Tag Archives: Parenting

How Does Your Garden Grow?

This post also appeared on My Big Jesus.

  I’ve had an unforseen transformation over the past couple of years. As a girl who never had a green thumb or really cared about gardens of any sort, I’ve learned to really love growing things. I get excited in the early spring about planning out our vegetable and herb garden, readying the soil, building a new bed, perhaps, and buying the seeds and seedlings. It’s hard work, especially the preparation, but I’ve learned to really enjoy it. Last summer, I was one thousand months pregnant with my third baby, and I was shoveling fresh dirt into a new bed. I wanted to be a part of it that much.

I love seeing the first little glimpses of life coming up through the soil. I love smelling the fresh leaves on the herbs, especially after it rains. I love seeing the very first tiny, green tomatoes, and little yellow squashes. I even like trimming, pruning and deadheading to help send the nutrients to the good parts of the plant. I love the way my big kids want to get outside with me, dig in the dirt, and eat tomatoes right off the vine. My eldest can even name most of the herbs, and identify them by smell. Even as recently as five years ago, I’d never be able to tell you that I would love it this much, and incorporate it into my life so fully.

But I started growing something else, about five years ago. It was a big task, something that took the most energy, time, effort, and prayer I’ve ever given anything. I grew a child in my womb. I was the vessel as God literally knit a life together and helped it grow. Now, I am a nurturer to three such blessings, helping them grow. Yes, it still takes the most energy, time, effort and prayer I can muster. Yes, it even takes a little pruning of misconceptions and education after mistakes to help the best parts of my children thrive. Train up a child in the way he should go (Prov. 22:6), yes?

It may be a cheesy metaphor, but the love of growing things became so real to me when I was growing something of my very own. The love the God helps us grow, the love of parents help their children grow, and the love of a gardener helps her garden grow. Tending anything that grows requires effort. It requires the giving of nutrients and water. It requires protection from storms, literal or figurative. It requires a certain love for the thing to help it grow. We are not abandoned to grow on our own in the wild; we have a loving God, tending to our needs, and helping us grow into who He’s called us to be.

Things Toddlers Say

What day is it?! TUESDAY!

What do we want?! THE FUNNIES!

Here they are, just like always! Enjoy!

Hubby told me J was reading books and playing with trains instead of napping. When he woke up, he told me: Daddy said, “NO MORE BOOKS!”

EK, during dinner: Oh! My panties is stretching me!

In the car, headed to the mountains…
Me: I see mountains!
EK: I see steam from dragons!

J, holding a bunch of grapes on the stem: Look, Mommy! It’s like a tree! Like a broccoli!

We stayed with some family for a night last week, and had a wonderful time. EK immediately took to Hubby’s aunt, and to her (adult) daughter. She called Debbie “Deedee” almost exclusively, and kept asking what “that girl’s” name was. It was Parker, but she just couldn’t wrap her head around it.

We hiked for a bit while in the mountains, and happended upon some wild flowers. EK said, “Mom! A secret garden!”

This family also had a dog, Eevie. Still very much a puppy, she thought J was a toy, the way he kept screaming and running around. They were fast friends even though every time J ran away, she chased him a little too quickly. There were many cries of, “She lick-ed me!” and “She is too fast!”

Ginna: What’s your name?
J: Joseph.
Ginna: What’s your last name?
J: Joe Joe.


Here is Edith, from Despicable Me, filing her nails like a teenager.

Hubby: Time for bed!
EK: Can you carry me?
Hubby: It’s not far; you can walk.
EK: (army crawls to her room)

On the way to the farmers’ market…
EK: I bet Mark (our farmer friend) will be at the farmers’ market!
Me: I bet you’re right! (We usually do see him there.)
EK: He prolly will be but I bet he won’t.
Hubby: Strong logic.

At Fathers Day lunch…
Me: Let’s all say one thing we love about Daddy since its Father’s Day!
EK: One thing we love about Daddy since its Father’s Day!
Me: Um, I’ll start. I love Daddy and I think he’s handsome!
EK: I love him because he cooks and he’s good about taking me on dates!
J: I love Daddy tocause I love him!
EK: And when it’s brothers day, I will say, “Happy brothers day, J! I love you!”

