Tag Archives: funny

Things Toddlers Say

Happy Tuesday, y’all! Our week has been full of visits from the grandparents and football! Here are some funnies from my big kids.

EK, entering the kitchen: Something smells delicious in here! (It was Caesar salad, and she ate a ton of it. Because she isn’t your normal threenager.)

J is constantly going up to D and wiping his face saying, “Da baby spit! Da baby spit!”

J came upstairs with the exercise ball…and I said, “Wow! That’s impressive! How did you get that up the stairs?”
J: Cause I got balls!
There was obviously no response for that.

EK: I like the beast better than Belle.
She’s got a thing for bad boys.

Apparently “peanut butter and jelly sandwich” is very difficult to say:
EK: Pinit butter and jally shammick
J: Shammich butterrrrrrr

J and I had a sweet minute the other day where we were the only ones awake, and we did a craft. While we sat at the kitchen table, an airplane (or helicopter) flew overhead. J then launched an argument – with himself – over whether it was an airplane or helicopter. This lasted for several minutes.

EK, eating chips and salsa: I need a water to slow me down!

EK runs up and shows me this:and says, “Look, Mom! It’s a picture of me and my booger! I’m pretty funny.”

The other morning at breakfast, EK had a five minute long concerned rant about why Cinderella didn’t eat breakfast. Apparently she had noticed that she fed all the animals breakfast, and took breakfast trays to her step-mother and step-sisters, but never ate anything herself.

EK: Look, Mom! I took it to-part! (Instead of apart.)

I was eating fried zucchini sticks with ranch…
EK: Can I have one?
Me: Sure! (Hand her one)
EK: (frowning and sputtering) Ugh!
Me: What’s wrong?
EK: I want a different one with no ranch.
Me: But I thought you liked ranch?
EK: I only like it on my salad.
Definitely not my child.

J’s current misnomers:
Beads=beans
Popcorn=hopcorn
Thank you=thank whew

Did anyone else notice a definite food trend this week? What are your toddlers talking about?

Things Toddlers Say

Hey Tuesday! I can’t believe it’s here again already. Hope your week is off to a good start! It’s pajama day at school for the kids, so hopefully they come home talking about everyone’s jams and how they had pancakes for snack. Anyway, here’s the good stuff! We’ve got a whole lot of one-liners this week. 

 Because J really likes food…

J: I want da cumbers!!! (Cucumbers.)

J: Can I have da yogit now? (Yogurt.)

J: I want some more ‘cado! (Avocado.)

J: Ew! That’s dagusting! (Disgusting, obviously.)

Anytime J is singing a song and you join in, he says, “No! It’s my tuwn!”

EK, showing me a fake phone: Mom! Look at this one! It’s my dad laughing, with his tongue sticking out!

J, pointing to a turtle: Look mommy! It’s a toodle!

Me: Come sit with me!
EK: I have to put my panties on first!

EK, eating a Girl Scout Lemonade cookie, but not knowing the name of the cookie: This has got lemonade in it!

After I put raspberries on her plate…
EK: Thank you, chef!
Me: That was easy.

EK: My soft taco won’t let me pick it up!

EK: Would you get that boo-boo off for me?
Me: What boo-boo?
EK: The one on my lip!

Every time he rides on my back…
J: Hold tight, Mommy!

Lauren: Who is coming for your birthday?
EK: Santa Claus.

EK: Want some lispick on? (She means lipstick. She was actually holding lip gloss. But what really is the difference?)

Me: Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo!
EK: Bitty body boo!

And just to further prove that he learns things from EK, when we were swinging the other day, J said, “Look mommy! I’m pumping my legs!” Cue my baffled face.

What are you kids talking about these days?

Things Toddlers Say

Hey y’all! I thought last week’s edition of Things Toddlers Say seemed long, but maybe my kids are just crazy, because this week’s is long, too! So here they are – the funniest things I’ve heard around here this week.  

 We love The Gruffalo, a book by Julia Donaldson (and also a short “movie” on Netflix!) so this conversation started normally…
Hubby: My favorite food is owl ice cream!
Me: My favorite food is scrambled snake!
EK: My favorite food is… toilet paper!

