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mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

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Happy Tuesday, y’all! I hope you had a great weekend and a good Monday! That’s all you can ask for on a Monday, right? Just good. It won’t be great, because it’s Monday.

The weather here in NC is amazing, and I’m drinking copious amounts of coffee in my enjoyment of the morning chill. Here are a few funny things to read while you enjoy the chill near you!!


Reasons my preschooler is crying:
Her bite of cookie wasn’t big enough.
She couldn’t get her underwear right side out.
She wanted to wear tights with her shirt instead of pants.
There was too much toilet paper in the toilet. (She put it there.)

Reasons my toddler is crying:
His (20 minute) shower was too short.
He had to wear a diaper.
He threw his dinner in the floor.
We went out without putting shoes on him.
He wanted to eat an apple, and I said, “Okay, I’ll go cut it up.”

EK to Hubby: Daddy! You’re getting so big! (I’m pretty sure she meant this as a compliment, like when we say it to her or her brothers.)

Heard on the monitor at 4:00am…
J: Wahhhh! I want Mommy, Daddy, Annie, Gon Gon! Wahhhh…. (And then the sound trailed off and he was back asleep.)

New verse to “Wheels on the Bus”
EK: The man on the bus says, “I need to poopy. I need to poopy. I need to poopy.” The man on the bus says, “I need to poopy.” all day long. (Just like a man.)

EK: I’ve got a bug bite.
Hubby: I’ve got one, too.
EK: Aww! Can I scratch it for you?

A sign that we are too big HP nerds…
Me: …and after this we can go to the grocery store. We can just walk down to Harris Teeter.
(A couple minutes later) EK: Necie, will you walk with me to Harry Potter?

Watching the end of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets…
EK: That man has a frog in his throat. (Talking about Dumbledore.)

EK: Can I have some checkup and French fries? (Obviously she meant ketchup.)

I signed up to donate some Lysol spray to EK’s preschool classroom, and sent it to school with her yesterday. When she was getting out of the car, I said, “Don’t forget to give that to your teacher!” And then she told the teacher (not hers) that was helping her out of the car, “Yeah, this is for when I tee-tee on the couch!”

Well, those are my little funny things from the week! What are your kiddos saying?

mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

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Happy Tuesday! We had a fun weekend and a busy day yesterday. We used our extra weekend day to catch up on housework. It didn’t sound like fun, but it sure was nice when it was all done! Here are a few funnies from the past week!!

EK holds her stick like a wand. J holds it like he’s about to smack her wand out of her hand.

EK, showing me her necklaces: These is my jewelries, for when I get married with Jesus.

As we’re getting ready to leave the house…
EK: Are we going to our church home?
(I think this is particularly cute, because sometimes, yes, I feel like I live there.)

What I hear from the back of the car…
EK, singing: And You cover me with grace… (Lyrics from “I Am Set Free” – a song we had done at church the previous Sunday.)

Having dinner one night…
EK: I don’t like this meat.
Hubby: It’s pork… Like a pig. It’s yummy!
EK, showing me a bite of pork: Mommy! This is piggy! Piggies love this.
Me: ….cannibals.

My friend Mary Katherine came over with a little balloon pump and some balloons to make animals out of (because she’s crafty like that). J thought the pump looked like the syringe for giving shots in our little doctor’s kit.
J, holding the pump: Head!
(Gives me a “shot” in the head with the pump.)
J: Hand!
(“Shot” in the hand.)
J: Arn!
(“Shot” in the arm.)
J: Weg!
(“Shot” in the leg.)
J: Eye!
Me: Ahh! No!!
J: (laughing) Eye! Yes! Eye! (Chases me.)
Me, having nightmares about this tonight.

Driving lessons…
EK: I like your car, Daddy.
Hubby: Thanks, babe!
EK: Maybe one day I can drive it.
Hubby: Yeah, maybe one day.
EK: How about when I’m…. 16!
Hubby: Yeah! Definitely then!
Me: Lucky guess.

We pull into the parking lot at La Carreta…
J: Salsaaaaaaa!
Me, exchanging looks with Hubby: We come here too often.

J, pointing to his foot: Sock!
Me: No, you aren’t wearing socks.
J: Sock!
Me: You want to put on socks?
J: No!
Me: That’s your foot.
J: No! Sock!
Accepting my fate in a losing battle.

