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mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say 

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Happy Tuesday! In keeping with our Tuesday tradition, here are our recent funnies! I hope you enjoy their crazy thoughts!

 Heard in the back seat…

EK: Put the icing in the cookie! You mean on the cookie? No! In the cookie! Ahhhh!

At the gas pump…
EK: Mom! I’m watching for the numbers to stop!
J: And I’m watching for a stop sign!

J, randomly: FLY IN THE HOUSE! FLY IN THE HOUSE!

EK hands me a bunny I had when I was growing up: Look what I bought for you, Mommy!
Me: Um, no.

Necie invited EK to spend the night with her…
EK: I packed for like ten days. And on the seventh day, you will bring me home safely.

EK and Necie drawing lady bugs…
EK: I’ll make Daddy’s in boy colors. 

EK, to the tune of “Happy Birthday”: Happy Halloween to you! Happy Halloween to you! Happy Halloween, all the womans! Happy Halloween, Je-sus!”

Driving past a bulldozer…
EK: J, look out your window! You love those, huh?

Listening to my set list for church while we’re in the car…
J: Mommy! I hear you in the radio!
EK: Yeah, there are two of you in the car!

J, saying our prayers: pray for Wesley and Holly and our cousins. And I want to get in a helicopter and go to Taiwan and see them.
Me: Me too, buddy.

EK and J having a tea party with a stuffed animal…
EK: Mom! We got a serious problem over here!
Me: What’s going on?
EK: This man can’t walk! (Pointing to stuffed animal.)
Me: Oh no! Are his legs broken?
EK: Just this one.
Me: Should we try to find him a wheelchair?
EK: Nah, I’m just gonna fix it.

EK: Do you have Miss Crystal’s number? (Her teacher)
Me: No, but I have her email address so I could send her a message.
EK: Oh. I think it’s 851, but I’ll ask her tomorrow at school.

Well, hope you enjoyed this week’s edition of Things Toddlers Say! Check back every Tuesday for more funnies!

holidays, home, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, parenting fails, random thoughts, siblings

How to Achieve the Perfect Family Photo

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus.

As you start thinking ahead to the holidays, you might be pondering ways to get the perfect family photograph. Whether you want to frame it as a gift for Grandma, or plaster it on a card to send to 500 of your closest friends, getting a perfect photo of your entire family is likely on your to-do list. If you’re like me, and you have young children, I have a few easy tips to make the process easier, and ensure a valuable, timeless product at the end of your session. You don’t want your Christmas card to look like mine did last year (see #2 – actually included on last year’s Christmas card). Here are my suggestions as you plan your endeavor to get the “perfect family photo”:

1. Hire a photographer. Like your mom, brother, or an unsuspecting stranger with an iPhone. This will ensure that the person taking the picture has the skills and equipment necessary to catch the perfect moment of a genuine group smile. (Or if you’re on a budget, invest in a selfie stick.)IMG_2199.jpg

2. Dress your brood well. First, make sure you give your kids coordinating names that will result in the same monogram for each child. Then, choose a neutral color for everyone to wear, and make sure each shirt is monogrammed in a coordinating “pop” color. It’s also important to wear hair bows, shoes, jewelry, belts, and scarves that match the monogram’s accent color. Finally, make sure you don’t eat in the outfit in which you plan to photograph. You wouldn’t want that marinara stain to ruin your Christmas card!img_0033

3. Strike a pose. Make sure each subject in the photo is being still, and smiling with just the right amount of teeth showing. Hands folded in laps and slight head tilts are recommended. Never allow movement while the pictures are being taken.DSC_0232.jpg

4. Keep your eyes open. To be certain that none of your photos include a blinking subject, make sure your family knows that blinking is not allowed. Pass the eyedrops around before you get started, so that there will be no need to blink to prevent dryness of the eye. (Note: this also prevents the eyes half-closed look, as though the subject is about to sneeze.)DSC_0269.jpg

5. Work the natural light. Morning and evening are the best times to take photos outside. Skip breakfast or dinner to ensure that the lighting is perfect. Tell those cranky, hungry children if they’d just smile, you could all go eat… and maybe have some of your own natural light.DSC_0186.jpg

6. Choose a few props. Pumpkins are always a nice choice for the fall, and beaches, snow, mountains, or lakes could be nice choices for other times of year, too! Be sure to bring things like these with you for the session.DSC_0026.jpg

7. Let your family be themselves. As long as it’s their happy, cute, lovey-dovey selves.DSC_0548.jpg

I hope that these simple tips help you get the perfect framer of your family!

home, mommyhood, siblings, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

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Hey y’all! I almost forgot it was Tuesday! Here are the things from the week that were a little humorous… Enjoy!

