Happy Tuesday! Sorry for being afternoon by the time I got this post out. It’s been a busy couple of days! This week there was a lot of Hubby being funny, so enjoy!
Hubby: This one (pointing to something on his plate) is my favorite.
EK: (pointing to the same thing) yeah, this one’s my favorite, too.
Hubby: I’m a big do-do.
EK: yeah, I’m a big do-do, too.
Hubby: it’s the little things.
EK, holding a (kids’) fork and knife: I gotta cut your hair!
*J, holds very still*
EK: okay, all done!
Me: thank God that wasn’t gonna cut it anyway.
Writing lesson:
EK, as she’s writing: M-O-P-O-M. Mommy!
Me: I can totally see it!
Writing: Thumbs up. Spelling: Needs improvement.
Hubby, holding J: This is his fifth poop today! It’s like he sat on a thousand tootsie rolls. Except it smells like Mordor.
Hope you enjoyed a little laugh today! What have your kiddos been saying this week?
I had a strange (read: annoying, frustrating and sad) thing happen to me yesterday.
I was out running errands with J, and I had a few things to do that shared a parking lot, so I popped him in the stroller, and went from store to store… to Starbucks. Obviously. After I’d ordered my venti decaf iced coffee (because… pregnant) we waited at the end of the counter for it to be finished. An older lady (probably about my grandmother’s age) said, “Oh look! You two match!” J was wearing a green shirt and I was wearing tie-dye that had some green in it. Okay, lady. She proceeded to say how cute “she was” (seriously? He’s wearing a green tee, baggy jeans, and huge sneakers. She?!) and I was like, “Yeah! He’s a cute, big guy!” to nicely emphasize that she wasn’t right about the “she” part. Next, the lady said something that began to really get to me…
“He’s just really happy to have a stay-at-home mom.”
Hold on there, lady.
It’s not that I’m not a SAHM. It’s not that I don’t like and appreciate that I’m a SAHM. It was 3:00pm, I was in my bum clothes (gym shorts and a big t-shirt), and I’m out at Starbucks with my son (aka obviously not at work). I guess it’s a fairly safe assumption that I don’t have a 9-to-5. It’s just that it frustrates me that you had to label me, without knowing me. You had to give me a label – even if you weren’t judging me. You were actually applauding me… I think. But let me tell you something. I’ve been a working mom, too. I’ve had a full-time job. I’m still working a part-time job. In fact, I had been at work that very morning, and was enjoying time with my son I had missed while I was gone. I don’t think I’m a better mom now that I was when I worked full time. I don’t think J loves me more now that I stay home with him more hours a week. But it was what she continued to say that baffled me even further.
“You know, I think it’s finally coming back into vogue now.”
What?! Are you implying that staying home with your children is something you do because it’s in style? Or that you don’t do it because it isn’t? AND thankyouverymuch I made a choice to be home with my kids… to quit my job, to put a halt in my career, to take a financial (and let’s be real, emotional and personal) leap of faith and stay home with my children. I wanted to try it, to be with them while they were little and needed me more than they might need me later. I wanted to help them learn and grow and see their precious little selves learn to walk and talk and potty train and see what happened when we added another sibling to their ranks. I DID NOT decide to “stay at home” (which, by the way, for me, doesn’t include that much staying at home) because I thought it was in style, popular, likeable, or more acceptable than what I was doing before.
Staying at home was (and is!) what I wanted, and my family was able to make it happen. I am grateful every day for that, even when I’m driven crazy by the lack of routine (or the drilling sameness of it) and I’m an unshowered, goldfish-eating, coffee-guzzling wreck. I don’t make choices for my family because of what other people will think or say. I also don’t judge what choices other people make for theirs. Every family has its own system that works, and its own choices that make it special. What my family does won’t necessarily work for everyone. What other families do won’t necessarily work for mine. But when I get labeled and targeted as a member of a group, and then given a reason to do it, such as “it’s in vogue” to do so, my feelings get hurt, my 26th-week hormones get a little… well… ragey… and I have to call my gal pal to vent about it so that I don’t let my crazy fly in the face of this old lady who shares her opinions a little too freely.