At bedtime, singing and talking about Jesus…
EK: Yeah, I love Jesus. Mom, will you buy me a Jesus toy?
Me: Um, sure honey. Would you like the baby Jesus or grown-up Jesus?
EK: Baby Jesus. And a bottle for him. And a blanket.
Me: I’ll see what I can do.

I felt like it was a pretty funny week! What are your kids talking about?

mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

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How is Tuesday again already?! We’re starting school on Thursday, and I can’t believe it. The last bit of our summer is dwindling away. I’m ready 🙂

Here are your Tuesday favorites!

When choosing what to watch…
EK: The train one!
J: Choo choooooo!
EK: Wait… Po-kee-hah-nah! (Pocahontas)

This week, EK has been calling me “Mother” instead of “Mom” or “Mommy” or “Mama”. It’s an interesting switch. More sophisticated.

J was calling for me as he was coming up the stairs, and it quickly turned into a cry. When I went to check, he was standing on his own foot and couldn’t move. I had to laugh before I helped him!

At 10:40pm, I hear EK in the basement, NOT in bed…
Me: Where should you be right now?
EK: In the bed!
Me: So why aren’t you there?
EK: I so tired. And I fweezing!
Me: If you’re tired and cold, you would be much more comfortable in the bed…

In our house, we have lots of toy phones, and therefore we have lots of pretend conversations…
J, holding the “phone” to my ear: Hello?!
Me: Hello, Pizza Hut? I need seventeen pepperoni pizzas, please. Okay, bye!
J, holding the “phone” to EK’s ear: Hello?!
EK: Hi! I need seven strawberry and cheese pizzas. Bye!
Me: Very interesting choice…

Preposition Problems…
EK: I wanna sit next of you, Mom!
Me: I would love for you to sit next TO me.

Anatomy lesson…
EK: I hurt my ankle!
Hubby: Where is your ankle?
EK points to her ankle.
Hubby: Where is your heel?
EK points to her heel.
Hubby: Do you know where the ball of your foot is?
EK (amazingly) points to the ball of her foot.
Hubby: Where’s your shin?
EK points to her chin.
Hubby: where is your thigh?
EK points to her eye.
Hubby: Okay – all done.

My friend Sophie walks in…
EK: My panties match your shirt!

Eating Chinese food…
EK: Can I have another duckling?
Me: Dumpling. She means dumpling.

mommyhood

An Ode to My Breast Pump

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 I hear a lot of people say they hate their breast pump. Well, it’s true… we all hate it at least a little bit. Working moms (of which I have been one) often feel like they’re dairy cows, hooked up so often to a feelings-less milk-collector. But now that I’m home with my babes, the breast pump and I have a different relationship, and therefore I will now declare my love for my mean, milk-collecting machine.

Oh, breast pump, how I’ve missed you!
I truly, truly have.
Though if I said that to them,
Some other folks would laugh.
They’d say, “No way! We hate that thing!”
But me? I know the truth.
You have a few perks on your side,
A thing or maybe two.
First of all, I find myself
Engorged beyond belief.
The pain I feel is all too real;
My breasts have just been beat.
So finally I hook you up.
And oh, the sweet release!
For you can do what baby can’t,
And empty me complete.
The second thing I love about you
Is quite a selfish thing.
I cannot use you when I’m surrounded
By my family.
So retreat I will into my room,
For quiet and for peace.
You are the perfect reason to be
By myself a piece.
So there they are, the reasons why
I think you’re not so bad.
I’ll love you still – I always will.
You make my boobies glad.

mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

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Happy Tuesday! We’ve had a fun week, including EK’s weekend trip with her grandparents, who thankfully sent me a few of her one-liners to share with you 🙂

  
First and foremost, J now says his version of EK’s name. He says, “E-Tay”. Adorable.

At some point, we explained to EK that D couldn’t eat food yet because he didn’t have any teeth. That led to lots of discussions about how babies are born without teeth, and how she didn’t have teeth when she was born either. Now when she sees someone – anyone – the first thing she wants to tell them is the D doesn’t have teeth, and how she didn’t either when she was a baby.

We went to the hospital the other day to meet our friend’s new baby girl, and all the way from the “alligator” (elevator) in the parking deck up to her room, EK was singing “We’re going to see our baby! We’re going to see our baby!” to the tune of “na-na-na-na boo-boo”. Awesome.