Talking about being outside…
Me: …and I think Daddy wants to blow the leaves, too.
EK: I want the leaves to stay where they are, because it’s fall!

Talking about someone saying something mean to EK at school…
Me: You know what? Sometimes people say mean things. I don’t know that boy, so I can’t really make him stop. But you can tell him the truth, and that he’s wrong, and walk away.
J: I can make him stop! I can do this thing! I will make him stop and get my light savers (sabers, obvi) and make him stop!
Me: 😍

J’s preschool teacher told me this: J is very smart. He is able to remember details from the stories we read the next day. Although, when we read about Noah, I asked the children, “What did God put up in the sky after the flood?” And J kept saying, “Duck!”

Peekaboo champion…
J: Here, D. I got your bee swaddle! Zzzzzzz…. (He puts it on D’s head.) Look, Mom! Where did D go?!

G-Daddy to EK: You have your shoes on the wrong feet.
EK, crossing her ankles: Now they’re on the right feet.

J: Mom! Look what I picked!
Me: A booger?
J: Yeah!

EK: I want Cinderella’s pink dress.
Me: But Cinderella doesn’t wear a pink dress.
EK: Yeah she does. She has one from her mice.
Me: Touché.

J, holding out his hand: I catched it!
Me: Caught what?
J: My spit!

Twenty-first century kids…
EK: I want to hear the train song.
J: We can’t pull it up.

Bee stings from two weeks ago…
EK: When we get home, I would like a little ice for my stung. It was a couple weeks ago but it’s still there and it’s still hurting. That night when our friends were here? It’s still a sting and it hurts.

Some tidbits from a ride home one evening…
J: I could see some lights that I could see!
EK: And I see some trees!
J: I see some broccolis, mama!
EK: Um, um, um, um, um… how many times did I say um, mom?!
J: I’m still hungry. How much am I hungry, mom?
EK: When will I be home?
All in the same convo.

After we put the kids to bed, and we’re getting to bed ourselves, J comes up, asking for extra snuggles. Hubby and I hop on the bed for a couple of minutes of snuggling. After a sweet 30 seconds, J exclaims, “Somebody stinks.” and hops off the bed. Um, goodnight?

What are your kids talking about? Are they as random as mine?

mommyhood, siblings, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say 

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Happy Tuesday, y’all! I don’t have too much to preface today’s goodies with, so here they are! Enjoy!


On speaker phone with Hubby and the kids…
Me: And I love you, too, D!
EK: (in her “baby voice”) I love you too, Mommy! (In her regular voice) Aw, that was D!

Anytime J gets on the phone: The young man bit me.
Me: What does that even mean!?

Me: Did you have fun at lunch with Daddy and your brothers? You were the only girl!
EK: I like it better when there are two girls and three boys. (As an aside:) The two girls are you and me, and the boys are Daddy, J, and D.

Me, to D: No, no, no bite.
J: I don’t ujally bite you. I ujally be sweet!

J, melting down: I can’t jump on one feet! Can you teach me?!

Watching Cinderella…
EK: J, look at all that sparkly magic! She’s such a good furry godmother.

At hubby’s cousin’s wedding…
EK: She’s here! The princess bride is here!
Annie: What do you like best about the princess bride?
EK: Her side ponytail.

Heard in the back seat of the car…
EK: Stop in the name, you police officer!

EK: Today is Easter Day!
J: No it’s not! Today is tiger time.

EK, from the kitchen: D is walking! D is walking! (Then we hear a fall, and a cry. Not walking.)

J: I need your chair to be all close to me! (Gets down and pushes me closer to his chair.)