EK’s permanent retort when she runs out of things to say: Look, I know how to stop this winter.

On the way to get breakfast…
EK: We’re going to have special breakfast. Go right-left here. And then take a left.
Hubby: When’s your birthday?
EK: I don’t know.
Hubby: it’s April 13th! Can you count to 13?
EK: No.
Hubby: Let’s try!
Together: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11…
Hubby: What’s next?
EK: BIRTHDAYYYY!

Lala: Do you want a hushpuppy?
J: No, I don’t like pushuppy.

We’ve been working on shapes with J. He’s got most of them down, but hasn’t been able to latch onto “diamond”. Earlier, he had this swaddle, pictured above, and was calling it his “kite” swaddle. I finally figured out he was talking about the diamond shape print. Smart kid.

J: Come on ride the train… and ride it!

J locked himself in our bedroom before dinner, and was shouting, “I want out of the dark now!”

Annie to EK: You’re such a good girl!
EK: Yeah! That’s the point!

J: I want my kwackwer now!
He means graham crackers.

I’m singing “Bad Blood” while driving, and then I hear two kids shouting a perfectly-timed “Hey!” from the backseat. So well-trained.

EK’s best misnomer of late is yest-night.

J watched the first few minutes of Jurassic World (before it got scary, okay?!) and now confuses dinosaurs with dragons (he has always loved How to Train Your Dragon). He’s been calling dinosaurs “dinosons”.

Me: What color play doh do you want?
EK: Pink!
Me: There’s no pink, sweetie. How about orange?
EK: Okay! Orange is my favorite, my not pink favorite.

EK hands me this:  
And then asks, “What do you want for lunch? This is your menu!”

Every time EK sees a unicorn: Look, Mommy! An un-icorn! (As in un-der or un-fit.)

So…. you’ve heard mine, so let’s hear yours! What are you kiddos talking about?

Things Toddlers Say

Happy New Year! We started out with a few funnies, so here ya go!  

 While scrolling through my Instagram feed with EK, we see a photo of a baby bump (not me).
EK: Look mom, that’s you!
I guess I’ve been pregnant for a lot of her life.

EK is pronouncing all past tense words ending in “ed” with an extra syllable, whether it’s usually pronounced that way or not, or adding the ed on top. Such as “look-ed”, “kiss-ed”, and “wish-ed”. She has also been putting words in the past tense only by using -ed, and sometimes in addition to the regular past tense form of the word. For instance, “went-ed” and “ate-ed”.

J, eating chicken nuggets: I need some checkup! (He wanted ketchup.)

Dinner conversation…
EK: I have to go potty. Don’t eat my food!
Me: I already did! (Obviously joking, as she was looking at me and still had a full plate when I said it.)
EK: Did you?!?! (About to get super angry.)
Me: No, of course not.

You know you give too many warnings…
J, randomly, at breakfast: Woah! Careful, juice!

EK, using a tape measure: Let me make a check of these. (“Measuring” everything in sight.)

At Homegoods, when the cashiers are ready for the next person in line, there’s a recording of “Cashier number one, please” (or whatever number) that goes off. As we waited in line, EK kept saying, “Share number one, please!”

J has two ways to say he wants a nap: “I wanna do the nap now!” and “I want the milks now!”

Running across the church parking lot…
EK: We gotta hurry up before the mans and the girls start singing!

When I ask J if he wants something, if he doesn’t, he doesn’t just say, “No”. He says, “No, I don’t like ______ anymore.” I know it’s usually untrue, because he has just this week said that about bananas, Thomas the Tank Engine, chili, his new train cup, cereal, and school, all of which I know for a fact he loves.

J’s favorite things: Buzz Lightyear, Batman, trains, eggs (scrambled or fried), and anything that rolls across the floor.

EK’s favorite things: Princesses (and their dresses), Inside Out, puzzles, her grandmas, and (this week) pizza.

What are your kids saying? Anything hilarious? What are their “favorite things”?

Things Toddlers Say

Hey y’all! Happy Tuesday 🙂 I hope you’ve been having a great time with parties, decorations, shopping and celebrating the season! I know that we are having a great time experiencing the magic of Christmas with our young sets of eyes! Here are this week’s funnies! 