After interrupting me several times…
EK: Now that you’ve finished your sentence, I’ll let you borrow my ring!

Hope you enjoyed our antics! What are you kiddos talking about?

Fathers’ Day

I’m privileged to be married to the kindest, most patient father there’s ever been. He’s selfless, fun, giving, and loving with our kids, and I couldn’t be prouder to call him ours.


He routinely works late at night, but never complains about being woken up early to give snuggles, read books, or play trains. 

 
He teaches them about life and love and anything they come across. 
He disciplines them when they need it, it strength and love. He cuddles and sings and cooks and reads. He provides for them emotionally and in the physical realm, too. 

In short, I admire him as a dad and as a person. He is ultimate compliment to my crazy, my hard, my mad, and my difficult. He’s the perfect other side to all my personality, my parenting style, and my ever-fluctuating emotions. He is a rock, an encourager, a comedian (and sometimes jester), and a comforter. Happy Father’s Day, Hubby. I love you. 

7 Things I Only Get Halfway Through

This post also appeared on My Big Jesus! If you haven’t visited the site, the writing is great and the podcasts are not to be missed!


Parents are busy. I’m always splitting my time between things that need to get done, and spending time with my kids. For instance, at church yesterday, I had to be kid-chasing DURING rehearsal for the service. It was a madhouse up in that sanctuary. But it got me thinking: what else do I never have my full attention on? What do I never have the time to finish? I’ve compiled a list of things I never actually complete because I’m a parent…

Meals. I don’t finish mine because I’m frequently giving it to someone else. Unless my lunch is eating their leftovers.

Showers. Sometimes my showers are cut short by interruptions or cries on the monitor. I’m pretty lucky if I rinse the shampoo out of my hair.

Books. I’m in the middle of approximately 17 books at any given moment. The only thing I can read with half my brain engaged is a young adult novel or a board book by Eric Carle.

Movies. Nine times out of ten, I’m asleep halfway through it. Parenting exhaustion is REAL.

Sleeping. Whether it’s sleeping at night or sneaking a nap while my kids do the same, I’m awoken by my kids every time. I haven’t woken up to the sound of an alarm (or, gasp! birds chirping!) in years, except when I’m on vacation.

Exercising. I rarely have time to go to an exercise class (wannabe yogi, here) so I’m typically working out in my living room, or on a run with the stroller. Either way, I can get faked out by a kid just as I’ve broken a sweat. 

Blog posts. Even as I am writing this one, I have been interrupted a total of five times. And this post isn’t that long. Excuse me while I go put my kids to bed. 

Making Parenthood Look Easy 

This post also appeared on My Big Jesus Recently we attended a fundraiser at a (childless) cousin’s home. The event was a crawfish boil: low-stress, outdoors, and eat-on-your-own-time. She had asked me a couple of weeks beforehand how to make the event more child-friendly, since many of the invites had gone to couples with young kids. I just suggested that being outside was best (their home is historic and beautifully decorated) and that if food was readily available, kids would probably be happy. We brought a playground ball with us, and there was chalk and a few other outdoor games, so there happened to be the perfect amount of entertainment. It was completely delicious, lots of fun, and totally fine for our kiddos to hang in their yard, grab bites off the tables, and draw with chalk on their driveway.

Our family was the biggest with our three children, and the other families with young kids left much earlier than we did. But overall, our kids were still having fun and wandering around munching on corn on the cob well into the evening. After having too much food and a few beers, a gal I’d met that night mentioned to my hubby and me, “You guys make parenthood look so easy.”

Wait.

Who, me?

The mom who gets stressed at missed naps and refused meals? The mom who is OCD and uptight about the state of the house? The mom who is on her own at bedtime twice a week and is weeping into a glass of wine or a dose of NyQuil by 9:30? Yeah, that same mom was “making parenthood look easy” at a neighborhood event where my children ran around like banshees, maybe having fun and maybe making birth control more common.