EK is doing this thing where she pretends to be a waitress. She takes our orders, and writes them down (we spell the words with her). I’m ridiculously proud of her 4yo handwriting…

One time when we played the waitress game, she had me take her order and write it down. “What do you want?” I said. She responded, “Black beans with pasta. And wine. I’m pretending to be a grown up!”

Aren’t you proud of her letters, too?!

mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

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Hello, and happy Tuesday! I’ve got a few good ones for ya. I spent two and a half days away from the kids this week, taking care of a friend… so it’s possible this one is a little short. But it’s good! I even got some FaceTime hilarity for you. Anyway, happy Tuesday and ENJOY!

 EK, on the phone with my mom…

Necie: Has J been doing well using the potty?
EK: Yes! J has a peanut, he points it down to the floor, and pees in the potty!

EK: There’s a cricket over there!
J: Yeah, we need to get a hammer and shout at it!

EK, at carpool: There’s Miss Angie (her teacher last year)! Before I got in the carpool line, I popped into her Peacocks class and gave her a hug and a kiss!

Learning to BURN…
EK: I want to sit next to Daddy!
Me: You’re across from him, so you can look at him!
EK: But I’m across from J and I don’t want to look at him!
Me: Then close your eyes.
EK: Close your BUTT!
Hubby: *dies laughing*
Me to Hubby: Whose side are you on, anyway?!

J: I got a scratchy booty – I better go potty.

EK at dinner: Can you feed me like a baby?
Me: …..

Me: Your bangs need to be trimmed.
EK: Yeah. They’re longest than Rapunzel.

Eating outside at a restaurant downtown, an acquaintance stops to say hello. When he walks away, EK says, “How about we could invite him to the house to hang out before the kids go to bed? He’s never visited our house before.” Don’t say we don’t have hospitality at our place.

On FaceTime with J, when he doesn’t want to talk to me…
Me: Daddy sent me pictures from this morning (at the children’s museum). Did you have fun?
J: No
Me: Oh, okay.
J: It’s nap time.
Me: Well, I love you!
J: I love you. I’m going to turn off the talking thing now.

Later that day, on FaceTime with EK…
Me: EK, could I say hi to J?
EK: Sure! J! Mommy wants to say hi!
J: Hi, Mommy!
Me: Hi, bud! How are you?
J: Good!
Me: Did you have fun at dinner?
J: Yeah! I’m gonna turn this off now.
Me: Wait! I want to talk to daddy!
J: *tries to cut me off*

Let’s hear what your kids are saying! Are they able to talk on the phone? Or do they just hang up on everyone?

mommyhood, siblings, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

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Hey, y’all! We had a lovely week at the beach last week, not completely but fairly unplugged, and so this might be a little short. But still, I would never leave you without the funnies. Have a great Tuesday!

 EK: Okay, you say, “What am I eating?” and I’ll say, “Cucumber and chip.”

Hubby: What?
EK: You say, “What am I eating?”!
Hubby: What are you eating?
EK: Cucumber and chip!
That’s her new game: telling someone (usually J) “You say this, and I’ll say that.”

J: I want to listen to the muskick!

EK during a “dance party”: I’m gonna do my naked girl dance now!

J, stepping on crumbs around the table: Ugh, Mom, I stepped on lunch!
Me: *brain explodes*

J, feeding D some of his dinner: Here comes the airplane! Choo choo choo, nnnnnyeeeeerrrrrr!

When we got home from the beach, we were late for nap time and everyone was exhausted. They went down for late naps, and I had to wake them (for dinner and so they would eventually go to bed). It took several wake up attempts to get everyone up. Then, EK had a 30 minute meltdown that started with D wanting her swaddle, and ended with missing being a baby and how D got all of her stuff (like her high chair). It was exhaustion-induced ridiculousness.

Announcing success to a busy restaurant…
J: I just pee-peed in the potty!

Future cheerleaders….
J: You say, “What the” and I’ll say, “heck!”
EK: What the!
J: Heck?!
EK: What the!
J: Heck?!
And on and on. Told you it was her favorite game.

*Chris Stapleton’s “Tennessee Whiskey” comes on*
J: Mama, you sang this upstairs at church!
Me: Did I?

J: Are we on (our road name) Mom?
Me: Yes we are!
J: Yeah, where our family and friends are!
Me: We’re never moving.

Hogwarts-style punishment…
EK: I broke his wand in half.

