Tag Archives: mommyhood

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus

I Love You, But…

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I noticed this phrase I’ve been using recently – and I even caught Hubby saying it today. sometimes, when I’m telling EK to do something, she gets frustrated or even cries. So the next time I tell her, I often begin my sentence with “I love you, but…” Here are a few examples:

I love you, but you have to go to bed now.

I love you, but you can’t hit your brother.

I love you, but you have to eat your breakfast.

I love you, but you can’t wear your too-big, plastic, high-heeled princess shoes to school.

See what I mean? I don’t know if I do it because my parents did it, or if I made it up all on my own. But when she starts the tears, or stomps her feet and slams doors in frustration (definitely my daughter – sorry to pass that on) I want to head her off by declaring my love for her, reminding that I have her best interest in mind, and that I’m not telling her to do something she doesn’t want to do just for kicks. But I’m using my love for her like a disclaimer. I’m saying it just before I deliver the final blow of bad news: I love you, but we aren’t watching any more Bubble Guppies today.

My love for my kids shouldn’t be a disclaimer, or even a reason that I can tell them what to do. My love should be the viewpoint from which I act, speak, and parent in general. My love should be what chooses my words and lifts my hands. My love is the reasoning behind wanting to help my kids be healthy, responsible, kind, and happy – not the thing I say before I force them into those things. So I’m going to challenge myself: I won’t follow my “I love yous” with a “but”. I won’t discount my love by saying it with an ulterior motive. I love my kids. I love them regardless of any and every situation they could possibly be in, which is why I will choose to parent without excuses, even if the excuse was “I love you”. There is no “I love you, but…” There is only an internal “I love you, so…” I will help you make the best choices now, so that when you’re older, you’ll make the best choices on your own.

My Big Jesus

I Want My Daddy!

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*This post also appeared on MyBigJesus.com*

Toddlers can sometimes do things that… get under your skin.

I know. Big surprise, right? At two and a half, my daughter is a whirlwind, and I love it. She’s inquisitive, musical, busy, smart, and a hundred other things at any given moment. But recently, she’s got this thing she says that for some reason affects my heart differently 8than anything else she says. Those words are simple, and repeated often, but they tug at me every time. “I want my Daddy.”

Sometimes, this sentence comes at a time when she’s tired, and knows her Daddy is the best snuggler. Sometimes, this sentence is thrown in my face because I’ve told her not to push her brother. Other times, it’s cried out because he’s working and she misses him in a random moment. But each time I hear it, I’ve got mixed feelings. At first, I think, “It’s so sweet that she loves her Daddy so much!” I mean, #agirlandherdad am I right?

But after hearing it a lot, repeatedly, especially when I am right there to snuggle or help or kiss booboos or whatever it is she needs, I can feel the thoughts creeping into my mind… “Am I not good enough? Why doesn’t she want me? Does she not love me as much as she loves her Daddy?”

Seriously, Whitney? Get a grip. She’s two.

But still… my deepest fears and insecurities could be realized in that one sentence. I want my Daddy… for a thousand reasons you don’t want to hear.

I just have to remember that she does love me, and she does need me, too. There are things I do better than Daddy, and times that as a girl, and a woman, she will need her mother. And upon mentioning these thoughts and fears to Hubby, the filled me in that when I’m not there, she does also say, “I want my Mommy!” So there is a little grace in there for a mama who loves a baby girl, and wants to be loved back.

Holiday Confusion. That's a wreath, not a flotation device.
Holiday Confusion. That’s a wreath, not a flotation device.
home, mommyhood

December Is Here!

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It seems crazy that December is already here. There are already a million things I need and want to do in these next few weeks before the new year arrives.

Our basement renovation has become really real… pardon that weird grammar there, but that’s exactly how I feel! Measurements have been taken, and plans are in the works. We are housing family over Christmas, so things won’t really start till January, but we’re ordering a Unit (one of those storage containers that you can have at your home instead of storing elsewhere) for the next week or so to go ahead and start packing/weeding out/moving things out of the basement. It’s happening!