But that’s the beauty of it, right? There are totally times that things come together, everyone has fun, and it’s easy. That day was actually easy. We played. We ate. We ran around. Hubby and I had adult conversation! It was chilly by the end of the night, and the kids were up past their bedtimes, but their exhaustion was joy-induced. These times are the ones I hang on to when things aren’t easy, when food is thrown, laundry is piled up, and exhaustion isn’t joy-induced, but due to several children not sleeping properly. Those perfectly-executed nights out together, and sweet snuggly mornings after are the ones that remind me all is not yet lost, and the sleep-deprived despair of a mom (carpool driver, cook, and housekeeper) can be redeemed.

Motherhood Is a Battle

This post also appeared on My Big Jesus

As a mom, I am called to do a plethora of things. Not the least of these is to fight for my children. I fight for them to be treated fairly, given any and every opportunity, for their health, their happiness, and, if the need arises, their very lives. I am happy to fight those battles for them as long as I can. 

But sometimes, I feel like all I do is fight. I fight against the sink full of dishes or the endless loads of laundry. I fight veggies into mouths. I fight shoes onto feet. I fight urine and spit-up out of carpet and bedsheets. I fight the clock to finish dinner in time to bathe before bed. I fight for guilt-free alone time. I fight for quality time with one or two or even three, that isn’t taken up by “Stop that!” or “Don’t hit your sister!” Choose your battles, they’ve told me. Well, choosing my battles seems like a battle in itself. 

When I’ve fought battles all day, I’m weary of myself. I dislike who I’ve become after the stress of the day has worn me down. I need a break, or encouragement, or a big glass of wine. But what I try my hardest to do is focus on the One who can pull me up, out of the muck and the mire, and remind me who I am. He can drag me out of the pit – where sometimes you can find me wallowing – and restore me the my fuller self. He is the conqueror of things big and small. He has conquered death, so what battles of mine can He not win?

Jesus is a conqueror. In Him, I am also a conqueror. When I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle, He can win for me! He take take all the ugliness – the exhaustion, the anger the guilt, and the sadness in me – and weave them into a beautiful tapestry that tells the story of who I am, without being overpowered by those emotions. It can show those feelings, as well as the beauty – the joy, the love, the excitement, and the peace – that shows when He shines His light through me. He has already conquered, and will keep on conquering. I need only to be still.   

How do you think it looks? 

 This post also appeared on My Big Jesus!


The other night, while the kids were taking their bath, I decided to give J’s and EK’s hair a little trim, mostly to make sure their bangs didn’t get into their eyes. They have endearingly shaggy cuts, and so I’d never want to jeopardize that. We had had some friends lingering after our dinner together, so after bath time, we fast-forwarded the bedtime routine, so we could get back to chatting with our friends. I was VERY surprised that EK didn’t make her way back up the stairs, as is her usual custom when we have friends over. (She likes to rejoin the party.) Their bedtime was a little late, so I attributed her absence to tiredness.

Around 11:00, when everyone had gone home and Hubby and I were getting ready for bed, I felt like I should go check once more and see if they were nestled in their beds. When Hubby and I got to the hallway where the kids’ rooms are, I saw EK’s light on underneath her door. When we got inside, we immediately saw little pieces of paper and ribbon from various bows that had all been cut into tiny pieces.

(I’ll take a moment to clarify that we don’t allow scissors without supervision. I’ll also clarify that I happened to leave those bangs-trimming scissors to dry on the bathroom counter, but up against the backsplash, and out of sight.)

Finding EK on the far side of her bed, working on a ribbon on her nightgown, I asked, “What are you doing, babe?” She looked up at me, and replied, “Just cutting stuff.” At this, I started to the see hair on the floor. I took the scissors and said, “Well you know that it’s not okay for you to use scissors without me or Daddy with you. And look at all the hair you’ve cut off!”

As she started to cry (mostly from being in trouble, I think), I looked at Hubby and said quietly, “That’s a lot of hair…” Turning back to a sniffling EK, I said, “You really cut a lot of hair. How do you think it looks?” And as the dam broke and she crumbled into a hot mess, she cried, “Great!” and succumbed to the sobbing. As tears filled my eyes, I told her the most important thing I could think to tell her: “If you think you look great, then so do I.”

