Tag Archives: encouragement

mommyhood, random thoughts

A Line-Up of Mock Resolutions

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Growl less. Trumpet more. Figure out what the fox says. Reach higher. Drink milk. Sums it up, right?
Growl less. Trumpet more. Figure out what the fox says. Reach higher. Drink milk. Sums it up, right?

A few days ago, I posted about my New Year’s “Resolution” that wasn’t really a resolution. I tried to go along with the “one word” for 2015 thing that I’ve seen becoming a trend (I think it actually started last year, and I can’t even remember if I got on board – oops). As you might recall (or as you might be hearing for the first time!) I have decided to “Embrace It” this year. Embrace what, you ask? Embrace motherhood. Embrace messes. Embrace hardships. Embrace family and friends. Embrace life and all that that entails. I will make the choice, whenever possible, to not complain about my circumstances. If I choose to be positive, to make lemonade from lemons, and to make good opportunities arise from situations in which I could sink to the floor and give up.

I’m not saying I’ll always make the good choice. If I hold myself to that, I’d be more disappointed than any other resolution I could’ve made. But I’m saying I’ll try. I’ll try for me, for Hubby, for the kids, for my family and my friends. I’ll give it my best shot. So if March comes along and I’ve already forgotten, someone remind me, okay?

Anyway, in light of New Year’s and resolutions and moms (and the combination of all of that) here are some hilarious and impractical resolutions that I could have picked to make instead:

1. Put a stick figure family on my minivan.
2. Get the minivan mentioned in #1.
3. Monogram the back windshield of said minivan.
4. Get over the hangup about the minivan I don’t own.
5. Decide to never get frustrated with my children.
6. Clean more, so that I have a lovely, guest-ready home at all times.
7. Clean less, so that I can spend more quality time with my kids.
8. Get reusable bags for my groceries, and use them. Because I would always remember, right?
9. Practice random acts of kindness… such as not yelling when messes are made or punching Hubby when he snores.
10. Get back into yoga… because it makes me yell less.
11. Clean the leftover sweets out of the house, because I’m upset about how much junk food I ate during the holidays, then go to Starbucks and order a venti sugar bomb.
12. Stop eating fast food, so that I’m a little more stressed about making sure we have enough groceries and time to make three meals every day.
13. Stop spending so much time on my iPhone, because no one wants to see pictures of my kids or talk to me when they call. My relationships can WAIT!
14. Get more sleep at night. Because my kids made that their resolution also, of course.

And one that I really am going to try to do, even though it is a lot, and sort of a funny one:

15. Continue writing down all the hilarious things my kids do and say, because I know at some point during their lives, they’ll like hearing the stories.

What resolutions did you make? Do you have any hilarious ones to add to my list of “fake” resolutions?

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, pregnancy

The Social Networks of Moms

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This post also appeared on MyBigJesus.com so check it out there, too!

I have a theory about moms and their social lives. It’s that most moms have five groups of people in their social networks. I’ll describe them a bit for you:

1. Friends from before you had kids. Notice I didn’t bother to separate these into high school friends, college friends, work friends, etc. They’re all lumped together now in a group of “they’ve known me as a woman before she was a mom”.

2. Friends you made because you were pregnant at the same time. Perhaps you met these friends at your birthing classes. Possibly, you had the same doctor and ran into each other a lot. Maybe you’re like me, and you met them at prenatal yoga. Or just maybe, you just looked at each other, in the middle of Babies R Us, that registering “gun” in your hand, staring at the wall full of seemingly identical sippy cups, and just laughed together.

3. Friends you made because they also have kids. These are the friends that you were acquainted with, but you’d never really gotten to know before, until you realized your kids were similar ages, and wow! you live in the same neighborhood! Neighborhood park play date, anyone? (Note: They might also be the ones that you keep calling and asking your random “Is this normal?” type questions. And that’s okay, too.)

4. Friends you made because your kids are friends with theirs. Since my kids are young, I haven’t delved too far into this one yet myself, but these are friend you’ve made simply because your kids request to hang out with their kids. Lots of times, that means you and that other mom are gonna get a lot of quality time together, so I hope for your sake she’s cool.

5. Friends that belong in more than one of these groups. These are usually the favorites. Your best friend from college got pregnant at the same time as you. Your community group at church has a couple of moms with kids that are similarly aged. Your kids have had so many play dates with your prenatal yoga friends’ kids that they’re basically best friends now, too.

This fifth group is the one that I say “does life together”. Not that you can’t do life with someone in a different stage of life than you… you absolutely can. But isn’t it easier to relate to someone else who also has a toddler and a newborn, who can relate to the sleep-deprived craziness? Isn’t it more comforting to call a fellow mom to pray for you about your child having night terrors? It just makes more sense to ask another mom advice about getting your four-month-old to sleep through the night.