We’re also gearing up for musical performances, family Christmas parties, and sweet traditions with our kids. I want to take EK to the Old Salem Candle Tea this year, because I think she’s old enough to like it now. I’ve been almost every year with at least a few of my college girlfriends, so I think it’ll be sweet to take my daughter this year. She loves sweets and Christmas music, so I’m hoping it’ll be a win! We’re going to the Tanglewood Festival of Lights on the 12th, on the hayride, just like two years ago! EK loved it then, so I bet she will really love it this year. And our cousins are going, as well as a few other friends, so it’ll be freezing but fun. It’ll be like a birthday celebration for me, since my birthday is the 13th!

I’m almost done Christmas shopping (winning SO MUCH) so that’s a load off my shoulders already… and I’ve got mixed feelings to say that I did a lot of online shopping. I did it before Black Friday and Small Business Saturday and Cyber Monday and blah blah… so I can safely say that I avoided crowds in every manner possible. My Christmas cards are ordered and have arrived (make sure I have your address if you want one!) so I’m in the midst of addressing and stuffing those. All that’s left there is to go spend an obscene amount of money on stamps (blegh).

We’ve also got the Advent calendar I painted last year full of the tiny ornaments and Scriptures. I found the wooden calendar at A.C. Moore and just painted it myself. Cute, if I can give myself some credit!

 

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I went to a Salem alumnae holiday party with Lauren and Anne last night, and it was lovely to be out in high heels with the girls for a couple of hours. Yay Salem!

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This blurry picture is the only one I got, but I love my college roomies!

On Monday night, my sister-in-law Hannah hosted a cookie swap. Best idea ever, by the way, coming from me, a woman who loves cookies! I baked three batches, haha! But the spread was glorious!

 

 

 

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I’ve also started to plan J’s first birthday party! I can’t believe he’s almost one year old. It literally blows my mind that it’s true. I mean, I know he’s big, I know he’s smart, I know he’s developmentally a one year old. But it seems like just weeks ago that we were worried about him not gaining weight (hilarious to me now…) or re-babyproofing because he was starting to crawl. And now he thinks he can walk! Slow down, time!

Anyway, I just wanted to have a “welcome December” or “oh my gosh, it’s already December!” post. What are you plans for the month? Fun holiday traditions? Finishing your shopping? Cleaning and cooking and baking for the masses?

 

 

mommyhood, My Big Jesus

When He Misses Me

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*This post also appeared on MyBigJesus.com *

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The other night, Hubby and I went out to his high school reunion. We got in late, were very tired, and looking forward to being able to sleep in a little bit (my early-rising family is in town and they tend to take the kids when they wake up, allowing for a few minutes of extra sleep in the mornings). However, I wake to cries from my son at 5:22 (yes, exactly that time) and trudge sleepily into his room to see what was the matter.

He was very upset, that much I could tell, but at 11 months, how much can he communicate with me? I just rubbed his back, hummed, and rocked in the chair, hoping he’d calm down and I could lay him down soon. He dozed off a few minutes later, but my attempt to lay him down was futile. Immediately his head popped up and his eyes searched the room for me. Resigned to a little while longer in the rocker instead of my bed, I grabbed my pillow and a few of his little blankets, snuggled down and covered us up as best I could.

As I rocked and hummed and rocked some more, it occurred to me that maybe he just missed me. That probably wasn’t what woke him up initially, but that’s why he wanted to snuggle (he’s usually way too busy for that) and that’s why he wouldn’t let me put him down.

You see, my family (my parents, siblings, grandmother, aunt, uncle and cousin) have all been in town for Thanksgiving. They’ve thrown off the groove (in a good way, I might add!) by changing diapers and giving snuggles and playing and babysitting, instead of the normal routine of just Hubby and me being around. J just felt like he wasn’t getting his normal amount of Mama Time and needed me to himself for a few minutes.

