Monthly Archives: April 2015

mommyhood

5 Things I Cannot Do Now That I’m a Parent

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Earlier this week, I wrote a post that many of your said was pretty spot on (thanks, by the way!) about several things I can do now that I have kids. Well, to counter the post about things I can do, here’s a list of  things I cannot do, now that I have kids.  

 

 1. Wear nice clothes. If I have a lovely silk blouse, or a dry clean-only skirt, you can bet the second I put it on that someone’s lunch (or more likely, bodily fluid) is on it somewhere. The saddest part? Often, it’s my fault. Mom brain made me clumsy.

2. Leave my food/drink unattended. If I get to the couch with my cup of coffee, but forget my laptop, I can’t just leave the coffee sitting on the table while I go get my laptop. Oh no – that is a mistake of disastrous proportions. Not only will one or the other of my toddlers ingest a dangerous (read: any) amount of caffeine, but it’ll also be down their shirt, puddled in their shoes, and spilled on the rug. Believe me, I speak from experience. If the consumable item I leave unattended happens to be a snack? All bets are off. It’s finished by the time I return.

3. Sleep late. There is an exception when my mom is visiting, or when I’ve prearranged with the Hubby that I’d like to sleep late (since he often works nights, this is usually not an option). But for the most part, there is no sleeping late. One or the other of them is up early, smelling like poop and wanting breakfast. How they can think about eating while they have poop in their pants is beyond me.

4. Communicate effectively. Partially, this is because the little humans you’re communicating with can’t really understand everything, or communicate back effectively either. The other reason is because when most of your communicating is done with one syllable words and kid terms for things (boo-boo, potty, nom-noms, you get the idea), you may temporarily lose the ability to hold an intelligent conversation with other adults.

5. Be alone. I’m an extrovert. I love being with people; I get energy from it and typically have a great time even if the people are strangers. That being said, sometimes, I just want to be alone. Whether it’s for a shower, a potty break, or to savor the only first hot sip of coffee, I’d like a few minutes that are quiet, and without my footman and lady in waiting.

Do you agree? What are some other things you miss doing now that you’re a parent?

faith, mommyhood, women

Let’s Stop Shaming Ourselves

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How often do we as mothers – as women, as humans! – shame ourselves? We do it unconsciously, as if it’s built into our DNA. We give ourselves the roughest time, hold ourselves to the highest standard. I know that I beat up on myself for using unkind words toward my toddler in a stressful moment, or not using my time wisely to do the chores, get more sleep, or make a healthier meal.

It takes a lot to be a mom, whether you’re a stay at home mom, or work at home mom, or work outside the home mom. It takes an incredible balance, to do everything for your kids, to take care of the house, the spouse, the pets, to go to your job every day, to get your shoes on the right feet and shirt on forwards. Every single thing we do, we tend to hold ourselves to a standard of perfection. And I don’t know about you, but it’s exhausting.

When we give ourselves little or no grace in our lives, it’s exhausting. When we don’t give ourselves room to breathe, grace to make mistakes, and the opportunity to start over every morning (or after every nap!) it can lead to just making more mistakes and getting even more choked out trying to do your best.

Jesus’ parable of the prodigal son is a perfect example of how we need grace from the Father, but also from ourselves. Both brothers in the tale needed grace – the younger needed it from his father after he had strayed, and the elder needed it from himself, because he had held himself to a nearly impossible standard. The elder brother laments to his father about how his brother rand away, squandered his wealth, and came home to have a party thrown in his honor, while he himself had been working day and night for his father, with nary a calf killed in his honor. His father tells him, “All I have is yours.”  He could have everything his father owned at any time, if he had only asked. He just hadn’t felt worthy.

There are so many things we can miss out on when we don’t feel worthy, when we don’t treat ourselves well. We withhold things from ourselves because we think we don’t deserve them: time off, nights out, afternoons away, time at the spa, other indulgences. We feel like if we take time and money for those things, we aren’t spending that time and money on what’s most important – our kids. Well, to an extent, that may be true. If we’re spending ALL our time and money away, maybe we do need to reevaluate.

