Category Archives: faith

the Good News of the Gospel and my faith walk

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus

8 Things I Want My Non-Parent Friends to Know

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This post also appeared on MyBigJesus.com along with tons of other awesome posts – check them out!

I have lots of non-parent friends. They’re great! I love spending time with them, although sometimes it seems that I don’t get to as often as I’d like. So, non-parents, here’s to you!

1. I still want to hang out. Yes, it might mean you come to me more often than I come to you. Yes, it might mean that I come with one or two little stowaways. Yes, it might take a little more planning. Yes, it might even mean that it’s cut short or cried out by a kid (with me or with someone else). But I still value our relationship. It looks different, but I don’t want it to end.

2. I can still be spontaneous. There’s the odd night that my kids are in bed early, and I am not tired. Yeah, I said it. Sometimes, I want to leave the house at 8:00pm and watch tv with you or catch a late dinner. Give me a break and meet me for a drink, already!

3. I didn’t stop being cool. I still like listening to good music, seeing good movies and eating good food. Why do you assume I only eat chicken nuggets while listening to Raffi?

4. I’m still a woman. Yes, “mommy” is one of my number one defining attributes. However, I’m a wife. I’m a friend. I’m a daughter. I’m a sister. Most of all, (GASP!) I’m a woman. I love wearing mascara, shopping for shoes, sipping lattes and (insert any other cliche about females here).

5. I don’t think less of you because you aren’t in my shoes. Just because you decided not to have kids, or haven’t found your soul mate doesn’t mean I think any less of you. I have friends in every stage of life; I haven’t limited my hangout group to “parents of young kids”.

6. I like to stay up late! I’m still a night owl; I can function on less sleep sometimes. I’m productive and happy at night after my kids go to bed, so call me up or come over for a chat! Don’t assume I crash at 7:30pm when my kids do, because that’s only sometimes true.

7. I love my kids, but I don’t mind leaving them sometimes. In fact, I think it’s healthy for me to have conversations with other adults, have a meal I don’t have to share, and to peepee in the potty without an audience.

8. I would love it if you hung out with my kids. They’re hilarious. I’m proud of them. I want to show them off in their best light, and I also want you to see their off days, so you have a real picture of who I am through these little lives I have created, shaped, loved and let go. Yeah, it might not be for you right now. It might not be for you ever. But being a parent is fun, crazy, hard and rewarding. It’s who I am. It’s the greatest gift God has ever given me, and I do my best to relish it and share it. Get to know my kids, and you get to know me.

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus

The Great Pumpkin Patch Meltdown

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I had a grand idea. It was to get Hubby and our kids, Hubby’s brothers, their wives and their kids all together for a photo shoot. It’s fall, so we figured a local pumpkin patch was the best place to do it. We planned our outfits, picked a time that worked around everyone’s naps, and planned our weekend around it. J can sometimes have a super long morning nap, so I ended up having to wake him up to get him ready to go. I was a little worried whether or not he’d let go of me and hang out with the other kids so we could get some good pictures.

Little did I know, he wasn’t the one I needed to worry about.

EK had had a totally normal morning, and right when we got to the pumpkin patch, she was really sweet on all the littler babies. But then, we decided we wanted to put the babies in a wagon (this place had those red Radio Flyers you could put the pumpkins in to take them to the car) and have EK pull it. But it was tougher than it looked (when it was full of pumpkins and babies), so I tried to help her a little.

Note: She didn’t want the help. Cue the biggest “terrible two” meltdown I’ve ever seen.

This was a lay-on-the-ground, scream-at-the-top-of-her-lungs sort of tantrum. My even-tempered child turned into an angry monster over whom I had no control. No one could do anything, so we all stood around, a little nervously, and try to pretend no one noticed the tantruming toddler.

Hubby’s mom finally picked her up and took her to get a snow cone from the stand nearby (because it’s okay when grandmas do that) so that we could try to continue taking photos. But as soon as snow cone time was over, it was meltdown #2. Or maybe the meltdown had only paused. Either way, the cute photos of my daughter were pretty much over.

What does a mama do in that situation? Wait it out. In a public place, surrounded by family and strangers alike, I just had to let it run its course. Thankfully, everyone was gracious and turned a blind eye to the ground-shaking sounds erupting from the small body. It was her first real tantrum, and we haven’t had another one since.  Here’s to praying that it was a one-time fluke… right?

The mischievous face of my darling two-year-old, pre-meltdown. I think she was plotting all along.
The mischievous face of my darling daughter, pre-meltdown. I think she was plotting all along.
faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus

Why does it always work out that way?

