Tag Archives: mommyhood

I Sweat the Small Stuff.

I think I’ve written about this before. In any case, this (insert the title here) has always been true for me. Detail-oriented, follow-through-with-everything Whitney has stressed over little things her entire life. I know some of you others feel that way, too. Which is why this particular situation and my resulting feelings might be for you, too.

Sometimes, I think the Lord speaks to you through the most random people.

Like the other day, someone commented on my post about our “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad evening“. She basically said this: we can handle big things like we’re ninjas (I loved that!), but when it comes to a pile up of small things, we may just go insane.

Too right she is.

When something big happens, something really important or truly difficult, I ninja up, call upon my people to help or pray, roll up my sleeves and get through it. But if a hundred little tiny things go wrong during a regular old day, when I can’t pinpoint the problem or put my finger on the exact thing that’s frustrating me, I start to go bonkers. I mean it. Bonkers. I want to fly off the handle. Sometimes I do. But who does that benefit? No one. Not me, certainly. Not my kids, who didn’t really do anything besides act their ages. Not Hubby, who is as patient with and kind to me as any human alive could be.

When I read her comment, it was like I got a tap on the shoulder: Hey, she’s talking about YOU. I’ve typically been cool under pressure, and able to handle a lot of stress when it’s put on my shoulders. But BOY do I ever sweat the small stuff. And as a mom, that’s the biggest recurring piece of advice I hear… Don’t sweat the small stuff. Enjoy the little moments. You’ll miss this. Don’t worry about the accidents and messes. Well, that’s all well and fine to say, and for me to nod and smile about. But when he spills the third meal on the floor I just cleaned, add some pee-pee in her panties, hear from the babysitter who’s cancelling and ruining my date night, and then I can’t even give my kids a bath without the entire bathroom (and myself) being soaked? I’m done. I AM DONE.

Any one of those things is a little thing. It falls into the category of “small stuff”. I’m sure I’d think several of those things are funny in a few days when they haven’t happened in a while. But altogether, piled on in the same day, it overwhelms me in a way I can’t accurately describe. I’m immediately ready to throw in the urine-covered towel, and tell Hubby I’m going on date night alone. I’d like to say that my first response is to call for help, to lean on the One who is always ready to hear my cry and give me exactly what I need. But how often is He my last resort? I call on Him for big things, for important things, for scary things. But for the little stuff? Nah – I think I can handle it myself.

Well, I can’t. I need peace. I need rest. I need help. I need love to flow out of me. I can only find those things in one place: the arms of Jesus. And there’s good news! He’s ready and waiting to accept me with open arms, and give me what I need.

Things Toddlers Say

Another week of hilarity at our house! I don’t know what I’m going to do when I’ve got another one talking as much as EK… I might have to post twice a week! Anyway, here are some favorites from the past few days. Enjoy! 

 EK: I think Daddy’s home!
Me: Not yet. He’s still at work.
EK: Aww. I miss him more much.

EK: Mommy! I love my new hoopy hoop! (hula hoop, obviously)
She keeps asking me to hoopy-hoop with her, but I bought the smallest one I could find (I mean, she’s tiny.) so I literally cannot hoopy-hoop in it. I’m usually pretty good at it, but the thing barely fits on me. I should’ve bought myself a bigger one “for teaching purposes”.

EK: Can we watch Strawberry Cupcake, Mom?
Me: It’s Shortcake, but who’s counting?

While coloring together…
EK: I like your picture!
Me: Thanks!
EK: Let’s trade pictures, Mom.
Me: Why? So you can say that you colored mine?
EK: Yeah.

This one has a little story. I’m not sure when/why it started, but we’ve always sung that silly clean up song from Barney when teaching the kids the clean up their toys. You know the one: “Clean up! Clean up! Everybody, everywhere! Clean up! Clean up! Everybody, do your share!”
Well EK sings this: “Clean up! Clean up! Anybody, do your share!” Repeatedly. Like, DO YOUR SHARE ALREADY!

As I’m laying on the couch watching a movie with the kids, J pops his head over my shoulder and says, “Haaayyyyyy!!” with an enormous, cheesy grin. Melting. My. Heart.