This group, network, tribe… these are the prayer warriors, the comforters, the make-you-feel-better-ers, and the caretakers on standby. These are the ones who will have coffee with you after preschool drop off in their pjs. They’re the ones who will immediately answer your message at 4:00am, because they’re also up nursing a baby. They’re the ones who will tell you it’s okay to cry over spilled milk sometimes, and your potty-training problems will be over before you know it, who will let you drop off your toddler for an hour while you go to the dentist, and who will remind you that those little mess-making devils are the ones you love, even on their messiest, most devious days – yes, even after you’ve stepped on the twenty-seventh Lego.1557299_10201745293992537_4234563664332024362_o

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus

A Mountainous Moment Away

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This post also appeared on MyBigJesus.com!

A couple of weekends ago, I went to the mountains (Asheville, NC to be exact) with my college girlfriends for about 24 hours. Y’all. It’s the first baby-free 24 hours I’ve had since September. I know, I’m probably spoiled getting away twice in a matter of four months, but I digress.

We had planned to spend a day and a night together before the Christmas rush to catch up, sleep late, eat like the foodies we are, drink wine and shop. It was a great trip: beautiful weather, wonderful friends (we’ve been friends for ten years!) and just enough excitement to make me glad I wasn’t lugging two extra bodies around.

Until I’d gotten through 19 or so of the 24 hours. And then I missed those extra little bodies. No one was tugging at my shirt from around my knees, no one had needed to potty, no sippy cups misplaced, no diapers were changed, and no one had cried because their nap time was off. But then again, no one randomly wanted hugs and kisses, ate the rest of my sandwich I couldn’t finish, charmed strangers with his giggles, or gave a hilarious misnomer to an item she saw in a storefront. Hubby was sending me pictures of the three of them, having a grand time wearing superhero capes and having dance parties. I know, I shouldn’t complain. I was sitting in front of the fire at the Grove Park Inn, sipping hot chocolate. Still, I digress.

When you create two little beings, they are such a part of you that there’s no not missing them. There’s no glad you haven’t seen them in a while or relieved you aren’t changing diapers and scrambling eggs right now. I don’t think it’s a routine thing either… I don’t miss them because they’re a part of my routine and I’m a scheduled person. I miss them because they’re a part of me. They’re my favorite people. They’re opening my eyes to the world that they see and the feelings they’re discovering for the first time, not to mention milestones like learning to walk or pooping in the potty that I might be missing!

I also know that time with adults (read: people with wider vocabularies) and time to be by myself is healthy. I know that getting a full night’s sleep is a good thing, as is building and keeping up relationship with women that I love. It was a relaxing and rejuvenating time; we are an easy-going group, who all know each other well enough that we can skip pleasantries and get straight to what’s going on in our lives. And since we’re all at different points in our lives (ie: I’m the only mom) it’s fun to hear about things that we’ve passed, or things we haven’t come to yet. It’s good for me to remember that my life isn’t only inside my four walls with the three people I see most often. It stretches and encourages me that not all of us are in the same trenches.

Who says when you grow up, you don't like taking hilarious photos?
Who says when you grow up, you don’t like taking hilarious photos?
random thoughts

Happy Thanksgiving!

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Happy Thanksgiving, one and all!

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J’s fall outfit from Thanksgiving dinner with Hubby’s family last night. My baby blue eyes ❤

Today, I challenge you to love your family a little extra, hug your friends one more time than you normally would, savor the flavor of your favorite dish, and linger in a moment of celebration. Reach deep down and find things you’re grateful for… even if you don’t have much. Holidays can be tough. Families can be complicated. Budgets can be tight. Expectations and tensions can be high. Sometimes, holiday gatherings can bring out less than the best in us.

But find a few simple things to thank God for today. The laughter of a child. The smile of a grandparent. An encouraging word from a friend. The chance to sit down for a few minutes with a friend. Hey, you might even get a start on your Christmas decorating today! Take the extra sets of hands, and put them to work. If you are the extra set of hands, then do a little work for someone else. Soften your words as you speak them and show some love. Everyone’s Thanksgiving will be a little better. Good luck, safe travels, happy eating, and have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

 

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus

Raising a Daughter in a World of Mean Dudes

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This post also appeared on MyBigJesus.com!

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This week, I came across an article about that guy – Julien Blanc – who teaches men how to be sexual predators. It scared the mess outta me. I’m talking terrified. Not because I think that one of those men is going to be messing with me. No. It scared me because I have a daughter. I’ve written about how tough I think it is to raise a daughter before, and unfortunately, it’s not getting any easier.

