Tag Archives: humor

mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

Leave a comment

Happy Tuesday, y’all! I haven’t had a chance to get this one up until now, so happy afternoon! We’ve had a funny week with the kiddos, so here are the highlights!

Hubby is trying to talk to his dad…
J: Daddy! Stop talking and close your eyes!

EK, looking at above picture: Okay- that’s pretty cute.

J: He stole it!
Me, to D: Can you give that back to J?
(D puts it in his hand for a split second, then snatches it back.)
J: He don’t wants tooooooo! (Dissolves into tears as I laugh at the irony.)

J: Look at I found! (Any time he wants to show anyone anything.)

J, when asked why he wasn’t taking his nap: I got a bad poop! (And starts taking his diaper off.)

One night after bedtime, I found EK at the top of the stairs about 45 minutes after I’d left her in the bed. I asked, “How long have you been here?!” She sighed a teenagery sigh and answered, “Five hours.”

J called this my “Cinderella glass”:

EK, as picture below: But I don’t have the same costume as them!

EK: But I want dinner!
Me: You remember the avocado and carrots and oranges? That was dinner.
EK: But I want something cooked in a pan!
Me: …….

Me: Would you like to hang out with our friends tomorrow?
EK: I wanted to go to the mall tomorrow.

J: Daddy, I love you. So do you have a baby in your tummy?

Listening to Jesus Loves Me…
EK: What’s this song? (She definitely knows it.)
J: The Bible of the book. From summer camp.

EK, after VBS: We went to the playground today, and I kick-ed dirt.

We’ve been putting conditioner in EK’s hair to help it get longer, and she’s now obsessed with how soft her hair is. Then this happened…
EK: Daddy! Look how soft my hair is! (And she did a little flip of her hair with her hand.)
J, running up: Mommy! Look how soft my hair is! (And he starts rubbing his hair with both hands, a la an Herbal Essence commercial.)
EK: Yeah, it’s because we condition it. (Like it had all been her idea.)

J’s newest word confusion: Choke and joke. Usually, it’s that he’s trying to say joke but says choke instead, and it’s a hilarious mix-up.

When we ask the kids to “Say cheese!” for a photo…
EK, nicely: Cheese!
J, screaming as loud as he can: CHEEEEEEEESE!
D, smiling: Shhhhh!

Well that’s it for today! What are you kids saying that’s silly?

mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say 

Leave a comment

Happy Tuesday, folks! It’s a lovely day for some funnies, and I’m posting from Lake Norman, so without further ado, here they are!

EK: A monster got Miss ‘Tona! (J’s teacher)

J: We gotta find her and hug her and take her away from the monster!

J, when farted next to: You tooted on my nose and that was not nice!

EK comes upstairs and gets in our bed…
Me: What do you need, babe?
EK: A snuggle.
A minute passes.
Hubby: Did you get in our bed and immediately toot?
EK: *giggling*
Me: Gross. You gotta go.
EK: *screws up her face*farts again*
Me: You’re like a man! Go! Daddy is gonna sleep in YOUR bed.
EK: *giggles*farts*
Hubby: Okay. Stop flexing your abs. Get out.
EK: Can you walk with me?
Hubby: Nope. You got up here just fine.

J, on morning breath: It smells like dogs out here.

EK: When you grow up, you’ll be a daddy.
J: Yeah. I’ll be a daddy and take daddy medicine!

EK, pretending: I’m going to a party!
J: I wanna come to the party!
EK: You can! There’s going to be sweet ladies there.

I was walking the other day through a parking lot with just the bigs, holding one hand on either side of me. We came to the curb, and without me even pausing or knowing what was happening, EK counted, “1, 2, 3!” and they jumped off at the same time. It was as if they’d been practicing for that moment.

EK, to me: Even if you’re just wearing pants and a shirt, you still look like a princess.

EK: Every time we pass (our friend’s) house, their cars aren’t there. I guess I’m right. They’re going to a different house. It’s five ounces away.

100x a day…
J: Can we watch Speakle Me? (Despicable Me)

Leaving the pool:
EK: My knees is hurting!
Me: Why is that?
EK: Because I swam so faster. And that’s the way Jesus made me.
Me: Well, I guess you’re right.

J: Mama! El’ K! Do you wanna snuggle under my Batman blanket?!
Me: 😍

J, watching The Sorcerer’s Stone and seeing Hedwig in her cage: Mom! That baby bird is in jail!

A few minutes later…
J: Mama! This is my favorite movie I ever saw!
Me: You’re my favorite child.