Well, that’s about it from this week. What are YOUR kids saying? I really want to know!

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Evening

I apologize if this seems a little ranty. I might not even publish it after I write it, but sometimes writing things makes me process them, and therefore makes me a little less stressed.

Tuesday was a pretty great day. We got up, ate some pancakes, which I totally failed… tried to make something up on the fly. Usually I’m good with improvising pancakes, but I just screwed up the consistency and had to add Bisquick to them just to make them cook properly. At least they were eaten? Ha! Anyway, after that, we packed up to visit Hubby’s mom, who the kids haven’t seen in a little while. We had a fun time just playing and relaxing at her house, and EK ended up staying with her for lunch, while Hubby, J and I came home for lunch. It was a nice treat for all of us. When Hubby had picked her up, both the kids were so pooped they went down for early naps, and we worked in the garden while they slept. We the got ground ready for the third bed we’re starting, and weeded in between all the beds. It was great progress, and there’s just something that feels good about working with your hands in the dirt.

When the kids woke up, we played outside for a few, got nice and dirty, then came in for baths before dinner. Nothing out of the ordinary. Hubby cooked dinner (while I randomly felt really sluggish. Maybe the sun took it out of me?) and when we served, EK basically decided she was going to act like a one-year-old. She was trading bowls with J, eating with her fingers, spreading it all over the table, and not really eating much. After encouragement to eat like a big girl, pointing out how well J was doing, and even saying we’d go downtown to get gelato if she finished properly (glad J doesn’t quite understand that yet or he’d have been mad) she still didn’t eat much, and just sat in three different chairs for the last 8 or 9 minutes at the table. My hormonal self was totally over it. I know she can do so much better, and than made it even worse.

After dinner, we cleaned up a bit, and let the kids play in the kitchen while we were in there – they love that. J had an old baby food jar that I’d saved (I reuse them when I make my own food) and ended up breaking it… all over the kitchen floor. So, of course, we commenced making sure children don’t get cut, and the mess gets cleaned up, which really meant me vacuuming while Hubby kept the kids out of the way in the living room. Once again… totally over it. 

Finally, mess was cleaned up, and Hubby could get ready for work. Kids starting fighting over every toy in the room, so we sent one downstairs and kept one upstairs. I was trying to finish up the kitchen and start a load of laundry, and Hubby finds out he’s locked his keys and his spare key in the car he needs to pack with speakers, instruments, et al. Fabulous. We call the locksmith while I’m finishing up laundry, and I realize that at the bottom of the stairs (where we throw the laundry down) there’s water on the floor.

Water on the floor? Who cares? Me. Because right above it is the master shower. Which had been “fixed” during the renovation. Fabulous. Just enough water to make the drywall warp just a tad. So naturally, I just say, “Screw this day.” and turn on the TV so at least the kids are quiet till bedtime. I knew I couldn’t handle any other sibling arguments or tears because “someone else has the toy I want.”

Basically, I was ready to call it quits on life. Between motherhood and homeownership, silly mistakes like locking keys in the car aside, I was so done with dealing with things. I didn’t want to think any further about any situation. I wanted to zone out. Cue the time that I’d normally pour myself a bottle glass of wine. BUT OH WAIT – I can’t, because I’m so pregnant I can’t believe I forgot about it for a minute.

So, instead of getting even more frustrated that I was dealing with everything painfully sober, extra large and continually uncomfortable, I decided to say, “Whelp, shit happens.” and just move on. So I snuggled the kids up in their pjs, sent them off to bed – which, by the way, took over an hour total, which never is the case because my kids typically love to sleep. But hey, don’t forget my new motto: Shit happens. (Anyone else feel like it’s always the nights you’re doing bedtime by yourself instead of with your spouse that it seems to take the longest?) But about that time when I started to pull my hair out, wondering when the super-sleepy kids would let it go and go to sleep, my babysitter showed up! Oh yeah, I was going out tonight, with my sister-in-law, to hear Hubby play music! It was my night to put on a clean blouse, my wedges, and LIP GLOSS, Y’ALL! I was beside myself with excitement, so I handed over the monitor (which of course was quiet, because babysitter, right?) and got ready to go.