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As I type this, I’m sitting on my couch, listening to my son fuss. He should be asleep. It’s 7:50pm, and he’s been in the bed for half an hour. The first 20 minutes were silent – and now, as I’m trying to leave the house, he’s awake and fussing to get up and play. He had a big day full of family photos and playing hard. He needs to rest after the craziness of the day. This is the first night in weeks that he hasn’t gone to bed without any trouble. It’s also one of the first nights that I’m trying to go out to a birthday party that started at 7:00. Hubby is working, and my mom is keeping the kids. She and my daughter are happily watching a quick tv show before bed, and my mom simply requested that J be asleep before I left.

Or it should’ve been a simple request.

I’m dressed, purse and keys in hand, hoping this won’t take all night. I’m dying to see my friends while I’m wearing mascara and not wearing yoga pants. Plus, I don’t want to miss the cake – because there has to be cake, right? But here I am, held back by the quiet (getting quieter…) sounds of my still wakeful son. I’ve check on him several times – checking his diaper, patting his back, giving him smooches. And still he fights sleep.

I wonder how often God waits on us… fussing… whining… refusing to just rest. I wonder if He is sitting, on some heavenly leather sofa, waiting for us to come around to the thing we need the most. He’s probably not waiting so that He can go to a party, but waiting because He knows we will be happy when we finally get what we need – Him. When we rest in Him we are refreshed. We are rejuvenated. We are healthier and more whole. But we put up a fight, just like my son is doing now. We think we know what we want, but we forget to listen to the One who knows best.

faith, mommyhood

She’s speaking my language.

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In my women’s small group this morning, we were talking about getting stuck in a performance-driven lifestyle. To be clear, that’s a feeling of needing to be productive, having something to show for your time. It’s a very American ideal, I think. We like to show how much we can squeeze into a day, how many things we can check off a to-do list.

One of the gals was talking about how she gets really frustrated when there’s a lot to do, and she’s not able to get working on it, and get her family on board with working on it. And I totally got it. She was saying she felt like the Lord was teaching her something about “rest” and valuing efficiency and productivity – how her worth was not tied to her performance.

Wow.

First of all, the Lord teaching her about rest? Read my thoughts on that here because I think the Lord’s giving me some new perspective on that as well. But secondly, as a musician (read: perfectionist) I have always been a performance-based person. I’ve been up in front of audiences, wondering what they think, trying to please them. It’s been my education and my job to do so. To hear her speak about not finding her worth in her kids’ behavior, the cleanliness of her home or the extravagance of her cooking… but to find her worth in the unconditional love we receive from our Father? Okay. I’ve been convicted.

How often do I find myself getting frustrated about little things that my kids do? Or how often do I feel guilty because I forgot about the clothes I put in the washer until they needed to be washed again? Worse still, how often do I feel like I have wasted my time during the day because all I feel like I did was change diapers, clean up messes and cut grapes into quarters?

What if we could change our thinking from checking off lists and seeing our progress to one of knowing from the inside out that we are loved, accepted, and treasured by our Creator?

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faith, mommyhood, random thoughts

Getting Out of a Slump

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Recently, I’ve been going in and out of a slump. A gray area. An in between. MAN I hate it. I have a lot on my plate, just being wife, mom, keeping house/laundry/food under control, and keeping up with my part-time church job. Usually, having a lot on my plate makes me productive… I do what I need to do and more. But in the past few weeks, we’ve spent two weekends away from home, added thinking about moving/renovating/etc and I’ve added a few more hours a week to my church job. I love those things; they excite me and they are positive things in my life. But on the other hand, I’m getting a little too overwhelmed. I’ve passed “busy” and am headed towards “drowning”. My response? Take a day where I’m really sad, feeling blue, and don’t do anything. Was that the right response? Probably not.

I did some talking to my sister-in-law (relational clarification: one of my best friends) Holly and our friend Nikki, and we just decided it was normal. Whatever stress or problem or other thing you’re dealing with, it’s normal to have a day or two where you just kinda shut down, press the reset button, and have a kind of culmination of the emotional and physical toll that stress can take on you. Boy, that was good news. My brain had been spinning all afternoon like “Am I depressed?” and “Should I be on anxiety medicine?” but truly I think I just needed a day to shove off my responsibilities (thanks, Hubby!) and do some resting.

I want to be a good mom for my kids… every single day. I want to be a good wife… every single day. I want to be good at everything I do, to spread truth and be a blessing. And I know the only way I’ll accomplish this is to stop trying to do it myself. I am too busy trying to do and do and do to remember to let God work through me, to let him order my steps and speak through me with love and kindness.