Anyway, sorry for the rant, but I apparently needed to vent some more. Situations like this, and feelings like hers (and like mine that resulted) are the reason that I signed this petition and made a #mommitment to end the judgement surrounding being a mother. Every single mama should do her best, and not be judged for it. Every single mama should feel supported and loved, and not labeled or lumped into a category for her choices.
Happy Tuesday! Thanks for checking out this week’s Things Toddlers Say! Here are a few things you might’ve heard in my house this week…
I’m beginning to see just how much J understands when we talk to him. I say “breakfast” and he runs to the table. I say “bathtime” and he runs to the bathroom. I say “blow your nose” and he’ll blow air out of his mouth. I say “diaper” and he runs away.
Upon entering Target, EK: Mommy! It’s so beautiful in here! I love this place!
While in pushing her in a shopping cart, EK: Mommy! Watch where you’re going. (This is just piggybacking on her giving me driving advice.)
EK: I love you with all my heart!
Me: I love you with all my heart!
EK: No! My heart!
Me: When I say that to you, it just means I love you the same as you love me.
EK: No! My heart!
Me: I tried.
Proof we listen to too much talk radio: EK: O-o-o-o’reilly…. Auto parts!
A quick story… The kids play this game during meals sometimes where they take turns ducking their heads under the table and looking at each other. It’s awful when I’m trying to get them to eat, but they’re adorable just giggling at each other and making faces and silly sounds.
The other night at dinner, after Hubby had gone to his gig, they were playing this game. They were tired, bordering on delirious, and I could tell it was going to be early bedtimes despite the amount of dinner eaten, so I just let them do it.
One time when EK ducked down, she hit her cheek on the table. She looked at me, unsure whether to laugh or cry, so I didn’t make a big deal and said, “Ouch! Good thing you’re tough!” and she took a second, and smiled. I looked down at J, and he, fully aware, leaned down and hit his face right on the table. It was one of those “All the cool kids are doing it!” moments. He looked at me with the exact same face EK had, so I just responded with the same, “Ouch! Good thing you’re tough!” to see if it would work on him the same way. And it did. No tears. Those kids.
Y’all, last week was a marathon of passing my kids around, unpacking boxes, snagging moments of peace and embracing the chaos. I leaned on my village to help get us through the crazy week. We’ve had an amazing transition into the basement (look for an update this week!) even though it’s still a work in progress.
But for now, I’m linking up with Becky at Choose Happy for another installment of Currently! Link up with us and tell us how your week/weekend has been!
Excited about || Smooth transitions for both kids into their new rooms! They’re both napping and sleeping at night very well in their new spaces. J’s isn’t totally finished up quite yet, but it’s coming along! We are slowly bringing some toys downstairs (including their Playhut tunnel) and reorganizing clothes since it’s a season change. A work in progress, but slow and steady till we’re done!
Planting || Tomatoes and peppers and basil, oh my! We’ve got other things on the way, but we spent an afternoon with our whole selves in the dirt, planting and nurturing our summer garden!
Thankful for || Beautiful weather! Anytime there is sunshine, I probably say I’m thankful for it, but it’s true! Weather plays a big role in my mood, so when it’s sunny, I’m happy, and rainy, I’m sleepy. I’m never that productive on a rainy day, so I love the sunshine for myself, my family and my house! I also love springtime views like these:
Working at || High Point Furniture Market this week! Saturday was my first day this season, and I worked today, and will work tomorrow. I worked one day at the fall market last year, so it was basically like a new job again this spring. I work in a showroom for a California company called Artistica. They have beautiful pieces, so get on the website and check them out!
Well, since I worked a ten-hour day today for the first time in a looooong while, I’m exhausted! Things have been crazy being away from home a lot. Off to bed for me.
What have you been up to currently? Join our link up!
Village. Tribe. Support system. Club. Group of friends. My people.
No matter what you call them, it’s always so nice to have them.
A group of people, in similar situations as you (for me, other parents), who are supportive, loving, relatable, and understanding. They aren’t judgmental, degrading, overcritical, or negative. They listen. They help. They care. They give advice when asked. They let you vent without judging. They respect your parenting choices. They love you for you. They love your kids for themselves. And you do the same for them.