The reminder and the mood shift was all I needed to just relax and call it a day. I have to remind myself over and over that it’s okay to take a time out, to just call it. I need to be reminded that I don’t have to be perfect, the shit does indeed happen, and it’s even okay for me to get upset or cry about it. That just makes me human. Or maybe it makes me hormonal, but that’s me right now. It sometimes takes a the ability to completely leave the situation to get over it. I didn’t really think about it again after I was able to just move on and be somewhere else.

Things Toddlers Say

Good morning! Hope y’all are having a great Tuesday so far! Here are some funnies from our family over the past week… enjoy! 

 Any time I forget anything:
EK: Mom! You too-got!

Me: Let’s talk about what you want for lunch, guys.
J, runs to get a squeeze pouch of he-doesn’t-even-care-what, and hands it to me. When I don’t immediately open it, he starts fussing and slapping his legs (the “I’m annoyed” sign).
Hubby: Oh, he hasn’t had anything to eat since his after-breakfast-after-snack snack, so he needs his pre-lunch snack before he has lunch and then a snack before his nap bottle. Then he’ll go two entire hours without eating and be ravenously hungry when he wakes up, so that he can eat straight till dinner.
Me: Basically.

When we were visiting my parents, we happened to be on a playground near a train track, and actually saw a train go by. Ever since then…
EK (every five minutes): Can we go see choo-choo train?
My response: We can’t really plan on being right where one is. It’s just a happy accident when we see one.
Hubby’s response: No.

J (trying to open a door): Hup! Hup!
Me (five minutes later): Oh! You’re asking for help!

EK: Birdie! Stop eating our blueberries! NOW!
Me: I guess somebody’s gotta be the scarecrow.

EK (in the car): I’m hot.
Me: Okay, here’s some air (I adjust the front seat vent).
EK (holding her hands out, with a relieved look): Ahhhh….

And here are a few contributions from my mom, while we were in the mountains…

EK, with her doctor kit: Mecie (what she calls my mom) I want to hear your heart beep!
(Proceeds to listen, then take blood pressure, and hand my mom some “ice cream”.)
EK: I’m gonna be a doctor-man!

EK: Can we play with the choo-choo trains?
Here’s a picture of what she was talking about: 

 Hope you enjoyed the humor from our week! What are your kiddos saying that’s cracking you up?

Currently 

Happy Monday, everyone! After a lovely weekend of being away and unplugged (aka bad internet connection and no blogging) I’m back to the real world! I was glad to be back and see my kiddos, and I’m excited for a full, busy week this week. I’m linking up today with Becky at Choose Happy, and some other fabulous bloggers, to bring you this week’s edition of Currently.

currently button

Celebrating || Hubby’s cousin Parker and her new husband, Charlie! Two of the sweetest, most genuine souls you’ll ever meet, they are dear to our hearts. Their wedding was a beautiful weekend in the mountains, with delicious food and fun family. We were able to stay in a beautiful, old hotel in Blowing Rock, NC, called the Green Park Inn on Friday night. It was charming!

Exploring || the Appalachian mountains! Hubby and I spent Saturday before the wedding driving and walking up Grandfather Mountain, driving through several small mountain towns, and seeing the gorgeous colors and lines that are made up by the Appalachians. The weather was perfect, and the setting was incredible. We couldn’t have asked for a better day! It was a perfect “mini-babymoon”, and we’ve also decided we are taking the kids back really soon to take them to Tweetsie Railroad! I’ve never been- have you?

Here are a few pictures of the afternoon. You’ll have to pardon that they’re just of me. When there’s only two of you, it is difficult to get a picture of both of you! 

It doesn’t swing much anymore, but it sure was windy up there!
  
I was literally on top of the world. At least for a few miles.
  
Couldn’t you just look at that for the rest of your life?
  Thankful for || my mom, who kept our kids Friday and Saturday while we romped in the mountains. She was totally willing to drive up from Georgia and snuggle my babies all weekend to let Hubby and I get away, guilt-free!