Also during the movie…
J: Mom! A talking hat!
J: Bibbidi, bobbidi, boo!
EK: I think that hat is being rude.
J: I like it, mom!
J: Mom! That talking hat says, “Gryffinoooooooo!”
J: They’re eating food, Mom! Look at all those peoples eating food!

J, on his favorite restaurant: I want to go to Chickalay. I will eat all my chicken and all my French fries, and ride the yellow slide!

Me: I can’t find my duffel bag…
J (no lie): Your duckel fag?

EK: I can’t wait to get smushies! (Slushies)

J, doing anything remotely acrobatic, like climbing on a stool: Look how strong I am!

Well, there they are: the sillies of the week. What are your kids’ sillies right now?

mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

2 Comments

Hello and happy Tuesday! After a fun (and admittedly emotional) weekend of the tiniest member of our family turning ONE, I’m ready for some humor! Hope you enjoy these funnies!

EK on public toilets: These aren’t so loud as blenders.

Me: Let’s get you some shorts, buddy.
J: I don’t want some shorts. I’ve got some legs.

EK approaches J to apologize for biting him (I know- it was a whole thing).
J: I’m sorry you bited me on the arm. Can you give me a hug and a kiss now?
EK, turning to Hubby: Did you hear that?
Hubby: I did. Why don’t you do that?
EK: I’m sorry, J. (Gives him a hug.)

EK has a gown with a bunch of female superheroes on it. She came upstairs after getting ready for bed while we had friends over…
EK to the room at large: There’s no boys in my nightgown. (Not a typo.)
Sam: Keep it that way.

J, all day long: Can you say, “Yes I can have some candy?”
Me: *giant eye roll*

J, picking up a phone: Hello, Lucy. It’s Gru.

EK singing “Jesus Loves Me”
J: Stop singing, EK!
Me: It’s okay if EK is singing.
J: (Sigh!) It’s okay if you sing the Bible, EK.

This very concerned helper…J: Mom! I’m fixing Diesel! (Because that plastic wrench is actually going to help whatever the problem is.)

EK: I don’t like ranch (dressing).
J: I do!

My friend sent me this gem. They were on a chair lift at a theme park…
S: Look how high we are! It looks like we’re a hundred years old!

While EK was with her grandmother…
EK sees the picture of herself as a baby, in a bikini at the beach.
EK exclaims: Oh how cute!
Annie: Do you know who it is?
EK: No.
Annie: It’s you!
EK puts her hand to her chest and says: Oh… that makes me so happy – I am going to cry!

J has had several booboos recently, and calls Band-Aids “ban-dangs”. I die every time.

So what are your kiddos talking about? Any hilarious mispronunciations?

mommyhood, siblings, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

Leave a comment

You guys. I need to set up a recorder  n my kitchen. Or maybe the car. I can’t even write down all the hilarious things they come up with. And also, Hubby now calls these verbal typos. I’m dying.


J, all day long: Mommy, um, I luf you. Daddy, um, I luf you.
J: Can I have some pret-thels?
Me: Sure. EK did you finish yours?
EK: No.
Me: Can you share some with J?
EK: Sure. J, be sure to eat it like this. (Shows him the right way to eat a pretzel.)

We have a little friend named Nicholas. J calls him Necklaces.

EK: Mom! Look at me! (Looking through the holes in her pretzel.)
J: Mom! Look a’ me! (Balancing a pretzel on his nose.)

J: Ry-C’s just like rice! Et al. Ice cream’s just like ice!

Watching Zootopia, when they talk about blueberries from Judy’s farm…
J: Mom, can I have some blueberries?
Me: It’s bedtime, sweetie. You can have them in the morning.
J: What about raspberries?

We’ve been having a lot of conversations about our favorites colors. EK seems to think that it’s important for everyone to have an actual favorite. She’s been oscillating between pink and white the past few days. She recently told me, “I’ve decided to like white. And I think it’s okay.” Very important decision, folks.

J: Mama, can we have strawberry and blueberry panpakes for breakfast?
Me: Gonna make it happen…

Me, tossing French fries into the back seat: Catch, J!
J: I got it, Mom! You winned!

EK, when I hand her some milk: Mom, is this almond milk?
Me: ….no?

J: Where’s EK?
Me: She’s spending the night with Necie.
J: We gotta get in he car and go look for Necie’s house.

J’s cliff notes on the story of Jonah: God told the people, “Don’t do bad things! Don’t do bad things!” And there was a bad storm, like I saw a storm! And Jonah got in that krill’s belly.
(He mixes up whale and krill ever since Finding Dory.)

EK: When I was at Necie’s, I ate two apples and a whole thing of Minions!
Me: What are Minions that you eat?
EK: Bananas!