On the same trip to the hospital, walking in next to another group of people…
EK: Mom! Those people are going to see our baby, too!
Me: I don’t think they’re going to see the same baby we are, but they might be seeing a baby!
Turns out they were, right down the hall!

Meeting our friend Ginna’s baby, Grace…
EK: Aww! She’s so cute! She doesn’t have any teeth, because she’s a baby.
Good thing we’ve really solidified that concept.

J now sings part of the chorus (the oh’s) on Katy Perry’s “California Girls”. That is all. (Disclaimer: This is purely the result of how often it comes on the radio. I do not own the song or play the song or choose the song.)

In one day, J had Mexican for lunch and the. Chips and salsa for a snack at home. He started tossing food in the floor (his M.O.) so I pushed everything away from him. He got really sad, then pointed and said, “I want salsa!” in a sweet little voice. Hubby responded with, “Yes sir! You get what you want when you use the right word!” Encouraging vocabulary, discouraging selflessness.

J, climbing into a barstool-height chair…
J: Hep! Hep! Hep wit dis!
(Update: “Hep wit dis” is now on a permanent rotation for when he needs any sort of help with anything.)

And now for a few gems that my mother-in-law passed on to me from their weekend together at the lake…

Annie: EK, do you need to go poopy?
EK: No, I’ve already done that this week.

Annie: Would you like some goldfish to eat in the car?
EK: No thanks, just some M&Ms.

Being tucked into bed…
EK: This is just so cozy!

Finding a dead centipede…
EK: He’s really sad. He shouldn’t have bit his brother.

And there you have it. My one and a half year old is now making regular appearances and my preschooler is blowing my mind with how she consistently is hilarious. What are your kids talking about these days?

mommyhood, siblings, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

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Happy Tuesday! What a week it’s been since last Tuesday… we are talking HUGE life changes for everyone around here, adding baby D to our ranks! Lots of cute things happening in the toddler world…

 

This catches pretty truthfully the chaos and love surrounding our little D at all times.
 
When talking about the theme of next week’s summer camp (ocean commotion)…
EK: I’m a mermaid, just like you! And Joseph’s a shark, just like dad. We all have tails.
Science, y’all.

Swinging outside in the backyard…
EK: this is the best party ever!

As we are pulling out of the driveway (in our old car)…
EK: Bye bye, new car! We can ride in you later, when baby Davis gets born!
What can I say? She loves it.

Seeing D for the first time, in the hospital…
Hubby: EK, who is this?
EK: Baby Davis. (Looks around skittishly.)
Hubby: Isn’t he cute?
EK: (Looks quickly at D, then quickly away again.) Mmhmm.
Hubby: Do we love him?
EK: Mmhmm. (Looks for approval.)
Hubby: Want to give him a kiss?
EK: (Fastest ever) Mwah.
Me: Maybe she’ll like him better at home?

The next evening, when we brought D home…
J: Mommy! Baby! Mommy! Baby!
EK: It’s my baby brother Davis! (Continues on for five minutes, talking to D, talking about D, and kissing D, all the while she and J are alternately trying to climb in the infant seat with him.)

Last night, while snuggling in my bed before she went downstairs to her room…
EK: Mommy, are those your jewries? (Jewelry)
Me: Yep!
EK: When the sun comes up, you can put on your jewries and go to church and siiiiing… And I can put on my jewries and go to church too! We gon’ have so much fun!

EK to my mom: Let me check your baby. (Holds stethoscope to her belly.) I gotta see if her’s in there.

EK, on toenail polish: I wanna pick out my color! I want barkle! (Sparkle. – I hope.)

On our first full day home, I was in the chair in the nursery (a La-Z-Boy rocker/recliner that I LOVE, aka big enough to hold me and plenty more) nursing D, and J came in. He carefully chose a book, climbed gingerly into the chair to sit next to me, and “read” the entire book (Room on the Broom, which we love, even this far away from Halloween) to D and me. It was one of the sweetest things I’ve experienced so far… A sweet little date with my boys.

mommyhood, parenting fails

Parenting Fail: Brand New Third Kid Edition

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I’ve got a funny little story for you. It happened during D’s first two days of life. It’s just a little bit of proof that nobody has it all together, and nobody knows exactly what to do with their newborn. We were still in the hospital, in fact, where things should be totally fine, because there are a hundred people around to help me care for my son. Right? Sure.