I have a laundry list of things I want my daughter to be. It does not include doctor, lawyer, CEO, president, or even famous humanitarian. The list does include, however, things like loves Jesus, is happy in her profession, does kind things for others, and knows that she’s beautiful in the eyes of the Father who created her.

You see, I want her to know her worth in her Creator. Everyone else’s opinions matter not. She is called perfect and beautiful by the One who created her as such. She doesn’t need any certain clothes, tons of makeup, and the approval of a boyfriend or best friend to make it so. Her unique qualities and abilities are gifts. It’s Hubby’s and my job to raise her to know that. In a world of plastic surgery, eating disorders, cyber bullying and domestic violence, I want to raise a woman confident in herself because she knows who she is.

There’s only one starting point – the Gospel.

I can’t do everything. I can’t force her to internalize every single characteristic and ideal I might nudge her way. But I can teach her the Truth. I can tell her about God and his amazing sacrificial love. I can model the Father’s love for us by loving her with unconditional love. I can provide opportunities for other like-minded souls to help reinforce these bits of Truth in her life. I can help her understand that knowing Jesus is the best and only thing she can do to truly know her worth and potential. I can start now – at two and a half years old.

My little girl is beautiful and smart. She’s as witty as a two year old can be, and already a ham for the camera. For real y’all – she basically only wears tutus (see above photo) and won’t leave the house without her fanciest shoes. I just want to make sure she knows she’s awesome and doesn’t need anyone’s approval for that piece of information to be true. She just needs to know Who created her, how He feels about her, and where He wants her to go. It’s like the cheesy song goes: she’s gonna do great things; I already know.

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus

Beauty and a Mess

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Sometimes, I feel like the beauty. I’ve got some mascara on, I’m wearing cute shoes, there’s no food smeared anywhere on me, and maybe, just maybe, I could be wearing… perfume!

But more than likely, I’m without makeup, in my exercise clothes (whether or not I’ve managed to get that workout in), hair pinned back messily, someone’s snot on my sleeve, and I’ll tell ya – I ain’t wearing perfume.

I am a mess.

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But there is beauty in my mess. I am created for awesome things. I’m created to shine a light that comes not from me, but from a magnificent God who can overcome my messes and failures. They don’t disappear, but they become a more beautiful part of who I am in Him. My weaknesses fade to the background as I become, more and more each day, the woman He created me to be. He has already blessed me with a purpose, with an identity in Him. He has already given me the tools to be that person. I just have to take Him at His Word.

 

faith, music

Our aim is love.

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This morning, my band and I were fortunate enough to not need all our allotted practice time, so we made it to the worship team’s small group. The people are mostly different every Sunday, but by now I know most of them as friends, or at least admired acquaintances. They are all musicians, and we are largely similar in that respect (and several others as well; we tend to be a “type”).

Our worship pastor came to us this morning with a Scripture that blew my mind. He said he had been led to it this week, and was really shifting his focus to walk in it. It also happens to pair nicely with the sermon series our church is in the middle of right now… Isn’t God cool like that?!

Anyway, the single verse is from Paul’s first letter to Timothy (I Tim. 1:5). When we are asking ourselves, after striving and trying and loving and helping, sometimes seemingly in vain, this is Paul’s answer to us:

The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. (ESV)

The aim – the NIV says “goal” – our aim, our goal, our purpose… is love. That’s the main point. Love.

What could we learn, if we just remember that? Love is the goal. It looks different on everyone, and each person needs a different kind, but it’s all about love.

Moving on through the verse, he specifies love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. Those are good places for your love to come from. When we let ourselves be cleansed by the blood, we love from a pure heart. When we allow our minds to become one with the Father’s, we love with a good conscience. When we are filled with the Holy Spirit, we love from a place of sincere faith.

Folks, this should change your outlook, change your life! Or, if you were already there, good for you! This filled me with a desire to let the Father change my heart, mend my mind, and fill my soul. I want to love! I want that to be my aim and my goal. I need it. We all need it. I’m going to let love be my aim and my goal. And then I’m excited to see what happens. Aren’t you?

faith, mommyhood

I have a quick temper.

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I’ve been trying to be a better mommy to my two year old. We work on sharing, letters and numbers, using the potty, and being nice to others (including me). But sometimes, she’s a drama queen. Sometimes, she can be manipulating. I know- that sounds crazy to have a manipulating two year old, but it’s the truth. She knows how to get what she wants from me and from daddy. And that frustrates me. She’s so smart and great at communicating and behaves so well! So when she’s upset or hurt or frustrated and can’t tell me, she just starts doing weird stuff. I don’t know why, so I tell her to stop. She cries. I get frustrated. She cries more, then I cry. Sometimes it’s a nasty situation in a short number of minutes.