Me: Singing in a silly voice
EK: Mom, your voice sounds a little cranky. I think you have a frog in our throat. You should take a nap for a second.

So what are your kids saying? Are they are rudely candid as mine?

mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

Leave a comment

Happy Tuesday! I’ve had a nice, relaxing week or two of not writing much, and not writing down every single funny thing that happens at our house, but here are a few good ones! Hope you have a lovely, funny Tuesday! 

J, as we first see the lake from the car: I’m sooooooo excited!
J: Can I have muches juice pweese?

After an afternoon of pulling D off the stairs…
J: No no, rascal. You gotta come down. You can’t go up the stairs.

EK, unprompted: Can we let J wear panties now?
Me: Not yet, babe. But we’re trying.

While this was happening:


J: I wuf you.
EK, turns around: He says he loves me!

I hand J a small apple…
J: Is this a peach, mom?
Me: No, it’s just a small apple.
J: Is it a peach apple?
Me: No, just an apple.
J: I like peach apples, mom!
Me: Okay, bud.

Me: I love you a lot.
EK: I love you way more than a balloon string.

Driving on a road near some train tracks, and I hear EK really crying from the backseat…
Me: What’s wrong?
EK: I wanted to look at the train tracks but J said I can’t! (More wailing.)
Me: He can’t make you not look out the window, babe.
EK: I see them! I see the train tracks!

J, very thoughtfully: Mama, sometimes is a long time.

EK: I just pooped, and I didn’t wipe so well. Some poopy got on my leg. 

J, in the same breath: You’re a sweet little mommy. You’re a sweet little rabbit.

Side section: Words that J now uses correctly, even if he can’t pronounce them:
Patient
Fragile

Well, that’s what’s getting shouted and said around our house. What are the kids in your life talking about?

home, mommyhood, siblings, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

Leave a comment

Happy Tuesday! I hope y’all had lovely celebrations yesterday, and enjoyed some great fireworks like we did! Here are some funnies from our past week… Enjoy!

J: If I go fast on my bike, the police will come get me!
Me: No they won’t; I’ll protect you.
J: Okay! *speeds away*

Me: If you eat your dinner, we’ll have some ice cream!
J: Ice cream!!
EK: Yay! I want my favoritest ice cream I never had!

J: Can I have some juice?
Me: Have you already had some juice this morning?
J: Yeah.
Me: Then I’ll go fix you a little bit.
J: I don’t want a tiny, little juice! I want a bigger juice! Like Batman!

J: *pushes D* A ship!
Annie: Don’t push your brother!
J: Okay. A ship!
Annie: Say sorry to your brother.
J: Sorry. A ship!

EK: I want to be an adult. I was one, and two, and three, and four. And now I want to be an adult.

J: Look, Mommy! It’s my clouds!
Me: Yeah, those are beautiful clouds!
J: God made those clouds just for me!
Me: *crying* He sure did, babe.

J: Can I have some candy?
Me: How about a few jelly beans?
J: Okay!
Me: *put 5 jelly beans on the couch* Okay, they’re right here on the couch!
J: I don’t want them on the couch!
Me: Okay, then put them in your mouth.
J: But I don’t want those jelly beans!
Me: You don’t have to eat them. I’ll do it.
J: But I want the jelly beans!
Me: *face palm*

The family making lunch together…
EK: Are those for me?!
Hubby: Yep. But why don’t you go ahead to the table?
EK: But I want just one!
Hubby: First, have a seat…
EK: I gotta poop! *runs away*

J: My water’s gone!
Me: Did you drink it?
J: Yeah. No! Spilled!

EK: I’m texting my boyfriend.
Me: Oh yeah? Who’s that?
EK: Alan.
Me: Alan who?
EK: He’s from Raleigh. He says yesterday he went to the doctor’s office and got a shot and a band-aid.

Overheard during playtime…
EK: You’re a swimming people.
J: I’m NOT a swimming people!

J: Daddy, can I have some of those?
Hubby: Can you fix J some pickles?
Me: Sure! How many pickles do you want?
J: All da preckles!

I missed the front end of this convo, but…
EK: Yes you are!
J: Yes I am NOT!
EK: Yes you ARE!
J: Yes I AM NOT!!

Sitting at dinner…
EK: Holly, you’re looking right at me!
Holly: Do you know what that’s called, when you’re sitting there and I’m here? It’s a cross!
EK: I know a cross, that’s where Jesus died! My teacher taught me. At nap time, I went poop and prayed to Him.

Watching the Open…
Hubby: Do you wanna learn how to play tennis?
EK: I already know how. All you need is a tennis ball, a tennis thing (swinging her hand like a racket), and tennis clothes!