You see, she’s not yet four years old. She is outwardly tough, but can be fragile in many ways. She is moldable, flexible, and absorbs every single thing she sees and hears. If I had dared tell her it didn’t look good, or that she did an awful job on her hair, well, it would’ve crushed her. It likely would’ve stuck out in her mind for a long while. Instead, the focus of the scold was on scissor safety and not the outcome of a self-done haircut. After all, it’ll grow. And it looks right cute with a headband in it. She’s still my adorable EK, and her hair just has a little extra spunk.

Things Toddlers Say

Hey y’all! I thought last week’s edition of Things Toddlers Say seemed long, but maybe my kids are just crazy, because this week’s is long, too! So here they are – the funniest things I’ve heard around here this week.  

 We love The Gruffalo, a book by Julia Donaldson (and also a short “movie” on Netflix!) so this conversation started normally…
Hubby: My favorite food is owl ice cream!
Me: My favorite food is scrambled snake!
EK: My favorite food is… toilet paper!

EK’s permanent retort when she runs out of things to say: Look, I know how to stop this winter.

On the way to get breakfast…
EK: We’re going to have special breakfast. Go right-left here. And then take a left.
Hubby: When’s your birthday?
EK: I don’t know.
Hubby: it’s April 13th! Can you count to 13?
EK: No.
Hubby: Let’s try!
Together: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11…
Hubby: What’s next?
EK: BIRTHDAYYYY!

Lala: Do you want a hushpuppy?
J: No, I don’t like pushuppy.

We’ve been working on shapes with J. He’s got most of them down, but hasn’t been able to latch onto “diamond”. Earlier, he had this swaddle, pictured above, and was calling it his “kite” swaddle. I finally figured out he was talking about the diamond shape print. Smart kid.

J: Come on ride the train… and ride it!

J locked himself in our bedroom before dinner, and was shouting, “I want out of the dark now!”

Annie to EK: You’re such a good girl!
EK: Yeah! That’s the point!

J: I want my kwackwer now!
He means graham crackers.

I’m singing “Bad Blood” while driving, and then I hear two kids shouting a perfectly-timed “Hey!” from the backseat. So well-trained.

EK’s best misnomer of late is yest-night.

J watched the first few minutes of Jurassic World (before it got scary, okay?!) and now confuses dinosaurs with dragons (he has always loved How to Train Your Dragon). He’s been calling dinosaurs “dinosons”.

Me: What color play doh do you want?
EK: Pink!
Me: There’s no pink, sweetie. How about orange?
EK: Okay! Orange is my favorite, my not pink favorite.

EK hands me this:  
And then asks, “What do you want for lunch? This is your menu!”

Every time EK sees a unicorn: Look, Mommy! An un-icorn! (As in un-der or un-fit.)

So…. you’ve heard mine, so let’s hear yours! What are you kiddos talking about?

It ain’t pretty. 

This post also appeared on My Big Jesus! 

The grump king was just mad he slept through dinner.
 Sometimes, a house full of kids ain’t pretty. It’s messy. It’s frustrating. It’s loud. It’s full of surprises, no matter how much you plan. It’s often a battle: you vs. them, you vs. laundry, you vs. the unknown smell, you vs. screen time, or you vs. the version of you you’d like to be. 

Sometimes, like the other night for me, things get really crazy. It’s one thing after another, and there’s no one to blame, not even yourself (because sometimes, if I’m honest, it’s my fault). But sometimes, there are so many factors and so many things involved, it’s just too crazy and we can’t get through it without finding a little humor. 

On Saturday, Hubby and I had loose plans to go get (apparently amazing) burgers with some friends about 30 minutes from home. Once we started making further plans, our friends didn’t feel like going that far, but still wanted to hang. So we changed location and time, but kept the date. As my fam got ready to go, this kid didn’t want shoes, that one didn’t want a jacket, and the youngest screamed from the moment he got into his car seat. I was on edge from the crying, and from the sheer effort it takes to get all of us out the door…and because I had really wanted that burger with the obscene amount of bacon and the fried egg on top that everyone had been raving about. So when we finally got into the car, I sorta… exploded. I may or may not have told Hubby I wanted to run away by myself. I may or may not have meant it right then. But then I shut up, and we drove to dinner. 