It’s a shift in my thinking that I need. To call on God when I start to stress out, or feel low, or lose my temper. To pray without ceasing, as Paul said. To keep God first in my mind, and He can help me through. He created me, and He has ordered my steps to this point. I know He has also given me the tools that I need to do these things He has called me to – I need only to let Him help me.

faith, mommyhood, random thoughts

Currently

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I’m joining Hannah at Joyful Life (her first time hosting!) for the Currently link-up series. I love connecting with y’all, visiting new blogs, hearing from you, and growing community. Join us!

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Thinking about my decision to stay home with my kids this school year. It’s hard – not that I’m surprised – and it’s rewarding. I love it and struggle with it all at the same time. I know that I won’t regret this decision to spend the extra time with them, but it’s also been difficult to find any sort of routine to balance quality time with them, time with Hubby, and time to keep the house, cook, grocery shop, etc. If you’ve got it figured out, send some suggestions my way!

Listening to the sounds of J lolling his tongue around in his mouth. He’s got a lot of “la la la la la” going on!

Doing is a little difficult to tell y’all about without taking all day, but Hubby and I are doing some purging/cleaning/reorganizing/etc in the midst of our deciding whether to stay in our home, renovate/add on, or move. We are praying for major wisdom in this area; we want to make the right decision for our family and for hopefully 10 or 15 years. This is a life move, y’all.

Thankful for the crisp fall weather and the sunshine that’s been accompanying it (for now). The kids and I have been spending a lot of time outside, enjoying the weather. We are also thankful for our deck – it’s a great space to enjoy the sunshine and the breeze!

What are you currently up to?

 

faith, My Big Jesus

When it feels bad.

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This post also appeared on My Big Jesus!

Why is my child crying? Because she wanted to get in the pool. And then she didn't anymore.
Why is my child crying? Because she wanted to get in the pool. And then she didn’t anymore.

Sometimes, I have a day that just goes wrong. The kids wake up WAY too early. I don’t have a minute to drink my coffee before it’s cold. J throws more of his breakfast on the floor than in his mouth. EK fights me putting on shoes for preschool (she wants the too-big dress-up ones). J goes down for his nap late, so I’m late picking EK up from preschool. No one wants the lunch I fixed for them. Hubby forgot to tell me he had plans all evening. Y’all know how it is. You feel like you’re trying, trying hard, at that. But then the more you try to fix things, the worse they get. Finally, you explode. Or you have a breakdown. Or both.

How about a few cliches you don’t want to hear: Don’t sweat the small stuff. You’ll look back on this and laugh. It always seems worse when you’re in the thick of it. Well, those don’t make anyone feel better. Why is it we always wait to ask for help till things are really bad? Why don’t I pray at the first sign of the day going awry, and ask for a change of heart?

Sometimes my pride, my desire for control in a situation prevents me from asking even the One who can help me most. I want to feel like I’m a great mom, so I try to do all the things myself. All. Of. The. Things. And then, when my healthy, baby-friendly muffins burn in the oven, my kids won’t go down for their naps, I miss my work out and we eat fast food for dinner, I feel like a failure. Not just any failure, an enormous failure, as a mom, as a wife, as the shadow of a normally happy, healthy, productive woman.

I forget to think about what went right. For instance, my kids are fed, clean and clothed, they’ve gotten to play and snuggle, and they’ve been loved on. Hubby came home safely, and kissed me when he walked in the door. I didn’t burn the house down and I even took a shower (am I right?!) so the day wasn’t a total waste.

Sometimes I also forget to give credit where it’s due, to thank Jesus for my family, our full (of chicken nuggets) bellies and smiling (from ridiculous exhaustion) faces, our home (a complete mess because we are so blessed with toys and time to play with them) and our love for each other. So I’ve made a resolution. Each day, I will give as many thanks as possible. I will intentionally thank the Lord for every single thing I can think of as I think of it. I will pray these things without ceasing. Gratitude can change a hard heart (guilty), change a sharp tongue (guilty again), and change an entire outlook from dim to bright. I will learn to rest in the gratitude for each blessing in my life. I will let my heart be changed.

faith

Find a Quiet Moment

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Recently, I’ve seen, heard, and read a lot about priorities, living intentionally, and focusing on what’s most important. Also recently, I wrote a post about how I felt like my word for this season of my life is “rest” (read about that here). These posts, articles, and conversations have really gotten my mind buzzing and my heart pondering.