What have your kids been saying that’s hilarious?

home, mommyhood, siblings, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

3 Comments

What day is it?! TUESDAY!

What do we want?! THE FUNNIES!

Here they are, just like always! Enjoy!

Hubby told me J was reading books and playing with trains instead of napping. When he woke up, he told me: Daddy said, “NO MORE BOOKS!”

EK, during dinner: Oh! My panties is stretching me!

In the car, headed to the mountains…
Me: I see mountains!
EK: I see steam from dragons!

J, holding a bunch of grapes on the stem: Look, Mommy! It’s like a tree! Like a broccoli!

We stayed with some family for a night last week, and had a wonderful time. EK immediately took to Hubby’s aunt, and to her (adult) daughter. She called Debbie “Deedee” almost exclusively, and kept asking what “that girl’s” name was. It was Parker, but she just couldn’t wrap her head around it.

We hiked for a bit while in the mountains, and happended upon some wild flowers. EK said, “Mom! A secret garden!”

This family also had a dog, Eevie. Still very much a puppy, she thought J was a toy, the way he kept screaming and running around. They were fast friends even though every time J ran away, she chased him a little too quickly. There were many cries of, “She lick-ed me!” and “She is too fast!”

Ginna: What’s your name?
J: Joseph.
Ginna: What’s your last name?
J: Joe Joe.


Here is Edith, from Despicable Me, filing her nails like a teenager.

Hubby: Time for bed!
EK: Can you carry me?
Hubby: It’s not far; you can walk.
EK: (army crawls to her room)

On the way to the farmers’ market…
EK: I bet Mark (our farmer friend) will be at the farmers’ market!
Me: I bet you’re right! (We usually do see him there.)
EK: He prolly will be but I bet he won’t.
Hubby: Strong logic.

At Fathers Day lunch…
Me: Let’s all say one thing we love about Daddy since its Father’s Day!
EK: One thing we love about Daddy since its Father’s Day!
Me: Um, I’ll start. I love Daddy and I think he’s handsome!
EK: I love him because he cooks and he’s good about taking me on dates!
J: I love Daddy tocause I love him!
EK: And when it’s brothers day, I will say, “Happy brothers day, J! I love you!”

After interrupting me several times…
EK: Now that you’ve finished your sentence, I’ll let you borrow my ring!

Hope you enjoyed our antics! What are you kiddos talking about?

mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

Leave a comment

Happy Tuesday, everyone! I have a few sillies for you this week! Hope you enjoy!


EK: I need to tell you stumping. Come wif me.

EK: Are we having dumplings for dinner?
Hubby: Yep!
EK: I don’t have time for dumplings. I have time for sushi, for lettuce, or cucumber…

Housekeeping fail…
J: Mommyyyyy! There’s ants! They’re trying to get my noodles! (That he had spilled at lunch. Oops.)

Me: Babe, what time is it?
Hubby: (doesn’t hear me)
J: I fink it’s six zero.

EK: I’m Queen Elsa!
J: I’m Queen Batman.
Me: Oh yes you are.

This one time, I was talking to Hubby and used “stupid” in a sentence.
EK: Stupid is not a good word.
Me: You’re right, babe.
EK: You could use another word instead. Like, sweet.
Me: Well, those are not really words that mean the same thing.
EK: Then you could use other words. Like house. Or train, turtle, or truck!
Me: Well… Alliteration!

J, coming in my room in the morning: Are you a sleepy little guy, Mommy?

J, dragging a spaghetti noodle across the table: Choo Choo! Spaghetti train to my mouth!

My big kids still like to drink warm milk out of sippy cups at their naps. EK has been drinking less and less, which is totally fine. But now, she wants to look at the side of the cup, and tell me the number to which she’d like her milk to go (aka how many ounces). The other day, she pitched a total fit because she’d asked for two, and it was at three. Then, after crying, she drank it all and came upstairs and asked for nine (she hasn’t finished nine ounces in months). I told her that would be too much, so we settled for five. She’s becoming quite the diva.

A couple of funnies from EK’s weekend away that were passed along to me…
EK: I sure do wish that sun would have come with us on the boat.
Laura: I think it did. Look up there.
EK: Well, look at that!

EK: Laura, I think I’d prefer to eat this brownie on your lap.

After EK’s weekend at the lake…
Hubby: I missed you!
EK: I miss-ed (both syllables pronounced) you too! I’m so glad to be back in North Carolina! (She had never left the state.)
Hubby: You mean back home?
EK: Yeah. Back home, in my house, with my parents.