  
Hubby had just left to go get some lunch and install the infant car seat so that we could go home that evening. I was pretty excited to have a few minutes with no visitors, so that I could maybe catch some zzz’s before going home to the madhouse (which honestly I’m excited about, because obviously I miss my kids and I love the family and friends that will be going through our revolving door over the next days and weeks to meet baby D).

So I settled into the bed, with a hiccuping D, to try to snuggle him to sleep. We both had full bellies, so I figured we’d take great naps. D had other plans. He decided to poop. Totally fine. I know the kid needs to do that… especially to get the first few (extra yucky) poops out. I heard it happening, waited what was surely an appropriate amount of time for him to finish, then stood up to change him. I wanted to hurry because, duh, I wanted a nap.

I undressed him and took off his diaper gingerly, then started to wipe him off. As if I had hit a magic button, the kid starts to pee. He’s a tiny baby… how much pee can be in there, right? Well, he pees. Then he pees some more. Somehow, it’s as though a sprinkler has turned on. Pee on me, pee on his first outfit ever, pee on his face, pee on the four blankets in his little crib/changing table/cart. He was literally giving the room a shower. Finally, it subsided. I had to use an entire pack of wipes getting the pee off every inch of his body (and my arms) and had a whole bag full of laundry when we were done. He was beet red and screaming his head off, basically looking at me like, “Mom! How dare you let me pee all over myself like that!” I know, kid. I also wish I hadn’t let you do that. Especially because he got a little red rash across him that he hadn’t had before his epic pee. Must’ve irritated his sensitive skin. What a guy. 

So if you’re ever having a third kid, and you’re like, “I’ve got diaper changes in the bag!” or “The hospital does everything for you while you’re there!” then beware. You just might be in store for a classic “I forgot newborns did that” moment. It’s tough to remember the exact joys of having a day-old baby until you’ve got one. Hello, sweet little fuzzy baby, who pees on everything. 

mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

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In a crowded, public restroom…
EK: Watch this, mom! I’m gon’ take a poop! (a minute later) Phew! That was a lot!

EK: Can I have a tiola to make a roll up? (She was asking for a tortilla.)

J, upon waking from his nap: Anna! Elsa! Olaf!
Hubby: Loud and clear, little dude. (Turns on Frozen.)

EK (apparently obsessed with poop this week): All dooooone!
Hubby goes to help check.
EK: There’s a LOT in there. I want some jelly beans!
A minute later, coming out of the bathroom…
EK: Mom! Davis is SO PROUD! (Davis is the baby we’re expecting any day.)
Me: Yes, babe, I’m sure he is!

Laying down for her nap…
EK: Daddy, get out of here!
Hubby: I thought I was your snuggle bunny!
EK: No, you’re just a daddy.

J’s new favorite word: No. It’s said totally politely, but it’s the answer to every single question anyone asks him. Great.

After Hubby accidentally dropped a French fry between the car seats…
EK: Nice one. (Always delivering the zingers.)
A few minutes later, same fries…
Hubby: EK do you like those?
EK: Mmhmm. These are my favorite fries I ever saw!

And the piece de la resistance… the moment every parent waits for…
EK: Daddy! Will you get married with me?

Heart. Melted.

What’s your toddler saying these days? And what am I going to call this post now that EK is a preschooler and definitely not a toddler? “Things Kids Say” doesn’t have the same ring to it… Suggestions welcome!

mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say 

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Hellooooooo, Tuesday! The days are going slowly as I’m surviving the next few weeks. Good thing I have hilarious children (and a hilarious Hubby) to keep me entertained! Here are our recent funnies…

In the picture above, J was pushing the light back and forth, saying, “Wheeeee! Wheeeee!” (Boy mom, am I right?)

In response to being woken up by the tile workers…
EK: Those mans woke up me!

There is a really neat pop-up book that both my kids love called “The Little Fish Who Cried Shark”. It’s basically like it sounds… there’s a prank-playing fish named Sprat who scares everyone else by shouting, “SHARK!” when there really isn’t one nearby, and of course he gets scared by a shark at the end of the book. Anyway, Sprat, when being approached by the shark, says, “There’s no shark around here!” EK has taken to saying, “I’m scared! There’s a shark around here!” As if we really think there’s a shark in our house.

