dying me!” And then I said, “I’m going to eat all that stuff!”
And me, overhearing it from the other room, dying laughing.

I’ve listened to EK say mermaid incorrectly for a long time now, and I finally realized what she was saying: mername.

J, watching the first 30 seconds of A Bug’s Life: This is my bothest part! My favoritest! I’m gonna die about this part!

D, asking for more noodles: Doddles! Doddles, peez! Mo’ doddles peez, mama!

J in his car seat: Ugh a bug! Shoo shoo shoo! You’re making me stupid, bug!

J and D’s new favorite song: “Trust In Me” from (the old cartoon movie) The Jungle Book. You know, the song that Kaa the snake sings? So J is into slithering around, singing, “Trusssssssssst in meeeeeee….”

J, when he knows he’s in trouble: When we get home, could I play for just a little bit tad?

Well what are your kids saying? Do they have songs they sing or things they quote that are funny?

Things Toddlers Say 

Happy Tuesday! Here we are again, celebrating the little hilarities of life with toddlers. I’ve got a bunch of funnies from J again this week – enjoy!

 

Me: J, would you like this Avengers shirt?
J: Well, I doooo like it, but I’d really like something else.

J reading through Dr. Seuss’s Wacky Wednesday: Woah, woah, woah. That is NOT good.

D to J, who happened to be in trouble: No! No, J! ‘Pank! No!
Me and Hubby: ……


J, above: I have a dino-snore on my shirt! Like Daddy snores!

D: *cries*
EK, before anyone says anything: I didn’t do anything!

J: I feel the taste of it, Mom! What is it?!
Me: ….an orange…?

J trying to say ambulance: ambwe, ayam, ambleeyance?

J ran upstairs during bedtime…
Hubby: Where’d you run off to?
J: I just gotted to get some sippin’ water.

J, looking at my necklace: Did your husband get that for you?

J has been talking to his aunt Holly for a while. I come back in the room and he asks me: How many molars do you have, Mom?

J and me, using the blender and he says: It looks like a whirlpool!
Me: Wow. That was a really good word.

J, talking about my running leggings: You look so cute in those black pants, Mom!
Me: *winning*

Annie to EK: We need to talk about something very important before our naps.
EK: That Jesus is alive?

D’s new favorite words: Bok bok (like a chicken) and Hei Hei, Manana (Moana), and Maaaai (Maui). He loves the movie Moana.

J told me he wanted a banana. I told him wait just a sec. There was a step stool underneath this:EK: Nella, the princess knight is who I am!
Me: I am literally the proudest I’ve ever been.

Well, there ya go, Tuesday. I hope it brightened your day! Do you have some silly sayings of your kids that you could share??

Things Toddlers Say 

Happy Tuesday! In keeping with our Tuesday tradition, here are our recent funnies! I hope you enjoy their crazy thoughts!

 Heard in the back seat…

EK: Put the icing in the cookie! You mean on the cookie? No! In the cookie! Ahhhh!

At the gas pump…
EK: Mom! I’m watching for the numbers to stop!
J: And I’m watching for a stop sign!

J, randomly: FLY IN THE HOUSE! FLY IN THE HOUSE!

EK hands me a bunny I had when I was growing up: Look what I bought for you, Mommy!
Me: Um, no.

Necie invited EK to spend the night with her…
EK: I packed for like ten days. And on the seventh day, you will bring me home safely.

EK and Necie drawing lady bugs…
EK: I’ll make Daddy’s in boy colors. 

EK, to the tune of “Happy Birthday”: Happy Halloween to you! Happy Halloween to you! Happy Halloween, all the womans! Happy Halloween, Je-sus!”

Driving past a bulldozer…
EK: J, look out your window! You love those, huh?

Listening to my set list for church while we’re in the car…
J: Mommy! I hear you in the radio!
EK: Yeah, there are two of you in the car!

J, saying our prayers: pray for Wesley and Holly and our cousins. And I want to get in a helicopter and go to Taiwan and see them.
Me: Me too, buddy.

EK and J having a tea party with a stuffed animal…
EK: Mom! We got a serious problem over here!
Me: What’s going on?
EK: This man can’t walk! (Pointing to stuffed animal.)
Me: Oh no! Are his legs broken?
EK: Just this one.
Me: Should we try to find him a wheelchair?
EK: Nah, I’m just gonna fix it.

EK: Do you have Miss Crystal’s number? (Her teacher)
Me: No, but I have her email address so I could send her a message.
EK: Oh. I think it’s 851, but I’ll ask her tomorrow at school.

Well, hope you enjoyed this week’s edition of Things Toddlers Say! Check back every Tuesday for more funnies!

It’s Hard to Be a Baby

This post also appeared on My Big Jesus!

My sweet little baby, you make me wish I was the baby. 

Seriously, though! You can lie around most of the day. You are fed at the moment you act like you’re hungry. You can sleep whenever you want. You get endless snuggles. Everyone is gentle wth you, and says sweet things, like how cute you are and how they can’t wait to see you again soon. All your clothes are soft, your blankets cozy, and you’re surrounded by people fighting each other to hold you. Life must be so hard.  

 Sometimes, when you are unhappy, I can’t help but wonder why. It just doesn’t make sense. You went on a nice afternoon stroll. You got fed right on your schedule. You  napped only when you wanted to. You didn’t even have to go to the bathroom to do your business, and I cleaned you right up! But when I laid you down in your bassinet (asleep, by the way) so that I could take a shower, you acted as though I had told you that you were never going to DisneyWorld. Total injustice!

Sometimes, you look like you are totally offended at something I’ve done. For instance, when I invited a photographer friend over to take some pictures of you so I could show everyone your big blue eyes and adorable, cuddly poses, you wouldn’t stay calm. Then, you pooped right on the couch! I mean, give me a break, kid. When you’re 18 and I don’t have a photo for your senior yearbook, I’ll remind you about the time you pooped during your naked baby photo shoot. 

But as much as you squirm, or fuss, or scream, or wake me up at night, I’m always going to love you. I’ll always take care of you. I’ll always kiss you (even in front of your friends) and I will forever be sharing my life, my love, my heart, and my milkshakes with you and your siblings. Even though it’s hard to be you sometimes, remember all the poop I’ve cleaned up. It’s easier to be you.