After we had dozed in that chair till about 8:00, my mom came in to make sure we were alright. She hadn’t wanted to disturb what she knew would be the sweetest snuggles I’d get for a while. 11-month-old boys are… indefatigable… and too busy getting into messes to snuggle their moms. Except when they know it’s been too long.

food, home, mommyhood, random thoughts

Currently: The Thanksgiving Edition

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Today’s Currently isn’t a link up. But I just haven’t posted anything in what feels like AGES, so here I am, telling you what I’m Currently up to, in the style of the link up!!

Thinking about || Thanksgiving and all that that entails. For me, it has entailed rearranging my basement for guest space, two (so far) extremely expensive grocery store trips in preparation for cooking and baking, ordering a Honeybaked Ham (we could give or take a turkey, haha!) and making copious amounts of phone calls and emails planning, preparing, and getting excited. My parents, my brother and his girlfriend, my grandmother, my aunt, uncle and cousin are all coming up here from GA for the holiday. It may be a little hectic, but wonderful. And I haven’t even gotten to things I am thankful for!

Thankful for || family, friends, food to eat and a roof over my head. Here in North Carolina, we’ve had a couple of weeks of drastically changing weather, and I’m thankful for warm boots, rain boots, coats, scarves, and heat in my house. I’m also thankful that I have wonderful family and friends to spend my holiday with. It’s nice to not dread the family coming into town and the hours and days that we will spend together. I know many who are not this fortunate.

Cooking || some of my family’s favorite Thanksgiving staples to take them to Hubby’s family’s T-Giving meal. This will include my family’s dressing recipe and our well-loved cranberry salad. Today I also worked on one of my favorite holiday snacks to have around the house: ranch oyster crackers (basically a package of oyster crackers baked with olive oil, ranch mix, dill, lemon pepper, garlic powder and cayenne pepper) – yum! I’m also baking some cookies (the cherry shortbreads I talked about a few weeks ago and a gluten/dairy/sugar free sugar plum recipe that is SO GOOD. I’m basically excited about it.

Anticipating || some renovations around our home! Hubby and I have decided we’re staying put, and hiring a friend’s company to renovate the basement. The idea is that we will get two more bedrooms, a bathroom spruce up and a laundry room out of the project and we are PUMPED. Hubby and I also have a few projects on the main level that we’re going to be working on during the times that EK is at preschool and J is napping, such as repainting baseboards, touch up painting on walls, etc. I’m excited about this process, and loving my (already well-loved) home even more.

Hoping || I’ve been praying and hoping for more patience with EK. Confession: I don’t know how much better I’ve been getting. She’s amazing – communicating, behaving, potty training, being sweeter to her brother… but still there are attitude issues sometimes (I mean, she’s 2!) and some things she does (to her brother, mostly) that I feel like trigger me losing my cool. I’m working on it. Prayers for that, if you’re the praying type.

Loving || two new pairs of leggings and two new chunky, tunic-length sweaters, all from Crown & Ivy. They are comfy, the leggings are thick (think can’t see through them when you bend your knees, and no panty lines, because they aren’t painted on, either!) and therefore warm, and the sweaters are cozy. Basically, I’m living in them.

Alright. There’s my long-overdue update. What are you up to? What are your Thanksgiving plans and recipes?

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Crumbled biscuits and cornbread that I made this morning in preparation for the dressing I’ll put together tomorrow!

 

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Ranch Oyster Crackers, straight from the oven. The ones that I haven’t already eaten, at least.

 

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Cranberry Salad – a little complicated, but always a hit. My great-grandmother’s recipe (one of EK’s namesakes!)

 

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus

Raising a Daughter in a World of Mean Dudes

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This post also appeared on MyBigJesus.com!

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This week, I came across an article about that guy – Julien Blanc – who teaches men how to be sexual predators. It scared the mess outta me. I’m talking terrified. Not because I think that one of those men is going to be messing with me. No. It scared me because I have a daughter. I’ve written about how tough I think it is to raise a daughter before, and unfortunately, it’s not getting any easier.