Craving || donuts! Friday (National Donut Day!) was a little too hectic (trying to pack, make sure the kids had what they needed for the weekend, and get out the door on time to make it to the rehearsal dinner) for us to make it to Krispy Kreme to get donuts. So now I’m craving them after seeing everyone’s pictures and posts about it! My absolute favorite is a chocolate iced donut with sprinkles, followed closely by a chocolate cake donut. What’s your favorite?

This baby is SO calling my name.
This baby is SO calling my name.
Excited about || submitting my writing to several places, and actually getting chosen to be published! The first piece to be chosen and published was my list of Life Lessons You Probably Learned in Your 20s on Scary Mommy last month, and I have another piece that’s being published on a different site in July. I am so excited, especially being fairly new to blogging and writing, that I have some good stuff in my brain that I can get out with the right words, and pass on to others.

Well, that’s what’s going on with me currently. Link up or comment, and let me know what’s going on with you!

I’m an Extroverted Person, But an Introverted Mama.

This post also appeared on My Big Jesus! 

 All of my life, I have loved to be with people. I’m not a loner in any way… I like spending time with people, talking on the phone, building relationships, and getting to know people. It energizes me and makes me happy. I’m a typical extrovert in just about every way; that’s part of what made me a successful teacher. I assumed it would be the same way for me as a mom.

Not so.

Since becoming a mom, I have given more of myself to a person (and then multiple people) than I ever thought possible. All day long I meet the needs of others. I am touched. I am jumped on. I am talked to, cried for, shouted at, and called for. I wipe noses, bottoms, hands and mouths. I dole out hugs and kisses. I toss rubber balls, race little cars, pretend to drink tea and eat cake, and locate missing loveys. While often it does energize me, I do truly enjoy it, and I adore my children, I’ve realized I need “me time” in a way I never have before.

By nap time most days, I am ready to clock out. I have been needed and touched and talked to all I can stand. I put those darlings down for their naps, and want to run away. I’m no longer looking for phone calls to make or friends to invite over while my kids sleep. I’m not wanting to run errands to find a person to talk to. I either want to crawl in the bed or climb in the shower so that I’m truly and sincerely alone. If you’ve ever seen the movie Date Night with Tina Fey, she tells her husband (Steve Carrell) about her amazing fantasy:

If anything, I fantasize sometimes about being alone. There are times when I’ve just thought about, on my worst day, just, you know, leaving our house and just going someplace, like checking into a hotel and just being in a quiet room by myself. Just sitting in a quiet, air-conditioned room, sitting down, eating my lunch, with no one touching me, drinking a Diet Sprite, by myself. Look, I just want to have one day that doesn’t depend on how everyone else’s day goes.

I’ve been joking recently about this with Hubby. I’ll just say, “Diet Sprite”, and he knows I’m referencing my desire to tag out and be alone for a while. When J is pulling on my pants so much that they’re falling down, and EK is shouting from across the house that she needs to poopy, and all I’m doing is trying to fix lunch so they don’t have hunger meltdowns, I fantasize about the very same thing: being alone, in a quiet air-conditioned room. Except change that Diet Sprite to an enormous glass of wine.

So after giving and pouring, day in and day out, I’ve gone from someone who desires company and conversation all day and all night to someone who has a new appreciation for solitude. A cup of tea by myself is a treat the likes of which I haven’t fully appreciated until now. I still love to be with people, and thrive in social situations; my friends and family can certainly tell you that. But my desires have changed as my lifestyle has changed. My entire personality has shifted, and I’ve never been more okay with it.

Things Toddlers Say

Happy Toddlers Tuesday! I bet y’all thought I forgot! I just had a busy day, so it’s going up as an evening edition.

This week, J makes an appearance, and we’ve got a Hubby funny as well. I hope y’all are having a great week so far! Enjoy! 

 Botany:
Me: Look at your tulips! Remember how I said they’d open up after a few days?
EK: Aww! They’re really cute!

EK, unprovoked: Can I watch you get a baby in your tummy?
Me: *ridiculous laughter*

Me: Say you’re sorry to your brother.
EK: (Completely and actually innocently) Sorry Do-Do. (Instead of Joe Joe like she often calls him.)

