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Things Toddlers Say

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Hello again, Tuesday! I hope y’all are ready for some funnies to keep your week’s momentum up! Here they are!


Flattery will get you everywhere…
EK, while we were driving to a friend’s house: Daddy, you’re the master driver to tell me how long until we get there.

J pooped in his tiny potty finally: Mom! There’s a huge snake poop in there!

When J peed on the potty…
J: There’s the muchest pee I ever saw!
EK: Wow! That’s so great! I love you!

Just like a man, he carried the potty to where he could go while he watched TV.

EK wearing these pajamas…EK: After J pees on his potty, I’ll give him an ice cream from my… (Pointing at her knee, unable to think of the word…)
J: Pants?
EK: Yeah. Pants!

EK to me: Can we take a selfie? Wait! Let’s do chitchat! (She means Snapchat.)

EK: I want to be a doctor, and I can’t find my eperscope (stethoscope) OR my Doc McStuffins dress!
Me: *facepalm*

J: When we get to Annie’s grocery store, I want some ice cream and… um… and see… *trails off*

EK, after a big meal, pulls her dress up: Hey! Watch my belly pop!

During a game of pretend, while banging a toy pan…
J, to EK: Wake up! It’s morning time, schweetie!

Sharing tips over breakfast…
EK: J, take your blueberries and dip them in your syrup… (whispers) because it makes them taste like syrup!

J: When I get big, I will be the cook, and make you lunch, and you will like it! (Man after my own heart.)

EK, pointing at a girl in the Carter’s catalog: Wow. She is super. duper. cute.

Well that’s it for today. What are your kids talking about these days?

mommyhood, siblings, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

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Happy Tuesday! I hope you’ve all been successful in your back-to-school shopping, and getting some late summer relaxation in before the fall starts with a bang! Here are a few of our favorite funny sayings from this week. There are some pretty weird one-liners at the end, so read the whole way through! Enjoy!! 

 EK: When I was outside, by myself, picking up mushrooms out of the dirt, I heard a horse say, “Neeeeeeeigh!” I don’t like it when horses is loud. Sometimes they wake me up at night.
(The only redeeming quality of this statement is that there are actually horses in our neighborhood.)

J comes crying up the stairs, and Hubby can’t get him to calmly say what’s wrong. He’s crying about his lamp and a trash can. Hubby gets him calm and in bed, and goes to EK’s room.
Hubby: Why was J crying?
EK: Well, he turned on his monsters lamp. (It’s a Monsters, Inc. lamp.)
Hubby: What happened then?
EK: Well, I told him if he didn’t turn it off I would throw it in the trash can.
Hubby: Well that made him very upset.
EK: Yeah…

Heard from a friend at church when she was with J….
J: When I get bigger, I’ll be a man who cooks only apples.
Friend: Okay… whatever you say!

J, in the car: When we get home, I want water in a cup and to watch TV.
Me: You know what I want to watch? Volleyball!
EK: I totally told you!

J, all the time now: Let’s play wolleyball! Mom! Can you play wolleyball with me?!

EK, upon first seeing/hearing about water balloons: What are they?
Me: It might be easier just to show you.
EK: But what are they?
Me: I’m going to have them ready in just a second.
EK: But what are they?
Me: Give me a minute.
EK: But what are they?
Me: …..!!!!

J, above: Is this a castle head, mama?
Me: Yeah, I guess it does look like that!


J, above: Look, mama! We’re chefs!
Me: ….uh….

Me: It’s almost nap time.
J: Is it firty?
Me: It’s 1:55.
J: I don’t know that letter.
Me: It’s actually a number. It means five minutes until nap time.
J: A nummer? Can we make food then?
Me: Um. After nap..?

And now for some random but hilarious one-liners…

J, to EK: My mama’s gonna put my shirt on, then I’m gonna tell you a secret!

EK, looking at the sky: Aww! That sunset gon’ make me cry!

J, at bedtime: Go to bed, Mama. I’ll stay right here.