I have a laundry list of things I want my daughter to be. It does not include doctor, lawyer, CEO, president, or even famous humanitarian. The list does include, however, things like loves Jesus, is happy in her profession, does kind things for others, and knows that she’s beautiful in the eyes of the Father who created her.

You see, I want her to know her worth in her Creator. Everyone else’s opinions matter not. She is called perfect and beautiful by the One who created her as such. She doesn’t need any certain clothes, tons of makeup, and the approval of a boyfriend or best friend to make it so. Her unique qualities and abilities are gifts. It’s Hubby’s and my job to raise her to know that. In a world of plastic surgery, eating disorders, cyber bullying and domestic violence, I want to raise a woman confident in herself because she knows who she is.

There’s only one starting point – the Gospel.

I can’t do everything. I can’t force her to internalize every single characteristic and ideal I might nudge her way. But I can teach her the Truth. I can tell her about God and his amazing sacrificial love. I can model the Father’s love for us by loving her with unconditional love. I can provide opportunities for other like-minded souls to help reinforce these bits of Truth in her life. I can help her understand that knowing Jesus is the best and only thing she can do to truly know her worth and potential. I can start now – at two and a half years old.

My little girl is beautiful and smart. She’s as witty as a two year old can be, and already a ham for the camera. For real y’all – she basically only wears tutus (see above photo) and won’t leave the house without her fanciest shoes. I just want to make sure she knows she’s awesome and doesn’t need anyone’s approval for that piece of information to be true. She just needs to know Who created her, how He feels about her, and where He wants her to go. It’s like the cheesy song goes: she’s gonna do great things; I already know.

home, mommyhood

Currently

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New edition of Currently, linking up with Hannah at Joyful Life and other stupendous bloggers that I love. It’s all about sharing life and building community. Check it out and join us!

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T H I N K I N G  A B O U T || My weekend. Hubby was out of town in NYC this past weekend, and I was a temporarily single mom. I survived and thrived a little better than I expected. Honestly, I figured I’d drown in the household chores and baby stuff and only barely keep my kids alive. Hubby and I often have a good cop/bad cop thing going on (if you’re wondering who the bad cop is, you’re looking at her) and I was afraid I would be too much bad cop. But I was alright playing both roles for the weekend!

L O V I N G || Great conversations I’ve been having with friends from church. There are so many inspiring people that I get to be with on a weekly (and more often than that) basis. One of these great times was yesterday… I blogged about it here.

T H A N K F U L  F O R || Sweet friends and family. While Hubby was gone this weekend, we had a couple of friends who helped feed us and in-laws who pitched in to keep the kids while I was at church for my normal Sunday marathon, and it was the biggest help. J is usually napping during church time, and so he’s in a phase of hating the nursery. It’s too loud for him to sleep, but he’s super cranky when he doesn’t get to. Thankfully he sleeps just fine at his grandparents’!

L E A R N I N G || I’m constantly learning this, and I’ve written about it before (here and here, for example), but each day it’s more true… I’m learning patience. It’s one of the hardest lessons I’ve ever learned, which must be why it’s taking so long. Breaking generational curses and trying to be slow to anger, quick to love can sometimes be difficult and exhausting. It can also be extremely rewarding. That must be why I’m still doing it!

H O P I N G || I am truly hoping that the next two months are filled with joy and family and fun, and not stressful and too busy. I like being busy with fun things during the holidays, but I also know that sometimes busy can be a curse, too.  So here’s hoping that we aren’t overly committed, but that we have just the right amount of cooking and shopping and partying and giving.

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faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus

Beauty and a Mess

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Sometimes, I feel like the beauty. I’ve got some mascara on, I’m wearing cute shoes, there’s no food smeared anywhere on me, and maybe, just maybe, I could be wearing… perfume!