 EK, getting in push up position: 22, Mom?

EK: I wanna hold your hand!
Me: Okay! I love holding hands!
EK: Your hand is like, comfy, Mom!
Me: Aw thanks! That makes me feel good.
EK: It makes your heart happy? And heart sing?

EK, holding a phone: I’m checking my a-mail!

J, very tired at dinner: I need you carry me now.
Hubby: Do you want to get in your jammies?
J: Yeah. And panties. I want da panties now.
He thinks since his sister wears them, he can too.

We’ve put responsibility on EK to be a good example for her brothers. So now, every time J does something wrong, she says, “I need to teach him not to _____.” And if she does something wrong, she says, “Joseph’s teaching me to do that!” This includes but is not limited to the following:
Spitting (at the table or anywhere)
Screaming (at the table or anywhere)
Sticking tongue out
Biting
Pushing
Not eating one’s meal

J, giggling in D’s face: You so funny, Davis!

The scariest thing my daughter has ever said to me happened the other morning while I was still in the bed…
EK: Mom, look! I painted my nails!
Me: Where?! WHERE IS IT?! WHERE ELSE IS IT?!?!

The kids have been obsessed with Inside Out. The main character Riley plays hockey, and EK has been begging to go skating. Imagine her surprise when I was putting her to bed Friday night, and telling her we would see Disney on Ice the next day…

Me: Well, tomorrow we are going to see Elsa and Anna ice skate!
EK: REALLY?!
Me: Yes! We’re going to go see lots of princesses go skating together! (Grasping at straws for how to explain something like that to a kid who’s never seen it before)
EK: Yay! What about Ariel and Cinderella?
Me (hoping it’s true): Yes, them too!

J, every time I open the car door to get him out of his seat: You scared me!

J, jumping out from behind literally everything: Boo Mommy! Boo Daddy! Boo Ella Kate! Boo Davis!

And then this happened…  J: Boo guys!
Me: Be careful, and sit down.
J: Yeah! Careful chair! (Sits down, then gets back up.)
Me: Sit down or get off the chair.
J: (runs away)
Me: Well, that’s decided.

So there you have it… our silly kids! What are you kiddos saying? What’s so funny about them?

Things Toddlers Say

Hey y’all! And happy Tuesday! Hope you’ve had a great week so far – I had a case of the Mondays yesterday, and drank copious amounts of coffee. Here are this week’s funnies!

EK, randomly, brings three plastic balls to my mom: Do you know how to juggle?
Necie: No, I’m not coordinated enough to juggle.
EK, a few minutes later: *sigh* I love hear balls.
Later still…
EK: Monkeys can juggle, right?

During Thanksgiving lunch…
EK: I have to poop.
Me: Okay. You go, and let me know when you’re finished.
EK: Can you come with me?
Me: No. No. No, I can’t.

J, putting his arm around my neck: My best frien’.
Me: He just said I’m his best friend! Who’s your best friend, Joseph?
J: Finley! Finley! Best friends! Best friends!

Christmas misnomers:
Candy canes=candy cones
Ornaments=arnamitts
Jingle bells=jiggle bells

Seeing the Festival of Lights…
EK, every 30 seconds: Isn’t this great, Mom?!

At a friend’s birthday party last week, the kids get to hit a piñata. Whenever it wasn’t her turn to hit, EK was cheering for the other kids…
EK: Go Styles! Go Riley! Go Joseph! Go George! Go Finley! Good job, everyone! Woooooo!

At a restaurant, EK points to the lemon on my water that I haven’t used.
EK: Can I have that lemon?
Me: Here you go!
EK, dropping it in her water: I want to make my water toolicious!

Eating lunch…


J: Hey Davis! Hey Davis! Hey Davis! Hey Davis! (et cetera)

Watching Hubby cut carrots…
J: Why you cutting? Why you cutting? Why you cutting? Why you cutting carrots?

Eating homemade ramen one night, and using chopsticks (obviously), EK was using her chopsticks to make letters (brilliant, by the way) and J was watching her in awe. He kept saying, “That’s funny, Ella Kate!” He loves her.