J, at 6:50am: Can we play water balloons?

EK, pointing at the baby: Mom! D has a brow! He looks like a pirate!

J, unprompted: Mom, I wish my donkeys would come.

EK, showing me something (?) on her Leap Pad: You’ve got to eat a snack, like apples on an airplane.

Well, I hope you enjoyed those tidbits of what life is like around here. What do your kids say that’s just too crazy?

mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

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Happy Tuesday, y’all! I haven’t had a chance to get this one up until now, so happy afternoon! We’ve had a funny week with the kiddos, so here are the highlights!

Hubby is trying to talk to his dad…
J: Daddy! Stop talking and close your eyes!

EK, looking at above picture: Okay- that’s pretty cute.

J: He stole it!
Me, to D: Can you give that back to J?
(D puts it in his hand for a split second, then snatches it back.)
J: He don’t wants tooooooo! (Dissolves into tears as I laugh at the irony.)

J: Look at I found! (Any time he wants to show anyone anything.)

J, when asked why he wasn’t taking his nap: I got a bad poop! (And starts taking his diaper off.)

One night after bedtime, I found EK at the top of the stairs about 45 minutes after I’d left her in the bed. I asked, “How long have you been here?!” She sighed a teenagery sigh and answered, “Five hours.”

J called this my “Cinderella glass”:

EK, as picture below: But I don’t have the same costume as them!

EK: But I want dinner!
Me: You remember the avocado and carrots and oranges? That was dinner.
EK: But I want something cooked in a pan!
Me: …….

Me: Would you like to hang out with our friends tomorrow?
EK: I wanted to go to the mall tomorrow.

J: Daddy, I love you. So do you have a baby in your tummy?

Listening to Jesus Loves Me…
EK: What’s this song? (She definitely knows it.)
J: The Bible of the book. From summer camp.

EK, after VBS: We went to the playground today, and I kick-ed dirt.

We’ve been putting conditioner in EK’s hair to help it get longer, and she’s now obsessed with how soft her hair is. Then this happened…
EK: Daddy! Look how soft my hair is! (And she did a little flip of her hair with her hand.)
J, running up: Mommy! Look how soft my hair is! (And he starts rubbing his hair with both hands, a la an Herbal Essence commercial.)
EK: Yeah, it’s because we condition it. (Like it had all been her idea.)

J’s newest word confusion: Choke and joke. Usually, it’s that he’s trying to say joke but says choke instead, and it’s a hilarious mix-up.

When we ask the kids to “Say cheese!” for a photo…
EK, nicely: Cheese!
J, screaming as loud as he can: CHEEEEEEEESE!
D, smiling: Shhhhh!

Well that’s it for today! What are you kids saying that’s silly?

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Things Toddlers Say 

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Happy Tuesday, folks! It’s a lovely day for some funnies, and I’m posting from Lake Norman, so without further ado, here they are!

EK: A monster got Miss ‘Tona! (J’s teacher)

J: We gotta find her and hug her and take her away from the monster!

J, when farted next to: You tooted on my nose and that was not nice!

EK comes upstairs and gets in our bed…
Me: What do you need, babe?
EK: A snuggle.
A minute passes.
Hubby: Did you get in our bed and immediately toot?
EK: *giggling*
Me: Gross. You gotta go.
EK: *screws up her face*farts again*
Me: You’re like a man! Go! Daddy is gonna sleep in YOUR bed.
EK: *giggles*farts*
Hubby: Okay. Stop flexing your abs. Get out.
EK: Can you walk with me?
Hubby: Nope. You got up here just fine.

J, on morning breath: It smells like dogs out here.

EK: When you grow up, you’ll be a daddy.
J: Yeah. I’ll be a daddy and take daddy medicine!

EK, pretending: I’m going to a party!
J: I wanna come to the party!
EK: You can! There’s going to be sweet ladies there.