EK sings this song: Jesus, Jesus! Jesus in the morning! Jesus in the noon time! Jesus, Jesus! Jesus when the sun goes down!
J responds: No! Sun comes up! Jesus when da sun comes up!

J had a playdate with his friend A yesterday, and they were so cute. They had a nice mixture of sharing well and arguing over stuff. At the end, A said: And we are friends! I just thought it was adorable.

New random word choice: instead of “a little bit”, EK and J are using the word “tiny”. Examples: I’m tiny hot. And: I’m tiny thirsty. Also, J asked me to sing the “tiny ABC’s”, and he meant in a squeaky, high-pitched voice.

Do your kids have any strangely placed words? Or words they use incorrectly?

home, mommyhood, My Big Jesus, random thoughts

7 Things I Only Get Halfway Through

2 Comments

This post also appeared on My Big Jesus! If you haven’t visited the site, the writing is great and the podcasts are not to be missed!


Parents are busy. I’m always splitting my time between things that need to get done, and spending time with my kids. For instance, at church yesterday, I had to be kid-chasing DURING rehearsal for the service. It was a madhouse up in that sanctuary. But it got me thinking: what else do I never have my full attention on? What do I never have the time to finish? I’ve compiled a list of things I never actually complete because I’m a parent…

Meals. I don’t finish mine because I’m frequently giving it to someone else. Unless my lunch is eating their leftovers.

Showers. Sometimes my showers are cut short by interruptions or cries on the monitor. I’m pretty lucky if I rinse the shampoo out of my hair.

Books. I’m in the middle of approximately 17 books at any given moment. The only thing I can read with half my brain engaged is a young adult novel or a board book by Eric Carle.

Movies. Nine times out of ten, I’m asleep halfway through it. Parenting exhaustion is REAL.

Sleeping. Whether it’s sleeping at night or sneaking a nap while my kids do the same, I’m awoken by my kids every time. I haven’t woken up to the sound of an alarm (or, gasp! birds chirping!) in years, except when I’m on vacation.

Exercising. I rarely have time to go to an exercise class (wannabe yogi, here) so I’m typically working out in my living room, or on a run with the stroller. Either way, I can get faked out by a kid just as I’ve broken a sweat. 

Blog posts. Even as I am writing this one, I have been interrupted a total of five times. And this post isn’t that long. Excuse me while I go put my kids to bed. 

mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

Leave a comment

Happy Tuesday! Glad to bring back the weekly funnies! This one is long since it’s got a few from the previous week as well… Enjoy!

J, with coins in his hand: I got da monies!

J: Mom! EK’s drawing on she’s leg! (She’s is a substitute for her.)

Sitting at a nice restaurant for lunch…
EK: I want nuggets and fries and a taco for lunch, please.

Out on the porch…
J: I saw an ant, Mom! So I flicked it, right into the garden!
EK: Yeah! I gave my ant a spanking and put it in the crash can!

Leaving preschool…
J: Look, mom! There’s a bird! I wanna give it a kiss.

Hubby takes off J’s shirt, and he points at his tummy…
J: That’s my tummy aches daddy!
Hubby: What?
J: My tummy aches! (He pulls up Hubby’s shirt) Can I see your tummy aches?

J, coming out of his room after nap: Good morning, D! Good morning, EK! I had a nice nap.

EK, complimenting Hubby: You’re like Prince Charlie! (It took us several minutes to realize she meant Prince Charming.)

Hubby: How’s your taco?
J: Yummy! It’s like a chip!

EK had been pestering me to pay attention to her (I was working) and I had been telling her to wait a few minutes for, well, a few minutes. Finally, I said, “Yes?” She responded, “I was just wondering if we could have a tea party one day this week, Thursday or Wednesday maybe? Just whatever day I don’t have church or school. I could look at my calendar and see what’s going on?” And obviously, I responded, “…..Um, yes. I’d like that. Any day you want…”

Every time I change J’s diaper: Can I see da poopy, Mommy?

Snapshots of while we were gone…

Swinging with Uncle Cameron…
J: Push me! (Wait) Stop! (Wait) Okay, push me. Slowly!

EK is screaming at the dinner table…
Cameron: If you’re going to scream, go downstairs. If you want to eat with us, don’t scream.
EK: Necie, Cameron’s being mean to me!

Me: Did you go to school while I was gone?
EK: Yeah. And I stayed for lunch bunch. Necie gave me some money and I gave it to my teacher.

Necie: J just woke up. Do you want to put away the play doh?
EK: No, J loves play doh. I want to share it with him because I love him.

I thought those were all pretty good this week! What are your kids saying? Anyone else’s boy interested in seeing his poop? BLERG.