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I was talking through this with Hubby’s mom, and she totally commiserated. She also gave me some advice. My frustration has a root somewhere deeper. It could be jealousy (“I want my Daddy!” when she’s with me and not him) or perfectionism (she isn’t perfect, however totally awesome she might be most of the time). It could be that I’m too quick-tempered (I know already that I am). It could be a plethora of extenuating circumstances that have stressed me out and out me on edge before EK has even entered the picture.

There is an element of a generational curse that I am trying not to inherit. I have a quick temper, like my parents before me. I know for a fact that I cannot overcome it myself – I need God’s help to get past it and relax and move on. Hubby’s mom gave me four R’s to help remember a good process to squelch that temper as it comes on…

Recognize it as sin.

Repent and ask for forgiveness.

Receive the forgiveness. Not just ask for it. Fully receive it.

Take responsibility for it, and be able to call it down.

Then, the next time the quick temper bubbles up in me, I can go through the steps more quickly. I can recognize it before it actually happens, repent, receive forgiveness, and take the responsibility for it. Then it’s easier to move on, without the temper (and the words/actions that would follow). Praise Jesus for the opportunity to lay our sins at his feet, and have them washed away!

Do you have a vice that just keeps pecking away at you, no matter how much you try to control it? What do you do to get past it?

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus

Why does it always work out that way?

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As I type this, I’m sitting on my couch, listening to my son fuss. He should be asleep. It’s 7:50pm, and he’s been in the bed for half an hour. The first 20 minutes were silent – and now, as I’m trying to leave the house, he’s awake and fussing to get up and play. He had a big day full of family photos and playing hard. He needs to rest after the craziness of the day. This is the first night in weeks that he hasn’t gone to bed without any trouble. It’s also one of the first nights that I’m trying to go out to a birthday party that started at 7:00. Hubby is working, and my mom is keeping the kids. She and my daughter are happily watching a quick tv show before bed, and my mom simply requested that J be asleep before I left.

Or it should’ve been a simple request.

I’m dressed, purse and keys in hand, hoping this won’t take all night. I’m dying to see my friends while I’m wearing mascara and not wearing yoga pants. Plus, I don’t want to miss the cake – because there has to be cake, right? But here I am, held back by the quiet (getting quieter…) sounds of my still wakeful son. I’ve check on him several times – checking his diaper, patting his back, giving him smooches. And still he fights sleep.

I wonder how often God waits on us… fussing… whining… refusing to just rest. I wonder if He is sitting, on some heavenly leather sofa, waiting for us to come around to the thing we need the most. He’s probably not waiting so that He can go to a party, but waiting because He knows we will be happy when we finally get what we need – Him. When we rest in Him we are refreshed. We are rejuvenated. We are healthier and more whole. But we put up a fight, just like my son is doing now. We think we know what we want, but we forget to listen to the One who knows best.

faith, mommyhood

She’s speaking my language.

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In my women’s small group this morning, we were talking about getting stuck in a performance-driven lifestyle. To be clear, that’s a feeling of needing to be productive, having something to show for your time. It’s a very American ideal, I think. We like to show how much we can squeeze into a day, how many things we can check off a to-do list.

One of the gals was talking about how she gets really frustrated when there’s a lot to do, and she’s not able to get working on it, and get her family on board with working on it. And I totally got it. She was saying she felt like the Lord was teaching her something about “rest” and valuing efficiency and productivity – how her worth was not tied to her performance.

Wow.

First of all, the Lord teaching her about rest? Read my thoughts on that here because I think the Lord’s giving me some new perspective on that as well. But secondly, as a musician (read: perfectionist) I have always been a performance-based person. I’ve been up in front of audiences, wondering what they think, trying to please them. It’s been my education and my job to do so. To hear her speak about not finding her worth in her kids’ behavior, the cleanliness of her home or the extravagance of her cooking… but to find her worth in the unconditional love we receive from our Father? Okay. I’ve been convicted.

How often do I find myself getting frustrated about little things that my kids do? Or how often do I feel guilty because I forgot about the clothes I put in the washer until they needed to be washed again? Worse still, how often do I feel like I have wasted my time during the day because all I feel like I did was change diapers, clean up messes and cut grapes into quarters?

What if we could change our thinking from checking off lists and seeing our progress to one of knowing from the inside out that we are loved, accepted, and treasured by our Creator?

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