I was walking the other day through a parking lot with just the bigs, holding one hand on either side of me. We came to the curb, and without me even pausing or knowing what was happening, EK counted, “1, 2, 3!” and they jumped off at the same time. It was as if they’d been practicing for that moment.

EK, to me: Even if you’re just wearing pants and a shirt, you still look like a princess.

EK: Every time we pass (our friend’s) house, their cars aren’t there. I guess I’m right. They’re going to a different house. It’s five ounces away.

100x a day…
J: Can we watch Speakle Me? (Despicable Me)

Leaving the pool:
EK: My knees is hurting!
Me: Why is that?
EK: Because I swam so faster. And that’s the way Jesus made me.
Me: Well, I guess you’re right.

J: Mama! El’ K! Do you wanna snuggle under my Batman blanket?!
Me: 😍

J, watching The Sorcerer’s Stone and seeing Hedwig in her cage: Mom! That baby bird is in jail!

A few minutes later…
J: Mama! This is my favorite movie I ever saw!
Me: You’re my favorite child.

Also during the movie…
J: Mom! A talking hat!
J: Bibbidi, bobbidi, boo!
EK: I think that hat is being rude.
J: I like it, mom!
J: Mom! That talking hat says, “Gryffinoooooooo!”
J: They’re eating food, Mom! Look at all those peoples eating food!

J, on his favorite restaurant: I want to go to Chickalay. I will eat all my chicken and all my French fries, and ride the yellow slide!

Me: I can’t find my duffel bag…
J (no lie): Your duckel fag?

EK: I can’t wait to get smushies! (Slushies)

J, doing anything remotely acrobatic, like climbing on a stool: Look how strong I am!

Well, there they are: the sillies of the week. What are your kids’ sillies right now?

mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

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Hello and happy Tuesday! After a fun (and admittedly emotional) weekend of the tiniest member of our family turning ONE, I’m ready for some humor! Hope you enjoy these funnies!

EK on public toilets: These aren’t so loud as blenders.

Me: Let’s get you some shorts, buddy.
J: I don’t want some shorts. I’ve got some legs.

EK approaches J to apologize for biting him (I know- it was a whole thing).
J: I’m sorry you bited me on the arm. Can you give me a hug and a kiss now?
EK, turning to Hubby: Did you hear that?
Hubby: I did. Why don’t you do that?
EK: I’m sorry, J. (Gives him a hug.)

EK has a gown with a bunch of female superheroes on it. She came upstairs after getting ready for bed while we had friends over…
EK to the room at large: There’s no boys in my nightgown. (Not a typo.)
Sam: Keep it that way.

J, all day long: Can you say, “Yes I can have some candy?”
Me: *giant eye roll*

J, picking up a phone: Hello, Lucy. It’s Gru.

EK singing “Jesus Loves Me”
J: Stop singing, EK!
Me: It’s okay if EK is singing.
J: (Sigh!) It’s okay if you sing the Bible, EK.

This very concerned helper…J: Mom! I’m fixing Diesel! (Because that plastic wrench is actually going to help whatever the problem is.)

EK: I don’t like ranch (dressing).
J: I do!

My friend sent me this gem. They were on a chair lift at a theme park…
S: Look how high we are! It looks like we’re a hundred years old!

While EK was with her grandmother…
EK sees the picture of herself as a baby, in a bikini at the beach.
EK exclaims: Oh how cute!
Annie: Do you know who it is?
EK: No.
Annie: It’s you!
EK puts her hand to her chest and says: Oh… that makes me so happy – I am going to cry!

J has had several booboos recently, and calls Band-Aids “ban-dangs”. I die every time.

So what are your kiddos talking about? Any hilarious mispronunciations?

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Things Toddlers Say

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You guys. I need to set up a recorder  n my kitchen. Or maybe the car. I can’t even write down all the hilarious things they come up with. And also, Hubby now calls these verbal typos. I’m dying.


J, all day long: Mommy, um, I luf you. Daddy, um, I luf you.
J: Can I have some pret-thels?
Me: Sure. EK did you finish yours?
EK: No.
Me: Can you share some with J?
EK: Sure. J, be sure to eat it like this. (Shows him the right way to eat a pretzel.)