Potty training advice:
EK: Don’t poop in your big boy panties, Daddy.

Home improvements while kids are napping:
Me: Well, let’s just go to Lowe’s. Let’s just wake up the kids and go! (Sarcastically of course.)
Hubby, deadpan: Yeah, whether they nap or not has never made a difference to my day.

Teaching J our friends’ names:
Me: Chris…. Andrea. (x1000)
J: Isssssss! AnDEEugh! (time #1000)
Me: great job! Say bye bye to them!
J: Bye bye, mama!
(Repeat the above about 5 times.)

Personal grooming:
EK: Mom, can I have a cair-hut?
(Apparently she missed the word haircut.)

Housekeeping:
Me: EK, could you please put your plate in the sink?
EK: No.
Me: Come on, I asked really nicely.
EK, with dramatic teen-like eye roll: Uuuggghhhh okayyyyyyy! *slams plate in the sink*
Me: Thank you?

Well, those are all my funnies from this week. What are your kids saying?

When am I not a “new mom” anymore?

This post also appeared on My Big Jesus!

I spend a lot of time reading advice for new moms, or reading things for new parents. Still, even expecting baby #3, I’m doing this. It must be because I know that I haven’t done everything perfectly. It must be because I’m still new at having a three-year-old. It must be because I’m fairly new to having two kids. I’ll be new to having a third kid (in two months). There’s always something we’re going to be new at. Can you really be a seasoned mom at everything? 

 Whether you’re a new mom because you just delivered your first, or you’re a long-time mom who has a few adult children, there’s always something to remind you you haven’t done everything yet. Taking your first vacation as a family of four can be as brand new (and difficult) as the day you brought your first home from the hospital. Moving your toddler to a big boy bed can be like having a newborn again who won’t sleep through the night. First middle school dance, first high school prom, and first college formal sound similar, but require different tools (and feelings) in your mama arsenal. Even doing the same thing with each of your children can be like night and day. Sending a child to college is different with every child, since they’re all going off to different schools in different locations in different situations. Marrying off a daughter feels different than marrying off a son, so if you’ve done one, you might be new at the other. Sending off or marrying off your oldest is a totally different experience, I’m sure, than doing so with your youngest.

This year, my big thing I was new at was being a stay at home mom. I’ve been learning every day (every.single.day.) how to walk in this role effectively, gracefully, and comfortably. This is a big one for me. I identified a lot as a working mom for my first two years of motherhood. I had friends who did it that I could get advice from and vent to about things. I had the best of all possible situations, because my daughter (and then my son) stayed home with Daddy. There were still frustrations, sad things, and hard things about not being home with them. And, there were also great things about it.

Sorry I’m not sorry I just wrote that.

There were things like missing the tantrums, not being super stressed about missed naps, not seeing them get their shots at the doctor, or being able to kiss the sick kid on the head, and go to work, instead of dread a fussy day of remembering to give doses of Tylenol on time. I loved having a purpose outside of the home. I still do. I work part-time now (roughly 5-8 hours a week outside the home and several more inside) and I love having that outlet, that reason to leave the house, and the fact that I have the best of both worlds: a job that I love, and the opportunity to spend tons of time with my kids.

But the newness of being a SAHM hasn’t worn off. My kids are always entering new phases in their development, and I’m always catching up and learning the newest thing they do. My daughter is potty-training. One can NEVER be an expert at potty-training. That mess is REAL, y’all (emphasis on mess). My son has learned to climb up and down and all over everything, even in ways my daughter still doesn’t care to do. It’s taken baby-proofing and knowing where he is at all times to a whole other level (think never being alone because I have to be watching him). I’m still new at it. I’ll probably feel, for a little while, new at having a newborn, because breastfeeding, sleep cycles, teething, and growth patterns are different with every baby, and I’m sure the third baby won’t have as much of my undivided attention as even my second one did. It’s just the nature of the beast – no pun intended.