Putting J to bed in his “big boy bed” has been a chore some nights. Other nights, he flings his arms around my (or Hubby’s) neck and says, “I wanna ‘nuggle!” Heart melting.

Is there anything cute that your kids are saying these days?

Things Toddlers Say 

Hey y’all! Happy Tuesday – before Thanksgiving! I hope you all get a few days respite and time with your family this week!

I’ve noticed that what I’m writing each week is getting a little more conversational. Even J is getting to be a big boy (and did you see he’s in his big boy bed now?!) with the way he talks. It’s getting good, folks. Enjoy!

Me: It’s raining today, so let’s put your boots on.
J: No, I don’t wan’ wear ma boops!
Me: Okay, well let’s just get dressed.
(Puts all the other clothes on.)
J: Mom! I wan’ wear ma boops!
Just act like it was his idea.

For J, when he gets in trouble, he sits in time out. And apparently I’ve been speaking too harshly, or else he knows just how to dramatize it. Sometimes, randomly, he’ll shout, “Time out!” and point to the hallway (where our time out spot is) and not crack a single smile. I don’t necessarily feel like I shout it, or say it without explanation, but he gets the point.

Overheard from the other room…
EK: Hop in there, Joe Joe!
J: Okay!
EK: We’ve got to get to home!
J: Okay!
EK: Come on, Bing Bong!
Hubby, coming into the room: Do you know what they’re doing? It took me a while to figure out… They’re playing “Inside Out”.
Me: And of course, J is Bing Bong (the imaginary cotton candy-elephant-cat).

Instead of asking for eggs like he normally does, J has started calling them eggies. A little throwback, perhaps?

EK: Mama! Here’s your bootiful bracelet!

Hartley: They have really good collard greens here.
Me: Are they spicy?
J: Are you spicy?
Me: Hahahaha!

Me: Hey, where did you put the cream cheese?
EK: On the counter, next to the knife block and the coffee maker.   Me: Very astute. You also just used several words I didn’t know you knew.

Annie, upon giving EK a Lindor truffle: Did that taste really good?
EK:Yeah!
Annie: What did it taste like?
EK: A bird in my mouth!

J: Mom! Look!
Me: What is it?
J: A that!
Me: A what?
J: A fire truck!
It was a yellow car.

Driving home from the store, we had a case of wine in the back seat…
(Loud clinking)
EK: Be quiet, wines!

Are your kids funny, too? I want to hear what they say!

Things Toddlers Say

Happy Tuesday, y’all! Thanks for stopping by every Tuesday for a little bit of humor! Here are the funnies from this week…

he woke up like this…

EK: There’s grape juice on the table!

(Spoiler: It’s wine.)

J puts raspberries on his index fingers, drums the table, singing…
J: We drum, drum all day! We drum, drum all day!

Me: Have you seen the Bumbo?
Hubby: No
Me: EK, could you help me find the blue chair that D sits in?
EK: Okay! (Runs off… Back a minute later.) I couldn’t find it anywhere!
Me: I’ll help you look!
EK: We can figure it out together!
Adorable.

J calls strawberries “strawbabies” and I will never correct it. It’s too hilarious.

J’s current obsession: trucks. He’s moved on from trains to shouting out that he sees a “truck” any time we see a truck, construction vehicle of any kind (we’re working on that), or tractor (working on that, too).

Halloween evening, hanging out at the firepit at our friends’ house…
J: I got a dick!
Me: What?!
J, holding up a stick: I got a dick!
Cue everyone asking him what he’s holding for the rest of the night.

Thankful Thursday #1:
Me: What are you thankful for? Like, what are you glad you have?
EK: Davis. And Joe Joe, and Mama and Ryan. And Ella Kate!
It’s like she knows me. ❤

When the word of the day is “trust”…
Hubby: Can you put your arms through the straps? (Of the car seat)
EK: No
Hubby: I need to trust that you’ll help me keep you safe.
EK: You trusted Ping, why am I any different?
Me: (dying at the Mulan jokes)

A little later, at naptime…
EK: You only gave me a little bit of milk in there!
Me: Well you haven’t been drinking it, so I didn’t want it to be wasted.
EK: You have to trust me!
Me: I do not think that means what you think it means…

What are your little guys saying?