We have a little friend named Nicholas. J calls him Necklaces.

EK: Mom! Look at me! (Looking through the holes in her pretzel.)
J: Mom! Look a’ me! (Balancing a pretzel on his nose.)

J: Ry-C’s just like rice! Et al. Ice cream’s just like ice!

Watching Zootopia, when they talk about blueberries from Judy’s farm…
J: Mom, can I have some blueberries?
Me: It’s bedtime, sweetie. You can have them in the morning.
J: What about raspberries?

We’ve been having a lot of conversations about our favorites colors. EK seems to think that it’s important for everyone to have an actual favorite. She’s been oscillating between pink and white the past few days. She recently told me, “I’ve decided to like white. And I think it’s okay.” Very important decision, folks.

J: Mama, can we have strawberry and blueberry panpakes for breakfast?
Me: Gonna make it happen…

Me, tossing French fries into the back seat: Catch, J!
J: I got it, Mom! You winned!

EK, when I hand her some milk: Mom, is this almond milk?
Me: ….no?

J: Where’s EK?
Me: She’s spending the night with Necie.
J: We gotta get in he car and go look for Necie’s house.

J’s cliff notes on the story of Jonah: God told the people, “Don’t do bad things! Don’t do bad things!” And there was a bad storm, like I saw a storm! And Jonah got in that krill’s belly.
(He mixes up whale and krill ever since Finding Dory.)

EK: When I was at Necie’s, I ate two apples and a whole thing of Minions!
Me: What are Minions that you eat?
EK: Bananas!

Me: Singing in a silly voice
EK: Mom, your voice sounds a little cranky. I think you have a frog in our throat. You should take a nap for a second.

So what are your kids saying? Are they are rudely candid as mine?

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Things Toddlers Say

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Happy Tuesday! I hope y’all had lovely celebrations yesterday, and enjoyed some great fireworks like we did! Here are some funnies from our past week… Enjoy!

J: If I go fast on my bike, the police will come get me!
Me: No they won’t; I’ll protect you.
J: Okay! *speeds away*

Me: If you eat your dinner, we’ll have some ice cream!
J: Ice cream!!
EK: Yay! I want my favoritest ice cream I never had!

J: Can I have some juice?
Me: Have you already had some juice this morning?
J: Yeah.
Me: Then I’ll go fix you a little bit.
J: I don’t want a tiny, little juice! I want a bigger juice! Like Batman!

J: *pushes D* A ship!
Annie: Don’t push your brother!
J: Okay. A ship!
Annie: Say sorry to your brother.
J: Sorry. A ship!

EK: I want to be an adult. I was one, and two, and three, and four. And now I want to be an adult.

J: Look, Mommy! It’s my clouds!
Me: Yeah, those are beautiful clouds!
J: God made those clouds just for me!
Me: *crying* He sure did, babe.

J: Can I have some candy?
Me: How about a few jelly beans?
J: Okay!
Me: *put 5 jelly beans on the couch* Okay, they’re right here on the couch!
J: I don’t want them on the couch!
Me: Okay, then put them in your mouth.
J: But I don’t want those jelly beans!
Me: You don’t have to eat them. I’ll do it.
J: But I want the jelly beans!
Me: *face palm*

The family making lunch together…
EK: Are those for me?!
Hubby: Yep. But why don’t you go ahead to the table?
EK: But I want just one!
Hubby: First, have a seat…
EK: I gotta poop! *runs away*

J: My water’s gone!
Me: Did you drink it?
J: Yeah. No! Spilled!

EK: I’m texting my boyfriend.
Me: Oh yeah? Who’s that?
EK: Alan.
Me: Alan who?
EK: He’s from Raleigh. He says yesterday he went to the doctor’s office and got a shot and a band-aid.

Overheard during playtime…
EK: You’re a swimming people.
J: I’m NOT a swimming people!