EK: Mommy, I told your husband that he made a nice dinner. 

Well, those are the things my kiddos are saying. What silly things do your kids say?

mommyhood, siblings, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

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Hey y’all! Happy Tuesday! We’re on VACAY this week, so this one is a shorty… but I wouldn’t leave ya without some funnies. Enjoy!

Staring out the window during breakfast…
Hubby: What are you looking at, J?
J: The trees and they’re so beautiful.

J, one morning: And then we could have ice cream! But right now we can’t have ice cream.

EK to J: Your peanut looks like a tail! (peanut=penis)

J, singing a song he made up: When a bulldozer goes bye bye…

EK to J: Yeah, Mom can call the police officer and tell them to put the bugs, and crickets, and stink bugs…
J: and crabs and crickets!
EK: yeah and put them into jail. Can you do that mom?

Hubby was on the phone…
J: Dad! DAD! DAAAAAD! Can you, can you, um, get me some, some, some, um, some milk?

J, to Hubby while he was practicing mandolin: Dad, excuse me! I need to talk to you!
Hubby: What’s up?
J: You’re the best and I love you.

EK, handing me a doll: Will you hold the baby?
Me: Sure! (I hold the baby for a minute.)
J: Mom, let me shake that baby for you.
Me: Umm…

J: What’s that red store, mama?
Me: Target!
J: Can I get in there?!

Hubby: EK, this is Holly.
EK: You mean there’s a second Holly in the world?! (Her aunt’s name is Holly, too.)

J, coming down the hallway from the bathroom, crying, pants around his ankles: Moooooom I need help!
Me: What happened?
J, crying: I need new pants!
Me: Did you pee in your pants?
J, wailing now: No, but I got pee on them and it’s on my face!
Me, noticing his hair is wet, and trying not to laugh: How did you pee on your face?
J: I thought it was pointing down! (Cries more.)
Me: (LOSING IT BIG TIME)

J: MomDad (said as one word), can I put on my trunks and get in that hotbathtub? (Also one word, meaning hot tub.)

Hope you enjoyed! What silly things are your kids saying these days?

mommyhood, siblings, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

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Happy Tuesday! I hope y’all had a wonderful holiday weekend, and hopefully a restful day yesterday. Since we had just gotten back in town from Georgia, we stayed in town for the weekend, celebrated a friend’s birthday, got together with our small group, and hung out with family. Here are a few of our funnies from the past week – enjoy!

While building with blocks with Necie…
EK: How’s that?
Necie: Great! You could be an architect one day!
EK: But I want to be a mommy when I grow up!
Me: You can be both!
EK: Both!?! I can be a Mommytect!
Me: Yes. Yes you can.

J has been using the potty a lot recently, and we decided when he started talking about his body, we’d just use the word penis, instead of coming up with a nickname or baby talk. I didn’t regret it, until the bigs were in a name-calling match in the back seat of the car, and I heard him say, “Well you’re a PENIS!” He only good thing is that it meant nothing to her, not having one herself. He also uses the word “peanuts” instead of penis occasionally.

Smoothie=soomie, snoothie, or smovie, depending on who you ask.

Hubby and I were trying to talk to my aunt. We were interrupted three times by J yelling our names, in turn, and asking, “What’d you have for breakfast?”

J yelling from the back of the car: Mom! Excuse me! MOM! EX. CUSE. ME!

EK, pointing out the car window: Look at those bozozers! (Bulldozers)

Apparently trying to imitate me…
EK: J! D! J! D! Whatever your name is!

EK: Can you come downstairs with me?
Me: Sure! What’s down there?
EK: I’m gonna show you (*twirls*) the new clean living room I’ve been working on!

J: I can’t remember EK’s name.
EK: *sighs*says her name*

Words of wisdom…
J, holding a veggie straw over a bowl of salsa: I don’t wanna put my veggie straw in theeeeeeere…
EK: Well, just don’t do it.
J: Okay.
Me: THANK YOU!

J: Mom! Brownie is just like poopy!

EK: Mom, um, excuse me. It’s EK trying to talk to you. 

Well, what have your kids been saying recently?

mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

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Hello again, Tuesday! I hope y’all are ready for some funnies to keep your week’s momentum up! Here they are!