These people are as inexorable to your survival as your coffee in the morning and your washing machine in the… all day every day. Their encouragement, interest in your life and feelings, and concern for you can help you get through the worst of days, even if you’ve already cleaned up several spills (of all sorts of liquids), survived multiple tantrums, and have silvery smears of snot all over your shirt. Having someone you can vent to, cry to, talk to, ask questions of, and plead for sanity from… or at least have a little confirmation that you’re not totally losing it.
Whatever your situation, your status, your goings on day in and day out, it’s likely that sometimes you need a pick-me-up, a funny story about how your colleague (read: mom friend) had the same thing happen to them yesterday. If you’re a working mom who’s dealing with childcare woes, a stay-at-home mom who’s dealing with scraped knees and stubbed toes, or a part-time working mom who’s going nuts trying to figure out the schedule of working time vs. naps and play dates, you’re probably, in a moment of frustration, shooting a text to your pals, sharing the latest thing you’ve been dealing with, or informing them about the most recent baffling news about a sale you missed out on.
But you’re also sharing your successes. You’re sharing about those moments you couldn’t love your kids more, the moments your spouse swept you off your feet again, and the moment the mountain of laundry (almost) disappeared. You’re cheering on your friends when they tell you about the whole day their toddler spent in big boy underwear, the fact that they didn’t forget to put on the trash on the right evening, and the promotion they just got at work. You’re praying for each other about struggles and praising Jesus for the victories, big and small. Having a few people who can totally get you, love you through your mess and in spite of your crazy can save your day.
***
If you’re interested in learning more about moms supporting moms, and changing the course of the mom wars, check out #mommitment on Facebook, Twitter, and the blogosphere, or read about it from Julie at Next Life, NO Kids. #mommitment moms are committed to spreading the love and support, and ending negativity towards each other. Here’s the link to sign the petition and join the movement!
Earlier this week, I wrote a post that many of your said was pretty spot on (thanks, by the way!) about several things I can do now that I have kids. Well, to counter the post about things I can do, here’s a list of things I cannot do, now that I have kids.
1. Wear nice clothes. If I have a lovely silk blouse, or a dry clean-only skirt, you can bet the second I put it on that someone’s lunch (or more likely, bodily fluid) is on it somewhere. The saddest part? Often, it’s my fault. Mom brain made me clumsy.
2. Leave my food/drink unattended. If I get to the couch with my cup of coffee, but forget my laptop, I can’t just leave the coffee sitting on the table while I go get my laptop. Oh no – that is a mistake of disastrous proportions. Not only will one or the other of my toddlers ingest a dangerous (read: any) amount of caffeine, but it’ll also be down their shirt, puddled in their shoes, and spilled on the rug. Believe me, I speak from experience. If the consumable item I leave unattended happens to be a snack? All bets are off. It’s finished by the time I return.
3. Sleep late. There is an exception when my mom is visiting, or when I’ve prearranged with the Hubby that I’d like to sleep late (since he often works nights, this is usually not an option). But for the most part, there is no sleeping late. One or the other of them is up early, smelling like poop and wanting breakfast. How they can think about eating while they have poop in their pants is beyond me.
4. Communicate effectively. Partially, this is because the little humans you’re communicating with can’t really understand everything, or communicate back effectively either. The other reason is because when most of your communicating is done with one syllable words and kid terms for things (boo-boo, potty, nom-noms, you get the idea), you may temporarily lose the ability to hold an intelligent conversation with other adults.
5. Be alone. I’m an extrovert. I love being with people; I get energy from it and typically have a great time even if the people are strangers. That being said, sometimes, I just want to be alone. Whether it’s for a shower, a potty break, or to savor the only first hot sip of coffee, I’d like a few minutes that are quiet, and without my footman and lady in waiting.
Do you agree? What are some other things you miss doing now that you’re a parent?
How often do we as mothers – as women, as humans! – shame ourselves? We do it unconsciously, as if it’s built into our DNA. We give ourselves the roughest time, hold ourselves to the highest standard. I know that I beat up on myself for using unkind words toward my toddler in a stressful moment, or not using my time wisely to do the chores, get more sleep, or make a healthier meal.
It takes a lot to be a mom, whether you’re a stay at home mom, or work at home mom, or work outside the home mom. It takes an incredible balance, to do everything for your kids, to take care of the house, the spouse, the pets, to go to your job every day, to get your shoes on the right feet and shirt on forwards. Every single thing we do, we tend to hold ourselves to a standard of perfection. And I don’t know about you, but it’s exhausting.