When you feel like you’re new at something, it’s okay. You’ll figure it out. It’s in your nature to find the best way somehow. We’re built for it. You have some motherly instincts, down in there somewhere – sometimes I really felt like I was digging to find mine. But I love my kids. And that makes me a good mom, no matter what stage of mothering I’m in.

10 More Tips for Soon-to-Be Moms

On the heels of my first post of 10 tips for all of you soon-to-be moms, I’ve written a second list of tips! I hope these are super helpful, but remember: what worked for me doesn’t always work for everyone, and you should do whatever works best for you, your baby, and your family! These are just suggestions!

Yes. That is my bump, as of right now!

1. Don’t buy maternity underwear. I say this not necessarily because it’s a waste of money. It probably isn’t. But you’d wear it for a few months, and then just pack it away or trash it, right? A better idea is to just stretch out your regular underwear, and then after the baby is born, hit up Vicky’s semi-annual sale and treat yo’self to some brand new undies you won’t have to let go of in a few months. The options are cuter in regular sizes, anyway.

2. When getting nursing attire, you may need two sizes. For the first two months or so, my breasts were huge, and needed to be available all the time. After that, I started to shrink down a little (it was NOT sad) and could start wearing things that weren’t nursing friendly every once in a while because they were nursing more predictably and not as often. I got all my nursing tank tops and nursing bras at Target, and there are several brands and styles I liked just fine.

3. When offered help, have it continue through (at least) the first two months. It seems like you’d get a rhythm and not need as much help after the first couple of weeks, right? Ha! Well, you do. But your adrenaline wears off, the lack of sleep builds up, and you’re dragging even more than you were when you said you’d never been so tired. So if you’ve got a friend setting up a meal calendar, have it continue through two months, even if that means it starts a little later. If you’ve got someone asking if you need a break to take a shower or a nap, say yes, and ash them if they’d like to do it again. It feels silly to take them up on things like that, but hey – they offered!

4. Use the lactation consultant at the hospital! When you’re there after delivery for however many hours, and that consultant comes by, let her take a good look at what’s going on, let her get in your (and the baby’s) business, and ask her ALL THE QUESTIONS. It’s awkward. It feels weird to have your boobs out and her squeezing and whatever, but just do it. You learn tricks, and you can even get her number for a follow-up phone call later. It’s the best!

5. Have Daddy help out. I don’t mean just with cooking and cleaning and yada yada. I mean with the baby. He needs to bond, too, so have him help out at night if possible (if he’s not working the next morning) or have him take the early morning shift, so you can catch some more z’s before your day really gets going. It’ll be really special time between Daddy and baby, and it’ll be heaven for you.

6. Try not to get too worked up. I know this sounds ridiculous, but if you’re in the middle of a crying jag, or a nursing strike, or just plain isn’t happy with anything, it’s tempting to get really stressed and freak out. I’ve been there tons of times, when you just feel useless. I got a great piece of advice. Put the baby in the crib, walk away, and tag out with Daddy, or just give yourself a minute. If what you were trying wasn’t helping, getting stressed isn’t either. Your baby can sense that you’re stressed, and that doesn’t help them calm down. However you can get a minute to calm down, that’s the best way to calm the baby.

7. Be flexible with sleeping arrangements. Something different that you thought might be what works for you. When I had EK, I had planned on keeping her in the room in a bassinet until she started sleeping better, just so I wouldn’t have to walk around the house in the middle of the night. Turns out, Hubby and I couldn’t sleep because we were listening to every tiny squeak and each little squirm, wondering if she was waking up, if she was hungry, if she needed something. I couldn’t ever get to sleep! We spent two nights like that, and moved her to her own room, because we couldn’t get any rest. Unless everyone’s getting sleep with whatever arrangement you are trying, you might try something different.

8. Create a bedtime routine. I went into depth about our bedtime routine in a recent post here, but having a few things that are the same every night will help baby know when bedtime is, and go down a little easier. For instance, clean diaper (bath when they’re ready for a daily bath), clean jammies/sleep sack, swaddled (if you’re swaddling), read a book, sing a song, feed her, and lay her down before she’s all the way asleep.