Flattery will get you everywhere…
EK, while we were driving to a friend’s house: Daddy, you’re the master driver to tell me how long until we get there.

J pooped in his tiny potty finally: Mom! There’s a huge snake poop in there!

When J peed on the potty…
J: There’s the muchest pee I ever saw!
EK: Wow! That’s so great! I love you!

Just like a man, he carried the potty to where he could go while he watched TV.

EK wearing these pajamas…EK: After J pees on his potty, I’ll give him an ice cream from my… (Pointing at her knee, unable to think of the word…)
J: Pants?
EK: Yeah. Pants!

EK to me: Can we take a selfie? Wait! Let’s do chitchat! (She means Snapchat.)

EK: I want to be a doctor, and I can’t find my eperscope (stethoscope) OR my Doc McStuffins dress!
Me: *facepalm*

J: When we get to Annie’s grocery store, I want some ice cream and… um… and see… *trails off*

EK, after a big meal, pulls her dress up: Hey! Watch my belly pop!

During a game of pretend, while banging a toy pan…
J, to EK: Wake up! It’s morning time, schweetie!

Sharing tips over breakfast…
EK: J, take your blueberries and dip them in your syrup… (whispers) because it makes them taste like syrup!

J: When I get big, I will be the cook, and make you lunch, and you will like it! (Man after my own heart.)

EK, pointing at a girl in the Carter’s catalog: Wow. She is super. duper. cute.

Well that’s it for today. What are your kids talking about these days?

mommyhood, siblings, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

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Happy Tuesday! I hope you’ve all been successful in your back-to-school shopping, and getting some late summer relaxation in before the fall starts with a bang! Here are a few of our favorite funny sayings from this week. There are some pretty weird one-liners at the end, so read the whole way through! Enjoy!! 

 EK: When I was outside, by myself, picking up mushrooms out of the dirt, I heard a horse say, “Neeeeeeeigh!” I don’t like it when horses is loud. Sometimes they wake me up at night.
(The only redeeming quality of this statement is that there are actually horses in our neighborhood.)

J comes crying up the stairs, and Hubby can’t get him to calmly say what’s wrong. He’s crying about his lamp and a trash can. Hubby gets him calm and in bed, and goes to EK’s room.
Hubby: Why was J crying?
EK: Well, he turned on his monsters lamp. (It’s a Monsters, Inc. lamp.)
Hubby: What happened then?
EK: Well, I told him if he didn’t turn it off I would throw it in the trash can.
Hubby: Well that made him very upset.
EK: Yeah…

Heard from a friend at church when she was with J….
J: When I get bigger, I’ll be a man who cooks only apples.
Friend: Okay… whatever you say!

J, in the car: When we get home, I want water in a cup and to watch TV.
Me: You know what I want to watch? Volleyball!
EK: I totally told you!

J, all the time now: Let’s play wolleyball! Mom! Can you play wolleyball with me?!

EK, upon first seeing/hearing about water balloons: What are they?
Me: It might be easier just to show you.
EK: But what are they?
Me: I’m going to have them ready in just a second.
EK: But what are they?
Me: Give me a minute.
EK: But what are they?
Me: …..!!!!

J, above: Is this a castle head, mama?
Me: Yeah, I guess it does look like that!


J, above: Look, mama! We’re chefs!
Me: ….uh….

Me: It’s almost nap time.
J: Is it firty?
Me: It’s 1:55.
J: I don’t know that letter.
Me: It’s actually a number. It means five minutes until nap time.
J: A nummer? Can we make food then?
Me: Um. After nap..?

And now for some random but hilarious one-liners…

J, to EK: My mama’s gonna put my shirt on, then I’m gonna tell you a secret!

EK, looking at the sky: Aww! That sunset gon’ make me cry!

J, at bedtime: Go to bed, Mama. I’ll stay right here.

J, at 6:50am: Can we play water balloons?

EK, pointing at the baby: Mom! D has a brow! He looks like a pirate!

J, unprompted: Mom, I wish my donkeys would come.

EK, showing me something (?) on her Leap Pad: You’ve got to eat a snack, like apples on an airplane.

Well, I hope you enjoyed those tidbits of what life is like around here. What do your kids say that’s just too crazy?