Halfway there, I realized I had forgotten to grab baby wipes. This, with three kids under four, is a big mistake. Hubby offered to stop at the grocery store and grab some, and I declined, mumbling about how napkins or wet paper towels would do, and how stupid I felt for the obvious fail at Mom 101. 

When we got to dinner, it was time for D to eat his oatmeal, so he sat in Hubby’s lap while I fed him. We made precious little mess, and I went as far as to congratulate myself for not getting covered in it. How dare I?! Because the next thing I knew, he had puked. And puked some more. After the third one, I had changed his bib three times, his pants once, and used every napkin at the table. So then, obviously, there was one more spit up. Then he just got fussy. And fussier. And fussier. No amount of swaying or bouncing, toys or funny faces was making him happy, so Hubby and I deduced that he must’ve emptied his belly and gotten hungry. Because why else would he still be all mad? Well, two sips into his bottle, he passed out. Hard. Ooooh! Tired! That was it. Well, Mr. Man likes to sleep on his belly, so in my lap, he started to turn, until he was awkwardly belly down, splayed across my body. I managed to maneuver him to a slightly less awkward position, but it’s still a little disconcerting trying to eat a salad and a wrap with a twenty pound baby across your lap.

When he fell asleep, it was almost like that was my older kids’ cue to lose it completely. EK decided sitting was for losers and she would stand on one leg, with one butt cheek on her chair. J decided shoes were only for people who had their feet on the floor, and promptly threw his boots off the high chair he was in, and spend the rest of his evening fighting to get out of it. Both were fairly covered in their dinners (spaghetti with meat sauce and fries with ketchup, because obviously tomato is the only vegetable, and it exists only to be used in sauces). This was the point where I really regretted not letting Hubby stop for wipes. There was red everywhere, and several people at our table had been spit up on. And as I looked around at the laughing faces of our friends, a sweet Hubby who had hopefully not held my bad mood against me, a round of empty beers, and happy (or sleeping) babes, I made a decision. I could sit there brooding about how things hadn’t gone my way, or I could decide to have a nice evening, despite the crazy. All in all, the sequence of events was so bad it was funny. And I decided to laugh. I decided to wage my war on unpreparedness and loud kids later. I was surrounded by my favorite people, and I shouldn’t be sulking.  I should be having fun. And y’all, I did. I enjoyed myself with spit up on my sleeve, a baby sprawled across my lap, and kids who ate ketchup for dinner. I chose to ignore the battle instead of fighting it, and no one is even worse for the wear. 

To the Dad at the Mexican Restaurant

  
My family and a few friends were out at our favorite local Mexican restaurant. We decided to sit outside, what with the cool weather and five children in attendance. We were having a great time just sitting outside, guzzling cheese dip and margaritas.

At some point, I decided napkins weren’t doing the job getting my son’s hands clean from the cheese dip and refried beans. I decided to take him inside for an actual hand-washing.

When I got to the area where the restrooms were, I spotted a little girl, precious in her pink leotard and tutu, with legs crossed and anxious face, waiting with her dad for the men’s room to become available. And because my daughter has been that little girl before, I decided to take the chance.

“In a totally non-creepy way, would you like me to take your daughter to the bathroom?”

“Really? That would be great, actually. Um… she’s got to go number 2…”

“It’s alright. I can handle it.”

Cue me taking a stranger’s daughter to the bathroom, to go number 2, and all that that implies.

In that moment, it got me thinking. I really went out on a limb there! What if I had totally freaked that dad out? What if he had looked at my son, covered in beans, and said, “No way, Jose! You’re clearly a crazy woman!” But he didn’t. He saw me, son in tow, lending a helping hand. And they were both grateful.

What’s more is that we understood each other. I knew I’d just help that gal maneuver her leotard and help her wash her hands. He knew she’d get what she needed a lot quicker if she went with me. We both went out on a limb. And it worked out.

To that dad: Thanks for trusting in humanity. You gave me hope that I could do the same for my daughter. Thanks for being grateful later, when we were leaving and you asked your daughter to tell me “bye”. That was awesome. Parents helping parents is my favorite thing to see.