But if you are so stressed because you haven’t had a few hours away from the kids and the housework to get your nails done, have dinner or drinks with your girlfriends, or just to roam Target, alone, with a Starbucks in your hand, then I say you deserve it. Get that babysitter, call that friend, or ask that relative to love on your kiddos for a few hours. You work hard. You do the absolute best you can, day in and day out. Give yourself some grace, and a break. How much easier will it be to show grace and love to your kids if you aren’t stressed out? How much easier will it be to come home and cook dinner if you haven’t been pulling your hair out all afternoon? We love and give and do our best from a place of fullness. If you feel like your tank is empty, and you’re “all gived out”, then allow yourself to recharge, whatever that looks like for you, any way you can. Help yourself to be the best you by giving yourself grace, and forgiving yourself for your mistakes. Tomorrow is a new day.

mommyhood

Suggestions for a Monumental Parental Tax Write-Off

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Last night, I read a post on Scary Mommy (because hilarious, yes?) about things moms should be able to write off on their taxes. The writer listed wine, goldfish crackers, yoga pants, cable, concealer, coffee, and boxed mac and cheese. While I agree with a few of those (wine and coffee- can I get an amen?!) I’d like to add a few of my own… Especially in honor of today being tax day!

image source: heavy.com

Tissues. Between colds and allergies, my four-person household goes through more tissues than the entire state of Rhode Island. We are drowning in snot or drowning in used tissues; either way, I’d like to get a rebate on those little nose-wipers. 

Netflix. At our place, we don’t pay for cable, but I’d like to see a parent of a toddler who doesn’t invest in Netflix for the momentary glimpse of sanity that is given by Chuggington (Chuggle Trains, according to EK) and Super Why. That’s not even counting the hours I waste spend with the Gilmore Girls. 

Fruit. What snack is easier and less guilt-ridden than fruit? Berries, apples, bananas, pineapple, mangoes, melons… My kids eat it up so quickly I can barely keep it in the house (until I buy it in bulk, and it wastes away or gets frozen. What is this phenomenon?!)

Diapers. Haven’t we overlooked the obvious long enough? That stuff is expensive. And consumable. And flown through at the rate of a hundred a day in my world. Yikes. 

What else do you feel like you should get a rebate on? Is there anything you buy obscene amounts of for your kids?

home, mommyhood

Currently – Ella Kate’s Birthday!

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Okay, so this edition of Currently didn’t quite go up on time, but I’ve been so busy celebrating my wonderful, smart, gorgeous THREE-year-old that I’ve barely had time for anything else!

We spent all of last week getting the basement at least partially ready for guests (I mean, not all the way, but there were places to sleep!) and getting ready for EK’s party on Saturday. As (I think) I mentioned before, her requested theme was “princesses, pizza, and painting” and I’ll say – we sure accomplished all three! Here are some highlights before I start my regular “currently”.

Sweet college friends who made my weekend!
Amazing tie-dye princess cupcakes made by my sweet friend, Lauren! (If you’re local, she’s for hire!)
EK was really impressed with the cupcakes.
Just a few of EK’s sweet cousins and friends who came to celebrate! I got everyone looking but her, ha!
Yesterday’s outfit. Underneath the hoodie, the dress says “Birthday Girl”.

 

Kiddos enjoying one of the presents… it’s a pretty cool little castle!

 

Now for my semi-normal currently – linking up as usual with Becky at Choose Happy and the other fabulous bloggers from all over! Join us!

currently button

Thankful for || an amazing weekend (and day today!) of celebrating my incredible daughter, who I CANNOT BELIEVE is 3! It seems like just yesterday that she was a teeny little squish, and now she’s talking 90 miles a minute, running, dancing, playing and showing me she’s an incredible person, inside and out. It totally rocks me if I sit and think about it. Okay – I’m gonna cry. Moving on…

I’m thankful for several more things, so I’m going to lay them all down, list-style: my mom, who spent the entire week helping us clean, entertaining the kids while Hubby and I organized and rearranged the basement, and letting us go on TWO dates while she was here! Total win, Mom. Thanks!. Also, thankful for a mother-in-law who helps move furniture, hang pictures, work in the yard, and spoil children. She’s a great lady, as well! Thankful for sweet college girlfriends who slumber party with my in my partially-furnished basement, spoil my daughter, and make me feel like I’m ten years younger again. Thanks, gals. I love you. Lastly, thankful for an incredible husband, who puts up with my hormonal mood swings and my never-ending honey-do list, loves our children in a way so mind-blowing that I can’t describe its awesomeness, and still manages to have time to do wonderful things for me and make me feel special, even when I feel like a crazy, sobbing, way-too-pregnant cow. Yep. I went there. Love ya, babe.