J: Daddy, can I have some of those?
Hubby: Can you fix J some pickles?
Me: Sure! How many pickles do you want?
J: All da preckles!

I missed the front end of this convo, but…
EK: Yes you are!
J: Yes I am NOT!
EK: Yes you ARE!
J: Yes I AM NOT!!

Sitting at dinner…
EK: Holly, you’re looking right at me!
Holly: Do you know what that’s called, when you’re sitting there and I’m here? It’s a cross!
EK: I know a cross, that’s where Jesus died! My teacher taught me. At nap time, I went poop and prayed to Him.

Watching the Open…
Hubby: Do you wanna learn how to play tennis?
EK: I already know how. All you need is a tennis ball, a tennis thing (swinging her hand like a racket), and tennis clothes!

What have your kids been saying that’s hilarious?

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Things Toddlers Say

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Happy Tuesday, everyone! I have a few sillies for you this week! Hope you enjoy!


EK: I need to tell you stumping. Come wif me.

EK: Are we having dumplings for dinner?
Hubby: Yep!
EK: I don’t have time for dumplings. I have time for sushi, for lettuce, or cucumber…

Housekeeping fail…
J: Mommyyyyy! There’s ants! They’re trying to get my noodles! (That he had spilled at lunch. Oops.)

Me: Babe, what time is it?
Hubby: (doesn’t hear me)
J: I fink it’s six zero.

EK: I’m Queen Elsa!
J: I’m Queen Batman.
Me: Oh yes you are.

This one time, I was talking to Hubby and used “stupid” in a sentence.
EK: Stupid is not a good word.
Me: You’re right, babe.
EK: You could use another word instead. Like, sweet.
Me: Well, those are not really words that mean the same thing.
EK: Then you could use other words. Like house. Or train, turtle, or truck!
Me: Well… Alliteration!

J, coming in my room in the morning: Are you a sleepy little guy, Mommy?

J, dragging a spaghetti noodle across the table: Choo Choo! Spaghetti train to my mouth!

My big kids still like to drink warm milk out of sippy cups at their naps. EK has been drinking less and less, which is totally fine. But now, she wants to look at the side of the cup, and tell me the number to which she’d like her milk to go (aka how many ounces). The other day, she pitched a total fit because she’d asked for two, and it was at three. Then, after crying, she drank it all and came upstairs and asked for nine (she hasn’t finished nine ounces in months). I told her that would be too much, so we settled for five. She’s becoming quite the diva.

A couple of funnies from EK’s weekend away that were passed along to me…
EK: I sure do wish that sun would have come with us on the boat.
Laura: I think it did. Look up there.
EK: Well, look at that!

EK: Laura, I think I’d prefer to eat this brownie on your lap.

After EK’s weekend at the lake…
Hubby: I missed you!
EK: I miss-ed (both syllables pronounced) you too! I’m so glad to be back in North Carolina! (She had never left the state.)
Hubby: You mean back home?
EK: Yeah. Back home, in my house, with my parents.

EK sings this song: Jesus, Jesus! Jesus in the morning! Jesus in the noon time! Jesus, Jesus! Jesus when the sun goes down!
J responds: No! Sun comes up! Jesus when da sun comes up!

J had a playdate with his friend A yesterday, and they were so cute. They had a nice mixture of sharing well and arguing over stuff. At the end, A said: And we are friends! I just thought it was adorable.

New random word choice: instead of “a little bit”, EK and J are using the word “tiny”. Examples: I’m tiny hot. And: I’m tiny thirsty. Also, J asked me to sing the “tiny ABC’s”, and he meant in a squeaky, high-pitched voice.

Do your kids have any strangely placed words? Or words they use incorrectly?

mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

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Good morning, and happy Tuesday!

I’m realizing that what I write for y’all on these posts is more and more conversational each week. It’s crazy to think that I have two, mostly-communicative children, and another who babbles away to us in his own language. It’s so fun for me to look back through old posts (like this hilarious one) about what EK said a year ago. But here are this week’s funnies for you to enjoy!