When we give ourselves little or no grace in our lives, it’s exhausting. When we don’t give ourselves room to breathe, grace to make mistakes, and the opportunity to start over every morning (or after every nap!) it can lead to just making more mistakes and getting even more choked out trying to do your best.
Jesus’ parable of the prodigal son is a perfect example of how we need grace from the Father, but also from ourselves. Both brothers in the tale needed grace – the younger needed it from his father after he had strayed, and the elder needed it from himself, because he had held himself to a nearly impossible standard. The elder brother laments to his father about how his brother rand away, squandered his wealth, and came home to have a party thrown in his honor, while he himself had been working day and night for his father, with nary a calf killed in his honor. His father tells him, “All I have is yours.” He could have everything his father owned at any time, if he had only asked. He just hadn’t felt worthy.
There are so many things we can miss out on when we don’t feel worthy, when we don’t treat ourselves well. We withhold things from ourselves because we think we don’t deserve them: time off, nights out, afternoons away, time at the spa, other indulgences. We feel like if we take time and money for those things, we aren’t spending that time and money on what’s most important – our kids. Well, to an extent, that may be true. If we’re spending ALL our time and money away, maybe we do need to reevaluate.
But if you are so stressed because you haven’t had a few hours away from the kids and the housework to get your nails done, have dinner or drinks with your girlfriends, or just to roam Target, alone, with a Starbucks in your hand, then I say you deserve it. Get that babysitter, call that friend, or ask that relative to love on your kiddos for a few hours. You work hard. You do the absolute best you can, day in and day out. Give yourself some grace, and a break. How much easier will it be to show grace and love to your kids if you aren’t stressed out? How much easier will it be to come home and cook dinner if you haven’t been pulling your hair out all afternoon? We love and give and do our best from a place of fullness. If you feel like your tank is empty, and you’re “all gived out”, then allow yourself to recharge, whatever that looks like for you, any way you can. Help yourself to be the best you by giving yourself grace, and forgiving yourself for your mistakes. Tomorrow is a new day.
Last night, I read a post on Scary Mommy (because hilarious, yes?) about things moms should be able to write off on their taxes. The writer listed wine, goldfish crackers, yoga pants, cable, concealer, coffee, and boxed mac and cheese. While I agree with a few of those (wine and coffee- can I get an amen?!) I’d like to add a few of my own… Especially in honor of today being tax day!
image source: heavy.com
Tissues. Between colds and allergies, my four-person household goes through more tissues than the entire state of Rhode Island. We are drowning in snot or drowning in used tissues; either way, I’d like to get a rebate on those little nose-wipers.
Netflix. At our place, we don’t pay for cable, but I’d like to see a parent of a toddler who doesn’t invest in Netflix for the momentary glimpse of sanity that is given by Chuggington (Chuggle Trains, according to EK) and Super Why. That’s not even counting the hours I waste spend with the Gilmore Girls.
Fruit. What snack is easier and less guilt-ridden than fruit? Berries, apples, bananas, pineapple, mangoes, melons… My kids eat it up so quickly I can barely keep it in the house (until I buy it in bulk, and it wastes away or gets frozen. What is this phenomenon?!)
Diapers. Haven’t we overlooked the obvious long enough? That stuff is expensive. And consumable. And flown through at the rate of a hundred a day in my world. Yikes.
What else do you feel like you should get a rebate on? Is there anything you buy obscene amounts of for your kids?
Okay, so this edition of Currently didn’t quite go up on time, but I’ve been so busy celebrating my wonderful, smart, gorgeous THREE-year-old that I’ve barely had time for anything else!
We spent all of last week getting the basement at least partially ready for guests (I mean, not all the way, but there were places to sleep!) and getting ready for EK’s party on Saturday. As (I think) I mentioned before, her requested theme was “princesses, pizza, and painting” and I’ll say – we sure accomplished all three! Here are some highlights before I start my regular “currently”.