Eating || my mom’s homemade spaghetti recipe, with a little change. It’s canned tomatoes and sauce, basil, oregano, garlic, onion, and ground beef. Last night, I used fresh tomatoes, fresh oregano (from our garden, that had somehow survived (and flourished after!) winter – not so for the basil), and added some grated carrots and some frozen spinach. Surprisingly, the kiddos couldn’t tell about the veggies, and the oregano made the whole thing pop! Yum.

Dreaming of || my facial on Friday, and the fact that I might ALSO get my nails done. Y’all, I need a couple of hours of pampering after a busy and stressful few weeks, and I’m MORE THAN EXCITED about it on Friday. Can I get an amen?!

Planning || big blog things for the next few weeks and months. I’m going to start asking for opinions, stories, and requests for what you’d like to hear about. In fact, go ahead and leave those in the comments! I’ll start collecting today!

Thanks for joining me on my birthday edition of Currently! What have you been up to?

mommyhood, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say

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Happy Tuesday, everyone! Here’s what’s being said at my house…

EK, waking up on a dreary morning: Oh no! The sun not gon’ came out! (There is no typo in this sentence.)

Our friend Tyler: EK, how old will you be on your birthday?
EK: I don’t know.
Tyler: Will you be one?
EK: Nooooo…
Tyler: Will you be a hundred?
EK: (giggling) Nooooo… (walking away)
Me: We’ve been over this and over this…

EK, opening almost every birthday present and responding this way: Oh my gossshhhh!

How you know you’ve had a successful third birthday party: Hubby went in to check on EK after we had put her to bed on Saturday (the day of her birthday party). She was still mumbling, not quite asleep. When he bent down to give her a kiss, she said, “Daddy, I want my party back…”

Me, talking on the phone to “Barbie”: Oh, hi! Yes, Ella Kate and I can come to your party! Okay, here she is! (Passing the phone to EK.)
EK: Oh, hi! Yes, Ella Kate and I can come to your party! Okay, bye!
Me: …copy cat.

EK: I tooted on you! (Every time.)

Me: Do you want some more raspberries?
J: Yesh!
(I pour them onto his plate.)
J: Yayyyy!

We’ve had a little issue trying to keep J from trying to do the stairs by himself while we’re waiting on the baby gate. Usually calling him back works, and EK has taken to helping.
J, in the basement, runs for the stairs.
EK: Come back, bub!
Me: *stunned silence*
(I affectionately call J “Bubby”, “Bubbub”, and “Bub” sometimes. Not sure how it started, but I was astounded EK picked up the pet names.)

What’s your toddler been talking about this week?

mommyhood, my journey as a mother, pregnancy, women

I’m Making a Mommitment.

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Lately I’ve realized that my social media newsfeeds are overtaken by things about parenting. Blogs giving me suggestions, companies trying to sell me their products, friends posting questions, opinions, and pictures of or related to their kids… I’m totally inundated by “mom stuff”.

Another thing I’ve noticed is that a lot of these articles, products and opinions contain labels about a parent’s style. How the mom delivers her baby. How she nourishes her baby. How the parents help their babies sleep. How the parents plan to transport, potty train, educate, and discipline their offspring. There are a thousand ways to rear a child, and no one has any business telling other people they’re doing it wrong, or to try to force their way on someone else. We’re all doing the best we can. This video is a great one along those lines, I think:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Me9yrREXOj4

I wrote a post a couple of weeks ago about helping mothers (especially expectant mothers and new mothers) feel celebrated and loved. Well, this is part of that. Melissa at One Mother to Another (she’s the best!) brought a movement to my attention. It’s a #mommitment for us to all make to each other, to support mothers, one and all. Whatever our similarities or differences, to set them aside and support each other’s efforts to be the best parents we can, in the best way we know how.

My #mommitment to you:

I pledge to accept you as you are, no matter your situation, choices, or style. I promise to support you, in any way I can, no matter whether we made the same choices for our little ones, or if we couldn’t be more different. I vow to be in your corner, defend you, stand alongside you, laugh with you, cry for you, be happy for you, or mourn with you. I will listen to you respectfully, and respond with kindness. I will share my opinion with grace and understanding. I will not judge you, condemn you, or scoff at you. I will not label you or assume things about you by the choices you have made. I will celebrate your special journey as a mother.