Every time I put sunscreen on EK, she starts talking about birds… Birds eating our blueberries, birds scaring her (one got in the kitchen one day and she’s never gotten over it), birds, birds, birds. I finally figured it out this morning. Hubby said, as he greased her up, “Yeah, we have to put on sunscreen so you don’t get a sunburn.” That started all the talk about birds. LIGHT BULB: She thinks we’re saying sun bird and she’s going off on a bird tangent. Random.

EK, upon finding a picture from our wedding: What’s this, mama?
Me: That’s a picture from Daddy’s and my wedding, where we got married!
Later, when I was kissing Hubby, in slight resemblance to the wedding photo…
EK: Are you guys getting married?!
Hubby: Yep!
EK: Awww! I’m gonna go marry my brother!
Hubby and me: *maniacal laughter*

Nature Lesson
EK, while eating a banana: Monkeys eat bananas!
Me: Yes, they do!
EK: Birds eat blueberries. Our blueberries. Ugh!
Me: …..

J, trying to say “cheese” because he wants another piece: Beeyas! Beeyas! (Think someone from Brooklyn saying “beers”.) Beeyas! Beeyas! (I was dying.)

EK, when a thunderstorm was starting: Mom! I hear bumber!

EK: Mom, can you make the horsey neigh? (Our neighbors have horses. Usually my answer to this is no, I can’t force them to neigh.)
Me: Hey! Horse! Neeeiiiiigh!!!!!
J (shouting in the same direction): Neigh! Neigh! Hey! Neigh! Hey! Neigh! Neigh! Neigh!
Hubby and I exchange looks of… trying not to laugh.

This ball of string was found by EK in the basement.  She wound and unwound it all evening the other day, and insisted on sleeping with it. She also insisted on sleeping in a tutu. You can imagine what she/it looked like ten minutes before I took this picture. I only wish I had gotten my camera out earlier. She was yelling from the basement, “I’m stuck!”  

 The string saga continues… I just keep finding it randomly placed throughout the house in various stages of tangled.

After seeing that J took a ballpoint pen to our leather sofa…
Hubby: This might just be what we get for having kids. We can’t have nice things. Joseph is our nice thing and he ruins all our other nice things.

mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say (and Do)

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Happy Tuesday! This week has been one of stories more than catchphrases, so I’m sorry for the different layout. But I bet you’ll giggle at these things as much as we did!

  
In relation to the picture above, J was extremely tired when I put him down for his nap, and he’d been begging to go for a few minutes by the time I put him down. So apparently he was too tired for all that junk in his crib, and threw it all out to go to sleep. Simplify, am I right?

EK, anytime I’m out of the room for a minute: Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you anywhere!

Getting on to an elevator…
EK: Come on Jophiss, let’s get on the alligator!

So EK can’t really say “Joseph” yet. She used to call him “Joe-face”, which came about organically and I LOVE it when she says it. She then switched to Joe-Joe, which is what several of our family members call him, but now she’s back to trying for “Joseph” but resulting in “Jophiss”. I’m pretty much loving it.

Sometimes, at bedtime, Hubby and I sing songs from old movies or shows as lullabies to our kiddos. Some of our repeat offenders are “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”, “La Vie en Rose”, and “Edelweiss”. Recently, “Edelweiss” has entered into my son’s vocabulary, and he often sings about it. He sings the word “edelweiss” (the first word of the song) correctly, believe it or not, then jabbers on in a semi-correct melody for a few more bars. Today, with several of our family members around, he started singing it, and EK picked up the tune, and finished the song. IT WAS PERFECT. And when I say perfect I mean she only missed a few words and it was so dear to listen to. Not a dry eye in the room.

Reading Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?
EK: Yeddow duck, yeddow duck, what do see? I see blue horse lookin’ at me! Neeiiigghhh!

Sitting down at lunch together, leaning back in her chair…
EK: Soooooo! Whadda you guys doing?

Pointing to a callous on Hubby’s hand…
EK: Daddy! You got a boo-boo?
Hubby: Yeah, I do.
EK: You better get a band-aid on there!

J has always liked green beans. The other night, he put up a giant fight about them. I stepped away from the table for a minute, and came back to EK feeding him the green beans. He was happily shoving them into his mouth. I call that a win.

EK, upon waking from a nap, pointing to her ankle: Mamaaaaa… My ables huurrrrrrt….

Well, that’s a wrap up for our week in kiddo-speak. What are your kids saying? I LOVE it when people comment and tell me!