J: I wanna be Spider-Man!
Me: That’s new. (Batman has historically been his favorite.)
EK: I wish there was a girl.
Me: Spider-Man had a girlfriend named Mary Jane…?
EK: Yeah. She has red hair. I could be her! I just need to have red hair and gloves!
Me: Um, okay. I think we can make some gloves happen.
About 15 minutes later, the kids were wearing their superhero garb I got them last week, J in the Spider-Man and EK in the Captain America.
EK: Look, Mom! J is Spider-Man and I am Mary Jane! To J: I’m your husband!
Me: *dying*

EK starts singing the blessing, and J joins in.
EK: No, I want to do it myself!
J: *sigh* Okay, fine. You can do it by myself. *sigh*

EK, pointing at a slice of mozzarella: Is that Cinderella cheese?

J hurt his toe playing outside, and Hubby tried to distract him.
Hubby: Say blood!
J: I don’t want to!
Hubby: Say hemoglobin!
J, crying: I don’t want to say hemobucket!

J: I put the bagel in time out, Mom.

We hear a crash from downstairs and a cry from J…
Hubby: What happened, buddy?
J: I fell off the watermelon!
The ottoman. He meant the ottoman.

J: Mommy!
Me: Yes?
J: Mommy, my toe hurts!
Me: Oh no! Why does it hurt?
J: Tocause.
Me: Because why?
J: Tocause I miss you.
Mom=slayed.

I hand J a magnolia blossom.
J: Can I smell it?
Me: Sure! What does it smell like?
J: Chocolate!

Going to Coldstone…
EK: I want rainbow ice cream! In a cone!
J: I want dinosaur ice cream! With dinosaurs in it!

J, on his trike: Here I’s come! I’m coming to you!

What are your toddlers talking about?!

mommyhood, siblings, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

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Hey, Tuesday! I can’t believe you’ve come back around again. Since you’re here, how about some sillies?

EK speaking to the waitress at the restaurant with Annie: Will you please bring me some ice cream with chocolate sauce and sprinkles?
Girl knows what she wants.

Mothers’ Day shopping with Annie…
EK: You’re a mother! We should get you a present, too!

I wasn’t present for this one:
Hubby: …unless you’d like to take your nap at Annie’s house.
Annie: That’s alright with me.
EK: Well, we’ll have to ask Ryan’s wife first.

Annie: Is Finley your friend?
J: No! He’s my best friend.

Happening in the back seat of the car…
EK: Okay, I say “no” and you say “yeah”… No!
J: Yayeah!

J, when I went to wake him up: Mom! I can’t find my Sully anywhere!

EK: Can I have your avocado?
Jan: Sure!
EK: Wait! Don’t give it to me yet… Can I please have some of your avocado?
How very polite she’s become.

EK: Daddy, you like spicy food.
Hubby: I sure do.
EK: Yeah, but the kiddos don’t.

EK: Mommy, you’re gonna be at Lauren’s work soon. (She’s a PA.)
Me: I don’t really plan on being at Lauren’s work, no.
EK: You will. Bery, bery soon.
How does she know?!

In the corner of the living room, crouching beside the sofa…
J: I hidin’, Mom! I hidin’ right here!

EK had been procrastinating bedtime, using the bathroom, asking for snuggles, etc. My aunt (who was with her) finally laid down with her…
Jan: I’ll snuggle you for two minutes. And then, I have to go. If your mom sees me in here, she’s going to be upset.
EK: Yeah. She may call the police. And the police will come take you away. Go back to your room right now!
Jan: Right now?
EK: Yes! Because the police might come!

Milkshake wisdom:
EK: It’s good to have a blanket when you’re drinking a milkshake on the couch.
Seems legit.

That’s it for the week. There was more, but I just can’t write everything down! It’s too much. You’d be flooded with hilarity, and that’s not good for the rest of your life. Everything else wouldn’t be as funny. Have a good week!