I will do these things because we are bound by an invisible tie. We know some things about each other without being told. We have similarities that cannot be chosen – they are inherent. We are mothers, and we should stand together. I know that sometimes, I will need these things from you, too. I have often asked questions, needed advice, and just plain needed to vent. We all need each other, and building barriers because of styles and “labels” doesn’t help any mother, or any child. 

So there it is. A commitment to you, fellow moms, to be supportive, loving, kind and helpful. To NOT be judging, belittling, unkind, or harsh. I’m passionate about ending the mom wars, and spreading the love and support to all moms. Hear me? Every. Single. One.

mommitment

If you’re interested in reading about the mom behind the movement, visit Julie’s page Next Life No Kids and read about her journey, and her movement. You can also find her and the mom movement on Facebook and Twitter. Join us, and make your mommitment to end mom wars with compassion and support.

everyday mom link up

faith, mommyhood, My Big Jesus

5 Things I Can Do Now That I’m a Parent

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This post also appeared on MyBigJesus.com!

Now That I'm a Parent...

There are some things that I do now that I would have never done before I had kids. There are some things that I do still more, now that I don’t work full time and I spend a lot more time with the kiddos. You might say I’ve had a bit of a etiquette backslide, but I’m enjoying it.

1. Snack all day. Mealtime is now about the kids, so I eat a little of whatever I fix them (mostly healthy) and then snack around whenever I’m hungry. When I say “snack around”, I mean snack around corners, behind closed doors, and in small increments. I can’t share those Cheetos.

2. Wear clothes even when they aren’t exactly clean. At this point in my journey, my life goal is to cut down on laundry. The more times I wear those yoga pants, the better. Because they’re black, that’s one more wear. And that toddler-height smear on the thigh? It’s definitely only a few minutes old. I haven’t had a chance to change yet.

3. Pass on the shower. I don’t mean that I never shower, or that I don’t like to be clean. On the contrary, now that it’s less a part of my routine and more like a luxury, I like it even more. I’ll tell you a little secret: when you see me with my hair pinned back, it’s because I haven’t showered since I’ve slept. It’s my thing.

4. Talk to myself. I never did this a whole lot, but ever since I had my first baby, I’ve felt like reading to them, talking to them and singing to them was good for them and for me. Now that it’s been three years of this, I’m used to narrating my life. So often, you may hear me giving a running commentary even when no one is around. This also may branch out to making a song out of basically any activity; included activities made into songs at my house include putting on socks/shoes, brushing our teeth, rocking in a rocking chair, and washing our hair, to name a few. Just let me have this one, okay?

5. Pee with the door open. In my house, this is a matter of safety. I need to shout commands, and be able to hear every sound my kids make at all times. If the door is closed, I’m suddenly in the dark about the mischief-making of my kids.

What do you do now that you’re a parent that you didn’t do before?

mommyhood, random thoughts, women

An open letter to friends who don’t invite me to stuff just because I have kids

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To all of my friends who have ever not invited me to something, simply because I have kids:

I have three important things to say.

1. The invitation to the party, event, etc. is almost as good as getting to come to it. I know that you would’ve liked me to come, but you thought you knew what my answer would have to be, so you saved me the trouble of saying no. Well, I want to take the trouble of saying no, because sometimes that leads me to number two.

2. The answer just might be yes! I know it’s often not a kid-friendly function, and that’s okay with me! I have lunch dates, I go out with friends, and I even attend parties after my kids’ bedtimes. The tricky thing is that I still have to be invited. I can’t  just show up to your party, because, you know.

3. My feelings sometimes get hurt. Yes, I know how this sounds. I’m not trying to whine or make you feel guilty or anything. I’m just being honest. I’m sitting right here as you make your plans, and maybe you already know that tonight, I’ll have to say no. But can you just throw this tired mama a bone? I want to feel wanted.

Now, I don’t need a bunch of invitations to stuff upon people reading this post. I’m not looking for pity. I’m just sayin’. A gal can be honest in this little corner of the internet, right?

mommyhood, my journey as a mother, women

My Journey as a Mother: Confessions of a Night Owl

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Y’all, having early-rising kids is hard.

That’s a statement that (if you know my kids well) would get me stoned by many. My kids rise between 7:00 and 8:00am. I know there are a LOT of you with kids that get up WAY earlier. But this is still a struggle for me a lot of days… because I’m just not a morning person. Now, if I can get up (after several alarm snoozes), take a shower, make myself breakfast and coffee, and have a while to myself, I’m not so bad. I mean, I taught school for 6 years and was fine by the time I got there. But that’s an hour or more after I woke up, and frankly, before that, I’m not worth seeing.