9. Go ahead and choose your pediatrician. The hospital will ask you just after your baby is born who you will be working with (what office, anyway) so go ahead and visit a few before you have the baby. The pediatrician on call will do a visit in the hospital for the both of you, so meet a few of the doctors if you can, and you might see a familiar face! Most offices do tours and meet-and-greets, so call a few and ask around! For us, we love the option of a Saturday clinic, the option of lots of different doctors, but being able to see our favorite nine times out of ten, and the fact that they all treat our kids like royalty. What can I say? They love us.

10. Get some sleep before the baby comes. I got all sorts of advice about I should do before EK got here: go on vacation, get my nails done, get my hair cut, have a girls’ night, have a massage, have sex with my husband (how do you think we got pregnant?), prepare the nursery, wash the baby clothes, go to the movies, and a thousand more things. The best piece was to get sleep. I took naps, slept as much as possible all day and night, and I felt super rested when the baby came. It was the best possible scenario.

What else would you add to this list? How have you prepared for a baby?

Never Do That Again: A Pondering on Threenagers

Never is a big word, friends. I try not to use it. Its permanence and irretrievable negativity make me nervous. But the one time I do use it, I’m okay with: Never do that again.

 When I’m talking to my daughter, and she does something that scares me, hurts me or someone else, or is just plain offensive, I tell her to never do it again. And then I explain why.

For example, a couple of weeks ago, we were meeting some friends for lunch at our favorite bagel place. I had parked and gotten the kids out before our friends had, so we patiently waited for them to get out of their car, cross the aisle, and meet us. Well, I was patient. EK suddenly pulled way from me, and ran across the parking lot aisle to be with her friends. AND THERE WAS A CAR COMING. Thank God the mother in the Suburban was closely watching and didn’t hit my kid (maybe because she had had a kid who ran out in the road in the past) but I was frantic. I was angry (about as angry as I’ve ever been) and scared and angry some more. I was obviously glad she was fine, but that almost took a backseat to the fear she made me feel when she pulled her hand from mine and took off.

When I had crossed to her, I knelt down, took her face in mine, and made her look at me. I told her how she should never do that again, because it was dangerous, she could’ve gotten hurt, she scared me, she scared our friends, etc. She knew I was serious, I thought. She didn’t cry, but I could tell by her face she was listening and at least partially comprehending. My heart slowed down a little, and we went and had a nice lunch.

Coming out of the restaurant, we were hugging and high-fiving on the sidewalk with our friends, making plans for the next time we’d see them. We had almost gotten to our car when EK decided to make a second round of running around the parking lot. I ALMOST LOST IT. This time, there was no car, and anger was much more than fear. I finally got to her, pulled her over to the car, and made her stand right there while I put J in his car seat. Then, I made some sort of country threat (straight to my roots in a moment of primal fear) like “I’m gonna tear your butt up if you do that again!” in a way that totally lost its “oomph”. I thought about spanking her right then and there, but settled (wisely) for pinning her down in her car seat, closing the door, and taking a deep breath.

Where had I gone wrong to make her think she could do that? How had I not taught her better? I’m a broken record with the “We always hold hands in the parking lot.” (Note to the mom: Always is a concept much like never. If she doesn’t get one, she probably won’t get the other.) I’ve warned that streets and parking lots are dangerous places and told her repeatedly to be careful. I mean, I’ve literally held J like a football to prevent him from getting to the ground for takeoff. But there was obviously a fail somewhere along the way.

I guess she didn’t understand the concept of “never”. It’s a hard one, to be sure. But she didn’t understand. I was just her mom, telling her what to do, just like 25 other times already that day. Why should “Always hold my hand.” and “Never run from me like that.” be any different? Giant light bulb for me: my threenager doesn’t understand obscure concepts. Duh.

How do I make my threenager understand the difference between something serious and something that doesn’t matter as much? Between something dangerous and something I’d just rather her not do? Tacking “never” on to the front of the sentence obviously won’t do it. It doesn’t hold the weight for my daughter that it holds for me. Why? Because she’s three. I can’t remember that and repeat those words to myself enough. She’s three. She’s only three. It’s because she’s three.

Maybe she’s just three, and I’m just trying to be a good mama.