But more than likely, I’m without makeup, in my exercise clothes (whether or not I’ve managed to get that workout in), hair pinned back messily, someone’s snot on my sleeve, and I’ll tell ya – I ain’t wearing perfume.

I am a mess.

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But there is beauty in my mess. I am created for awesome things. I’m created to shine a light that comes not from me, but from a magnificent God who can overcome my messes and failures. They don’t disappear, but they become a more beautiful part of who I am in Him. My weaknesses fade to the background as I become, more and more each day, the woman He created me to be. He has already blessed me with a purpose, with an identity in Him. He has already given me the tools to be that person. I just have to take Him at His Word.

 

mommyhood

10 Cute Things My Toddler Does

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Now that EK’s communication is skyrocketing every. single. day. there are some cute things and some hilarious things we hear coming out of her mouth. Here are a few of them!

1. “God loves me! God loves you!”
This one happened having lunch on Sunday after church (and at least once every day since then). She’s getting some good takeaway on Sundays!

2. Whenever we get in the car, she shouts, “Wanna sing ‘No Bath Today’!”
In my car, I have a cd of songs recorded by Hubby’s cousins when they were kids (The Tune Mammals – I know, right?!), including a song titled “No Bath Today”. That one is obviously her favorite.

3. She needs a “huh and kiss” any time someone leaves the house.
This is a personal favorite. If I put on my coat, or pick up my keys, she comes running, yelling for a “huh and kiss” before I leave. I die every time.

4. She feels the need to “pat the… everything”. 
Just today, I noticed that EK wanted to “pat Mommy” and “pat the baby” and “pat Annie”. I’m attributing this to her love of Pat the Bunny unless anyone else has an idea?

5. She wants to eat whatever J is eating. (And vice versa.)
I haven’t decided if this is a blessing or a curse. She literally wants to take whatever he’s working on and put it in her mouth. And he yanks the food out of whoever’s hand is closest. At least no one will go hungry?

6. She wants to do it herself.
This is usually cute, except when it’s making us late. Our lives are full of “El Kate do it!” *wait three seconds* “I need hep!”

7. Something small is a “baby” something.
Includes carrots, grapes, trees, flowers, animals, toys, balls, sticks, you get the idea.

8. She always closes the lid.
J has a certain affinity for playing in the toilet, so whenever EK uses the potty or happens to be in the bathroom, she closes the toilet lid and says, “No, no, Joe-Joe.” I can’t imagine where she heard that.

9. Silly, Ella Kate.
When she’s doing something she knows she shouldn’t be doing, even if I’m watching, and even if I’ve just told her to stop, she smiles and says, “Silly, El Kate!” as if that will pardon her misdemeanor.

10. She likes working out.
When I’m doing yoga, or doing a workout in the basement, she loves to do everything I’m doing. She is especially good at push-ups and downward-facing dog.

Does anyone else have a toddler with hilarious tendencies?

mommyhood, random thoughts

Currently

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This week’s edition of Currently is on INSTAGRAM! If you already follow me on Instagram, you know I’m a big fan… If you don’t yet, follow me (@whitneymaeve) to see what I’m currently up to! If you want to link up, add your link at Hannah’s Joyful Life and use the hashtag #currently on Instagram.

In the mean time, here’s a couple of photos of the kiddos from Halloween…

Three little rodents... and we didn't even plan it! Mama Deer holding her little field mouse, Rafaella and Master Splinter, and April O'Neil interviewing Mickey Mouse!
Three little rodents… and we didn’t even plan it! Mama Deer holding her little field mouse, Rafaella and Master Splinter, and April O’Neil interviewing Mickey Mouse!
It's hard to get all four of them looking and smiling, so this one might be the best! At least no one is crying!
It’s hard to get all four of them looking and smiling, so this one might be the best! At least no one is crying!

After we got a few pictures of the kiddos dressed up, we had dinner together, and then we all went out to Hubby’s gig. It was a night of being silly and dancing. What fun!

What did you do for Halloween?

And don’t forget to link up to tell me what you’re currently up to!