I fell.

The other day, I fell. I fell deep into an internet rabbit hole… of Harry Potter memes. It was so gloriously nerdy and incredibly entertaining that I decided I’d share the nerdgasms with y’all. I’ve scoured the internet and found some of my all-time favorite comical HP memes. Enjoy!

Because Malfoy is actually a scaredy-cat.

source: https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/x5cjy/i_miss_the_old_dumbledore/

(source)

And because no one doesn’t like a moustache joke…

source: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kzrjx5xtgW1qaw6sso1_500.jpg

(source)

And for that matter, a ginger joke…

source: http://www.smosh.com/smosh-pit/photos/25-hilarious-harry-potter-comics

(source)

A classic.

source: http://www.smosh.com/smosh-pit/photos/25-hilarious-harry-potter-comics

(source)

Remember Antoine?

source: http://jjb.yuku.com/topic/635973#.Vf1z0xFViko

(source)

Foreshadowing.

source: http://www.smosh.com/smosh-pit/photos/hilarious-harry-potter-comics

(source)

Come on and get his name right…

source: http://www.smosh.com/smosh-pit/photos/hilarious-harry-potter-comics

(source)

Manners.

source: http://www.smosh.com/smosh-pit/photos/hilarious-harry-potter-comics

(source)

And the trusty fav…

source: http://www.tor.com/2014/07/31/best-harry-potter-memes-gifs-videos-july-31/

(source)

I hope you enjoyed those as much as I did! There will be another Harry Potter post coming this week… I’ve been reliving my childhood!

Things Toddlers Say

Happy Tuesday! We’ve had a fun week, including EK’s weekend trip with her grandparents, who thankfully sent me a few of her one-liners to share with you 🙂

  
First and foremost, J now says his version of EK’s name. He says, “E-Tay”. Adorable.

At some point, we explained to EK that D couldn’t eat food yet because he didn’t have any teeth. That led to lots of discussions about how babies are born without teeth, and how she didn’t have teeth when she was born either. Now when she sees someone – anyone – the first thing she wants to tell them is the D doesn’t have teeth, and how she didn’t either when she was a baby.

We went to the hospital the other day to meet our friend’s new baby girl, and all the way from the “alligator” (elevator) in the parking deck up to her room, EK was singing “We’re going to see our baby! We’re going to see our baby!” to the tune of “na-na-na-na boo-boo”. Awesome.

On the same trip to the hospital, walking in next to another group of people…
EK: Mom! Those people are going to see our baby, too!
Me: I don’t think they’re going to see the same baby we are, but they might be seeing a baby!
Turns out they were, right down the hall!

Meeting our friend Ginna’s baby, Grace…
EK: Aww! She’s so cute! She doesn’t have any teeth, because she’s a baby.
Good thing we’ve really solidified that concept.

J now sings part of the chorus (the oh’s) on Katy Perry’s “California Girls”. That is all. (Disclaimer: This is purely the result of how often it comes on the radio. I do not own the song or play the song or choose the song.)

In one day, J had Mexican for lunch and the. Chips and salsa for a snack at home. He started tossing food in the floor (his M.O.) so I pushed everything away from him. He got really sad, then pointed and said, “I want salsa!” in a sweet little voice. Hubby responded with, “Yes sir! You get what you want when you use the right word!” Encouraging vocabulary, discouraging selflessness.

J, climbing into a barstool-height chair…
J: Hep! Hep! Hep wit dis!
(Update: “Hep wit dis” is now on a permanent rotation for when he needs any sort of help with anything.)

And now for a few gems that my mother-in-law passed on to me from their weekend together at the lake…

Annie: EK, do you need to go poopy?
EK: No, I’ve already done that this week.

Annie: Would you like some goldfish to eat in the car?
EK: No thanks, just some M&Ms.

Being tucked into bed…
EK: This is just so cozy!

Finding a dead centipede…
EK: He’s really sad. He shouldn’t have bit his brother.

And there you have it. My one and a half year old is now making regular appearances and my preschooler is blowing my mind with how she consistently is hilarious. What are your kids talking about these days?