My kids, however, often get the blunt end of my morning crankiness. I try not to be mean or anything, but often I’m blase and awkwardly quiet – avoiding using my voice at all costs. They are chatterboxes, full of life and cuteness no matter what time it is, and I’m giving them 10% (unless you count the 90% of my strength it takes to change the inevitable poopy diapers and not choke).

I have heard from a lot of my stay-at-home mama friends recently that they’ve made resolutions to get up before their kids. The reasons are different for everyone: chores, quiet time, uninterrupted shower, breakfast with their husbands, working from home, or any combination of these. For me, it sounds great. It sounds like the perfect solution to not getting much alone time, needing a shower first thing to wake me up, and being able to ingest some caffeine before I had to speak out loud.

But in practice, it just isn’t going to work.

For one, my kids each get up at different times than the other kid and at different times every day. There’s almost no way I can plan on how to give myself thirty minutes or an hour without accidentally giving myself two hours or negative twenty minutes. I might have one up by 6:15, and one sleep till 8:00. I might have them both up between 7:15 and 7:30. On the rare occasion I need to be up to leave the house early, and don’t set an alarm, because the kids will definitely wake up, I will wake up all on my own around 8:05. Of course.

Secondly, if I knew I had a guaranteed hour (let’s just say I would), I’d probably be arguing with myself over a shower, a whole pot of coffee, two loads of laundry, a kitchen deep clean, and three new blog posts. And that list completely left out any quiet time in the Word before the rest of my world distracts me. See! Too many things vying for my attention before my people are even awake.

But at night, like right now as I write this (it’s 9:57pm) I’ve written several blog posts, done a load of laundry, and I have some one-on-one time with the Hubby planned. I’m not even tired yet! I mean, my pregnant body is sorta sick of standing up, but I’m not sleepy. I could probably keep going for several more hours, or until I lay my head down. I don’t have trouble falling asleep when I let myself rest. I just have trouble waking up, no matter how much sleep I’ve had. That’s got to be a problem, right?

The only exception to this weirdness about not waking up well is when I have a newborn. Somehow my hormones or my motherly instinct is jumping that first couple of months of my child’s life. It’s like my body knows I’d never be able to support a newborn unless I made a change. I can magically pop out of the bed when I hear the hungry cry of a baby, and after a quick pee, I’m rushing into the room, changing a diaper, whipping out my boobs, ready to nourish my child. That energetic waking goes away the first few nights of sleep I get uninterrupted. God forbid the sleep schedule should regress a little…

But most days, I man up. I don’t roll over and beg my late-night-working husband to do the morning routine instead. I love those little chatterboxes, and their ridiculously chipper morning attitudes, no matter what time it is. It’s tough, but so are a lot of things about being a mother. I’m sure I’ll do tougher things. But for now, my daily struggle of waking up in the morning, compounded by pregnancy and my night owl tendencies, will continue to be blown away by the morning blessings of my cuties, their smiles, their smells (am I right?!), their snuggles, and their relentless need for breakfast. I love those guys.

everyday mom link up

mommyhood, music, things toddlers say

Things Toddlers Say (aka Family Talk)

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Every Tuesday, I like to give you a small glimpse into the linguistic wonders of my family life. I have a hilarious husband, and two wonderful but sometimes misspoken children. I know you will enjoy hearing things I hear daily as much as I do.  

Me, in reference to my belly moving: I don’t think I remember the baby moving this much this early with my other two.
Hubby (deadpan): Maybe we will finally have one with some personality.

EK’s breakfast of choice one morning this week: A brownie from her aunt Lala, blueberries, and sausage. (Weirdo.)

7:15 am, EK, shoving a princess dress in my face (rude awakening, am I right?): Help me! Mom! Help me! Now! (As if her very life depends on getting into that dress right this second.)

Hubby, preparing for his gig, singing T-Pain’s “Buy You a Drank”: Baby girl, what’s your name?
EK: My name’s Ella Kate! (Then proceeds to sing the song the rest of the night.)

My friend Lauren, at our house for dinner: Can you lean out the window and tell Uncle Drew it’s time to go home?
EK, leaning out the window to the porch: Uncley Drew! Time to go hoooooome!

Me: What do you want for lunch?
EK: A soomie. (Smoothie)

Hope you enjoyed today’s little funny sayings. What does your toddler say that’s hilarious?!