It’s so easy to get priorities out of whack. It’s even easier when you’re busy; if, like me, you have kids (or pets, so I’m told) to worry about, a house to keep clean, laundry to do, you know the drill. It’s hard to wake up and say, “First things first: I’m going to have some quiet time. I’m sure the kids won’t mind if they don’t get clean diapers or breakfast till I’m finished.” Or if you have to be leave for work at 7:30 like I did (when you aren’t a morning person) it’s tough to get up earlier than you absolutely have to. Sure, if you happen to score a Double Nap (see my thoughts on that here) or if you can send them to school, the first obstacle is out of the way, right? Wrong. Your to-do list is probably a mile long, no matter what your situation.

So what do you do? I don’t know. I’m figuring that out as I go. I’m reaching down deep and searching my soul – and schedule – to add some more quiet time in. On the days that I manage to squeeze it in (especially in the morning) I’m in a better mood, I respond to people with a little more patience and understanding, and my thoughts are nearer to the Word.

So in the spirit of being more intentional about my time (which I will elaborate more on later for sure), I’m adding to my thoughts on “rest” being my word. I’m including “resting” each day in a quiet time… in prayer, in the Scriptures, in His presence. I want to have a few minutes at least to rest and listen for Him. It’s my desire to provide the Holy Spirit with the opportunity to make something amazing happen. If I’m not listening, who knows what I’ll miss hearing Him say.

faith, mommyhood, music

Currently

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I love linking up with Jenna at A Mama Collective and all the other fantastic gals for the Currently series. Here goes nothin’!

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Thinking about high school. I never really reminisce like this, but my ten-year reunion was this past weekend. I saw some great people I haven’t seen in years, and partied with some good friends (and teachers!) that I don’t get to see often. On the one hand, I love seeing people in person and looking into their eyes while we catch up. On the other hand, thank goodness for social media because otherwise I’d have reverted into my awkward, high school self because I wouldn’t have known anything about anyone’s life nowadays. It was actually easier because I knew a little bit and was able to make conversation. Anyway, it was a blast. I loved reconnecting with several people I never get to see.

Listening to Kari Jobe singing “Forever” by Bethel Music. Here’s the link for my favorite video:

This song (we actually talked about in our worship team meeting last week) is a perfect example of a great worship song. Structurally, dynamically, lyrically, and just in the open-ended nature and worship opportunity that the song creates. One of my favorite things is that it all starts with a reflection on the cross. In short, I am digging it.

Thankful for Hubby. I’m always thankful for him, but I’m in a season right now of really appreciating the way he loves me well, the love he has (and shows!) for our kids, and the commitment he has to our family. He is an excellent man, folks.

Loving the fact that TV has started back up for the fall. I know that’s a silly thing, but I am so happy!

Enjoying  my new small groups. Hubby and I are a part of a community group that meets every other Sunday. Six couples, all in different stages of life, and I love it. Such fun people! I’m also in a new women’s small group on Thursday mornings. The gals I got linked with are great, different ages/walks of life, some I know and some I don’t yet. It’s already been fun, and we’ve only met twice! Yay for beginning this year full of great new relationships!

Doing life with my mama friends these past couple of months has been awesome. For instance, this morning, my friend Steph popped in for a cup of coffee after dropping her son off at preschool. We just visited, chatted and watched the kids play. I love being so close to her (geographically and as friends) that she can pop over while I’m still in my pajamas and we can just drink coffee and be.

Join the link up party! What are you up to Currently?

faith, My Big Jesus

Your Mercies Are New Every Morning

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Fall has always felt like a new beginning for me. That’s partially because it’s been linked to the start of a new school year, but it’s also because of the change that happens. We move from hot and sunny and stifling and dry into a cooler, more pleasant few months. I don’t like frigid cold, but I appreciate the brisk, crisp fall air. I like sunny days that are also chilly. I like always having a warm drink in my biggest mug. I also like the layers and scarves and boots of my fall wardrobe. I digress.

Since it’s fall, and I am overcome with a feeling of fresh start, there’s a verse that has been on my heart recently. My women’s small group used it as their memory verse a couple of weeks ago.

Lamentations 3:22-23: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

His mercies are new every morning. How beautiful is that idea? Whatever you did yesterday, or didn’t do yesterday, you have a clean slate each morning. Bring your messes to The Lord and be redeemed, because He is bigger than your mess.

As an (extremely) imperfect woman, wife, mother, and friend, I find great joy in knowing that He has overcome my sins and my failures. His plan for me is bigger and better than the lunch date I forgot about, the laundry I didn’t do, and the unkind words I have spoken to Hubby. In I Peter we are reminded to love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins. I am thankful for a Father who loves me deeply and perfectly. I am thankful for perfect example of love to serve as a model for the love that I should give to others.