Sweet college friends who made my weekend!Amazing tie-dye princess cupcakes made by my sweet friend, Lauren! (If you’re local, she’s for hire!)EK was really impressed with the cupcakes.Just a few of EK’s sweet cousins and friends who came to celebrate! I got everyone looking but her, ha!Yesterday’s outfit. Underneath the hoodie, the dress says “Birthday Girl”.
Kiddos enjoying one of the presents… it’s a pretty cool little castle!
Now for my semi-normal currently – linking up as usual with Becky at Choose Happy and the other fabulous bloggers from all over! Join us!
Thankful for || an amazing weekend (and day today!) of celebrating my incredible daughter, who I CANNOT BELIEVE is 3! It seems like just yesterday that she was a teeny little squish, and now she’s talking 90 miles a minute, running, dancing, playing and showing me she’s an incredible person, inside and out. It totally rocks me if I sit and think about it. Okay – I’m gonna cry. Moving on…
I’m thankful for several more things, so I’m going to lay them all down, list-style: my mom, who spent the entire week helping us clean, entertaining the kids while Hubby and I organized and rearranged the basement, and letting us go on TWO dates while she was here! Total win, Mom. Thanks!. Also, thankful for a mother-in-law who helps move furniture, hang pictures, work in the yard, and spoil children. She’s a great lady, as well! Thankful for sweet college girlfriends who slumber party with my in my partially-furnished basement, spoil my daughter, and make me feel like I’m ten years younger again. Thanks, gals. I love you. Lastly, thankful for an incredible husband, who puts up with my hormonal mood swings and my never-ending honey-do list, loves our children in a way so mind-blowing that I can’t describe its awesomeness, and still manages to have time to do wonderful things for me and make me feel special, even when I feel like a crazy, sobbing, way-too-pregnant cow. Yep. I went there. Love ya, babe.
Eating || my mom’s homemade spaghetti recipe, with a little change. It’s canned tomatoes and sauce, basil, oregano, garlic, onion, and ground beef. Last night, I used fresh tomatoes, fresh oregano (from our garden, that had somehow survived (and flourished after!) winter – not so for the basil), and added some grated carrots and some frozen spinach. Surprisingly, the kiddos couldn’t tell about the veggies, and the oregano made the whole thing pop! Yum.
Dreaming of || my facial on Friday, and the fact that I might ALSO get my nails done. Y’all, I need a couple of hours of pampering after a busy and stressful few weeks, and I’m MORE THAN EXCITED about it on Friday. Can I get an amen?!
Planning || big blog things for the next few weeks and months. I’m going to start asking for opinions, stories, and requests for what you’d like to hear about. In fact, go ahead and leave those in the comments! I’ll start collecting today!
Thanks for joining me on my birthday edition of Currently! What have you been up to?
Happy Tuesday, everyone! Here’s what’s being said at my house…
EK, waking up on a dreary morning: Oh no! The sun not gon’ came out! (There is no typo in this sentence.)
Our friend Tyler: EK, how old will you be on your birthday?
EK: I don’t know.
Tyler: Will you be one?
EK: Nooooo…
Tyler: Will you be a hundred?
EK: (giggling) Nooooo… (walking away)
Me: We’ve been over this and over this…
EK, opening almost every birthday present and responding this way: Oh my gossshhhh!
How you know you’ve had a successful third birthday party: Hubby went in to check on EK after we had put her to bed on Saturday (the day of her birthday party). She was still mumbling, not quite asleep. When he bent down to give her a kiss, she said, “Daddy, I want my party back…”
Me, talking on the phone to “Barbie”: Oh, hi! Yes, Ella Kate and I can come to your party! Okay, here she is! (Passing the phone to EK.)
EK: Oh, hi! Yes, Ella Kate and I can come to your party! Okay, bye!
Me: …copy cat.
EK: I tooted on you! (Every time.)
Me: Do you want some more raspberries?
J: Yesh!
(I pour them onto his plate.)
J: Yayyyy!
We’ve had a little issue trying to keep J from trying to do the stairs by himself while we’re waiting on the baby gate. Usually calling him back works, and EK has taken to helping.
J, in the basement, runs for the stairs.
EK: Come back, bub!
Me: *stunned silence*
(I affectionately call J “Bubby”, “Bubbub”, and “Bub” sometimes. Not sure how it started, but I was astounded EK picked up the pet names.)
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